Review to Httyd Live Action (cause I need to rant)
Hot take, but I loved the How to train your dragon remake. Is it as good as the original? Certanly not. But it was fun, well made and it portrayed the same emotions as in the animation. It was like fleeing reality, I got really imersed in the theater and when it ended, it was like waking up from a dream. Did we need it? No. Was it good? Yes.
Now, as someone who grew up with the movies (like most of you), I was afraid of the remake. And I totally understand, that some chooses not to see it or dosen't like it when seeing it. I respect and understand your opinion, I don't have to share it.
But don't go all " your opinion is wrong, you're shit, how can you even support this???" on me. Thats just plain childish. I liked it, you don't. It doesn't make me a worse person than you nor are you better or more "cultured" person than I am. The LA would have happend anyway. I rather like it to be true to the orignial, made by the original people than done by Disney or any other studio. Was it made beacause of the money? Yes. But do you really think, that the second or third httyd was made out of love for the original? Its always about profit.
And in the end, its just a movie. It's not that deep. Love the original, watch it, no one wants to take that away from you. But let me have the joy of reliving my childhood and enjoying it as an adult.
(PS. I am not a native speaker, I apologize for any mistakes!)
a/n: originally this fic was a one shot. except it became too long to keep it as one part so it's split into two. this is honestly me obsessing over the idea of anakin remaining anakin while being a sith. no armor, no mask, just him with yellow eyes. so i ran with it and turned it as angsty as possible.
summary: after the galatic republic fell to its knees, whispers of anakin skywalker begin to surface. claims that he was no longer the hero they once knew, but a darkness they came to fear. darth vader. yet when he begins to call to you in dreams, you make a choice that might kill you in the end. you choose…to save him.
OR old friends meet now as enemies.
word count: 4.5k+
pairing: anakin skywalker x f!reader; darth vader x f!reader
warnings: not explicit, angst, so much of it that it's insane, the hunger for what once was, anakin being evil, dark dreams, talk of death, trauma, fluff, padwan!anakin, soft romance, hopes being tarnished.
THE END | FIC MASTERLIST
His laughter stuck to your skin like a cold sweated fever that refused to pass. It edged its way towards your heart, breaking open your ribs and settling right underneath them. You gasped for air, the heat of the planet seeping into your already bare body with every passing second, and if you weren’t careful it might kill you. Choke you while you slept and continued to dream of the one person you couldn’t save—even if it wasn’t your job to do so.
“C’mon Bandit, that's the best you can do?”
You could see him, a smile on face as he danced around you—the assuredness in his stance and ease in his nature did nothing but make your heart twist violently. The both of you were so young. So innocent and naive; holding beliefs that the galaxy wasn’t as cruel as the Jedi Masters made it out to be. It was a hope that you held more than he did. A reminder in the back of your head that you hadn’t chosen to become this without knowing the consequences. After all, what was light without the darkness that crept around in the shadows, waiting for a chance to strike.
How oblivious were you to what was truly going on with him? How could you not see it? The turmoil behind those blue eyes of his, the pain that laced his voice with every word he spoke to you.
“Anakin,” you breathed, your hand clutching at the sheets that were tossed over your body.
“Well don’t just stand there padawan,” he called out as you were pulled once more into a dream you did your best to fight against.
Twisting your body away from the close swipe of his lightsaber, you felt the heat of the blade brush past your cheek. Master Obi-Wan had said you weren’t yet allowed to fight like this, but Anakin always did like to break the rules. Even if it meant getting hurt. Yanking your own lightsaber off the belt it hung loosely from, you pressed the switch—feeling and hearing the familiar thrum of it as it came to life.
“Last time I checked we’re both padawans Skywalker!” You dodged his move, nearly landing into the bushes that lined the edges of the training courtyard.
He shrugged. “Yeah, but in terms of training, I’m definitely ahead of you.”
Scoffing, you leapt forward, swinging the lightsaber towards his leg. He stepped out of the way, attempting to avoid being sliced open but your other leg got beneath his sturdy one, swiping it out from underneath him and causing him to topple to the ground. He fell with a groan of pain—his lightsaber landing a few feet away, now turned off. Anakin’s eyes went wide as you brought your green blade down until it was directly in front of his nose—nearly singing the hair off his face.
“You were saying?”
“What are you two doing?” Obi-Wan’s voice echoed off the walls, startling you from where you stood above Anakin. “I thought I told the both of you that training alone was off limits until you were ready.”
“Master—” Anakin began, his hand reaching out for something—eyes flashing up to see the panicked expression on your face.
“We were just—”
Obi-Wan raising his hand stopped you in your tracks, the all too familiar sigh leaving his lips as he walked towards you. Shifting your footing, you moved to give Anakin space to get up, but didn’t expect his lightsaber to fly through the air, nearly hitting you in the shoulder. He jumped up—a joyous cry of victory echoing around you as he swung his lightsaber towards you, the blue glow of his blade heading towards you.
Switching yours on with a swiftness neither of you knew you possessed, you managed to block his attack—the clashing of the two colors flashing before your eyes. Obi-Wan’s pleas for the both of you to cease whatever this was were suddenly drowned out as you glanced up—a smile on your face.
