the good, the bad, & the awkward

Just a blog about a girl who's trying to figure out her life. I take my own pictures and am in charge of my own unfortunate mishaps of adulthood

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Make this year the beginning of something beautiful…

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

Cheers, 2018

2018.

Find your balance.

My favorite year to date has been 2018. From day to day, it didn’t seem particularly eventful, but as we get closer to 2019, looking back on it has truly brought me nothing but joy. Simply put, there are not enough words in the English language to express how grateful my heart is for the people and experiences that made 2018 so memorable for me, but I can’t help but try.

I spent 2018 with my family. I have a lot of people that I can’t imagine my life without, but my favorite humans on this planet are the ones that I’m blood related to. They’re hilariously quick witted, kind hearted, and their support is unwavering. They’re my built-in best friends, and I spent much of my year with them, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. We spent it soaking up the sun at the beach, hiking through the Rocky Mountains, road trips to support each other at games, races, meets...you name it, celebrating holidays together, laughing and teasing each other over pizza and beer, rainy morning runs, weekly Sunday afternoon brunch, celebrating new life, birthday milestones, major life accomplishments…the list could go on forever. Most importantly, we spent it together. We don’t need it to be a big production, we just like to hang out, because we enjoy each other’s presence. I grew up very close to everyone in my family, from my parents and siblings, to cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and I can’t imagine having grown up any other way. I often forget that not everyone can say that they’re that fortunate. I do everything in my power to make sure that everyone knows how important my family is to me, because I simply can’t help it.

As if I wasn’t lucky enough to have such a wonderful family to lean on, I also spent this year with the most incredible group of girlfriends that a girl can ask for. The best people in your life are the ones that inspire you to want to be a better person, and for me, that’s them. They’re thoughtful and sweet, loving, honest, but never unkind, and are unfailingly supportive. They pick me up when I’m down, and cheer me on in all of the big and small things in my life. I owe so much of who I am to who they are to me. When people ask me why I am the way that I am… it’s because I have the friends that I do. For all the good, bad, and ugly that comes along with growing up, I know that I can always count on them to share in the happiness and successes, but also be there for the heartache and uncertainty that comes along with it.

In the past few years, I thought I had grown, changed, and was at my best. Looking back, none of that is anything compared to how much personal growth I experienced this past year. In 2018, I tried new things. I stepped out of my comfort zone, and I did things that scared me. And wanna know what? I’m better for it. It helped me grow so much, in so many ways. I’m at a point where I’m so comfortable in my own skin, and comfortable with what and who I have in my life. I don’t find myself wishing that I was someone else, or wishing I had what others do. I became a little bit bolder, and maybe a little too blunt at times. My happiness doesn’t depend on what anyone else’s opinions are. I now feel like (for the most part) I do things - both right and wrong, with a newfound confidence. And most importantly, I’ve finally become my own advocate.

As someone who used to follow others and be afraid to do things alone… I’ve continued to grow and become more independent. I’ve become comfortable with silence, doing things on my own, making decisions for myself, without asking for the opinion of everyone else in the room. There were so many times that I found myself saying that if something or someone doesn’t add value to my life, then I don’t need it.

This year, I ran a freaking marathon in the pouring rain. I spent 18 weeks training, and pushing myself so far past what I thought I was capable of to get my body ready to run 26.2 miles. I set a goal so big that it seemed impossible, and then I tried, failed, learned, and grew into the person that could do it. It took a strength that I didn’t know I had in me, and it changed my life. The thing about running a marathon is that you don’t know what training for it will feel like, and you sure as hell don’t know what running that will feel like until you’ve done it yourself. The hardest part about it wasn’t race day. It was saying no to things I wanted to say yes to, it was going to bed early, running before work. It was all of the hard work that I did behind the scenes. It was the runs that left me feeling defeated, the times that I was so overwhelmed or sore that all I could do was cry. It was holding myself accountable on the days when I truly did not want to run. It was finding new ways to motivate myself when my body and mind went into survival mode…just to get to race day. But there was a defining moment that I hit towards the end of training. It was the moment when I went from questioning whether I could do it…to knowing that I had it in me. And, going back to my crazy supportive friends and family that I can’t shut up about…honestly, one of the coolest things was them surprising me on race day with big signs, and bigger smiles, despite the rain. From the months of training, to race day - I couldn’t have done it without their support. They say you can’t run a marathon without it teaching you something - and my takeaway was to be strong, because you never know who you’re inspiring. While I was going through this, I had no idea that I was inspiring anyone, I was just trying to achieve a goal, and do something that I never thought I could do, but it turned into so much more.

