BAD DESIGN RANT, by ShadowRx

- Who doesn't want to start their day with me yelling, raving, and generally carrying on cranky, like a giant man-baby, about the technological farces we take for granted? -

[swrx-rant]

78E1CD88-49E3-476E-B926-580E596AD309

SPOT-I-FUCKING-FY, let me just begin by saying FUCK YOU.

For anyone else finding a Windows Firewall Rule allowing: 78E1CD88-49E3-476E-B926-580E596AD309 by default and wondering WHAT THE FUCK this obfuscated Class-ID code is there for instead of an ACTUAL FUCKING USER-FRIENDLY PROGRAM NAME LIKE EVERY NORMAL PIECE OF SOFTWARE ON THE PLANET WRITTEN SINCE THE DAWN OF THE COMPUTER AGE WOULD SHOW, this is who you can blame:

SPOTIFY - for doing this fucktarded shit of hiding who they are from you. (perhaps they have reason to, they have been KNOWN to allow malware through their advertising networks to install onto people’s computers, perhaps its not simply a matter of them not caring about security... PERHAPS they are actually allowing this hole deliberately... they ARE getting paid by questionable advertisers to try to foist their crapware... its not a big leap to deliberately distributing malware for cash.)

The Manufacturer/Assembler of your computer... be this Acer, Asus, Dell, HP, Toshiba, or whoever... they were PAID by SPOTIFY to preload this GARBAGE on your computer, and clearly they cared more about those couple of dollars than they did about the HUNDREDS you spent to buy what you THOUGHT was a clean, fast, and secure computer.

I mean, really, if I offered high-dollar customers a valet parking service, then offered a low-cost joyride in said cars on the side, I’d get my ass sued-off, and rightly so. How the fuck do we, as consumers, the engine that drives this economy, allow this shit to keep happening at our expense? Fuck these overpaid assholes.

MICROSOFT - I don’t care whether they knew about this or not, BLAME THEM ANYWAY. Seriously, its their firewall, and they allow applications to HIDE THEIR IDENTITY???????? WTF Billy-boy?

While you’re in there clearing out the excessive permissions/programs from the allowed list, you’ll probably want to untick CORTANA. Hell, that’s probably why you were scrutinizing the allowed list in the first place, you wanted your WINDOWS FUCKING SEARCH to ONLY search at the local OS/program/file-system level AND STOP FUCKING SUBMITTING EVERY FUCKING THING YOU TYPE TO FUCKING MICROSOFT FUCKING BING!!!!! If only for the unreasonable delay/hang when you are looking for a program that isn’t pinned and not the sheer horrifying implications this kind of privacy debacle entails.

Now, aside from the fact that its ALWAYS pick-on-Gates-week around here, he does have a rather nice quote I love to give out of context... I think it should apply to a cap for CEO pay, “640k ought to be enough for anybody”. I couldn’t agree more. (Any bonuses and benefits/options that would exceed this must therefor be TRUNCATED to that limit, and base pay should be adjusted accordingly DOWNWARD to give CEOs incentive to do their job. Why are we paying these ass-clowns the equivalent of 100+ front-line employees to run companies into the ground then skip out on paying the laborers, vendors, and clients, while they and their rich friends cash-out under their preferred-stock bullshit?)

[swrx-rant]

Chrome HTML Document - FUCK YOU GOOGLE

(As usual, RANT FIRST, solution after... scroll to the bottom unless you want to here me rip half the valley a new one)

Chrome can be useful for a lot of file types, especially now that Micro$hit has decided TO REMOVE SUPPORT FOR ANIMATED GIFS from their bundled viewers (this happened all the way back in Vista, “We have not forgotten, Señor Gates, nor shall we forgive.”) And, of course, since NOTHING else supports the new bullshit WEBP format, even though floogle is trying so damned hard to push it. (Irfan says they do, BULL-FUCKING-SHIT they do!)

But of course, the convenience of having a program that CAN ACTUALLY WORK WITH THESE FILES can quickly be overshadowed by the stupid shit it does TO EVERY FILE ASSOCIATED WITH IT! For some, paradoxical reason, Larry and Sergey (or one of their COUNTLESS MINIONS) decided to call EVERYTHING a “Chrome HTML Document”. I mean, WHO GIVES A FUCK IF ITS ACTUALLY AN HTML FILE IN THE FIRST PLACE... *.pdf? that’s a “ Chrome HTML Document ”; GIF89a? that too is a “Chrome HTML Document“ (I wonder if the assholes at CompuShit can sue them over insinuating GIF is theirs? Give it a shot guys, you wanted to sue everyone for using the format anyway, right?? For using the GRAPHICAL INTERCHANGE FORMAT to interchange graphical files? I mean, first you claim its an INDUSTRY STANDARD, then you try to claim its a PROPRIETARY FORMAT AND EVERYONE OWES YOU ROYALTIES... What, do you think your FUCKIN APPLE or somethin?? You fucktarded shits probably didn’t even come up with LZW compression, I bet you BOUGHT the fuckers that did, just like all you Silicon Valley douchebags... anyway, I digress.)

vvvvvvvvvv SOLUTION vvvvvvvvvvv

So here’s a quickie for anyone tired of this FUCKTARDED FILE DESCRIPTION that CHROME APPLIES TO EVERY GODDAMNED FILE ITS ASSOCIATED WITH REGARDLESS OF EXTENSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Open the Registry Editor: ([Windows]+R, type: “regedit”)

Search for the Offending String (there should be only 1 match in this case), or go directly to: HKEY_CLASSES_ROOT\ChromeHTML

You should see the FUCKTARDED DESCRIPTION there under the (default) value.

