This Untitled Life @swipey-swipe - Tumblr Blog

what’s christmas even like in non-christian families? in completely non-religious families? like what do you tell your children? “well, kids, we’re eating a whole lot of food and spending a fuckton of money spoiling you because some other people somewhere believe their holy lord and saviour and the greatest person to walk the earth was born 2000 years ago. here’s a playstation.”

sweaterfemme-deactivated2025081

yeah pretty much

talkgentlytome

That’s actually it

pebblesboy

OK STORY TIME I WAS BABYSITTING THIS 6 YEAR OLD BOY AND WE ATE POPSICLES, THIS WAS THE JOKE ON MINE AND I TOLD IT TO HIM, BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO WITH JOKES AND SO LIKE A DAY LATER I GET THIS CALL FROM HIS MOM AND SHE SAYS “My son told me an inappropriate joke today, and he told me he got it from you” AND I WAS SUPER CONFUSED??? SO I ASKED HER WHAT THE JOKE WAS AND APPARENTLY HE SAID “how do skeletons communicate? They bone each other” I AM SO DONE

torpidgilliver

saying things to children is like playing the world’s riskiest game of telephone

teamwang

“hey, how was school?”

dex5m

From Andrew to Moriarty in 5 seconds [X]

irishbanter-blog

Ireland text posts

pleaseshoutsoftly

I never see posts about Ireland on my dash

8bitmonkey

excitabletortoise-deactivated20

god bless america

amari-named-captain

I hope this the last remaining photos of our presidents

findingschmomo

Is no one going to talk about Ronald McDonald fighting in Clinton’s background.

wingedasarath

I’m not even american and I will reblog these anyday.

dudeistlibertarian

is Teddy Roosevelt shooting Bigfoot?

wiredandrewired

That one is historically accurate, actually.

magnetoplasma

M A X I M U M F R E E D O M A C H I E V E D

just-shower-thoughts

Why are girls embarrassed when in a bra and underwear yet eager to be in an even more revealing bikini?

thingofnewyork

Consent.

If a girl is out in her bikini, she wants to be seen. She is outside because she wants to be and she is showing her body because she wants to. If you catch a girl in her bra and underwear and she’s embarrassed, then she did not consent to be seen. You have violated her personal space at a time that she does not want to be seen.

In one scenario she’s chosen to show her skin and in the other she didn’t.

It’s not that hard to understand.

ferfilelek

aimlessscribbles

#fabulousfrogs

#really Kermit #he's so done #look at his face #like #again?

just-shower-thoughts

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

cparvum

This thing needs a goddamn warning sign

adulthoodisokay

don’t fuck me up like this

actuallybenwyatt

I met a couple Australians this weekend and they introduced me to what is possibly the greatest phrase in the English language. Apparently, a common response to a wide variety of questions is “I’m not here to fuck spiders”. It means “I’m already doing that” or “Obviously, yeah”. So like, example usage:

At the bar with a friend. Friend: do you want to get a beer? Me: well, I’m not here to fuck spiders.

axe-fx-deactivated20200722

ive literally never heard someone say that what fuckin australians did you meet

heartfeltdelight

mate those Australians introduced you to the grand Australian tradition of fucking with foreigners and making them believe anything about Australia

cosmic-aria

this is seriously a thing australians do, like, automatically. someone will say something that is complete bullshit in front of a foreigner and everyone will instantly jump on board and confirm it. like it’s some kind of built-in reflex.

my step-dad actually convinced my mom that there were no trains in australia. and he didn’t end this conversation with a ‘just kidding’ or anything like that. he just let her think that for years until we moved here and she saw a train and was like DAMN IT KEVIN!!!!!