This year, one of the biggest compliments that I got was that people found me to be intimidating. As a girl who considers herself to be pretty awkward, and just loves life and wants to be everyone’s friend…I was confused until I asked what that meant. Let me explain what the universal response was. My confidence was intimidating. The way that I’m not afraid to be exactly who I am, to try new things, make mistakes and laugh it off, and to do things alone was intimidating. It wasn’t until it was pointed out to me by others that I realized that I was exactly where I had always wanted to be. Don’t get me wrong, I have my days, and some insecurities that I’m still working through… But how cool is that? I was so caught up in living a life that I loved that I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t faking confidence anymore. I’ll take that.

2018 was a damn good year. For once, I didn’t find myself in that end-of-the-year-panic, realizing that I didn’t do what I set out to do, trying to justify myself, or tell others that I would do it next year. I’m not trying to go into 2019 with resolutions that I don’t feel like I can achieve. I’ve got some big things to look forward to and work towards this year…but I feel at peace with the past 365 days. I’m looking forward to 2019. I’m excited for new opportunities, to continue to grow, and find my place in this world. To shed old layers of myself, unlearn bad habits, and continue to replace them with healthy ones. In 2019…I’m excited to just be.

Cheers

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

2018 in photos

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2016

When I reflect back on this year, there’s a lot to think about. It’s been a great year, spent with wonderful friends and family, full to the brim of adventures, and times that I wouldn't trade for the world. It’s been a year full of personal growth, good change, and learning. And, inevitably, with the good, comes some bad, but fortunately for me, there were only a few cloudy patches here and there.

Lucky. Blessed. Fortunate. Grateful. These are just a few of the many adjectives that describe how I feel about my life. Like everything, there are always ups and downs, and there are always bumps in the road, but when you stop and take a look at the big picture, it isn’t hard to see how sweet life is.

I think a big factor into how you perceive the quality of your life to be is the people that are in it. I have a big, dysfunctional, phenomenal extended family. If I were to total every member combined on both sides, it would be at least up in the 80s. No exaggeration necessary. That isn’t normal, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter how near or far we all may be, they are all my home, and I got to see every single one of them this year. Some more than others, but I feel lucky to have all of them in my life, first of all, but also to have the relationship I do with all of them. 2016 was comprised of weddings, engagements, pregnancies, holidays spent together, new journeys, adventures, scavenger hunts, beach vacations, celebrating birthday milestones, celebrating each other, and just being together. I don’t think you can ask for much more in a year with your family, can you?

I also spent 2016 with the best friends a girl could ask for. And while I know that is such a cliche, it doesn’t make it any less true. I wish everyone had the kind of friends that I have. They’re the kind that bring out the absolute best and brightest side of you. They make you feel strong and confident in yourself. The ones that love you unconditionally, make you want to be a better person, make you laugh until you cry, make you happy when you didn’t think you could smile, and that drop everything just to all be together. The ones that prove that your friendship can remain perfectly intact, even when you haven’t seen each other in a while. It was spent going on random adventures, just because. It was spent making fools out of ourselves without a care in the world. We spent 2016 supporting each other as much as possible. Surprising each other. We spent it celebrating holidays, and making up new holidays just so we had another reason to all get together. And we also spent it just being together, without a big to-do. When I think about what I’m so lucky to have in this life, there’s no way to not include them. They make me the best possible version of myself. 2016 has been good to all of us, and that makes my heart feel happy and full.