Expecting to see the friendly blue eyes you’d grown attached to, you felt a shock go through your system as you were met with a glowing yellow. The green of your blade was striking against the red of the lightsaber he held—his teeth bared in a snarl. Dropping your weapon, you stumbled back as he advanced, a cry of his name leaving your mouth. No longer were you friendly sparring with a boy you’d known as long as you’d been alive, but instead you now faced the man who had been twisted up inside—the man you couldn’t save.
“Anakin!” you shouted, hitting the cold ground beneath you.
Gasping sharply, you shot up in the makeshift bed you had on the rocky floor of what looked to be a cave. A ragged sob left you as you scrambled to gather the sheets around your body, tears streaming down your face while the memories of your dream played on repeat in your mind. Anakin’s face—the jagged scar running down his face, the sinister yellow eyes, the absolute fury in his expression—left you shaking. That was not the boy you had known, but a mere fragmented piece of him that still lived in your mind.
It took you a few minutes to remember where exactly you were and how you got there. But eventually you were able to recall landing on Tatooine, the call from Obi-Wan through the Force coming in loud and clear as you meditated on your ship. For years you’d been traveling from planet to planet. Hiding wherever you could and searching for any Jedi that might still be alive. You knew it was a small possibility, but you couldn’t ignore the tug in your gut at the idea.
So far you counted three. Obi-Wan, a boy from Bracca that recognized you when you hid on the planet, and Ahsoka Tano. The hunt for more put you in a state of constant weariness. With every Jedi you found dead, you continued to feel the break in your connection to the Force. The pain you suffered now brought you to the very edge of giving up entirely.
What use was being a Jedi if you had no one to protect but yourself?
You couldn’t even recall the image of your master’s face anymore, let alone remember what it felt like when peace lived within the galaxy. Now you were constantly looking over your shoulder. The fear of being found, always leaving you teetering on the edge of panic.
Exhaling out a stuttered breath, you heard your name called from the other side of the cave as Obi-Wan was roused from his own sleep. The twin suns were starting to rise in the distance—light breaking through the darkness within the rocks and you felt some sense of peace fill your lungs. For now you would push the nightmare aside and focus on the present. There was no use remaining in the past—in things you couldn’t change.
No matter how much you wished you could.
“Is everything alright?” Obi-Wan asked, his bare feet coming into your line of sight as he shuffled closer.
You nodded, the sweat sticking to the back of your neck. “Yeah I just…I had a nightmare.”
He sat beside you on the floor, offering you a small canteen filled with water, which you took gratefully. “About Anakin?”
Simply hearing his name brought the fire back into your chest, the pain that ran through your body returning with enough force to have you shrinking in on yourself. You only knew Anakin as a friend; had seen him one last time when he entered the Jedi Temple before you managed to escape and drag a few younglings with you. But Obi-Wan knew him like a brother. They were closer than you could have even imagined and while you sat there fighting back the pain—he’d already gone numb because of it.
There was speculation that he died on Mustafar. That Obi-Wan had delivered the final blow—put what once was his apprentice out of the agonizing misery he left him in. But you now knew otherwise. After all the whispers of sightings grew—claims that they’d seen the once heroic Anakin Skywalker destroying planets, killing innocent people—reached your ears. Until you had no choice but to let him in—find him through the one final connection you still had yet to cut off.
“I know where he is,” you muttered, staring at the light dusting of sunlight that covered the floor.
Obi-Wan turned quickly towards you. “What?” You nodded, tracing the cave’s entrance with your eyes. “Where?”
“Right where you left him,” you breathed. “I suppose Palpatine thought he was being funny by remaining on Mustafar.”
“He’s—” Obi-Wan let out a breath, looking down at his hands. You felt grief flicker through the Force—dark and muted. A stark contrast to his usual cerulean blue. “Did you see him?”
“That’s the awful part Obi-Wan,” you said, the tears streaming freely down your face. Or perhaps you hadn’t stopped crying in the first place. You could no longer tell. “He called to me…like you did, placing memories in my head of our past together. And—then I saw his face and his—his eyes are…” Trailing off you wiped roughly at your cheeks. “He’s no longer Anakin.”
“He called to you,” Obi-Wan murmured.
At first when the dreams started, you couldn’t tell if you were finally losing it or if your mind truly held a twisted sense of humor. Playing back every happy memory you shared with Anakin. Every daring adventure you both took together and more often than you would have liked, the kiss you shared in the middle of Tatooine—the night his mother died. It was a past you wished to forget and yet it was seemingly forced upon you night after night.
“Why?” You shut your eyes, once again seeing his yellow eyes flash in your mind. “What does he want with me?”
Obi-Wan stood, turning his back to give you a chance to dress yourself. “He may not even realize he’s calling out to you.”
Shoving your tunic back on, you tied it around your waist, your boots going on next. With the heat that spread around Tatooine you regretted showing up in the black clothing you wore, but they were all you owned. The black cloak you’d been wrapped in reminded you of the man you tried so hard to forget about. After all, it was his to begin with.
One freezing night on Ilum—a mission to get him a new kyber crystal after he destroyed his lightsaber—led to him handing over his cloak. In a foolish turn of events, you forgot yours on the ship and Anakin didn’t want to return back to Obi-Wan with you half frozen to death. You could recall the way he’d wrapped it around the both of you, his arms tight on your waist as you hid in the caverns of the planet. What you thought would be simply another mission, wound up being far more than you expected.
You realized the depth of your love for him in the perils of a planet that would end you without mercy. The irony wasn’t lost to you. Trapped in a place that felt like your fury of emotions—the danger of what you harbored like a fugitive.
