#if you ask I will write a whole goddamn essay on Boromir #and why his death means more to us as we get older *whispers* babe I want the essay
Why must you always enable me I love it never stop. So. Wow. Where to even start. I rant through my tears about how much I love Boromir every time I watch Lord of the Rings, which I do about once a year with @captainofthefallen. Every time I watch it, his death means more to me, hits me harder, and I think that’s because the older we get, the more we identify with Boromir.
Here’s the thing. In all honesty, as a kid (I first read LotR when I was eleven, first watched the films at that age as well), I wasn’t too fond of Boromir. Oh I liked him all right, he was fine I suppose, but I didn’t connect with him. I was angry when he tried to take the One Ring from Frodo, and I cried a little at his death because death is sad and I was a kid, but it didn’t devastate me.
Because as a kid? I wanted to be Aragorn. The reluctant king who rises up and does the right thing, always. The guy who gets the amazing (be still my bi heart) Arwen, the Evenstar, fairest of the elves. The guy who literally kicks ass. The man who is noble, honorable, thoughtful, good with his words, humble, knows the burdens of leadership, who stands up and says there will be a day when the courage of men fails, but this is not that day.
I wanted to be the hero.
I noticed this trend among my peers growing up. We all loved Aragorn and wanted to be him. Boromir was sort of dismissed.
But then a funny thing happened, called getting older.
I got older, and I fucked up.
I got older, and depression hit.
I got older, and the weight of societal expectations, of being an older sibling, of adult responsibilities, of legacy, of family secrets, of family history, all settled on my shoulders.
I got older, and I learned that men are not always honorable, or kind, or humble, or the leaders they should be. And I learned how hard and desperate it is to continue to believe in the strength of men.
I got older, and I learned how temptation comes for us all, in different forms, and how we hurt people without meaning to, and how sometimes for all our regret and tears and apologies, we cannot mend what we broke.
I got older, and I leaned what it is to be forced into a role I didn’t want, to feel I’d hit a dead end, to struggle against those who had different views, to feel like people could look into my heart and see the anger and fear that I tried so hard to hide.
I got older, and I realized: I’m Boromir.
We’re all Boromir.
Tolkien was very deliberate with his characters. They aren’t just characters, flawed and wonderful though they might be. They also each represent something very specific. Aragorn represents the Ideal. The hero that we all can be, the hero that we should strive to be, the vision of mankind as we are supposed to be, if only we can let ourselves shed our hubris and our doubts. Aragorn represents who we should be.
Boromir represents who we are.
Flawed, frustrated, burdened, tempted, struggling, setback, good intentioned, afraid, angry, kindhearted, noble, loyal, and painfully, beautifully human.
Boromir went to the Council of Elrond reluctantly. He shouldn’t have gone. Boromir is a war leader, as we learn after his death. He successfully fought for and defended Gondor from Mordor for years. That’s where he belongs. Faramir is the quiet one, the diplomat, the “wizard’s pupil,” the soft-spoken and patient one. Note that even in the film version, which shows a differently characterized Faramir than in the books (Tolkien heavily based Faramir on himself), Faramir only wants the One Ring in order to give it to his father and win his father’s pride and affection–he doesn’t want it for himself.
If Faramir had been at the Council and Boromir had stayed in Gondor, everything would have gone differently, and possibly for the better.
But the Steward of Fuckwits aka Boromir and Faramir’s father decides he wants Boromir to go, to represent their family, because Boromir is the son he values and is the “face” of Gondor. So Boromir sets aside what he wants, and he goes. And the whole time he feels out of place, feels like a fish out of water, feels second to Aragorn, feels lost, feels terrified his city will fall while he is gone, feels like the race of Men is being mocked and looked down on as weak.
How many of us as we grow up are stuck like that? We can’t fix our family (although we try), we can’t fix our broken country (although we try), we can’t get rid of the doubts and fears that whisper to us (although we try), and we can’t stop feeling like we’re constantly second best, constantly failing, looked down on, especially the millennial generation.
(Given what’s happening in the world right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tolkien found himself surprisingly similar in outlook and feeling to our generation. But that’s another topic.)
And of course that’s the key. Boromir–darling, frustrated, stuck, fatally flawed Boromir–is so very relatable because he tries. He tries to teach Merry and Pippin to protect themselves and then tries to save them and dies for it. He tries to convince Aragorn (who at that point is more elf than man in his outlook) that there is no reason to give up on his people, their people–and he succeeds in that, although he dies before he gets to see it. He tries to make his father proud. He tries to apologize when he fucks up. He tries and he fails, and he tries and he succeeds. And the most important things he does, the biggest seeds he plants, he never sees them flower.
Like my God, the man’s last words are I failed. I failed you, I failed Frodo, I tried to take the Ring. I’m sorry, I failed. That hits me so goddamn hard in my mid20s and it’ll hit me even harder when I’m older, I’m sure. How many times have we said that to people? “I tried to help him.” “I tried to reach out.” “I tried to apologize.” “I tried to stop them.” “I tried so hard.” I tried, I tried, I tried. For the job, for the friend, for everything, I tried.
And I failed.
I have a laundry list of things I tried and failed at, and God, do they hurt. Sometimes it was something out of my control, sometimes it was my own behavior. And that scene with Boromir, the flawed man, staring up at Aragorn, the ideal hero, and begging him, begging him, “save them, they took the little ones, find Frodo,” begging him for forgiveness, apologizing for his failures?
Talk about a fucking metaphor.
We make our ideals in literature so that we have something to look up to and strive for, for others to strive for. Boromir falls prey to the ring, but Aragorn does not. You did what I could not. Of course Aragorn did. He’s the ideal. And we beg our ideals to be better so they can show us the way and hopefully, maybe, someday, we can be like them.
I had so many heroes growing up, real and literary. Sara from A Little Princess. Aragorn. Lucy from Narnia. Nancy Drew. Harry Potter. And so many times I would look at myself in the mirror and cry because I knew, I knew if I stood in front of them they would be disappointed in me. I knew I wasn’t being the person I could be. I tried, I failed, I tried, I failed, but my God I swear, I tried.
As a kid or even a teenager, we still see mainly who we want to be. Our ideal. And I hope that we never lose sight of that. I love Aragorn and my God am I going to keep trying to be like him, and like all of my other literary heroes. We need those heroes, we need them so badly, and the darker the world gets the brighter we have to make them shine.
