One of the most biggest scariest experiences was moving outside of my hometown to go away to college. It's hard moving away from everything you've known, especially with church and friends. Many of my friends and classmates stayed local. Some got married right after high school or in college. Some got married and then had kids. Then there's me....
I was not only raised conservative Christian but I was adopted because my birth parents just wasn't ready for a kid. Sex was something I was told was sinful. My birth mom had sex before marriage and sinned but I wasn't a sin. I was a gift.
I took a purity pledge before I truly understood what sex was. In fact, I know many people who took purity pledges in middle school and under. I signed my name to a piece of paper promising my church, family, and God that I will remain a virgin and keep pure until marriage.
Sex was an iffy topic in my home. I knew my birth mom had sex but I used to looked down on the fact she was unmarried and pregnant. My parents made a rule that I couldn't date and they unknowingly tried to compare me to my birth mom. Thinking I'd get pregnant just like her and unmarried. They would always bring up the fact my birth mom was young and had dreams but had to give me away because she wasn't ready for a kid.
I always thought to myself my birth mom shouldn't have had sex without marriage and its her own fault she got pregnant with me. Sex=pregnancy.
When I left for college out of state, my parents tried to convince me to choose something closer to home. However, I truly felt God led me out of state to explore the world.
For the first time I was on my own. Even though I went to a Christian college, I felt behind socially. Here I was.... The college girl who has never been kissed or had a boyfriend. I remained true to my beliefs but college truly opened up my mind about how complicated things were about the world.
Fasy forward, I met my first boyfriend turned husband. We were each other's first sexual experiences and we did save ourselves for marriage. However, now that I am a wife and still getting the hang of things, I realized my birth mom's situation wasn't a one size fits all.
I thought saving myself for marriage would be this happy amazing thing. It is but it gives me so much anxiety.
My husband and I don't want kids just yet. I am on birth control but I am always thinking about birth control failing. Nothing is 100 percent. We use condoms sometimes so we can be extra safe but the what ifs take over my mind.
Last month, I missed my cycle by a week and started to panic. I took 5 pregnancy tests that were all negative. The next week my period came and I was relieved.
Thank God, I said to myself.
But ever since I got married and lost myself to my husband, it has been extremely stressful worrying about pregnancy. I think about my birth mom during this time. How she wasn't ready and didn't plan for me.
I would never give my baby up for adoption. I could never abort. However, I wonder how I'd feel knowing I wasn't completely ready for a baby but I was freely having sex to create one.
I think back to being used in abortion prolife events as an adoptee.
On one hand adoption is seen as the answer to abortion. On another hand unmarried women are seen as sinners who willingly engage in sexual intercourse so she deserves a baby. It's her fault.
But nobody talks about the purity movement and church and the effects it has on women like me. I am married and I am having sex but I don't want a baby right now. Am I a sinner too?
I feel bad my birth mom had to make the decision to give me up but the message about sex and adoption and abortion needs to change.
My husband is prolife. I am too. I believe every person should make their own decisions regarding their lives and bodies. However even my husband and I talked about the what ifs and he feels similar as me. He doesn't believe in abortion but a pregnancy right now would be stressful. He's not quite ready to be a father just yet and I don't want to be a mother just yet. Yet, here we are talking about the what ifs. Ever since we've gotten married that has been on our minds. He even said if I get pregnant he'd support whatever decision I want to make and will pray about it.
This only makes things complex.
My hometown is also Texas. Abortion is illegal in all cases including rape. So what if I get pregnant and I have complications or can't get medical care?
My husband and I are saving up and planning to move. Another scary thought, but we both personally feel like if our what if happens, we want to have safety.
Texas pushes adoption over abortion a lot. I keep seeing ads from Gladney. I am a Gladney baby which I hate saying. Gladney is one of the largest adoption agencies in America. They're also filled with false narratives. Nobody ever considers the woman who wants to be a mom but has to abort or the woman that is married and doesn't want a baby right now. The ads are all similar to shaming and forcing women not to have options.
My birth mom technically did have options but she wasn't ready for pregnancy or to parent. However, both birth moms and adoptees should stop being used in prolife ads to push adoption.
I am married and I don't want a baby right now. I am having sex with my husband but we don't want pregnancy. Does that make sense? Our government tells women not to have sex but not only is this unrealistic but they never think about married women. Married doesn't mean ready for babies.
Studies showed less people are having kids and many women who abort are mothers and wives.
It took me a long time to finally understand I was not a sin nor did I ruin my birth mom's life. She just wasn't ready. Having sex doesn't mean you're ready to have kids or be pregnant.
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