Sure, you’d shared your fair share of emotions with him, kissing here and there, but nothing progressed further than that. His heart had always belonged to another. And you accepted it without question.
“He’s dreaming,” you whispered, picking up your lightsaber and clipping it to your belt.
“His mind may not yet be settled completely in the dark side of the Force. It would betray him in dreams.”
“But why me? Why not you?” They held a closer bond and Anakin would surely call for his former master before he called for the girl he once entertained the idea of feelings with.
“You represent a time in his life when he was happy.”
“So do you. So why does he—”
“I left him half alive on Mustafar. Padme is dead,” Obi-Wan stated monotonically as if he were reading it from a book. “His mind wouldn’t turn to memories of a woman he could no longer reach. If anything that would only push him further into the dark side.”
You sighed, the pain in your head now spreading down to your neck. “Unless he’s trying to figure out where his children are.”
“No, he doesn’t know they’re alive.”
Letting out a breath, you tried to focus on the small inkling of light that came through the Force. Your last attachment to it suddenly become your life line every night you fell asleep; the pain of reliving your past was so grueling it became torture in its own way. You felt the familiar press of Obi-Wan’s energy against the back of your mind as he gently asked for permission to see what you saw. To relive the memories with you.
“You won’t like what you find in there,” you muttered, slipping on the cloak that somehow still carried fragments of Anakin in the fabric.
“Perhaps not, but nonetheless Bandit.” Flinching at the nickname bestowed upon you by Anakin himself, you relented and allowed your walls to collapse to the ground beneath you.
None of it mattered anymore. Not the love you felt for him or the anguish you endured when he fell for someone else, because he wasn’t Anakin anymore. He merely wore the face of a man you thought you knew once upon a time—a memory that refused to die.
“Just remain still,” Obi-Wan said, watching as you returned back to where you were sitting, your legs crossed and eyes falling shut. “This won’t hurt.”
You both knew it was a lie, but you didn’t care much at that point. He’d already delved past your walls and was now digging through your memories, yanking up each one that Anakin had placed there. Inhaling sharply you dug your nails into your clothed thighs as he pulled up one that proved you and Anakin both went against the Jedi Code at least once in your life.
Once again his laughter filled your mind, splintering your heart in two.
“Tell me Bandit,” Anakin leapt over a rock in the middle of a river, his boots splashing water everywhere. “Why didn’t you want to come here?”
You sighed, picking up a stone and tossing it—watching with satisfaction as it floated in the air for a second. Courtesy of Anakin attempting to show off his powers.
You were sent to Kashyyyk as a part of the Jedi's diplomatic training for padawan, but halfway through Master Yoda told the both of you to stand guard near the camps. Which led to Anakin and you residing in the middle of a river, watching as birds flew overhead. The sounds of the forest around you breathed life into your lungs.
“I can’t help it if my master thinks I need diplomatic training,” you replied, emphasizing the word diplomatic with a roll of your eyes.
“Every Jedi needs it.” He tossed a pebble your way, watching you focus to float it in mid-air, copying him. “Or at least that’s what Obi-Wan tells me.”
“And what do you think?”
He shrugged. “I think that diplomatic training helps us make a difference in the galaxy. We’re meant to be peacemakers right?”
“I guess…” Shifting, you turned to see another bird fly overhead, making a shrill sound you’d never heard before. “But what’s the point of being a peacemaker when so many think of the Jedi as soldiers?”
“That’s where the training comes in handy,” he said, a grin spreading across his lips.
“Then tell me Skywalker, what makes you such an expert in the diplomatic areas of life?”
He tossed another pebble, laughing when it hit your shoulder. “Sometimes you have to make negotiations as a Jedi.” He jumped to shore, dropping another stone to the collection he’d been steadily building since you found the river.
“Ah yes but not all of them are peaceful,” you called out, following him and landing on another closer rock.”
“Obi-Wan likes to call them…aggressive negotiations.”
“Let me guess… That means negotiations—”
“With a lightsaber,” he finished for you—smiling.
You fell into laughter at that, throwing your head back as a lovely ache spread through your stomach. Only for it to quickly divert into a yelp at the feeling of your foot slipping on the rock. Losing your balance, you quickly tried to right yourself, but knew there wouldn’t be a way to fix it in time. So you gave into the fall. The pain would last for a moment, but Anakin’s hand grasping onto your wrist steadied your movements. He brought you back to a standing position. Where you promptly fell against his chest.
“Are you okay?” he asked, hands cupping your cheeks to tilt your head back.
Nodding, you felt your throat dry up once you realized exactly how close he stood to you. It wasn’t right to feel the sharp tug in your heart at the sight of his blue eyes which bored into yours—the color nearly putting the river itself to shame. You shouldn’t hold these feelings for a fellow padawan—you knew the rules inside and out, and yet…he still hadn’t let go of your face. His thumbs rubbed gently at your cheeks, a faint smile playing on his lips as he saw your own part slightly.
“What would you call this?” you inquired breathlessly, hands pressing against his chest and feeling his heartbeat beneath them.
Anakin breathed out a puff of laughter—the warmth of it washing across your cheek as he moved even closer. “A polite conclusion.”