"MODIFY...” this value (leave it a blank/empty string)

Now, the problem should go away from here (windows will go back to using the default “<extension> file” descriptions), but you may have to do one of two things to see the change, either:

a. Change the association to another program then back to Chrome

OR

b. Reboot the computer (especially if there are multiple extensions offending)

^^^^^^^^^^ SOLUTION ^^^^^^^^^^^

Now, a small SECONDARY RANT for anyone who asks, WHY? As in, “why would you want to do that... ?”, “why don’t you just... ?”, et cetera. Let me ask YOU something, WHY DA FUCK DID YOU POST A GODDAMNED RESPONSE ON A FORUM OR HELP SITE IF YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE AS A COMPUTER USER TO ACTUALLY OFFER GOOD ADVICE?! I mean, clearly, you’re even lacking a fully developed PREFRONTAL CORTEX if you can’t empathize with how fucking frustrating shit like this is.

No? Then let me fucking enlighten ya:

Have you, IN YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, ever needed to SORT FILES BY TYPE????????? As in, I want all the GIFs in this group, all the PDFs in that, etc., so I can MOVE THEM INTO DIFFERENT FOLDERS TO BE PROCESSED BY DIFFERENT PROGRAMS!

If you answered no to the above question, THEN GET THE FUCK OFF THE INTERNET!!! Clearly, you’ve barely touched a computer and have no business trying to “help” others with your stupidity. Seems to me, you’re the kind of jerk-off that has never even SEEN a file extension, so what the fuck would you know about editing file-type descriptors?

Fact is, bugs like this cause a cluster-fuck of file types, because Gate’s minions decided Sort by Type should use arbitrary descriptors instead of ACTUAL EXTENSIONS, while Page and Brin’s minions decided that EVERYTHING is a fucking Chrome HTML Document, no matter what the fuck it is... is that water you’re drinking? No, my friend, THAT’S A FUCKING WEBPAGE!

(Sorry, I really had the best of intentions when I said scroll to the bottom, but I hadn’t gotten everything off my chest yet, so scroll to the middle... look for the arrows that point to the SOLUTION. I guess I’m incapable of a short rant... lmao)

[swrx-rant]

If it don’t start with = it ain’t a damned FORMULA!

I’m lookin at you Microsoft Office/Quirks Excel, LibreOffice/OpenOfice Calc, Corel Office Quattro-Amateur, and yer ilk!

None of you sons of bitches seem to get this. There is NO SETTING to tell these fuckers to knock this shit off!

If I want to type “+/- “ or anything remotely similar I have to prefix it with an apostrophe... to make this worse, calc then SHOWS THE APOSTROPHE! This seriously slows work flow and pisses me off, distracting me from my work while I fight the Google to try to find anyone in the fucking world who has EVER mentioned this problem... guess what that fucktarded engine said about this...

And don’t even get me started on Corel’s overpriced garbage-ware!

Again, if I didn’t type a mother fucking EQUALS sign as the FIRST CHARACTER in a cell, then I am 100% fucking sure I didn’t ask you to make a fucking formula out of it! Turn that shit off or let ME turn that shit off!!!!!

Also, a NUMBER RANGE, FRACTION, OR DECIMAL IS NOT A FUCKING DATE YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKERS! If I wanted it to BE a date, I would have FORMATTED IT AS ONE!

1-10 is ONE TO TEN. It is NEVER January 2010 or January 10, Year(Now())

1/5 is ONE FIFTH in an UNFORMATED or NUMERIC CELL, it should ONLY be treated as a date IF THE CELL IS DATE FORMATTED!

Same goes for 1.5!

Now, if I type 1/1/2000 in a cell, then type 1/2 (god damn it, tumblr, you keep your fucking auto-replace to yourself too, I didn’t ask to replace 1 / 2  with the half-fraction symbol/character (1/2)!) in the cell directly below it, THEN you can assume 1/2 is a DATE, but you should ALSO ASSUME IT FALLS IN THE SAME YEAR!

So, can we stop converting TWO-PART potential dates when we are NOT FUCKING ASKED TO? Because they could just as easily NOT BE DATES! And, the DEFAULT FORMAT IS/SHOULD-BE NUMERIC, therefor 1-10, 1.2, and 1/3 ARE NOT DATES!

Reminder, asshole devs:

^[=].*$                  IS A FORMULA

^[^=].*$                 IS NEVER EVER EVER A FUCKING FORMULA!!!

[swrx-rant]

FORUMS!

THEY ALMOST ALWAYS SUCK, AND THAT HAS LESS TO DO WITH THE USERS THAN THE FUCKING DEVS AND MODS.