As an adult, though–as an adult, we start to see not only who we want to be, but who we are, and who we could’ve been, and how we failed to be, and the paths not taken and the paths that were lost. And that’s important too. Because Boromir died convinced he was a failure. Convinced he was, truly, the weakness we find in men.
And he was… but he wasn’t.
Without Boromir, Aragorn wouldn’t know what happened to Merry and Pippin or where they went. Without Boromir, Aragorn would’ve had no hope in the race of men. Without Boromir, who would have carried the hobbits up the cold mountain, or taught them how to fight, or said give them a moment, for pity’s sake! Who would have defended Gondor for so long, or loved his brother with a ferocity that Denethor’s abuse couldn’t knock loose, and inspired that brother to keep fighting even as the light faded and the night grew cold and long?
Aragorn carries Boromir’s bracers throughout the rest of the trilogy, right up to his coronation, where he is still wearing them as he is made King. Because Boromir might not have seen it–we might not see it–but we tried and we failed but we didn’t fail at everything. Lives are made brighter for our presence. The world is better for our gifts and our convictions. And no fight, even a fight lost, is done in vain.
The remains of the Fellowship ride to Gondor not just because it’s the Right Thing to Do, but because it is the city of their fallen brother, it’s Boromir’s home, the home that above all he gave everything to defend. Boromir doesn’t want the Ring for power, he wants it so his home will be safe, his family will be safe, and God who can’t relate to that, as we grow older and we see our families and friends attacked and scarred, as we have children and want them out of harm’s way. Who wouldn’t be tempted to seize the chance to keep them safe?
I see so much of myself in Boromir. And I take hope. I take inspiration. I cheer through my tears as he is hit again and again with arrows and each time he gets back up on his feet and grits his teeth and you can see him thinking not today. As a child I thought Boromir was selfish but as an adult I hear him use his last breath to apologize to Aragorn and call him his brother and his king and I see he’s more selfless than he ever gave himself credit for being. Boromir sees only his faults, but we can see what he doesn’t, we see his positive impact and we see his virtues, too.
Because as an adult I’ve failed, and I want to believe that like Boromir, I’ve also succeeded, I’ve also been more than just my faults–even if I can’t see that yet.
Aragorn is who we should be. But Boromir is who we are.
And my God, we should be proud of that. Because Boromir is a damn good person to be.
Apropos of (almost) nothing: I'm the kind of pedant who dislikes calling tentacle porn "tentacle porn" not because I think it's aberrant but because, 98% of the time, what's being depicted are octoform arms or tendrils, not tentacles. Tentacles are defined by the clubbed ends, which are the only part that have suckers. If it's tapered and has suckers all the way down, it's an octoform arm; if it has no suckers at all, it's a tendril.
Phainon & Anaxa Relationship Analysis; The Importance of Them to Each Other
hi hello! the long-awaited phainon/anaxa relationship analysis i promised like. months ago, is finally here...
like i had stated before, this will focus more on their relationship in a general sense, but topics regarding them and the erudition and destruction will still be brought up. listed below are the titles of the topics discussed/each section:
There's Never Been a True Authority Dynamic
Phainon's Humanity, Anaxa's Reassurance, and the Vice Versa
Anaxa and Death, Phainon and Comfort
Anaxa to Khaslana
Phainon's Nanook Parallels with Anaxa's Nous Parallels
Phainon & Anaxa Mirror Mnestia & Cerces More Than You Think
and now that that's out of the way, let's dive into a few notes before we begin:
each segment will have a listed word count!
for topics two (2) and three (3), heavier themes will be present. the former goes over how phainon views himself, with a lot of self-hate and loathing involved. the latter deals with anaxa's relationship to death and his suicidality. like always, this will have the proper content warnings tagged, but again, please be wary when reaching those segments! take care of yourself.
this can generally be read with or without a romantic/shipping lense, as i believe their relationship transcends a definite relationship label. they are a bit crazy
but going off of that, topic six (6) has many romantic undertones, considering what it is i'll be discussing. everything about phainon and anaxa is queer, do not forget.
without further ado, enjoy!
—
There's Never Been A True Authority Dynamic
word count: 510
I talked about this a bit in my previous analysis on them and said that a more in-depth discussion about it would be included in this analysis, so let's begin with that first!
Despite having the titles of Teacher and Student, Anaxa & Phainon have never truly held a genuine authority dynamic within their relationship.
Phainon's respect for Anaxa runs deep—he does his best to be polite, in the sense that he believes they do have a set dynamic that he needs to respect, but continuously attempts to break down that barrier at the same time. Phainon wants to be closer to Anaxa, rather than just one of his many students or mere acquaintances.
They use the terms “teacher/professor” and “student” on one another, but they've long since passed that. Not just because Phainon is no longer a student of the Grove of Epiphany, but because the two of them together don't exactly hold the proper formality with each other outside of those titles.
Phainon often uses casual/informal terms with Anaxa as a means to try to get closer with him, however, he usually tries to follow up with something more formal because he doesn't want it to seem like he doesn't respect Anaxa, or the dynamic he thinks they have.
But despite that, Anaxa doesn't seem to mind as much as Phainon may think.
Unlike with others, there are multiple instances where we see Anaxa let Phainon get away with the usage of the nickname, along with the casual speaking. This is because Phainon is one of the only people Anaxa had allowed to be close to him.
If anything, Phainon is, and has been, Anaxa's equal.
Despite Phainon being sent to the Grove to learn, ultimately from Anaxa, he taught Anaxa things too.
As we know, Anaxa is not the most sociable person—at least in the sense that he does not have a lot of people who are his genuine friends and like him for Him.
When he had lost his sister, he truly had no one left. Along with that, his mentor Empedocles also cared deeply for him, but passed away as well.
Phainon is among the very few people who do not shun Anaxa out—he sees the other for himself, and not the foolish, or blasphemer, amongst other titles he's gained from those who disdain him.
He has actively tried to get closer to Anaxa because he likes him for him, respects him for all he's taught, because Anaxa is Anaxa—true to himself. In Phainon’s voiceline about him, he says that Anaxa is the one who taught him that being unique and true to yourself is a virtue.