Before you could smile, he dipped down, pressing his lips against yours and effectively ceasing your words. You’d always wondered if he would ever kiss you a second time after what happened on Tatooine. Neither of you spoke of it again after he pulled away and left you standing there, but you knew something had shifted between the both of you. Just like it did now. Sliding your hands up until your arms wrapped around his neck, you tried to keep yourself balanced as he once again tore the ground up from underneath you.
It was him pulling you closer that did you in. His lips were soft—you always knew they would be—and it took everything in you not to ask for more than just this. The warmth of his tongue pressing against your bottom lip jerked you out of your reverie, causing you to practically tear yourself away from him. His arms only tightened around your waist, lips more insistent as he coaxed you once more into a kiss that shouldn’t have happened.
You opened your mouth, melting into his hold as his tongue pressed against yours and felt the steady thrum of your heart speed up exponentially. Until you were sure it would burst out of your chest.
“Beautiful,” he murmured—pressing a kiss to your jaw.
“They could find us,” you said, fighting against the haze he put you in. “They could—”
“I don’t care.”
Three words shouldn’t have made you submit so easily, but there you were giving into his kiss yet again. Whimpering into his mouth and kissing him back with enough fervor to throw him off slightly, causing him to stumble back a bit. This shouldn’t happen. It wasn’t right. Jedi weren’t meant to form attachments. Especially not with other Jedi. The heat of his tongue against yours shoved the words right out of your mind, but still something continued to feel off.
It wasn’t…right.
This…didn’t—it didn’t feel…right.
“Enough!” you exclaimed, shoving Obi-Wan out of your mind as you clutched your head, the tears now falling down your face in waves. Heaving in a ragged breath, you tried to piece the walls that enclosed your mind back together, but found you couldn’t.
“I didn’t mean—”
“Just don’t,” you snapped. “Did you find what you were looking for?”
You knew it wasn’t right to turn your anger on Obi-Wan, but there was so much of it that you couldn’t stop it even if you tried. At this point you weren’t sure if the anger truly belonged to you or if it was Anakin’s pouring into you from the Force. Still you struggled to maintain it, breathing deeply as you fought to get back to the light side of the Force.
“Yes,” Obi-Wan said, watching as the inside of your mind waged war on itself. “I know why he’s calling out to you.”
“Why?” you asked, helpless against the mental anguish that you were going through.
“He loves you.”
Scoffing, you struggled to get to your feet. “Don’t be ridiculous Obi-Wan. He never loved me.”
“If you believe that then there’s no hope in saving him.”
Turning, you felt the anger flood your veins, shoving its way to the surface. “Saving him?” you shouted. “There’s no saving him! He murdered the people we cared about. Younglings! He turned himself into what they wanted him to be—what they molded him to be.”
“We’re Jedi. We must keep the peace no matter the cost—”
“And how far will you go to keep this peace? My death? Your death? The death of Luke, of his sister?” Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowed. “Anakin Skywalker is dead. In his place Darth Vader walks the path of the Sith.” You shut your eyes, doing what you could to right your mind. “Saving him was never an option.”
“We have to try.”
“I don’t,” you replied, effectively shutting yourself off from the Force as Obi-Wan attempted to push his way through to you.
“Then what will you do? Keep hiding?”
“Yes!” you cried. “I will keep hiding, because the Jedi Order is gone and everything we stood for, everything that kept the balance…he destroyed. I would rather think him dead than be constantly reminded of his betrayal.”
Obi-Wan stood, his expression exactly the same as when he told you of what transpired that fateful night. “You’re being selfish and that’s not the Jedi way.”
“Fuck you.” The words were spat out harshly in his direction. “I choose to forget all that pain and if that makes me selfish…then so be it. Perhaps you should try it.”
You were being cruel to him—unfair—because the anger inside of you could no longer be contained behind the walls of your mind. Whether it was yours or Anakin’s you could no longer tell, but it hurt either way. It felt as if you were being stabbed repeatedly in the heart with every new memory, dream, and hope that was shoved your way. Obi-Wan’s ideas of saving Anakin were merely fantasy. Yet that didn’t stop you from believing they could be true—that you might be able to save him and stop this madness.
“Do you think I haven’t tried?” His words startled you. “I wish I could forget what I did to leave him there, how I nearly killed him. It haunts me with every dream and every memory—just as it does you Bandit, but I…do not have the luxury of forgetting.”
He was right. You knew it down to the very marrow of your bones that being able to forget was simply a transparent hope you held onto. Eventually it would shatter in your hands, leaving you bleeding in the end, just as he did. Only how could you try and save the man who did so much damage? Who broke your heart over and over again simply to gain the power to save the ones he loved from death.
“He’ll kill me,” you whispered, eyes staring at the now orange sky that peeked through the entrance of the cave.
“How do you know?”
Scoffing, you glanced at Obi-Wan. “I just do. Even if he did love me, love is a weakness to Sith.”
“Yes. You’re right.” He stepped closer, his palm falling to your shoulder and grasping it softly. “But a weakness in Anakin’s case could be just what’s needed to save him.”
You wanted to deny his words, to pretend you could simply remain as you were. A fugitive in a galaxy that was under siege—a galaxy that could no longer be saved. But the familiar feeling that pulled at the back of your mind rose up—making space in the hollow space of your chest that once housed your heart. The need to help. To bring peace once more and show that the Jedi of old weren’t gone entirely.
“I don’t know if I can face him,” you whispered, staring at the lines of your palm in the hopes that they would make his eyes vanish from your mind. That you wouldn’t have to live with this suffering.
