[sweetheartfemme]

url name change (an explanation of sorts): @lesbianologist → @sweetheartfemme

as you might've noticed by now, i changed my url. i'll be keeping this pinned for anyone who's confused (for awhile). for the past few months, i've been questioning whether i'm attracted to men (it seems like i go through this cycle a lot). while i know i'm attracted to women (that is never in question for me), it doesn't feel right to be calling myself a lesbian while questioning if i'm attracted to men again and exploring that in my personal life. as such, i've changed my url to sweetheartfemme, and i may end up changing it back (hence the saving of that url lesbianologist), but for now, i'm sticking mainly to queer (woman-leaning/queer with a preference for women) femme. i hope y'all can understand, and if not, boooo (🍅)/get out of here.

anyway, hi, my fics are still up (under lesbianologist still) (as i can't change but still save the account name on there), and yeah, for now i'll just be referring to myself as sapphic (w/ a preference for women) and queer until i can figure it out.

[redstonedust]

yall ever lose interest in something so you stop seeking out content for it and your brain will be like. wow its so crazy that that thing used to be everywhere and then everyone stopped talking about it. so crazy that it fell off like that because nobody is talking about it on my personal curated social media and youtube algorithms. surely no other factors here.

[ornitharts]

choosing to believe that Deborah, in her "fuck it, i'm dying so I might as well" "I don't have to live with the consequences" mindset, finally lets go enough and her and Ava finally fuck in that fancy Parisian hotel

[killing-hannibals-body]

Ava realized how much she was in love with Deb during the club scene: change my mind

[sweetheartfemme]

honestly i genuinely think deb knew about her cancer back when she had that cough (but probably not before she left late night for ava). i think her crashout in singapore makes so much more sense now when recontextualized with the unconfirmed notion of “deb is crashing tf out because she knows she’s dying”. especially with how she tried to push ava away with the low-blow of “i’m your only friend”. of course she tried that. she didn’t want ava to have to watch her die. she didn’t want to be that vulnerable. and it probably felt like her life truly was crashing and burning. and then there was all the MSG stuff and trying to remake her legacy (in her eyes likely before she died). it also makes sense with ava’s big birthday bash (but also just genuinely loving ava at that point). while i could have done without the “i was saving your straight-ass” and sleeping with marty crap, i do not think that deb isn’t straight (she did not confirm being straight when called it), and i think her sleeping with marty was now just a “to hell with it, might as well have one last fuck” lol. god, i was really hating season 5, and was going to give up, but it absolutely changed it all for me.

i love hacks. it really is a love story.

[hacksshitposting]

The fact that it wasn't some grand gesture, ambition, record to crush, or goal to reach that made Deborah decide to keep fighting. It was just a conversation over coffee with Ava, connecting through their own special language. The simple but undeniable power of sharing laughter with the person who gets you. Its as simple and as complicated as that.

Felt like a fitting ending to me

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#That's Her Big Brave Girl

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#The Writers Took A Knife & Stabbed Me Through The Heart With This Parallel

[joramrinah]

Would you chase me down in your car because even tho I infuriated you, there was a spark and an instant connection between us?

Would you share parts of yourself with me that you haven't with others?

Would you let me see you at your most vulnerable?

Would you hold my hand at a funeral which you came to despite claiming you "don't do funerals" and made bearable and tell me I'm too good to quit my career?

Would you keep me around after I betrayed you?

Would you see me desperately looking for my father's ashes in a public dumpster and upon seeing me distressed decide to jump in and help me even though you're very mad at me?

Would you listen to me and open yourself up to things you haven't considered before?

Would you think I'm too good for you, too good to "waste my talents and time" by your side and try and "set me free" even though you don't want to.. try and be selfless for me after a lifetime of putting yourself first?

Would you want me back after finding each other again after a long time spent apart because nobody else quite gets you like I do, and our passion is our language that only we speak?

Would you want me to help you along in one of the most vital steps in your career because no one else could even attempt to get it right, it needs to be perfect and only we can make it that?

Would you consider me your safe place, your favorite audience, only see me and speak to me in a room full of people, be able to make out the sound of my laughter in a room full of voices just by looking at me?

Would you run all around the city looking for me when I go missing, then without hesitation jump into the freezing ocean to try and save me, because you can't bare to lose me?

Would you apologize for hurting me, encourage me, promise me to do better?

Would you consider me your voice?

Would you change for the better because of me, to the point where people closest to you notice it and are happy about it?

Would you leave behind your life's dream for me, because it turns out it isn't what you want if I can't be there with you?

Would you, despite your base instincts to shut down and deflect, bring yourself to openly and honestly communicate with me about your thoughts and feelings?

Would you throw me a surprise birthday party with all of my favorite things, invite my favorite childhood artist to sing me a song dedicated to "the most special girl in the world" then get tears in your eyes as you stand there and listen to the lyrics and realize that's how you feel about me?