SEARCH FUCKING SUCKS - I mean way worse than web-search in general. If you are looking for a specific topic, GOOD FUCKING LUCK. Your best bet is to use a suck-ass web-crawler/search like Google if you want to find anything on a god damned forum.

Searches NEVER USE CONTEXT... if I’m on the page for WINDOWS FUCKING 7, then why are results for versions XP, Vista, 8, and 10 appearing HIGHER in the list?

Searches rarely implement TAGS well, especially the ability to CROSS-REFERENCE TAGS. So, if I search the tags #Tomato #Soup #Recipe, I would actually get ALL AND ONLY recipe results for soups that use tomato, NOT EVERY FUCKING RECIPE ON YOU SITE PLUS EVERY PAGE THAT DISCUSSES SOUPS OR TOMATOES RETURNED IN RANDOM ORDER THAT PLACES THE FIRST RELEVANT MATCH SOMEWHERE ON PAGE FOURTEEN OF FIFTY-THOUSAND!

NAVIGATION FUCKING SUCKS - and this makes the shit-sucking search process all the more painful. Less than 1% of forums are designed with LOGICAL SUB-CATEGORY LEVEL AND RECURSIVE SUB-FORUMS that are applicable to the purpose/theme of the forum. If, for example, you are Microshit and you create a user forum (especially to build free crowd-based help as so many companies are doing rather than staffing call centers with trained and experienced individuals who are competent in the technologies they are assisting with as well as the language the customers are speaking...), then you are EXPECTED to create a Super-Forum and split it first by PRODUCT FAMILY, then split the products into Sub-Forums by PRODUCT MAJOR-VERSION (not fucking build number, jackasses! The same goes for fucking Patch Notes), and then, if you aren’t a total douche you will create an ALTERNATE DIMENSION OF SUBDIVISION, this time by ELEMENT or MAJOR FEATURES - which unless you are a fargin-idgit MUST INCLUDE: “INTERFACE/USER-EXPERIENCE”, “BUGS” (and this one subdivides by the NATURE OF THE BUG AS PERCEIVED BY USERS... these bugs are DISEASES, and like diseases they should be NAMED and CATEGORIZED by SYMPTOMS, but you can skip the Latin names like Mnemitis for an Inflammation of the Memory... which is a fair description of a MEMORY LEAK.), “PERFORMANCE”, “INSTALLATION/ACTIVATION/UPDATES”, “PRIMARY-FUNCTION”, and individually listed USEFUL FEATURES with the ability to add subtopics as necessary ad infinitum. (don’t take that to mean spam us with infinite numbers of adverts)

If you’re not already familiar, check out PHP.NET’s online function reference, its like a hybrid between an authoritarian-wiki and an open forum. Each entry is RELEVANT and EASY TO LOCATE, it has ESSENTIAL INFORMATION and CONCISE EXAMPLES, and allows anyone to give direct USER FEEDBACK//NOTES - I cannot stress the importance of this last part enough, LET PEOPLE TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK THEY THINK ABOUT EACH FEATURE/ISSUE. You don’t have to automatically make them publicly visible, but you are dipshits if you ignore the extremely valuable resource/insight into your customer-base. Too damned many companies make it unbearably difficult for users to give them FEEDBACK, then they bitch when people switch to a smarter product from a company that actually gives a shit. (hey, that’s not a bad slogan... “we actually give a shit”... the word actually serves to chide the competition here... ;p Along the same vein as, “unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English Accent.”)

THE MODERATORS FUCKING SUCK - I’m sorry, but you guys do. I understand that you’re mainly trying to keep an amorphous blob of bile and twigs from deteriorating into complete crap... but you are FAILING, and its not your fault... the game was rigged from the start, because they were SHIT from the moment they first went online. You guys suck at your jobs because the JOB SUCKS and that’s because the fucking RULES SUCK. Whomever the fuck came up with this shit needs to have a cheese grater ran along their eyelids for an hour each morning.

THE RULES FUCKING SUCK - so of course they turn the mods into assholes and other posters into fuckwads. There are so many issues here, but I will try to focus on the biggest tossers of all the ideas that went into these digital colostomy sacks:

NO NECROS - first of all, if you can bring the dead back to life you deserve a fucking medal, not to be given shit by peers and admins alike, and it’s not like I’m advocating Necro-Larry for President.. though he really wouldn’t be any more scandalous then what we’ve already had. But, more to the point, DO YOU ASSHOLES UNDERSTAND WHAT THE INTERNET FUCKING IS??? (and I’m not being existential here, we’ll leave the philosophical impacts for the future to reflect on). THERE IS NO PAST, THE INTERNET EXISTS IN THE ETERNAL NOW WE CALL THE PRESENT. That means NO MATTER HOW OLD THE POST IS, PEOPLE WILL STUMBLE ACROSS IT IN THE FUTURE. And it will be JUST AS RELEVANT THEN AS IT WAS WHEN CREATED! Especially since BUGS DON’T STAY DEAD, so why should decriers of old problems be told to shut the fuck up? That’s like saying, “Homelessness? We talked about that once in 1932, stop bringing it up already! It’s a dead issue!” (this is the kind of shit you get from people who want to IGNORE PROBLEMS instead of addressing them - FUCK THOSE PEOPLE, THE GENE POOL IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM!) [wow, if you just read the bold that’s really dark... lol. I’m starting to sound like an industrialist.]