“We all have to face him eventually,” Obi-Wan admitted.
You knew what he meant; how the feelings waged a war in his own mind too. He was just as terrified to finally see the man he once knew, to witness what Anakin had become, what the dark side turned him into. The fear still lingered in his mind, overtaking everything he knew like a plague. There was never any other alternative than this. The second Anakin turned, the both of you were left with nothing else to do except scatter amidst the galaxy.
It was a grief that weighed heavy on your shoulders.
A loss you’d never come back from.
“There’s nothing we can do to help him.” As much as Obi-Wan wanted to see otherwise, you knew that to be the truth. Anakin was beyond helping, but even still you found yourself unable to let go of the hope. That constant echo of what once was now resurfacing the longer you tried to fight against this.
You were a keeper of the peace. A protector of those who couldn’t protect themselves.
You were everything Anakin turned his back on and somehow in a twisted way…it might just be what could bring him back.
Obi-Wan watched as you fought with yourself. Your mind was dark and filled with turmoil, but then he saw it. The small glimmer of something bright reflecting back at him. That once evergreen hue flickering to life again—matching the light of the weapon you once wielded with pride. He watched as the Jedi you once were—the master you came to be—bloom before his very eyes. Obi-Wan try as he might would not be the one to bring Anakin back from the dark side. Even you might not succeed in this task, but he could see the determination in your eyes, the power that filled your stance.
In the depths of your memories he saw the truth. The reason why he urged you to go.
You would die for Anakin.
Just as he would have died for you.
It was a bond stronger than any he’d witnessed before and he could see that you knew it as well.
“I’ll need a ship,” you said, finality echoing in your tone—eyes sharp and clear.
He grinned, reached for his cloak and the small pack of credits. “I’m sure there’s something to be found.”
I loved the S&B 2 and I do belive that the character building and their overall personality was simply perfect. Yes they shrunk the timeline and altered the Story, but I just love seeing my Favorite characters on screen. Because Plottwist: you can actually enjoy both, the books and the show. Stop hating on the writers who wanted to give you the best experince.
summary: In which Jude totally gets the wrong idea when he sees you vacation with his rival and friend Jamal Musiala.
Pursing your lips as you stared at your reflection in the glass of the display window. Ignoring the guys voices behind you, telling you to forget it. You were ripped out your daydream by a bike, driving right into your shin.
„Ouch Jamal!“ you yelled out, looking at the young guy that had just rode his bike straight into you.
„Sorry.“ the Bayern Munich player chuckled as his eyes fell on what you were looking at „I don’t think that’s a smart idea.“
He was talking about the brownies that you were staring at. Being that you were in Amsterdam for Germany friendlies against the Netherlands, you were truly contemplating actually trying some. This was Amsterdam after all, the capital of weed.
„Shut up Bambi.“ you punched his elbow before hoping on your bike again and starting to catch up with the rest of the guys with Jamal struggling to keep up with you.
„Can we do something together tonight?“ Jamal sighed, looking at you with a smirk on his face.
You sighed, trying to keep from smiling. Jamal was like a brother to you. You loved him very much although he could be super annoying. And you of course understood he had it hard with all the guys in his club being so much older than him.
„Alright.“ you then chuckled, seeing Serge Gnabry and Leroy Sane wait for you just a little further. They had been assigned as yours and Jamals babysitters. Not that you needed one but it was all just because of your dad being totally paranoid.
At the same time Jude was training with the England Squad at St.Georges. Checking his phone a million times a day, refreshing his instagram page just to see if there was any sign of the mysterious german girl he had met while he was in Dortmund being alive.
He had met Y/n at a party and was instantly smitten by her charm. And of course that was also the case for the young woman. You ended up exchanging numbers and basically texting day and night.
The connection was instant and Jude even took you out on a couple of dates. You spent a weekend at his place and some stuff happened. It meant a lot to him and he felt like things were going well until you basically ghosted him a couple of days ago. Just before he had to go to England. The youngster had called, texted and tried to reach out for you all weekend long. But nothing, not even a ‚leave me alone‘ text.
„Ah, Bambi nein!“ Serge Gnabry yelled as he entered your hotel room without even knocking and saw the young guy laying on the bed with you. You rolled your eyes, throwing popcorn at Serge. They were constantly picking on Jamal, it wasn’t even funny anymore.
„Get out Serge.“ Jamal groaned, pausing the movie playing on his laptop as he sat up on your bed.
„No there’s none of this happening here.“ Serge pointed at the two of you, indicating that something was gonna happen between you and Jamal.
You scrunched your nose, internally cringing „Stop it Serge! How did you even get in here?“
„Your dad gave me a spare keycard.“ Serge giggled, wiggling his eyebrows „I told him I’d watch out for you and when I saw Bambi come in here, I was alarmed.“
You sighed, burying your face in the pillows. Your dad could be so overprotective. If only he knew, you had zero interest in Jamal. The only thought on your mind was this one british boy, that was basically blowing up your phone all weekend long.
You missed Jude very much but you had found yourself in quite a situation. Let’s just say that you hadn’t been fully truthful about who you really were to him. And now you found yourself being in love with someone you knew, your dad would never approve of.
Monday came around and you were touring the city alone that day, with your dad being off in training. Jamal promised he‘d join in the afternoon, so you just spent your mornings alone doing some online school.