Once you understand that, you understand why Anaxa, slowly but surely, opened himself up to Phainon. Even if Phainon wasn't exactly aware.
This ties into the next segments so I won't talk too much about it right here, but it is so important to understand the way they view/see each other and how that ties into their relationship and the paths they are made to simulate.
—
Phainon's Humanity, Anaxa's Reassurance, and the Vice Versa
word count: 1,138
Phainon has never been the nicest to himself.
Even before leaving for Okhema after the destruction of Aedes Elysiae, he carried himself as someone who would defend and protect, akin to a hero. Considering he is the prophesied Deliverer, one born with golden blood, and someone with a resolve so fierce to put his mind to anything, it was genuinely bound to happen.
With him being in Okhema, being taught to become the hero he is meant to be, it, of course, only got worse—him stripping away any other part of himself other than his hero front.
Especially with him having to meet Aglaea's expectations of eventually taking over as the leader of the Flamechase journey, Phainon had genuinely lost his sense of self at times.
Phainon hates and loathes himself, along with being incredibly self-sacrificial because he feels the need to give himself up for those he loves because he has lost too much.
We see in his later entries for As I've Written talking about Khaslana's feelings of self-sacrifice, grief, hatred, anger, and loathing. Not just towards what he has to endure but towards himself as well.
It's rooted in the fact that Phainon believes he's not perfect enough to be able to save and protect everyone, which delves into his immense anger and hatred at himself.
We know that previously, Khaslana had killed each loop's Phainon up until the four millionth recurrence.
Due to ‘the hero within’ beginning to fail in him, he had stopped killing Phainon with Cyrene, so that Phainon would be able to inherit all the coreflames Khaslana housed and take on the mantle of “Khaslana”, knowing full well Phainon would do it.
Combining all of his self-loathing with the knowledge that he chose to kill all the Phainons previously… you can likely assume where I'm heading with this.
Along with all of this, he is not one to particularly just open up out of nowhere about his past. So truly, most really only know him as the Hero of Amphoreus, never just Phainon.
Anaxa does not devote himself to the prophecy or the Flamechase, despite being a Chrysos Heir meant to bear a coreflame. He detests it, does not bow himself to the titans, and instead follows his own truth.
Anaxagoras is also one of only two people, the other being Cyrene, to constantly humanize Phainon from out of his Deliverer role.
This is so insanely important to their relationship for a multitude of reasons.
Let's get into how Anaxa sees everything: he does not worship the titans like the rest of Amphoreus do. He recognizes that they exist but does not revere them.
Anaxa knows that nothing and no one is inherently perfect nor celestial.
To understand this is to understand how Anaxa sees Phainon.
Phainon is not perfect, and he will never be, no matter how hard he tries. He is said to be the Chrysos Heir who has no flaw, yet that in itself is an inherent flaw.
Rather than disdaining him for it (Anaxa would never do that anyway), Anaxa sees that he is imperfect and ordinary, and it doesn't change how he may feel about Phainon.
Phainon will always be Phainon to Anaxa.
Despite Phainon choosing to follow the prophecy, despite him following the titans, it will never change how Anaxa may feel or see him.
After the 3.2 Trailblaze quest, we unlock another voiceline about Castorice from Anaxa.
“So what if she's a Titan? She's still a student of the Grove.”
His view on her doesn't change. She's still Castorice to him—the same applies to Phainon.
Paired with this, again, Anaxa is one of two people who constantly humanize Phainon; he refers to him as only Phainon or Phainon of Aedes Elysiae, rather than the hero he's made out to be.
Even with Khaslana, when Anaxa had confronted him in recurrence 134, he had recognized that despite Khaslana saying he was doing this for everyone else, for humanity, in truth he was not only hurting the humanity he swore to protect but also himself. It's precisely why Anaxa had told him to turn back.
Due to the fact that Phainon really only sees himself through his hero role, topped with the fact that Khaslana was certain he was the only one who could save everyone, it only weighed him down even more.
His methods of retrieving the coreflames had to change over time, because none of the others knew who he was and viewed him as untrustworthy due to not being able to find solid proof in what he was telling them.
Yet Anaxa, without fail, always helped him, until he eventually changed his methods. He never chose to fight or be violent with Khaslana.
Looking at this from another perspective, let's revisit some of what I explained previously:
Phainon will always be Phainon to Anaxa, and Anaxa will always be Anaxa to Phainon. They see each other for who they are, even if they may walk different paths, and that is why they've let each other in. It's why their relationship is the way it is.
For Khaslana to tell Anaxa, who never even met him in those other loops, that he was once his pupil, it was basically letting Anaxa know that this man, who he doesn't even know, actually liked him.
He liked him enough to stay his pupil, to stay under his tutelage. He talked about Anaxa to his own face, about his personality, and what he remembers from his previous Anaxas.
He talked to Anaxa like he actually cares—because he does, he has, and always will.
Anaxa is not very liked amongst a general crowd, solely because of his differing opinions on the titans.
For Khaslana to tell him all this, again, despite not having anything to back up his claims, in a way, it was him being told that there truly was someone else who liked him, for him.
It's as if Phainon, even if he is pulled away by the waters, Anaxa is someone who will always reel him back onto shore, grounding him and making sure he knows he will always be human—always be Phainon.
And Anaxa who is constantly shunned out, will always have Phainon who simply likes him for being himself, respects him for all he knows and has taught, taking his time to go out of his way to acknowledge Anaxa and get closer to him.
It's almost, if not literally, parallelism and poetic in the way with how Anaxa is so heavily hated and treated like less than a human by others, whereas Phainon is so heavily loved by people, but loses sense of himself with how people treat him.
Yet Anaxa, the blasphemer, the foolish, the one who most disdain and dehumanize, is the one to remind him—to bring him back.
—
Anaxa and Death, Phainon and Comfort
word count: 594
It's very important to understand that version 3.2's theme was always about life and death.
I actually really want to talk about both Castorice and Anaxa's parts in the mission, with how they intertwine and represent what the other is actually supposed to front, but I'll save that discussion for another time.
In order to recognize Anaxa's relationship with death, let's explore his relationship with loss and grief first.
From the start, since he was a child, he's had to deal with loss and grief.
His parents had passed away when he was very little, later on, he lost his sister to the black tide, and then his mentor eventually passed away as well.