For me, personally, 2016 has been kind. I’ve not only spent it surrounded with family and close friends, but also with others. With new friends, new experiences, a new job, a fresh perspective on life, and being truly happy with what I have. I’ve grown so much as a person this year, even though the getting there wasn’t always easy. Sometimes, I feel like nothing has changed, but everything has. I feel more present, and connected to who and what I have, and I don’t find myself wishing for what I don’t have. I’ve become more confident. I rarely feel like my happiness has to depend on anyone else, or their opinions. Selfishly, I’ve started living my life just for myself, taking time to do what makes me happy, and figuring out who I am. And I’m glad I did. Someday I’ll be living my life mostly for other people, so I spent 2016 focusing on me. And honestly, if you’re reading this and you feel like you’re lost, I would recommend doing the same. I’m finally in a good place in every sense, and I like how it feels.

I’ve spent this year trying new things, doing things that scare me, and taking more chances. I’ve made more of an effort to show people that I care, in both big and small ways. I’ve been better about telling people the truth, even when it isn’t what they want to hear, and especially when I’m afraid to say it. I’ve tried to be be more honest with myself and to others, without being cruel or unkind. I’ve been savoring the time spent with good people over things that money can buy. I haven’t been much more than happy and carefree. Happiness is contagious, and I’ve been trying to live it and spread it as much as I can.

Through all of this year, I’ve learned what I want, what I deserve, and learned what I’m worth. I’ve learned to let go and move on. I’ve learned not to need people that don’t need me. As a person who is pretty non-confrontational and passive, I finally learned to stand up for myself. I keep surprising myself with how strong I really am. I’ve stopped hiding behind walls. I’ve learned that while forgiveness hurts, it helps you grow. That sometimes, even when you want things to go your way and work out in your favor, sometimes they don’t. And I’ve learned that then, you only have two options. You can let it consume you, make you bitter, feel sorry for yourself, and let it knock you down, or… you can make the most of it. You can try to take it all in stride, keep your head up, refuse to let it knock you down, learn from it, and choose to keep moving forward. And I always try to choose the second. Has it been the easiest thing? Absolutely not. But has it made the biggest difference in my life? Absolutely.

All in all, 2016 has been a really good year. Were there some things that I would like to change or do differently? Of course. But, looking back, I can’t say that I have any real regrets. If you can’t learn from what you’ve done, then what was the point? And besides, when you look back at everything you’ve done and accomplished, and look at the people you’ve got surrounding you, there isn’t much to complain about. It’s been a good year, and it’s a good life.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

Lessons learned

I’ve found that every year I learn a little more about myself, the world, how it works, and how we all exist in it. Sometimes the best lessons learned come from the cruelest teachers, and sometimes they come from moments of pure bliss. Here are just a few things that I’ve learned about life through trial and error recently. Honestly, they’re worth a shot.

-You are always entitled to feel exactly how you are feeling at any given moment. Don’t ever let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel.

-Value yourself. Your well being is important. Value yourself enough to make self care a top priority.

-You can’t hate yourself into someone you love. Learn to love yourself just the way you are, before you try to change anything about yourself. It’s the best things you can do for yourself.

-Forgiveness is essential for personal growth. Learn to let go so you can keep moving forward.

-Learn to accept the apologies you never got.

-Value yourself enough to know when you aren’t being treated the way you deserve.

-Be careful with who you share your deepest secrets with. Not everyone you know is worth knowing them. If it’s something personal to you, or something you hold close to your heart, make sure they’ve proved to you that they’re trustworthy first. Some people just want to know your secrets, but they don’t really care. Nothing sucks more than finding that out when it’s too late.

-Life is all about the moments. No matter how big or small. Enjoy them, for they are fleeting, but, eventually, make up the entirety of your life.

-If you love someone, show them. All the time. You don’t need a special occasion to show someone you care.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

Here’s a friendly reminder to everyone out there that feels like they aren’t good enough:

YOU. ARE. GOOD. ENOUGH.

YOU. DESERVE. THE. WORLD.

AND. YOU. DESERVE. SOMEONE. WHO. WILL. GIVE. IT. TO. YOU.

Don’t settle. For anything. Ever. Don’t settle for mediocre anything, especially when this world is literally overflowing with possibilities.

Don’t waste your precious time in situations that make you unhappy, when there is so much to see and do that will bring you more joy than you ever thought was possible.