Would you give me your blessing and trust me to "rewrite your story"?

Would you only want to talk to me whilst suspended 100 feet in the air, because I'm the one you trust to get you through this?

Would you want to go away on a vacation together and mean it?

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[campmiasmas]

HACKS: S01E06 / S01E10 / S03E09 / S05E09

[whichcouldmeanothing]

I may not have 30 years. But I think I have another hour.

HACKS (2021—2026) 5x10 "Hacks" dir. Lucia Aniello

[whichcouldmeanothing]

HACKS (2021—2026) 5x10 dir. Lucia Aniello

[echofades]

HACKS (2021 - 2026) Ava & Deborah In Every Episode

[sweetheartfemme]

pspspsps avorah fan editors, hear me out:

looks like we made it: deb writing in her notepad (end of s5) before she realizes she can’t go through with MAiD

look how far we’ve come my baby: all their big hugs melting into one shot/frame

we mighta took the long way: them fighting in their first meeting

we knew we'd get there someday: deb walking in on ava watching her original late night pilot and tearing up

they said, "i bet they'll never make it": deb slapping ava in s1

but just look at us holding on: them holding hands in ava’s childhood bedroom

we’re still together, still going strong: ava reading the letter to her in the diner, then deb’s hand on her shoulder near the canyon when scattering ava’s dad’s ashes

mm (you're still the one): deb looking out into the audience at ava at the end of s2

you’re still the one i run to: deb teaching ava how to swim float in s2e05

the one that i belong to: deb’s hand on ava’s face (end of s2) / ava saying “i want to be wherever you are” (end s2)

you're still the one i want for life: idk what you could pit here, go wild lol

(you’re still the one): meeting back in the elevator in s3/hugging

you’re still the one that i love: deb and ava arguing in the kitchen after the colonoscopy party (“you got in my head” scene)

the only one i dream of: ava yelling back “well you got in my head”

you're still the one i kiss goodnight: ruby and ava breaking up for good

ain’t nothin' better: woods ep (s3e5) holding hands at the end on motorcycles

we beat the odds together: deb getting late night (s3e08) and them hugging

i’m glad we didn't listen: (any clip of people telling ava basically to give up on deb)

look at what we would be missin': them being goofy together in any of the seasons

they said, "i bet they'll never make it": ava and deb fighting when deb didn’t give her the late night head writer position

but just look at us holding on: deb and ava covershoot (s4e2) “you broke my heart/you broke mine first”

we're still together, still going strong: deb and ava faux “making up” (s4e2) / deb getting jealous of the throuple ava’s in (s4e5)

(oh, you’re still the one): deb looking out into the audience at ava and no one else is there in the audience anymore (s4e4)

you’re still the one i run to: deb running to “save” ava on the beach (s4e6)

the one that i belong to: deb telling ava they have to make late night for each other (s4e6)

you're still the one i want for life: deb telling ava “you are my voice”.

(you’re still the one): bob telling deb she has to get rid of ava (OR telling jimmy she knows what she has to do)

you’re still the one that i love: deb leaving late night for ava live on late night

the only one i dream of: them hugging afterwards in the parking lot

you’re still the one i kiss goodnight: their fight in singapore

you're still the one: ava running to deb in singapore when she thought she was dead/their hug when she learns deb isn’t dead lol

yeah (you're still the one): all their happy moments and funny moments (including them kissing overlapping with ava’s dream kiss) in s4 melting into ava realizing she needs to be writing about them in the reboot of “who’s making dinner?”

you’re still the one i run to: deb telling ava about her cancer and asking ava to come with her to paris and to be there when she gets MAiD

the one that i belong to: ava eventually agreeing to come with her and deb wrapping her arm around ava as they walk to the plane

you're still the one i want for life: their little honeymoon (of sorts) in paris

oh yeah (you're still the one): ava realizing she loves deb in the club as they’re partying and she can’t live without her

you're still the one that i love: continued from previous lolol (and/or maybe inter-spliced with goofy clips of them being adorb)

the only one i dream of: ava begging and pleading for deb not to leave her and crying

you’re still the one i kiss goodnight: deb telling ava she has “one last hour” in her and choosing to live

i’m so glad we made it: deb and ava hugging by the train they don’t get on in paris

look how far we've come, my baby: end shot of them linked arm in arm walking through las vegas together

plsplspls, i know some of these lyrics are hard to cram what i’m asking into, but consider it a very rough outline for you to have fun with 🥲😭 pls

[inadvertently-biblical]

HACKS - 5x10

[sweetheartfemme]

truly the definition of “you’re still the one i run to / the one that i belong to / you’re still the one i want for life / you’re still the one that i love / the only one i dream of.”

[sharlinefreire]

one of the greatest love stories ever told.