All of these things are triggering factors for why he's so self-destructive and quite blatantly and openly suicidal. He harms himself through his experiments as a means to unhealthily cope.
He's mulled over his eventual death countless times. He's planned out his tombstone. He has already written an epitaph. He's even already thought about his will. He doesn't want people to shed tears over his death—at least those who do love him, because though it may not be very many, they love him so dearly.
From the very first 'As I've Written' entry we read about him, it already mentions death and how he cleans his grave every Month of Reaping.
But despite all that, he fears death.
Anaxa fears death but is incredibly suicidal all at once, which is why he harms and sacrifices so much of himself through his experiments. He holds so little regard for himself due to loss and grief.
In 3.2, the crowd at Dawncloud had chanted in favor of Anaxa's execution, wishing for him to die because of his actions of blasphemy toward Kephale. Then, later on, at the end of the mission, we're in the Genesis of Vortex about to watch him die.
It was so important to Anaxa to have Phainon there.
Those who witnessed him ripping the coreflame out of his chest were Phainon, Aglaea, Trinnon, the Trailblazer, along with Cerces, who died alongside him in that moment.
Amongst them, Phainon was truly the only one who was close to Anaxa.
Anaxa died in a place he doesn't consider home, with the eyes of people he doesn't see eye to eye with or those whom he doesn't know well personally, watching him kill himself.
For Phainon to stay and be there, even though Phainon himself didn't want to watch someone beloved to him die, it meant a lot to Anaxa.
Phainon visibly turns his head away from Anaxa's figure in the cutscene, crossing his arms and staring elsewhere because he can't bear to witness the other man's death—someone who he loves and respects so deeply, someone who he's tried so hard to get closer to.
And that someone is going to die right before his eyes, but no matter how much he couldn't bear to watch, he stayed because it's love that he has for Anaxa.
Phainon, not fully understanding what Anaxa was talking about, but believing him anyway, because he trusts him. And Anaxa, who reciprocates that very trust by knowing that if he were to forget everything of his past life, he would still have Phainon.
Phainon promised him that in the new world, the two of them would be reunited.
It's that type of comfort Phainon brings—the love and trust they both have for each other.
For Anaxa, who is afraid of death, to be comforted by someone he trusts, even if for a little, before he ultimately dies.
—
Anaxa to Khaslana
word count: 959
3.4, Phainon's release patch and the debut of Khaslana in the story, mentions Anaxa a lot.
Not even just from Phainon/Khaslana—Lygus mentions Anaxa a great deal as well. We also obtain the information of Nous's/the Erudition's true involvement within Amphoreus; a key factor being that Amphoreus is entirely built upon an undetected scepter from the second mechanical war. It's no surprise that the embodiment of Erudition within the simulation was brought up so much.
Along with that, Anaxa always seems to be the last one or at least one of the last people we see in Khaslana's memories or hallucinations—such as when the Trailblazer saw past recurrences for the first time, or when Khaslana was on his way to fight Hyacine for her coreflame in the 23,570,000th recurrence.
Khaslana's hallucinations picture Anaxa to view him as the Deliverer, one who will save all—because again, he sees himself that way and assumes everyone does too.
Khaslana also appears to be the most “gentle” with Anaxa, out of all of the other heirs, evident from even the earliest loops.
There was a recent change within the JP text and dub during recurrence 134, where we see Khaslana and Anaxa talking with each other before they enter the Luminary Throne.
The line was re-recorded and edited in the story, from Khaslana calling Anaxa ‘professor’, to just simply Anaxa. This was entirely intentional, not even just with the JP, but also the other languages choosing to have Khaslana merely call him Anaxa. And Anaxa doesn't try to correct him.
In comparison to eternal recurrence 33,550,336, when we first meet Flame Reaver and Anaxa, rather than killing him then and there, he merely stares at Anaxa's unconscious body.
When Trailblazer, Castorice, and Trianne arrive, he moves almost as if to defend Anaxa—he does not ever try to harm or hurt Anaxa while he's still sitting on the throne unconscious. Only when Anaxa wakes and makes his own moves against Flame Reaver, does he go against him.
Anaxa is physically weaker than most; he really isn't lying when he calls himself a frail scholar. Along with that, he is a physically disabled character due to him only having one eye and his body being more susceptible to not being able to move as one would able-bodied—the latter reason being enforced by how much he physically harms and neglects himself as well.
Why do I bring this up? Because of when in 3.1, where we use Anaxa as bait to fight against Flame Reaver so he can buy us time: Anaxa's body in general is already weaker than most and considering he quite literally became undead not too long ago, with Cerces's coreflame being the sole reason he's able to move at that moment, it's a surprise on its own how he was able to hold his own against Flame Reaver for that long.
And we know Flame Reaver is absurdly strong. Of course he is, considering Khaslana has to carry literally millions of coreflames and is strong enough to be able to kill literal titans.
So once again, but while he was fighting Anaxa in Castrum Kremnos, he could have killed him for the Reason coreflame right then and there. But he did not. He didn't even visibly harm Anaxa.
Almost as if he could not bring himself to actually kill him.
Which is bizarre, as we know, because he has, at least now, zero hesitation when it comes to killing the others for their coreflames, such as Mydeimos and Cifera in version 3.3.
Khaslana's goal is to collect enough coreflames across countless loops to be able to gain enough power to fight back against Nanook and the Destruction. Yet he seemingly didn't want to kill Anaxagoras for the Reason coreflame.
It's also bizarre how similar Anaxa's and Flame Reaver's bodies are—both cracked and void-like.
In the Chrysos Heirs wiki on HoyoLab, Anaxa describes Phainon in their relationship as “an unforgettable student”, yet Phainon seems to be the one who is unable to forget Anaxa no matter what.
Anaxa not only seemingly haunts the narrative of Amphoreus but also Khaslana himself.
In Phainon's trailer, Anaxa is the last one we see bleeding out, then it transitions to Phainon's hand with blood on it, and into the iconic wheatfield scene we know between the two, where Anaxa asks Phainon what his dream/ideal is.
3.4's abundance of Anaxa mentions also show how much Khaslana is unable to forget him, not only because he remembers what's been taught to him, but also because Anaxa was the one who would guide him out of the dark and back into the light.