Let every good and bad thing that has happened to you serve you in some way. Maybe as a reminder, maybe a lesson. But take what has happened, and let it help you grow. Instead of forgetting, or filing things away, let your best and worst experiences help you.

Don’t waste your time caring about someone who you showed you their true colors, and in the process, burned you. You deserve happiness, and you deserve someone who will give you that happiness. You definitely deserve a person who is willing to be there for you, and be everything you need.

Don’t settle for a guy that won’t fully commit, makes you question your self worth, or who leaves you feeling like a stupid girl who wore her heart on her sleeve. Someday, you will find someone who will make you glad you didn’t settle.

Don’t let the people who have hurt you, mistreated you, and made you feel inferior, make you close yourself off to the world. Take time to let yourself feel however you need to feel, because you are always entitled to do that, but then move on. Move forward, not backwards. Don’t let your previous misfortunes keep you from being open to new possibilities.

As much as you might want to, don’t build walls. Because even though it might temporarily make you feel better, you can’t live a full and happy life with your guard up.

Don’t let anyone else determine your self worth, or make you change your opinion on yourself. The only person who can do that is you. You are amazing, and one of a kind, and you deserve to feel confident with who you are. Surround yourself with those who give you the freedom to be yourself, and make you happy to be you, and happy to be alive. You owe it to yourself.

You are important, you deserve the world. Don’t you ever forget that.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

There are very few things that I love more in this world than the ocean

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“Whatever is good for your soul, do that”

Of all the quotes you see online, this is the one that has always stuck with me. You might wonder why this one, out of allllllll the quotes that are held on this magnificent world wide web?

The answer is simple.

Think about it, we spend so much of our days and lives trying to make other people happy, and putting their needs first, that we often forget about doing things just for the sake of our own happiness. And believe me, there is nothing wrong with putting others first. I get so much joy out of making other people happy, in big and small ways. But right now, as a twenty something girl with no husband, significant other, children, and still have some major burdens of adulthood lifted off of my shoulders, I find myself realizing more and more that this is the time to be selfish. Now is the time to do exactly what I want to do, if for no other reason than that it made me happy.

Right now is the time to do exactly what makes your soul happy. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself well. Learn who you are when there is no one else around to influence you, lean to truly love yourself for everything that you are. Mind, body, soul. Take the time to do things that make you happy, no matter how simple they might be, It can mean something different to each person, that’s the beauty of it, and that is the whole point. If getting up early to watch the sunrise makes you happy, then do that, but if you feel like sleeping in is what you need, then you should absolutely do that. Spend the day holed up on your couch, reading a good book, or spend it outside, or working out, or with your favorite people in the world. The quote is simple, yet so versatile.

Someday, there will be a time when I’ll have to think about everyone else first, and do things for them all the time. And I’m sure that I’ll love that when it comes around. But until then, I’m going to savor each moment of doing what makes my soul happy. I’m going to enjoy being just a little bit selfish. I’m just gonna do me. Things that I want to do, things that make my soul happy, and enjoy each moment presently, for they are all fleeting.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

my name is Bethany and I like to pretend that I have a knack for photography

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Sun(daze) ☀️☕️💖😊🙌🏼 #ilovecoffeemugs #bonjoirbeauté

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Be True, Be Kind, Be You

When you’re a kid, you are completely yourself. You have no one else to be, don’t know that you should try to be anyone else, and you aren't trying to be anyone else. That’s such a beautiful thing. Because, as we grow older, we are constantly trying to make ourselves into other people: friends, family members, celebrities, the list never ends…and after a while it stifles your true personality. And many of us spend too many years of our lives afraid to be who we truly are, and it happens for many reasons. Maybe you’re afraid of who you are, afraid of what people will think of you, or you aren’t comfortable being who you are for different reasons.