The whole time you held your phone in your hand, contemplating wheter or not you should text or call Jude. But what were you even gonna say? That you had straight up just lied to him. No, you couldn’t do that.
So when Jamal was finally free, you joined him at the hotel pool. Which didn’t have any other guests because the whole hotel had been rented for the National Team. You sat next to the pool, holding your legs in the water as you watched Jamal nearly drown on his floatable Flamingo.
„Are you like twelve?“ you chuckled, watching the extremely clumsy guy trying to stay afloat.
„No, this is really unpractical.“ Jamal squealed and you couldn’t help but pull out your phone to film the guy. Laughing your ass off behind the camera as Jamal eventually ended up under water.
„You’re such an idiot!“
Later that afternoon you conviced Jamal to come shopping with you. The young Bayern Munich player just followed behind you sternly, really not interested in anything. It was when you were just grabbing some ice cream at a stand and Jamal was holding on to your bags that you were approached by some German fans.
„Musiala!“ the teenage girl squealed and Jamal immediately looked terrified.
„Can we take pictures?“ another one asked and soon a lot of people accumulated to take pics with the young star. All the while you stood there a big smile on your face. You were really proud of how far the young guy had come.
But you could see it was starting to be a little too much for the guy, so you decided to end his misery by walking up to him and wrapping your arm around his shoulder before whispering „Let’s go.“
Jamal nodded, still totally flustered as you pulled him through the small crowd. Their phones still on you as they watched you walk away.
Jude clenched his jaw as he scrolled through his instagram that night. Of course he had immediately recognized the female voice in his childhood friend Jamals instagram story. And when he looked at what the young guy had been up to, he stumbled across videos of the very german girl he liked and Jamal in Amsterdam.
In Judes mind this made no sense. You had never mentioned knowing Jamal to him. He knew you were from Munich but this was honestly something he could have never imagined. His mind immediately went through every scenario; was Jamal your boyfriend, had you cheated on him? Or were you just some girl that was after Football players?
He was incerdibly mad. He had asked you to come to England with him and you had told him you couldn’t. And now seeing you were in the Netherlands with his rival it all made sense. He tried to call you again, wanting to give you the chance to explain yourself. But after it went to voicemail over and over again, in his fury he decided to send you one last text before throwing his phone against the wall.
Honestly can’t believe you. Is Jamal your boyfriend? Did you just use me for fun? What the fuck is wrong with you honestly.
You were ripped out your sleep by none other then Serges voice basically yelling next to you. You slowly opened your eyes, trying to adjust to the light and were startled when seeing the older guy literally standing next to you.
„Serge!“ you yelled, sitting up in your bed, totally shaken by him just being there in your room „What the fuck are you doing here!“
„I came to wake you up!“ Serge squealed, then he held up your phone and you ripped your eyes wide open „Why the hell do you have Jude Bellingham in your phone? And why did he call you ten times last night?“
Your blood was boiling as you jumped out your bed, ripping your phone away from the guy. Serge took a step back, sensing that you were incredibly mad.
„Why the hell do you look at my phone?“ you hissed, feeling like he had really overstepped a line here. You would expect something like this from your dad but it was just too much that the whole team felt like they needed to protect you.
„I was just turning off your alarm and then I saw.“ Serge stuttered, holding up his hands in defense „But that’s not the problem here Y/n. The real problem is Jude.“
Serge had lectured you all morning about why you being with Jude was a problem. It wasn’t like he said anything you didn’t already know. From him playing for Dortmund to you betraying your dad, everything was included.
But you couldn’t worry about him right now, you had seen Judes text and immediately started panicking. You then saw Jamal had uploaded the video, you had taken of him from the pool yesterday. And then you stumbled across the many pictures some fan had taken of you and Jamal shopping. Including where you had your arm wrapped around him.
„Jamal!“ you whisper yelled, grabbing the boy by his collar as you pulled him aside. All the guys were leaving the hotel and going to the arena but you had to talk to Jamal before he left.
„Why did you upload the video of us by the pool?“ you hissed, knowing that was what had started this all.
„What…I…“ Jamal stuttered, looking around the empty hallway as your face was dangerously close to his „It was a funny video. I didn’t see-“
„Great!“ you hissed, letting go of the boy and running your hand through your hair frustratedly.
„What’s the problem?“ Jamal asked, sounding worried as he sensed your distress.
„It’s just.“ you sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself as you felt a wave of sadness wash over you „Jude.“
„Jude?“ Jamal furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, shaking his head „Who’s- Wait!“
You covered the guys mouth as he was basically yelling so he spoke against your hand, his voice muffled „Bellingham?“
Nodding, you let go of Jamal, gesturing him to be quiet as you looked aorund to make sure noone was listening.
„I kind of had this thing with him-“
„What!“ Jamal hissed, looking incredibly shocked „You and Jude? For real?“
„Yes.“ you sighed, feeling like him being quite was hopeless „But you can’t tell anyone. It’s not even serious yet.“
„How can it be not serious! This is you! You and Jude!“
You ended up telling Jamal everything. From how you met Jude to why you had completely ghosted him. And how he now thought you had cheated with him. He probably hated you.
Jamal didn’t really get the time to give you any advice as you had to go off to the game. Sitting in the stands, you couldn’t help but think about Jude. If only you could just tell him the whole truth. You knew you had to, not wanting to hurt any more people.