Just like what I said previously; Anaxa is the one who pulls Phainon back to the shore—he's someone who Phainon knows brings him peace and that's why Khaslana thinks about and hallucinates him so frequently, which directly plays into how much he misses him too.
Khaslana and Anaxa truly are the same, in a general sense; both are incredibly self-destructive, self-sacrificial, and love humanity, yet humanity never truly seems to see them for them.
Khaslana is dehumanized by the other heirs and the journey itself, due to him not being able to provide evidence for his claims, and with his body becoming more and more inhuman with the more coreflames he gains. They've even nicknamed him the Executioner.
Anaxa is dehumanized as a person for merely having differing opinions. There's hardly anyone actually willing to listen to his reasoning, as they deem him to be a blasphemer who spouts nothing but lies and falsehoods against the Titans they worship.
They're two sides of the same coin, both incredibly different and similar, paralleling each other perfectly and deliberately.
—
Phainon's Nanook Parallels with Anaxa's Nous Parallels
word count: 889
Both Phainon and Anaxa’s stories are insanely similar to Nanook’s and Nous’s.
Nanook ascended from the planet of Adlivun, a planet that had been greatly affected by the Swarm Disaster and both Mechanical Wars. THEY are also the youngest amongst the aeons.
Due to the destruction of THEIR planet from the events mentioned, THEY ascended to aeonhood and became the aeon of Destruction Nanook we know now.
Comparing this to Phainon's story, it's really not far off at all.
Aedes Elysiae was destroyed by the Black Tide, causing Phainon to leave for Okhema and begin his journey of being a hero—much like how Nanook ascended to aeonhood after the destruction of Adlivun.
Both of their homes were destroyed by disasters unforeseen to them, resulting in their growing hatred.
We can also infer Phainon considered Okhema a home or safe haven as well, considering he's met people he's come to love and cherish very dearly there. We know Okhema, Amphoreus as a whole, was affected by the Black Tide.
Phainon and Nanook already share many similarities in general about them; Phainon is a creation of Destruction, so it makes sense.
Many have already made these connections between them, as they're more blatant than most. However, no one seems to really draw attention to the fact that Anaxa's character also seems to match Nous's story extremely well too.
Lygus's entire goal with the completion of Irontomb is to be able to destroy the path of Erudition and Nous THEMSELF. With Erudition/Nous's existence, it has singlehandedly confined the cosmos to the idea of Paths.
Nous's knowledge only consists of what THEY know, not everything there is to the entire universe. Which goes to only further, albeit unknowingly, restrict those who follow the path of Erudition.
And that also plays directly into the Circle of Knowledge, that of which is made in order to prevent Finality from descending onto the cosmos.
Nous was created by Lygus, or rather Zandar One Kuwabara, and basically evolved through learning information so much so THEY ascended to aeonhood. THEY calculate towards the ultimate solution through observing the essence of the universe.
But Nous raises more questions rather than answers—due to the fact that not even THEY know everything.
Anaxa, within the system logs, because he is the first individual to be able to uncover the truth of Amphoreus's fundamentals, his evolution rates are extremely unreplicable. Much like how Nous so quickly evolved and ascended, and how THEY reside over Erudition but also are one of the key factors for some of the other paths even existing because of the concept.
But, rather than simply learning it from another like how Nous takes in information, Anaxagoras learned it for himself as the first.
Anaxa already has connections to Nous, not just because of in-game Erudition, but also because of the real-life Anaxagoras, too.
The real philosopher Anaxagoras created the concept of Nous; a concept of the human mind in which we are to understand what is real and what is not—basically awareness, as people have put it simply. And if Anaxa is anything, it's that he is very aware.
Going back to Phainon, despite him sharing so many similarities with Nanook, he very bluntly hates THEM. His hatred rages toward Nanook, as the anger he feels for THEM is from the fact that his entire life, his home, and his loved ones are all merely pawns in a game of gods.
Nanook’s hatred started because THEIR home was destroyed, leading THEM to ascend and wish for destruction upon the entire universe, as THEY see it as a mistake.
Anaxa does not care for or revere the gods so we can assume he would not care for Nous either. Perhaps he would take interest in THEM or the others but would not follow any set path or worship them.
Phainon & Anaxa, their relationship alone, differs from that of Nanook & Nous—or really Nanook with any of the aeons.
As we know, Nanook seeks to destroy the other Paths with THEIR Lord Ravagers. Each Lord Ravager has a set path to destroy; such as Asat-Pramad with Elation, Phantylia with the Hunt, Zephyr with Nihility, and so on and so forth.
Essentially, it is a war between gods, which will evidently and eventually lead the cosmos to the awaiting prophesized Finality at the end of it all.
Yet Phainon holds no hatred toward Anaxa, even though he is practically part of Irontomb.
(I'd argue he even is Irontomb, considering Nanook took interest in him specifically and his rating gun number was unknown due to being immeasurable, which usually indicates a hint that a character is of higher power/an emanator.)
Irontomb, made to destroy the path of Erudition; Anaxa, who is made to represent Erudition within the system; but Phainon has never tried to destroy Anaxa, ever.
Within even their trailers, specifically shots of Phainon seemingly getting crucified and Anaxa's trailer art, they show similarities to the two aeons.
Phainon's pose is very similar to that of Nanook's—hands slightly raised, facing forward.
Anaxa's as well—he looks up in the same direction as Nous and the X in his name has a red slash across it, mimicking the light flare from Nous's red light.
Also extremely interesting how their respective BP lightcone arts show Anaxa in pain, while Phainon is at peace.
—
Phainon & Anaxa Mirror Mnestia & Cerces More Than You Think
word count: 749
This section goes hand in hand with some of the previous ones; we're going to be taking Phainon & Anaxa's relationship with each other and comparing it to that of Cerces & Mnestia's.
Beginning with Cerces & Mnestia, they withhold the tropes of creator/creation and teacher/student.
Mnestia had fallen in love with Cerces and cried to them, confessing their love beneath the giant tree, but ultimately gained no response or reciprocation, in which they passed away crying tears of blood, then rebirthed from their golden cocoon as a more humanoid figure.
Thanatos, the titan of death, was even moved by Mnestia's tragic passing, and as a result, those who had lost their lives to love were allowed to be reborn into golden butterflies, the titankin.