Growing up, I was never comfortable in my own skin. Around my family and close friends, I was  perfectly fine. I was talkative, relatively confident, and personable. But around people that I went to high school with, or strangers, I was the total and polar opposite 95% of the time. I was shy, awkward, and afraid of a lot of social situations. And for the longest time, I could never figure out why. What caused this shift? Why was I constantly switching between these two very different versions of myself? I don’t think I figured it out until pretty recently. But here’s my answer: It’s amazing the person you’re capable of being when you’re given the opportunity to be yourself. The people who accept you for everything you are make you comfortable and help to bring out the best side of you. My life from the time I was 12 until I was 19 I never felt like I fit in with almost everyone around me. And that was a hard thing to deal with for such a long time. It made it hard for me to explore who I was, it made it hard to let people in and trust them, and it made me cautious.

And then, at college I got a fresh start, and I took advantage of that and tried out being myself in a way that I had never had the chance to. I found a big group of people that allowed me to be myself the way that my family always had. And that helped me grow out of my awkward phase, figure out who I was, and learn to be okay with it. And I learned that there is no better feeling than being celebrated for your uniqueness, and all of the little things that make you, you. The more time that passed, the happier I was, my confidence was growing not just with them, but everyone I interacted with, and I finally got back to being the truest form of myself. A grown up version of the little kid I was. And honestly, there is no better feeling than being yourself completely and unapologetically. It really is the best thing you can do for yourself.

And, I think what I’ve learned from this long process, and what I want to pass on is this: be the person who makes other quiet and awkward people feel at home, and comfortable. Be kind and accepting. Because this little action can go farther for them than you may ever know. Instead of judging others on their differences celebrate how unique they are. Everyone is capable of being amazing if they are given the opportunity to. It’s a harsh world out there, but you can help soften the blow, one small act of kindness at a time. If we all just help others help themselves, then this world will transform into a beautiful place. The kind of world that everyone should want to live in.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

THANKFUL

As the Thanksgiving season ends and is slowly unfurling into the Christmas season, this is the time of year to reflect on all of the blessings that you have in your life. There’s just something about holidays, family time, traditions, and the snow starting to fall that makes everything feel magical. Yes, it’s feeding into every holiday cliché there is, but nothing makes me realize how lucky I am quite like the holiday season does. So, here’s my list, and if you haven’t…make a list, in your head, in a notebook, or on a blog of all the things you’re thankful for this year.

I have an amazing family. And I know everyone says that, and maybe everyone else has a wonderful family for too, but let me brag about mine for just a minute. If you look at both sides of my family combined, I have an extended family of 71 people, including myself. That’s almost unheard of anymore. And what’s crazy is that I don’t feel like a stranger to any of them. I’ve always been so fortunate to have grown up with my whole family. Whether it was weekend get-togethers, holidays, weekend trips, or beach vacations, I’ve always been close to everyone in my family. I could talk about them forever and never get tired of it.

My parents are incredible. And sometimes they’re annoying as hell, but someday, if I grow up to be half the woman my mom is, and marry someone half as amazing as my dad; I’ll have nothing to complain about.

My best friends are the most wonderful people I have ever met. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere until I went to college and joined the swim team. Some lucky twist of fate helped point me in the direction of Fredonia, and eventually got me back in the pool where I belonged. And I thank my lucky stars every day, because I don’t know if I would have met them if I hadn’t. They’re the kind of friends that have seen me at my worst, most unattractive and embarrassing states, and still love me just as much. And that’s true love. (in a friendship way) And I know in my heart that I’ll have them forever. Similar to my family, I could talk about them forever and never want to stop.

I’ve done some pretty unbelievable things, this year especially, and it’s taught me to live my life to the fullest. In this year alone, I’ve graduated college, I ran a half marathon with a hole in my lung post-pneumonia, I’ve ran multiple other 5K and 8K races, I met 5 Seconds of Summer, and watched their concert second row with some of my best friends, went to a bunch of concerts, spent a week at the beach with 42 of my family members, and learned that the most important things in this world aren’t things at all. They’re moments, and the people you spend them with.

I have relatively good health. After a minor (actually kinda major health scare) where a case of mono actually ended up turning into a very severe case of double pneumonia that went undetected for too long, left me hospitalized for a week, and with a two inch hole in my lung… I’m actually really healthy. Seriously. And I never thought I would be okay again. I had to take a break after walking up the stairs, I took 4 naps a day, had fevers all the time, I had no appetite for months, and I felt so helpless all the time. I never thought I could move past it, and doing so has taught me that I’m stronger than I ever knew.