LOCKING THREADS - fucking stupid to begin with, especially in response to necromancy, but lets not forget their monumentally fucktarded cousin, the Self-Locking Thread - what kind of cold war cloak and dagger fantasizing bullshit is this? This thread will self-destruct in 5 seconds! I don’t care if its been 10 years, if the problem ain’t been fixed, then SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO WORK, don’t cry about someone posting relevant information just because you’ve given up hope of ever fixing it... or assumed no one has noticed.

YOU MUST BE LOGGED IN TO POST - that’s kinda like saying you must suck my ass to breathe... it was a shitty idea when some fuckwad dreamed up that god awful movie, and it ain’t gettin any better. Now, I’m not suggesting anons should be treated the same, but ANYONE should be allowed to post FEEDBACK or SUGGESTIONS whether or not they have an account with your fucktarded forum. Google-Tourists have the right to be heard too! If I find your thread by accident (which lets face it, any result in a Google Search is pretty much an accident), and have something to contribute, I should be able to do so without jumping through 60 billion hoops. I don’t want to be a member, but when a Medical Doctor overhears someone giving Awful Medical Advice or finds someone that ISN’T GETTING THE HELP THEY NEED/ASKED FOR, it is their responsibility to become involved! The same goes for any other profession, I may not be “one of you”, but I know what the fuck I’m talking about so listen the fuck up and be grateful I give a shit (unlike many of you). [wow, that came across conceited... lmao]

REVERSE PAGE ORDER - you lazy, half-assed mother fucking programmers! Shame on you. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but this is one of the biggest blunders you can expound on the web. YOUR FUCKING PAGES MOVE, ¡CAVRONE! Do you understand this??? If a user BOOKMARKS A PAGE, they WON’T GET THE SAME PAGE when they reopen it a year later!!! What does it matter? Go back up and reread the bit about the web being TIMELESS... [take a Physics Lesson while you are at it, this is like asking what was before the Universe... there was no time (as we know it) before the universe, therefor there was nothing before it.] So, when I find your forum in a Floogol search and it links me to page 6 when the actual content it matched is now on page 147, I am understandably PISSED THE FUCK OFF... and the first thing I do is curse Larry and Serge, then I realize this one isn’t even their fault.

I’m sure there are a bunch more rules that are written by simpletons for assholes, but that’s enough for now.

TROLLS FUCKING SUCK - even when they not trying to be assholes, they fail miserably at common decency. I swear I am going to kill the next motherfucker who posts “why would you want to ____” as a reply, especially on a Tech Support Forum. It doesn’t even matter whether its my post, or something I stumbled across after 6 hours of screaming at Serge and Larry’s even less than unhelpful online information location apparatus.

MVPs are Worse than Trolls - how the fuck did these dickshits get the job of officially representing the company? They know less than shit about the product they are supporting, and most of the time they suggest installing questionable third party crapware to solve the problem. (Please don’t confuse “the Microsoft MVPs”, who are actually pretty cool and helpful, with the dumbasses that Microsoft calls MVPs on their fucking support forums... these guys barely speak English and haven’t written a line of code in their life!)

And despite an extra row of Microsoft bashing, this wasn’t targeted at their forums any more than Blizzards or any others... ALL FORUMS ARE SHIT!!!! 

But, hey, you knew all this already... so who the fuck am I even talking to here?

[swrx-rant]

*...and if you haven’t gotten any Malware, the Updates will give you some.*

Why do I feel like its trying to murder my hard drive? No worries, though, this software comes LOADED with antagonisms. This Microsoft shit is for The Birds. ;p

[swrx-rant]

What a great slogan, couldn’t have put it better myself. ;p

[swrx-rant]

User eXperience - Windows Explorer

Microsoft, does it feel like I'm picking on you? Get the fuck over it, its nothing you don't deserve a hundred million times over. (once for each user you have pissed off with your shitty interface)

DRAG & DROP - onDragEnter over an EXE file... TURN THIS FUCKING SHIT OFF. DON'T DO A FUCKING THING UNLESS I FUCKING DROP IT THERE!!! DO NOT FREEZE OR LAG MY COMPUTER OR FORCE THE MOUSE TO STICK OVER THE FUCKING EXE INCREASING THE CHANCE OF AN ACCIDENTAL FUCKING DROP DUE TO SIGNAL LOSS/LOW BATTERY/A CHEAP-ASS WIRELESS MOUSE THAT RANDOMLY RELEASES AND RECLICKS MISFIRING EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOOLTIPS - 99% of the FUCKING TIME WE DO NOT WANT THESE FUCKING THINGS POPPED IN OUR FACE. THEY TEND TO COVER IMPORTANT INFORMATION LIKE FUCKING THE FILENAMES BELOW THE CURRENT ITEM TO PROVIDE US WITH REDUNDANT SHIT ALREADY VISIBLE ON THE SCREEN. They are useful 1% of the time and the UI should reflect that by USING A MODIFIER KEY TO SUMMON THEM!!! In other words, DON'T SHOW ME FUCKING TOOLTIPS UNLESS I'M HOLDING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING ALT KEY, ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!! That goes for Blizzard UI/WoW too. :/