The sound of the airplane engine was wildy oversounded by the guys celebrating their win. You were on your way back to Germany after the friendlies and what could be described a short vacation with the team in Amsterdam.
Jamal sitting to your right as Serge was on your left, the whole time with crossed arms. He somehow was still offended by the whole Jude thing as he felt like you getting with a Bvb player was the worst betrayal in history.
„Can you stop being mad at me Serge?“ you hissed under your breath, not wanting to catch anyone’s attention.
It wasn’t even like Jude still wanted anything to do with you, you had tried to reach out to him. Telling him you could explain everything and that it wasn‘t that simple. But Jude only hit you with a „Never talk to me again.“
„No I can’t stop being mad.“ Serge shook his head as he looked straight ahead „We didn’t raise you like this.“
„Serge I think you don‘t even know Jude.“ Jamal now stepped in, which wasn’t really a smart idea. Because next thing you knew Serge leaned over you, grabbing Jamals collar.
„You knew about this Bambi?“ Serge squealed, actung literally crazy.
„Seriously Serge?“ you whined, frustrated with the guys stubbornness as you pushed him back to his seat „I already have a dad-“
„What about me?“ your dad suddenly stood next to the three of you, looking down at you with raised eyebrows.
You took a deep breath looking at your father before putting on your most innocent smile „It’s nothing.“
This was probably a bad idea, you knew that. But you just couldn’t stop thinking about Jude. You had to see him and there was just one place you could be absoluetly sure to do so. With your bag packed you took your car, leaving a note on the kitchen counter for your dad telling him you’d be gone for a while.
You knew your dad was gonna be mad at you again for not telling him personally. But you had to hurry if you wanted to be in Dortmund in time for their match against Leipzig.
The problem of how you’d even get in the stadium of course crossed your mind. But that’s when you remembered an old friend of your dads.
Sitting in the vip stands, right by the the tunnel entrance as you awaited the guys. You were incredibly nervous, running your hand though your hair. You of course wanted to look good as you were soon gonna see Jude. You sighed, looking at the millions texts your dad had sent you.
„Missed you at the game today. Where exactly are you? - Kisses Dad“
You couldn’t help but feel guilty but that didn’t last long because shortly after the guys ran out on the field. You held your breath when you finally saw Jude again.
Jude didn’t notice you at first, it was after the game started when he ran out to drink something that his eyes fell on the sector behind his team. And when his gaze fell on you, he almost chocked on his water.
He couldn’t believe what he was seeing and actually felt a little confused. He had seen your countless text, where you requested to talk to him. But he had never thought you’d go to these lengths to actually do so.
„Jude.“ you whispered, standing in the tunnel as Jude approached you. Drenched in sweat as he had just ran across the field for 90 Minutes straight.
„What on earth are you doing here?“ Jude hissed, making sure not to cause a scene in the full tunnel.
„I…I…“ you stuttered, biting your lips as Judes face was only inches away from you „I had to talk to you.“
Jude raised his eyebrows, not believing the audacity you had to show up at his game like nothing had happened. He didn’t want any of this, it was too complicated „Look Y/n, I really don’t want any problems with Jamal-“
„Y/n!“ a blonde haired guy with the biggest smile approached Jude and you.
Jude took a step back, looking a little confused as his teammate hugged the very girl he was in love with. Y/n wrapped her arms around him as she smiled.
„Jule!“ she greeted Julian as he looked her up and down.
„God, you’ve grown so much again!“ Julian smiled and Jude felt absoluetly lost „How’s Manuel?“
„He’s great.“ you fake smiled, slightly cringing at the mention of your dad.
„Wait who’s Manuel?“ Jude now bursted out, looking at Julian.
„Manuel Neuer?“ Julian raised his eyebrows, looking at you „Y/n is his daughter.“
„Your dad is Manuel Neuer?“
You ended up telling Jude everything. How your dad had you when he was still very young and how you had never even met your mother. And why you were in Amsterdam and that Jamal was like your brother.
When your dad saw you on television at the Dortmund match, you obviously had some explaining to do. Deciding you were done with the lies you eventually revealed that you had been seeing Jude behind his back.
Manuel was of course a little mad, he was mostly dissapointed you didn’t tell him. But he wasn’t even the worst part. It was just the whole team, acting like total idiots. For example when you watched them in training one day, Leroy approached you.
„Hey du.“ Sane threw a ball at you, that hit your shoulder making you jump.
„Ouch- What the hell?“ you looked at the older guy with furrowed brows.
„Heard about you and Bellingham.“ he sighed, crossing his arms as he stood in front of the stands „So you support Dortmund now, huh?“
„No.“ you rolled your eyes, sick of the accusations „I support Jude, yes, but Bayern’s still my club.“
„Yeah sure.“ Serge now chuckled a couple meters away from you, obviously having listened to your conversations with Leroy. God he was so bitter.
„So have the two met yet?“ Leroy giggled, amused by the thought of your dad and Jude at the same table.
„No. But Judes coming over this weekend.“
„Good luck.“ Serge laughed, making you wanna rip his head off „Your dad has always disliked him ever since Jude literally ran him over on the pitch. Only god can help you.“
Judes hand were super sweaty and you could tell he was extremly nervous. You chuckled intertwining your fingers as you put your left hand on his chest „It’s gonna be fine Jude.“
„I don’t know.“ Jude sighed, biting his lips as he looked out the tunnel where he already could see some guys training.