I retired after swimming competitively for 11 years. And it was not an easy 11 years. For anyone that doesn’t know anything about swimming, and thinks that it’s just that fun thing you do in a pool over the summer, you’re dead wrong. From 40 hours of pool time a week, cross training with cross-fit, running, and lifting, 5:00am wakeup calls for morning practices, sacrificing my social life and free time, it was tough. But as hard as it was, I loved all of it. Because even though it was hard, it taught me so much about everything. I learned hard work and dedication, time management, determination and how strong I am. And I also learned more about myself than I ever could have imagined.

I’m learning how to be an adult. I always joke about how I hate having to be a grown up, and start becoming independent in more and more ways, but I’m slowly but surely figuring out how to be an adult, and all the things you have to do that no one ever told you about. And it isn’t easy, but it’s totally been necessary. I feel like so many people my age are so oblivious to so many things that come with the territory that I’m lucky for the people and opportunities in my life that are helping me figure this stuff out.

If we’re being honest, I could go on forever about all the things that I’m thankful for. This big, scary world holds so much beauty in it, and I hate to see it go under-appreciated. Think about all of the good things in your life, and never take them for granted, because you never know when something might get taken away.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

Look Around

The world used to be our safe, comfortable space, Where you’d get a thrill out of seeing a familiar face. Those days seem long gone, a sad death to mourn, Gone as soon as our advancing technology era was born. With the technology these days, no one bothers to read a paperback book We’re so sucked into our phones, we can barely bother to take a look At what’s really happening in the big wide world around us, Spinning faster than ever, leaving this place hard to trust. Filters, fake profiles, and edited “no filter/no makeup” selfies galore, Is anyone around us even real anymore? We spend time with our friends and family and “live in the moment”, But make sure we carefully document these moments to prove our enjoyment. We post our activities everywhere online, wanting our lives to appear Fascinating, exciting, and full of adventure, though it’s all just smoke and mirrors. Because at the end of the day, all that will remain, Are followers, likes and shares, all of which are in vain. This generation is connected to the world more than ever before But has made doing things that used to be cherished seem like a chore. Gone are the days of meeting someone face to face, Gone are the days when we liked a good chase For something important to us, for now we quickly grow bored, If our ancestors could see us now, I’m sure they’d be dead again on the floor. Look up from your phone, close out of your apps, For this is the time you’ll never be able to get back. For life is too short to not look up, So join together with those you love and fill up a cup. Raise your glasses up high, take a good look around, For these, these are the moments that are truly profound. Toast to living life to the fullest, see the real beauty in this world Don’t get swept away, just leave the petty things, and watch them quickly unfurl Into complex nothings, for they hold nothing you need They’ve only made us a world full of discontent and greed. Make a toast with those around you, those who you love That you’ll live a life that is true, one you’ll someday be proud of

                                                                                                 BN

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

“People haven’t always been there for me, but music has”  -Taylor Swift

One of the two things that I’m most passionate about in this world is music. I love the way it sounds, I love the way it makes me feel, I love the creative process that goes into making it, and most of all I love lyrics.

But it goes deeper than that.

In my eyes, there’s two ways to listen to lyrics. You can listen to them, and you can listen to them. And by that I mean that you can listen to a song not consider what the lyrics are really saying, just idly listen to it and enjoy the melody, and you can listen to a song, take in the words, the meaning, the feelings and emotion, and hear them in a whole new way.

Listening to a song like that is my favorite way to hear music. I love a good top 40 pop song just as much as the next girl, but more than anything, my favorite songs are the ones with lyrics that make me feel like my life was torn apart and put back together within the short span of the song.

The ones that transport you deep into your thoughts, make you smile or make you burst into tears, connect with you on a deeper level, resonate in your soul, and make you realize that you’re not alone in this world.

When I ask someone to listen to a song, 9 times of out 10 I’m asking you to listen to it and take it in as a whole experience, not just think it sounds cool, or has a pretty melody. And I know that a lot of people don’t understand that. Not everyone has such a deep connection to music, but I wish everyone did. I want everyone to be able to experience music and connect to it the way that I do, because music is one of the most powerful forms of art we have.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will.”