STUPIDFETCH/PREFETCH - this is when your dog brings you the stick before you throw it. While you're driving. On the freeway. In the snow and ice. At night. With one headlight out. And no sleep for 36 hours. And your heater doesn't work. And the passenger window is broken.... I DON'T FUCKING WANT THE STICK RIGHT NOW, I WANT TRACTION ON THE FUCKING ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What DIPSHIT at Microsoft (sounds like they need those little blue pills) thought it was a good idea to WASTE ALL OF THE RAM ALL OF THE TIME? Seriously, some dumbass came up with a whitepaper that said unused resources were wasted. No, unused resources are RESERVED/PROTECTED/THERE-WHEN-NEEDED. OVERUSED RESOURCES ARE WASTED! AND SO WAS THE FUCKWAD THAT WROTE THE PAPER! Why should I slow my system, put unnecessary wear, and generally fuck up my user experience by having the computer load shit I am not currently using??? It doesn't fucking matter what I did last Tuesday, I expect 90% of system resources to be available TO THE ACTUAL PROGRAM/PROJECT I AM RUNNING!!! And the remaining 10% to keep the fucking system stable/responding.

How hard is it to just do what the fuck you are told and not try (badly) to guess what I might want next??? Saving 0.3 seconds on application load isn't worth taking 2-3x LONGER to fucking render!!! ALLOCATE MEMORY TO MY ACTUAL TASK, FUCK WHAT YOU THINK! Why doesn't the system give the RAM to Photoshop/GIMP/DAZ/Poser/Blender/Z-Brush/Maya/LightWave/3D Max/Carrara/Vue/Cinema4D/Bryce/or-whatever-the-fuck-high-system-requirement-program-I-am-USING!!!?? Hasn't anyone else noticed this? RAM says 0% free, 70% Available, 70% cached... and the program you are USING is CHOKING while it waits for the system to give it the fucking RAM it Requested/COMMITTED???? I'm watching the PAGE-FAULTS pile up while the system reports, "EVERYTHING'S FINE, NOT TO WORRY... WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY SOLITAIRE NOW¿ I'M GONNA LOAD THAT FOR YOU..." Is it illegal to fucking shoot a computer? Give it time, it will be.

I have watched this fucktarded process try to stuff 40GB of WoW data into 4GB of RAM. Windows, you have no fucking clue what bits the game needs, why don’t you WAIT FOR IT TO DECIDE/REQUEST!

SEARCH - HOW FUCKING HARD IS IT TO WRITE A USEFUL GODDAMNED SEARCH? (Don't ask Google, they sure as fuck don't know, no wonder I want to *bing* you jackasses upside the head) When I search for "desktop.ini" (to delete the useless fuckers), I do not want "desktop-utilities.ini", "desktop-widgets, incororated magical wanker with bluetooth file-syncing.ini", or anything the fuck else besides D E S K T O P . I N I -- why the fuck do I have to tell you "name:=" just to get expected behavior??? I didn't search for "desktop*.ini"! Users are smart enough to know how a fucking wildcard character works, too bad the OS isn't smart enough to know how a STRING LITERAL does! If you want to support more flexible searches, then why don't you limpdicks implement REGULAR EXPRESSION support on searches???????????? Then, if I wanted to search for "desktop.*\.ini" I would fucking tell you, otherwise assume I mean "desktop\.ini". The search worked better in Windows98 than it has in any version since... and it wasn't great back then either, it just hadn't become a total fuckup yet... that was before it started using crack. Can we just get the fucking thing to stop guessing and start fucking looking??

NETWORKING - on the subject of JUST FUCKING LOOK, perhaps we could get the network TO ACTUALLY FUCKING TRY TO CONNECT BEFORE IT SAYS IT COULDN'T??? Do you like being called limpdicks? You must, you did call yourselves "micro-soft". Do you think we're too stupid to notice the difference between the system trying to connect to a shared computer/network folder and it INSTANTLY bitching it can't? The only Denial of Service happening here is from you not letting me connect to my fucking internal network, you douchebags.

DEFRAG - what the fuck were you losers thinking??? First you replace the visual feedback of moving cluster blocks and replace it with a shitty progress bar (dropping from a 2D visual matrix to a single dimension), then you remove the feedback ENTIRELY... not even a generic progress bar or percentage or estimated completion time. Instead you fucktards just give us a message that says "please wait" with no indication that you are doing a fucking thing (even taskmanager can't see it half the fucking time). Then you take a goddamned nap for the next 36 hours, making no discernible progress. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT EVEN TURNED ON? What shitbag thought the answer was "always running defrag in the background"??? That isn't a solution, its a fucking problem, a goddamned big one you numbshits! This had to come from the same dumbass that believes unused RAM is wasted, now we get the idea that if your HDD is GRINDING ALL THE TIME, it too is somehow wasted. FUCK. THAT. GUY. (please, somebody just shoot him between the eyes with a military grade paintball gun... and if you miss the *between* part, well, that's okay too) [yeah, yeah, "violence is never called for"... clearly you didn't read the script, cause the dramatic tension in this scene needs to break... its right there below line 7, it clearly says "and violence ensues"]

TILES - yes, let's make an interface that takes up extra space and doesn't provide anything useful... oh, and let's make it the FUCKING DEFAULT. And no matter how many times the user tells us they don't want this piece of shit view, we'll keep reverting to it, especially when they open a network folder or external device.