„Dad liked you right?“ you tried to encourage him, remembering the dinner you had with your father.
Things actually went really well. After the first shock, your dad was super nice and him and Jude got along. It just showed that sometimes it’s more about misconceptions that we have about eachother.
„This is my family Jude.“ you looked out at Serge goofing around with Jamal, while Leroy stood next to them shaking his head. Even though they could be the most annoying people on the planet, they were still important to you.
„Alright.“ Jude smiled, before pressing his lips onto your‘s one last time. You kissed him back as his hands wrapped around your waist. Jude pulled away from you, a smile plastered on his face as he grabbed your hand „I love you.“
„Now what is this?" you were ripped back to reality by Leroys voice. You pulled away from Jude, who was scratching the back of his neck nervously when seeing the three Bayern Munich players stand a few meters away from him. Basically staring the poor guy down.
„In my freaking tunnels.“ Serge crossed his arms as Jamal playfully punched his shoulder, telling him to shut up. You chuckled slightly, wrapping your arm around Judes waist.
Seeing our identities and the world around us reflected in the books we read is vitally important. This Pride Month and all year long, we’re excited to spotlight some incredible LGBTQIA+ stories and creators.
Check out some YA books to dive into and #ReadwithPride!
You Should See Me in a Crown
A joyful book about a queer Black girl who runs for Prom Queen to win a college scholarship…but then finds herself falling in love with one of the other girls in the competition. Start reading here!
Here the Whole Time
A body-positive YA love story between two boys who must spend 15 days living with each other over school break. Start reading here!
The Bridge
Two teens. One bridge. Four ways their story could end. A powerful novel about mental health, identity, and how our choices shape the world around us. Start reading here!
The Ghosts We Keep
After their brother is killed, Liam faces the world without the person they loved the most. Their brother’s best friend is the only one who knows what they’re going through…for better or worse. Start reading here!
Zara Hossain is Here
Zara’s family has waited years for their visas to be finalized, but now that dream is in jeopardy. Zara seeks justice to stay with her girlfriend and in the only home she’s ever known. Start reading here!
Follow Your Arrow
When bi influencer CeCe breaks up with her famous girlfriend and starts dating a boy who is very much NOT online, she’ll find out what it means to speak her truth. Start reading here!
Girl from the Sea
After Morgan is saved from drowning by a mysterious girl named Keltie, everything they’re each trying to hide will find its way to the surface. Start reading here!
Heartstopper
Boy meets boy. Boys become friends. Boys fall in love. A sweet coming-of-age story that explores friendship, love, and coming out. Start reading here!
Where We Go From Here
A story about three boys whose lives will become intertwined in a story of HIV, friendship, love, and self-acceptance. Start reading here!
Technically, You Started It
A hilarious, snarky, and utterly addicting book that explores friendship, sexual orientation, mental health, and falling in love (even if things might be falling apart around you). Start reading here!
The Love & Lies of Rukhsana Ali
When Rukhsana’s conservative Muslim parents catch her with her girlfriend, Rukhsana’s carefully planned future begins to collapse around her. Start reading here!
I Wish You All the Best
After Ben comes out to their parents as nonbinary, they’ll move in with their estranged older sister and find friendship, love, and acceptance along the way. Start reading here!
The Music of What Happens
Over the course of one summer, two boys will have to face their biggest fears and decide what they’re willing to risk – to get the thing they want the most. Start reading here!
Openly Straight & Honestly Ben
This heartfelt series follows two boys, Ben and Rafe, who struggle to find who they really are in the midst of falling for one another. Start reading here!
Lie to Me
A pulse-pounding novel about love, betrayal, and a serial killer that features a bisexual protagonist. Start reading here!
Muted
A riveting story of ambition, music, and innocence lost - and a deep relationship between two girls who could be something more on their quest for stardom. Start reading here!
Tarnished Are the Stars
The Lunar Chronicles meets Rook in this queer #OwnVoices science-fantasy novel that features asexual, bisexual, and lesbian characters working together to put an end to a deadly epidemic. Start reading here!
The Witch Boy
In Aster’s family, all the girls are raised to be witches and the girls are raised to be shapeshifters. But Aster is fascinated by witchery–can he find the courage to save his family and be truly himself? Start reading here!
King and the Dragonflies
A story about loss, grief, and finding the courage to discover one’s identity. Start reading here!
I Felt a Funeral, In My Brain
A powerful novel about navigating death and navigating life, at a time when the only map you have is the one you can draw for yourself. Start reading here!
I could never ever read a lord of the rings / the hobbit smut fanfiction and I have no idea why. Like in every other Fandom I literally don't care but with lord of the rings it just doesn't feel right (doesn't mean
those are not good I just... I don't know... Can't)
Sex Pollen: 50/50 credit between canon Poison Ivy and Star Trek (1966/1967)
Heat: Star Trek’s Pon Farr, but also canon elements of Sime-Gen (which, haha still draws from Star Trek)
F/uck or die: see Pon Farr again
Mary Sue: was coined in 1973 by Paula Smith who wrote a parody fic entitled “A Trekkie’s Tale” in her zine Menagerie, basically as a rant response to a trend in characterizations.
“Any common lewd or ship trope in fandom existance? Thank some 25yo+ ladies who were really into Star Trek.”
Absolutely accurate. Star Trek fandom really had it and made it all.