It truly amazes me how time has a way of showing someone’s true colors. It’s easy to believe that everyone that you care about and that cares about you will always be there, but the further down the road you get, the clearer you can see that there are some people who are there for you for a while, and once you’ve been apart for a little bit they drop you completely, and the ones who would never leave you, even if you wanted them to.

As much as it sucks finding out who matters and who doesn’t, it’s actually a very freeing discovery. I don’t have the time or energy to waste on friendships with people who don’t bring out the best in me, and vice versa. I don’t want or need to waste my time trying so hard on friendships with people who I thought mattered, when I could be spending it with the people who I know do matter. No one should settle for people who they can’t rely on, who don’t bring out the best in them, who don’t make them laugh until they cry, and who won’t be there for them in their darkest hour. And honestly, why would you want to settle for that? Why should you have to? The answer is simple: you don’t. You deserve all of the best things in this world, and your happiness should be your top priority.

I’ve never been the person that had tons of friends. I wouldn’t say that I was weird, an outcast, or unlikable, but I’ve always been a little different than everyone that I’ve met. Through years of school, clubs and sports teams, I’ve had lots of friends that have come and gone, and take it from me: if they stay, keep them, if they want to leave, let them. It’s not always easy. Especially when the ones you thought would never leave, leave. Time will surprise you when it reveals someone’s true character. Sometimes it may seem like it will never happen, but eventually you’ll find your people. And I’m not saying to cut anyone out of your life that isn’t your very best friend, but be cautious of who you let in and trust, because friendships these days are like a revolving door, and the last thing you want is to get slammed in the face by it.

It’ll happen slowly, and then all at once. One day out of the blue you’ll be talking to someone, maybe you’ve known them for years, or maybe you just met them, but you’ll realize that they’re meant to be in your life. The whole thing is based on a gut feeling; sometimes it can’t be put into words. But you just know. These are the most important people. And those are the ones that never leave. In some weird way, you’ll just know that they’re your forever friends. The friends who will never leave, the ones who love and care about you no matter what, and understand you better than you understand yourself. And honestly, the best thing about finding your forever friends is that you also find yourself. Your forever friends let you be your truest self, respect, accept, and embrace it. And in a harsh and judgmental world, we need people like this. And once you find them, you should never let them go, because you need them, and they need you.

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

GROWING PAINS

So, as a recent college grad and new full time grown up I have deemed myself an expert on the this subject, and have compiled a list accordingly.

Here is a list of the absolute WORST things that come with growing up in no particular order:

- Having to dress like a functional adult. Every. Single. Day.  

    >Like, don’t get me wrong, I love to get dolled up and dress up just as much as the next girl. It was fun when it wasn’t every day. College was completely comfort/function over style. I went from living in an environment full of stressed out, exhausted college students to professional job settings. The rules have changed and college did not prepare me for it. Now, instead of it being socially acceptable for me to show up places with wet hair, sweats and a hoodie, I have to wear things like real pants, real bras, nice outfits, makeup, and shoes other than my ugg boots. And I don’t think what I want is unreasonable. All I was asking for was a buffer of some sort.

- And on that note…You have to buy the clothes to be the adult you’re not ready to commit to being.

     >And doing so isn’t cheap…or fun. Because there are only so many professional outfits you can make out of your current wardrobe consisting mostly of clothing from Forever 21, clothes you wear to go out, and sweatpants and other athletic apparel you’ve accumulated over the years. Like any girl, I love to shop, and I love to spend my money, but on fun stuff and fun clothes. But don’t worry; let me go spend a small fortune on boring clothes to wear at my temporary boring office job so I don’t violate the dresscode.

- Now where do you go? Don’t ask me.

     >So you graduate college, congrats! Now what? Where do you go? What do you do? For most of us, there are two options: first-you move home from school and into your first apartment and find a job in your major. And proceed to pay for your bills and student loans in tears and Easy Mac, because after four years of college, you’re pretty damn sick of eating ramen noodles. But the second, most common option is number two-you move back home, live with your parents, sacrifice the freedom and control you’ve learned to have over your life for the past four years, and get a job somewhere in town not doing what your degree is in for while you save up to *eventually* move out and become a productive human being.