Seriously dipfucks, this could have been a useful, CUSTOMIZABLE view where the USER could decide what details they wanted to see, and HOW BIG THE TUMBNAIL/PREVIEW is, and what META-INFORMATION such as URLs could be attached and how they would be shown.

But instead they made a shitty, small preview/thumbnail, and piled on useless details that cannot be configured, leaving out USEFUL information wherever possible. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A CUSTOM FUCKING WIDGET, LET THE DAMNED USER DECIDE WHAT THEY WANT, DON'T FORCE IT ON THEM. NO MEANS NO.

SETTINGS/CONTROL PANEL - WHY?! WHY DO YOU FUCKERS HAVE TO RENAME AND MOVE SETTINGS WITH EVERY FUCKING VERSION OF THE OS????? It was painful enough to find how to customize this shitty operating system the first time, now, like fucking walmart, I have to learn an entirely new store layout every fucking time I visit instead of finding the product/service/setting I'm looking for. KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF! AND QUIT FUCKING HIDING SETTINGS TOO... things that could be configured in older versions of windows are now FUCKING HARDCODED LIKE THE FUCKTARDS AT APPLE DO! I don't wan't a single-button mouse or interface, morons, I WANT FULL FUCKING CONTROL OF EVERY SINGLE (reasonably distinct) ASPECT, THAT CAN BE *SAFELY* CONFIGURED. I don't like fucktarded "basic" settings that have only 1 or 2 options, I DEMAND FULL CONTROL OF THE FUCKING COMPUTER AND OPERATING SYSTEM I PAID FOR! If I don't like a how shitty UI/UX feature is implemented, I ought to be able to change it! I'm not asking to modify core stability and security, just the ability to use your product without wanting to kill myself. (or you... mostly you)

JUMP LISTS: PINNED ITEMS - why can't you fucking remember what was PINNED!? Especially for web-browsers! When I pin 10 websites, I EXPECT THEM TO BE THERE A WEEK FROM NOW, A MONTH FROM NOW, A DECADE FROM NOW!!! Instead, they disappear after just a couple of days because you keep OVERWRITING PINNED ITEMS with "new" items. TREAT THE FUCKING PINNED AS READ ONLY, WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT OTHER VISITED SITES, WHY SHOULD THEY TAKE PRECEDENCE!? Only the USER should be allowed to REMOVE PINS!!!!!!!! Its time you "microsoft dogs" learn what *STAY* means! But enough talk, HAVE AT YOU!

[swrx-rant]

JUST FUCKING COPY!

JUST FUCKING COPY, is that too much to ask, Microsoft?

I don’t fucking care if there are “thumbs.db” files “desktop.ini” files! Bill Gates can shove these useless pieces of crap where they belong! As far as I’m concerned, these should be treated like MALWARE and immediately DELETED whenever detected. I have NEVER asked the system to make a “desktop.ini” file (okay, there was that once I wanted an icon on a folder...), and just because I told you not to use dipshit TILES view or stop autodetecting content and just treat it as a documents/general items folder, is no fucking reason to ADD SUPERFLUOUS JUNK FILES TO MY DAMNED DIRECTORY!!! Knock it the fuck off and continue the fucking copy!

I don’t fucking care if there are “properties” that won’t copy from NADS (read as NTFS ADS) to CDFS or FAT32 or ExFAT. I didn’t create that fucking metadata and I don’t give a fuck whether it gets included, just copy the god damned files, dipshit!

Out of namespace in FAT32 (error 0x80070052)? START ANOTHER FUCKING FOLDER AND KEEP FUCKING COPYING!!!! SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK DO FUCKTARDED ERRORS LIKE THIS EVEN EXIST AND WHY WOULD YOU FUCKING ABORT A COPY OPERATION MIDWAY THROUGH???? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MORON THOUGHT A PARTIAL COPY WITH ZERO INTEGRITY WAS THE CORRECT RESULT??? Either complete the whole fucking transaction, or give me the OPTION to keep the partial or roll it back AND in EITHER CASE GIVE ME A SAVABLE/RESUMABLE LIST INDICATING CLEARLY WHAT COPIED AND WHAT FAILED!!

Filename too long for destination? THEN FUCKING TRUNCATE IT AND FINISH THE FUCKING COPY!!!!