Mnestia then set off on a journey across all of Amphoreus, to learn and consume all forms of love that everyone and everything has for each other, to which when they finally returned back to Cerces, they wove all the love they gained into a golden chrysalis with body and heart, then gifted it to Cerces who finally accepted and reciprocated.
Mnestia, no matter what type of love, loved Cerces regardless.
Comparing this to Phainon & Anaxa, it's very similar to how Phainon wants to be closer to Anaxa.
He doesn't truly get a direct confirmation that he is indeed closer to anaxa, but he kept trying regardless. And Anaxa, like Cerces, eventually accepts the other in and loves them all the same.
In fact, in Phainon's voiceline about Anaxa, he says that Anaxa had named him The Man Cursed By Mnestia due to all of the love he has, and Phainon accepted that nickname and took it in stride because it was Anaxa who taught him to be unique.
Of course, because they are lovers, Cerces and Mnestia bring each other up often—we see Cerces mourning Mnestia at certain moments during 3.1. Much like them, Phainon and Anaxa are constantly bringing each other up.
Khaslana in 3.4 with how much he mentions Anaxa and Anaxa calling Phainon unforgettable and his best student.
Cerces asks Anaxa about Phainon in 3.2, and that moment is one of the genuine times Anaxa smiles.
In the Era Bellica, Cerces had accidentally lost their divine form, to which Mnestia, unable to accept that their lover was injured, collected Cerces's scattered bodies to weave them together with threads and bring the other back to them.
In 3.2, Phainon expresses the most concern out of anyone else when he realizes Anaxa's position in the play of things, afraid that the man will get manipulated by the senate/Council of Elders, considering his ‘extra vulnerable state’ of having just escaped from the Grove and withholding the Reason coreflame in him that was keeping him alive.
Thus, it leads to him wanting to find Anaxa to protect him.
(Which hey. Phainon.... he really is the man Cursed By Mnestia, because Anaxa was really the one who Manipulated Them lol.)
To further understand them in comparison to Cerces/Mnestia, you have to remember that they are both quite self-sacrificial.
From the moment we first see Anaxa and Phainon, you can already understand that they are ready to destroy themselves for others.
Phainon was entirely willing to throw himself into a tough spot if it meant he would be able to protect Anaxa during 3.2, despite Aglaea telling him otherwise.
And with Anaxa, he's completely ready to sacrifice parts of himself for the sake of others and his objectives because he is someone who values humanity and someone who loves so much—just like Phainon.
Phainon and Anaxa hold little to no regard for themselves. They loathe themselves, yet they care and love each other and those around them, devoting themselves and loving humanity to the point of self-sacrifice and self-destruction.
Cerces and Mnestia hold love for each other in the way that is devotion; they value humanity and what they bring, because to love is enough, and to love is reason, no matter what you may do for it.
Mnestia observed all kinds of love, to love Cerces even more than they already did, and it is all because of humanity.
Phainon and Anaxa had learned love from the people around them; Phainon with everyone in Aedes Elysiae, Anaxa with his older sister. And with each other, they show that love, too, with the things they're willing to do for the other, no matter what kind of love it may be.
—
Conclusion
woah. you made it this far. IM SO LATE ON POSTING THIS. i've had this draft saved since august 25th. but i've been swamped with work and other irl stuff, so it sucks. thank you to everyone for being patient with me, lol. i hope this was a good read for all of you! phainaxa is insane.
if there was anything worded weirdly or typos involved... or if the word counts are actually miscounted... you're free to kill me
but again!!!!! thank you for reading!!! #PHAINAXABIGLOVE
alright. i know i said previously that i was working on their general relationship analysis, AND I AM! but all of this has been eating at me the entire time i've been composing it and i've been in a dilemma on whether or not to include it in the analysis or make it a whole separate thing because it's really its own other topic. and!!!! here we are. it's a whole separate thing. phainaxa is kind of crazy #tbh
this post can also be titled 'Anaxa Haunts Phainon & The Entire Narrative', and you'll see why very soon.
this post will be tagged with the proper content warning labels, of course, but please be wary that i briefly talk about anaxa and his suicidal/self-harm tendencies in one part of this.
i'm pumping all of this out BEFORE 3.5, so all information here will be things we already know.
—
Simulation name meanings
first things first, i want to go over their simulation names: neikos496 and skemma720.
starting with phainon's:
what does neikos mean? does 496 represent anything?
neikos is of greek origin, meaning discord or strife. along with that, tying in with empedocles' famous cosmogonic theory of the four elements, he was also the one who proposed the concept of that in which love and destruction would mix together and separate the elements.
and because i mention empedocles' philosophy and his concept of love and strife dividing and bringing together the four elements to maintain balance, i should also mention cyrene's simulation name, PhiLia093; philia, also of greek origin, meaning friendship, and is one of the four types of love in greek language—the others being éros (sexual desire), agapè, (altruism), and storgê (familial).
and we know all the eternal recurrences started with cyrene & phainon—cyrene sacrificing herself so that khaslana would be able to continuously experience the same cycle and collect the coreflames. khaslana kills cyrene during the destruction of aedes elysiae from the black tide so that she'll be able to do what she needs to to keep the cycle going, which is why she says "may this world never have need for a deliverer", because she's been aware this entire time, doing this since her and the original phainon put this plan into motion.
until the four millionth eternal recurrence, it is the original phainon/khaslana experiencing the loops—he had killed each loop phainon until that point. the hero within eventually begins to fail within his body, and in order to keep his plan going, he instead has the loop phainons kill him at the end of every cycle now, so that that phainon will inherit the previous coreflames he's consumed and his memories. and because he knows himself, he knows that each phainon will choose the same path as him and become "khaslana."
the number 496 is a perfect number.
phainon has been constantly praised by aglaea and some of the others as being the "perfect" chrysos heir, one without flaw.