- And even worse than figuring out what you want to do, you have to answer it to EVERY SINGLE PERSON EVER

    >The only thing worse than trying to figure out what you’re going to do for a career, where you’re going to live and how you’re going to get there is answering those questions to everyone who has any remote amount of interest in your life. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my Communications degree yet, thank you for asking, but please, continue to ask me what my plans are every time you see me. Being an adult was way more fun hypothetically. The execution is sloppy at best.

- Who are you supposed to hang out with?

    >So, for the past four years, you’ve become a completely different person. (In a better way) You’ve grown, learned, lived, and who did you do all of that with? Your college friends. And while all of this was happing, you may have neglected the friends you had in high school, if you actually liked anyone you went to high school with. So you have this huge dilemma where you have these amazing friends that you went to college with and that you can’t live without, and now you’re all apart. So, now, you’re home for good (sorta) and what are you doing on Saturday nights? Either driving far distances to see your best friends that live on the other side of the state, or you’re sitting at home watching reruns of Modern Family in your living room with your parents.

- Finding a person to spend forever with.

   >How do people do that? Like dating in college was fun, with relatively no strings attached at all. Sure, there were the people that met their *person* in college, but the rest of us? We were the ones stumbling home after a night at the bars with their best friends and a slice of pizza. So now, the pressure is on. We’ve left the enclosed environment where we were surrounded by other people in our own age demographic, and now we have to figure it out on our own. And, to top that off, add on the fact that our generation does even really date anymore, we just have this thing called “talking”. What even is that? What’s so wrong with doing things the way they used to be done? What happened to doing things like talking in real life…to people…on dates…that don’t include Netflix and chill? When did that stop being a thing?

-...While everyone else gets married or has kids.

   >To add to the stress of figuring out what you’re going to do, and who you’re going to spend forever with...everyone around you already did that. (sort of) If I had a dollar for every person that I went to high school and now college with that is now engaged, married, or has a child, I could pay off my student loans in one year instead of ten. While I’m over here trying to find matches to my socks, everyone else is getting married, or has a kid. Some have two. Some have three, each with different baby daddies. Double bonus if they don’t even know who the father is. Did I miss something? When did things change so quickly?

[sweetsimpleandbeautiful]

Luuuuuuucy, I’m home!

Honestly, all of the training, the worry, and the blood, sweat and tears were worth it. I’ve been afraid to do a lot of things in my life, but I was pretty terrified to run this half marathon today. I was never a runner. In high school, I was that girl. The girl who complained about running the mile for gym class. During my freshman year of college, I could barely run for 30 seconds without having to stop and feeling like I was going to die. Then, over the next three years of college, I slowly started to get into running, and improve because we ran as cross training for swimming. Little by little, I loved it more and more, and by the end of my senior year, I was hooked. I loved to run, and I kept getting faster. I started training for this half marathon in March. And then, I got sick. I spent the end of April, May, June, and half of July sick and recovering from Mono, which then lead into a nasty case of double pneumonia. I was hospitalized for 6 days, lost 22 pounds, most of which was muscle, and most of my strength. Once the pneumonia finally cleared up, I found out that it had left a 2 inch hole in my lung. I thought that my days of being an athlete were over, and I definitely thought that running a half marathon was out of the question. That thought scared me enough to realize that I cared too much about it to let it slip between my fingers. So, I set my fears aside and got back out there and started running again. It wasn’t fast, but I was just happy to be back out there, doing what I loved, it no longer mattered how fast or slow my miles were. Inch by inch, I started getting ready for this race. In hind sight, I didn’t train for this nearly as much as I should have, but today I conquered a fear and accomplished a goal in one outrageous and hard fell swoop. It didn’t matter what my time was, what matters to me is that I ran it. And, I guess where I’m going with this is that you are capable of doing incredible things. Keep challenging yourself and never settle. You’ll always be glad you went the extra mile.