That (MS-DOS 8.3) Filename already exists...? No it fucking doesn’t. And why the fuck are you using 8.3 naming rules? SO FUCKING WHAT IF A FILE ENDS IN ~1, DOESN’T AUTOMATICALLY MEAN IT HAS TO COMPLY WITH OUTDATED STANDARDS FROM ANCIENT FILESYSTEMS!!! “FuckYouYouStupidSonOfABitch.kma” and “FUCKYO~1.KMA” --- ARE NOT THE SAME FUCKING FILE! THIS ISN’T 1984 YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER! DROP THE 8.3 COMPATIBILITY MODE ALREADY!!!

God damn it, Microshit! Do I need to rewrite Windows Explorer for you?! Stop doing stupid shit!!! And stop giving me excuses when I give you an EXCEEDINGLY SIMPLE ORDER TO COPY FILES TO A BACKUP DEVICE! I don’t have to to fucking babysit your fucktarded OS while it performs an ELEVEN HOUR COPY!!!!!!!

That’s it... I’m going to write a VB6 or .NET2.0 utility program to stand there holding a fucking gun to your Kernel/CPU while the copy completes. I’ll give it a few extra bells and whistles like move/copy option after files are selected, multiple copy destinations, and even the ability to AUTOMATICALLY FUCKING EXTERMINATE thumbs.db and desktop.ini SYSTEM FILES ON SIGHT, and truncate filenames longer than 64(default) characters, and remove non-latin characters that cause problems for some programs (including irfanview batch conversions), and fix/replace bad extensions like “*.jpe”. But mostly, it will just SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THE JOB DONE.

I’m going to call it “Just Fucking Copy” (JFC.exe)

[swrx-rant]

Google.com, how do I hate thee, let me count the ways...

No, I DIDN’T MEAN “how do I have the”

No, I DIDN’T SEARCH for Romeo + Juliet

No, I DIDN’T SEARCH for a Tutorial on how to Count

No, I DIDN’T SEARCH for Sesame Street characters

No, I DON’T WANT to buy cereal... better add that to my grocery list

No, I DIDN’T SEARCH for a love song from the 70s

No, I DIDN’T SEARCH for Nude Pictures of someone named Juliet Romero... though I do appreciate the word-play, lets put a bookmark on that one and try again...

How can such a brilliant company’s FLAGSHIP PRODUCT suck so bad?

Well, as many have suggested, it could be that THE LONGER IT TAKES YOU TO LOCATE RELEVANT RESULTS, THE MORE ADVERTISEMENTS THEY CAN SHOW YOU. Is that cynical? perhaps. Is it true? probably.

In any case, what most search engines are good at (especially Google) is LOCATING AUTHORITIES. What they completely toss salad at is LOCATING SPECIFIC INFORMATION.

Well, guess it sucks to be a techie... cause I could give two shits about who claims to be an authority on something... but god damn it I want to know why a particular product or service is having a particular error and what I can do to prevent it. (I experience the same issue when I want to look up complex statistics like how many assholes named Bruce live on Mulberry Lane... okay, that one is total BS, but you get what I mean, why is it so hard to find public information and meaningful cross-indexed statistics)

Surely I can’t be the only person who’s had that particular problem... (specifics elude me at the moment, but this has happened to me dozens of times, and its pissed me off every single one of them)

HOW CAN YOU TELL ME THAT NO ONE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET HAS EVER COMPLAINED ON SOME BLOG OR FORUM ABOUT THIS PROBLEM?

Oh, wait... you’re not actually saying that are you... what you really mean is my particular issue with the particular version of the particular product/service I’m asking about ISN’T POPULAR ENOUGH FOR YOU WANKERS TO EVEN INDEX.

Well, FUCK YOU. Guess I’ll spend the next two fucking hours trying to paraphrase my problem until I have an epiphany or I smash my keyboard or pass out from yelling at my monitor about what assholes you are.

Thanks, Google, you really made my day. :/

That said, kudos on:  * Google Images (except for the exploit that allows results to hijack your browser)  * Google Maps (yeah, no real complaints there)  * Google Earth (fucking awesome)  * Google Mail (except for the part where you parse my messages for advertising nuggets)  * Google Documents (same issue)  * Android (except for a few dozen peeves mostly caused by manufacturer/carrier custom OS builds)  * Chrome (except for JAVASCRIPT SECURITY, MODAL DIALOGUES, AND THE RUDDY MORONIC SPELL-CHECKER... but that’s a whole rant in itself)  * and I’m sure a thousand other really interesting/useful projects I’m forgetting... so how come the SEARCH team can’t do a good job? :((

[swrx-rant]

Error 0x80070052

(bear with me folks, I have the REAL CAUSE and WORKAROUND for the majority of cases, and I’ll get to that as soon as I press home just how FUCKTARDED Microsoft is... if you’re in a hurry, start from the bottom of this post.)

Microsoft, CONGRATULATIONS! You’re first.

Let me begin by asking, “What the fuck is you’re problem, FAT32 dev-team?” (yes, I know this is an ANCIENT file system, but its still far too common because of greedy licensing schemes... this was the last OPEN-SOURCE version of FAT-- ExFAT and NTFS are highly proprietary, and that’s why many devices don’t support them)

“Error 0x80070052: The directory or file cannot be created.” - this has to be one of the LEAST HELPFUL ERROR MESSAGES I’VE EVER SEEN!