(and he's really, truly not, if that wasn't obvious. this, too, actually ties into anaxa, his ideologies, and how he sees phainon, but that will be in my relationship analysis instead because wow. hey!!! they are kind of insane!!! what the fuck!!!)
moving onto anaxa's:
what does skemma mean? does 720 represent anything?
skhema, of greek origin, means something along the lines of form or figure, which could possibly tie into anaxa being the representation of reason and embodying erudition within the simulation.
however, skemma, of old-icelandic origin, means to (usually permanently) damage, to spoil, or to ruin. i mention this particular origin meaning because of anaxa and destruction's relationship, which i'll discuss soon.
as for if 720 represents anything, i'm not too sure.
i do, however, have one idea in mind, but it's not exactly the most obvious or sound.
in geometry, polyhedra/polyhedrons are 3D figures with all straight edges from all vertices connecting to each other. which goes along with the meaning of skhema, being form/shape/figure. 720° is the sum of all defects of any polyhedron.
and what does defect mean? a fault or flaw.
in geometry, an angular defect is the failure of some/certain angles not being able to add up to 360° or 180°.
fault, flaw, and failure, unlike 496, which is a perfect number.
anaxa who is reason and is the simulation embodiment for erudition, being a failure. whereas phainon, who is worldbearing and is the simulation embodiment for destruction, is perfect. irontomb, being a lord ravager of destruction, meant to eliminate erudition.
—
Anaxa & Destruction
now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's get into the relationship between anaxa and destruction.
starting off with anaxa's past and character stories—all of his character stories are presented to us in a way that tells us that the form of media it was previously was already destroyed, forgotten, or never found.
in character story 1, cerces is flipping through his past memories before being promptly shut out by anaxa. and post 3.2, cerces is dead, having died alongside anaxa when he took the coreflame out of his chest at the very end.
in character story 2, we read the contents of a parapsychology experiment log anaxa had conducted. however, the original copy had already been destroyed.
in character story 3, we are shown a speech anaxa had improvised during a meeting between the sages of the grove. with the grove now destroyed and it being from just a simple meeting out of many, it's already been forgotten.
and finally, in character story 4, an echo in anaxa's memories had been made by him after the grove fell, but no one discovered it, so it vanished.
along with all of that, we really know nothing about anaxa aside from his ideals and personality—his backstory is never explored within the trailblaze quests, his sister is only mentioned in passing, his parents only ONCE, and his mentor, who we did see in a flashback, but has been dead pre-canon timeline. his mentor's name was also empedocles.
his parents, his sister, his mentor, and cerces, who had inhabited his body for that short time—they are all dead.
his previous home before he was able to leave to the grove was never named and was destroyed pre-canon timeline, and we witnessed the aftermath of the grove after it had fallen—both of his homes destroyed.
aside from that, anaxa had a grave that he would regularly clean and take care of, as if he was already anticipating his death.
i do not think i've ever talked about this in other posts, but i think that anaxa was definitely suicidal but not ready to actually take action to kill himself properly, instead resorting to harming himself repeatedly during his experiments, to the point where empedocles had told him to stop and never again harm himself once he had found out. anaxa had promised him he wouldn't anymore, but after empedocles had passed, that promise was soon broken.
anaxa is self-destructive and self-sacrificial—his body is littered with spells and markings from experiments. not only that, but when he had conducted his experiment to be able to see his sister one last time, we know that he carved his own left eye out as a sacrifice for the process. he also carved out his own heart as a sacrifice to make the stone tablet that would be able to guide castorice on her journey to find thanatos.
cerces themself even asks him at one point in 3.2, "why are you always trying to find ways to die? isn't it good to be alive?"
anaxa dies in Every Single eternal recurrence. not once does he survive, unlike the others who have all survived various times across multiple eternal recurrences.
not only that, but his body is eerily similar to flame reaver/khaslana's—both are void-like, cracked, and on the brink of destruction.
and he haunts the narrative without fail. he is brought up continuously in 3.4 by khaslana AND lygus. he seems to always be the last one shown when we're peering into khaslana's memories of past recurrences. his teachings still hold dear to hyacine and phainon both, even though he's been gone.
he is the only one we really know nothing about, and yet he hangs over everything like a looming shadow.
and the way anaxa not only haunts the entire narrative, but literally khaslana himself as well—looming over him, inside his thoughts and actions, consuming him. not to mention, every time worldbearing is somewhere, of course, reason is not too far behind, even in the game mechanics. same with destruction and erudition when it comes to amphoreus.
anaxa's golden boons within the divergent universe primarily have to do with Destructible Curios. which really makes me crazy, because again, he who is reason & erudition, seems to always be destroyed in one way or another, except by the one who is meant to be molded into something that destroys, and that is khaslana.
anaxa's as i've written/divergent universe art is of him depicted upside down and hanging, referencing odin in norse mythology and the hanged man tarot card (since tarot cards are cyrene's thing, especially with her connections to oronyx and time.) he is the hanged man tarot card in cyrene's deck.
what's important about that?
the story of odin in norse mythology is that he hung himself upside down from yggdrasil for nine days and nights to obtain knowledge of other worlds and to understand the runes.
before doing that, odin had sacrificed his eye into mimir's well and then pierced himself with gungnir, his spear. all of this was considered something of a ritualistic suicide.
as for what the tarot card symbolizes; the hanged man in tarot readings means ultimate sacrifice and surrender. shifting your perspective to give in to time so that things may unfold naturally—a pause in action.
and all of this fits quite well with anaxa.
his as i've written log also explains that his survival priority approaches zero. (which. what the hell. cmon anaxa stay alive for once)
because he is the first individual to uncover the truth of amphoreus, his evolution rate is stated to be extremely unreplicable. along with that, his behavior demonstrated the possible self-destructive inclinations of erudition.
—
Phainon & Erudition
moving on, with phainon & erudition, it's not as blatantly laid out like anaxa & destruction—much of phainon's connections with erudition are sourced through anaxa himself, because anaxa is Reason.
phainon's dream, before being roped into a hero because of the prophecy and destruction of aedes elysiae, was to be a scholar.
when aglaea had sent him to the grove to study, originally, he applied for a different school but admittedly got reassigned to anaxa's nousporism.
anaxa and phainon's relationship is important for a multitude of reasons, but for now, let's focus on one particular aspect of their dynamic while phainon was in the grove—anaxa and peace to phainon.
like i had just stated, phainon's dream was to be a scholar. when studying in the grove, he was able to do just that. but it's VERY important to know this while also remembering the fact that anaxa is the only one who sees him for Phainon and not the prophesied Deliverer.
anaxa is constantly addressing him as only Phainon or Phainon Of Aedes Elysiae, never hero, or worldbearer, or deliverer, etc... phainon struggles with seeing himself past the role he was forced to be and continuously thinks everyone around him really only sees him as such as well, so he doesn't try to think otherwise because he assumes this is all he is meant to be.