The least you ASSHOLES could do when we’re copying HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF FILES TO AN EXTERNAL DRIVE is to tell us WHICH GODDAMNED FOLDER/PATH THIS HAPPENED IN. Only telling us the NAME OF THE FILE is pretty fucking useless.

This problem exists in ALL 32 & 64 bit VERSIONS OF WINDOWS, and likely existed in the 16 bit versions as well. THAT’S OVER TWENTY YEARS OF NOT FIXING OR GIVING A FUCK ABOUT YOUR CUSTOMERS.

Present in Windows 95(v4, or more honestly DOS6 with a pretty shell), 98/SE(v4 - the first real Windows OS, not just a UI-Shell over DOS), NT(v4), ME(v4), XP(v5), NT2000(v5), Vista(v6), Windows 7(fuck you its v6.1 you liars!), Windows 8(still can’t tell the truth Windows 6.2??), 8.1(v6.3), 8.2(v6.4 with a pseudo-start menu restored), Windows 10(haven’t looked, but I’m betting its 6.5 ... cause lets face it, these fucktards can’t count... and in reality its just been 15 years of Windows LONGHORN not multiple different OS’s -- of course it comes with with an update policy akin to most asshole mobile device custom android hacks, as in: WE’RE GOING TO INSTALL WHATEVER THE FUCK WE WANT, WHENEVER THE FUCK WE WANT, USING AS MUCH FUCKING BANDWIDTH AND SYSTEM RESOURCES AS WE WANT, AND THE ONLY WAY TO STOP US IS TO GO INTO AIRPLANE MODE - AND FUCK YOU FOR THINKING YOU CAN USE YOUR COMPUTER FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN INSTALLING MORE OF OUR USELESS SHIT... can you tell I own a Nook? Apple may be assholes, but at least they don’t try to foist a bunch of Samsung or Barns&Noble crapware on us... their bundled apps are actually USEFUL and simple, not some freakshow that tries to hijack our search or homescreen, or crashes our lockscreen so we can’t UNLOCK, or tries to SYNC our EMPTY FUCKING LIBRARY EVERY 30 FUCKING SECONDS SERIOUSLY WRECKING STABILITY AND RAM)

What this STUPID FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE ACTUALLY MEANS: There is not enough Address-Space in the CURRENT FOLDER (not just ROOT you asshats that answer on the microsoft forum). Put simply, TOO MANY FUCKING FILES FOR FAT32 AND/OR THE NAMES ARE TOO FUCKING LONG.

That’s right, LONG FILENAMES TAKE UP MULTIPLE ADDRESSES IN FAT32 Tables. THERE IS A HARD LIMIT ON HOW MANY FILE-ADDRESSES CAN EXIST IN A SINGLE FOLDER.

This is why the error occurs at seemingly random intervals, with one folder allowing over 30,000 files and another running out of room with less than 8,000.

THIS VERY LIKELY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE INTEGRITY OF THE DRIVE OR FILE SYSTEM. REFORMATTING WON’T DO A FUCKING THING TO FIX IT (UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO NTFS OR ANOTHER SYSTEM WITHOUT THIS STUPID ADDRESSING LIMITATION)

THE PROBLEM OCCURS WHEN COPYING FROM A NEWER/SMARTER FILE SYSTEM LIKE NTFS TO AN OLDER/DUMBER FILE SYSTEM LIKE FAT16, FAT32, and yes, even ExFAT.

You can prevent this problem ahead of time by splitting up folders with high file counts and/or long file names. (Also, shorten/truncate the damned names... just because some asshole on the web decided to give something a 100+ letter filename so they could advertise several dozen tag-words doesn’t mean you need to keep their shitty filename)

If you are backing up files to multiple drives, let me also STRONGLY RECOMMEND zipping/archiving small folders with high file counts. The THROUGHPUT limit on copying is twofold. Not only is it limited by BIT-RATE, but more importantly there is a FILE-PER-SECOND limitation that greatly slows most transfers with high file-counts, especially on faster devices. It takes far longer to copy 100,000 1-KB files (100 MB) than it does to copy 100 100-MB files (10 GB). Every 100,000 files you can lower this count by will likely save you MORE THAN AN HOUR OF COPY TIME. (funny how Microsoft and the External HDD companies forget to tell us this little gem)

But, if you’re seeing this rant, then it is almost certainly too late for that method. So, how can you resume your copy when you don’t even know where the problem happened? Well, its annoying, but you can track down where the copy stalled by comparing the source and destination directory structures.

Once you’ve identified which folder FAILED to complete copying, you can either try to rename that folder (if windows will let you), OR move all the files into a new split-folder (I suggest appending a number on each so you can recombine them later in NTFS, such as folder-1, -2, etc.)

After you have moved the BLOCKED FOLDER/FILES out of the way, the copy should resume by simply clicking “Try Again” (you probably want to check do this for all current items for all the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF FILES THAT ARE BACKLOGGED BY THIS ERROR)

And of course, errors like this can also be from insufficient space on the drive, but, UNLIKE MICROSOFT TECH SUPPORT, I will assume you are not an idiot and that was the first thing you checked.