him being able to live his dream of being a scholar, paired with the fact that anaxa views him for Him, instilling his sense of self once more, is what gave phainon peace.
the average student takes about 4 years to complete their studies and graduate the grove, but phainon took much longer than that—up to 5 to 10 years instead.
and phainon isn't stupid by any means—he is one of, if not the most, exceptional student anaxa has ever had, stated by anaxa himself. he is extremely good at debating, has earned consecutive wreaths for it, and is a fast learner.
him taking 5 to 10 years instead of the normal 4 could very well likely be due to the fact that he did not want to leave the peace he felt while in the grove and with anaxa—he was free of weights there, able to be himself, rather than the Worldbearer.
and anaxa never did anything about it either; it's never stated that he tried to get phainon to leave back to okhema after the 4 year mark, and that is something anaxa would never do anyway.
phainon is just as important to anaxa as anaxa is to phainon. phainon is one of the few people anaxa allowed himself to be close to, and i won't dive into this too much since i think it would be a better fit for their general relationship analysis, but phainon was constantly trying to break down the barrier between them of teacher/student, whilst also trying to respect anaxa as a person he admires.
in the original cn text, phainon uses informal terms towards anaxa, and anaxa doesn't make any effort to correct him—this is because despite phainon trying so hard, he never really had to in the first place.
compared to others, when phainon addresses anaxa as Anaxa and not anaxagoras, rarely, if not ever, are there instances where anaxa corrects him, instead, letting it slide.
phainon has never had to try as hard as he thinks because anaxa was already letting him in.
he keeps anaxa's teachings dear to him, remembering them even if he graduated so long ago.
khaslana, while experiencing the loops before having to change his methods of obtaining the coreflames, never had to worry about anaxa being one he would fight with or have to kill. anaxa was willing to help him regardless, despite not being able to fully believe his words and what he would tell him.
and what's more is that, before the four millionth eternal recurrence, khaslana always killed the loop version of himself when he had to kill cyrene—anaxa, of all those loops, had never meant the phainon in any of the other loops.
but khaslana had told him that he was once his pupil, and anaxa let him in regardless. he helped him despite it all.
and we know, in the 134th loop, anaxa confronted him on his methods as well, being Reason and trying to get khaslana to turn back, because not only was he hurting the humanity he swore to protect and love, he was hurting himself too.
again, anaxa had never met phainon. but he still did all of this. and not once had khaslana try to destroy him—not even during 3.1 when they were all fighting against him. he attempted to go for the coreflame in anaxa's chest, had tried to, for once, harm anaxa because it was the only way, and yet, when anaxa instead took the coreflame of time from him, he only tried to yank back the ceremonial blade instead of killing him then and there.
and khaslana has never truly lost himself because of Reason—anaxa has always haunted him.
one who is destruction finds peace within the thing he is born to destroy.
along with all of this, phainon's BP lightcone, A Dream Scented in Wheat, is an erudition lightcone.
wheat being the symbol of aedes elysiae, his home, and it being an erudition lightcone amongst all else—yet again, the peace phainon desires.
—
Conclusion
dude i'm gonna be honest. i actually have no idea how to finish this off, but do you see it all now. how fucking crazy they are. how utterly intertwined they are.
they're quite literally programmed to go together in one way or another—within amphoreus, destruction & erudition are always hand in hand some way, somehow, like worldbearing & reason.
and them also having SO MANY references and callbacks to kevin & su. a bit crazy!
considering phainon, cyrene, & anaxa are the only ones amongst the heirs that have multiple callbacks to kevin, elysia, and su, respectively, it was bound to be this complex.
i'd really like to talk about phainon being the sun, cyrene the moon, and anaxa being the stars, along with the anaxa-march connections but. again, i feel like that's a whole new topic for a separate post (<- guy who says this and she's going to take 6000 years to finish it), and i still haven't even finished my phainaxa relationship analysis.
OKAY..... ANYWAYS. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR.... IF YOU DID..... #PHAINAXA4EVER
watching the slow creep of censorship into the internet accelerating at a lightning pace and feeling incredible despair as writers and artists and the people who love them increasingly getting called degenerate perverts who should be jailed and or killed for writing fictional porn
you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy
There’s always a lingering question that I ask myself, which is why do I, a cis bisexual woman, enjoy romance between two men so much?
There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing. And like, I find men attractive, yes. But I also find women attractive. I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones. I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.
But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO. A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women. It removes a source of pressure and sexism. Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life. It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.
This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically. I read a recommendation for a het romance. And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended. The tropes at play were fun. Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss. I had a visceral negative reaction.
Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you. How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.
And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men. Now, there’s no logical reason for that. Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man. But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it. Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.
But I can’t when it’s a het relationship. There’s too much baggage there. Too much societal history of abuse. I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.
Now some people can. And that’s fine. And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender. That’s also fine. I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior. It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.
But it’s much more difficult for me, and I think for many women, to relax and enjoy romantic and sexual stories when they involve female characters. We’ve been burned too many times by shitty depictions, by shallow role models, by abuse portrayed as romantic. We have developed a stress response, a trauma response to heterosexual romance. We are hyper-reactive to a wide variety of triggers in regards to it. But removing women from the equation makes stories safer for us. And maybe it shouldn’t? In an ideal world? But for many of us, that’s the truth.
So this post blew up in the last 24 hours, for whatever reason, and I was looking through people’s responses, as you do. I’m quite moved that so many found it relatable.
But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato )
Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight. The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing. Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive. And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect? And you just want to puke.
But with m/m romance you can put yourself in the place of either character and…not compare yourself. You can enjoy a character being attractive without feeling bad about yourself, which is REALLY HARD to do for any woman in our fucked up culture.
there are soooo many nuances and reasons that many of us aren’t even conscious of which makes me doubly angry when it’s dismissed as fetishizing. fuck off and let me read my love stories pls.
I, personally, don’t mind a romantic story, as long as I can remove myself from the narrative completely. M/M romance does that for me - allows me to enjoy the narrative without the subconscious way we tend to see ourselves in and compare to the female protagonist. It’s like the opposite of the people who read romance to live through the characters.
[Text ID: What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in the world this year? / But most importantly: what have you found to be unkillable?]
