break up with em before you break up my fight with em
Instinct grips onto Sett as the bell chimes. His body turns before he thinks. Sharp yellow eyes pierce through the newcomer. Multiple triangular ears flick and swirl to the entrance.
“Welcome your customers, Settrigh” a memory of his mom reminds him
“Welcome to the Pit. Table for?” his eyes cast over you, then the tables, void of people. A slow day today
“Um, one” a cat strolls up to you, rubbing its cheeks against your legs affectionately. It purrs and jumps onto a bar stool. Its meow beckons you over. Pompous little thing, acting as if the cafe deed was under its name
You take your seat assigned by the plush cat. The bar stool creeks almost joyfully, finally under the weight of something other than cats
“Menu’s here” the redhead’s finger taps against the thick textured cardstock. Neat cursive fills the brightly coloured sheet. Your finger traces the ink cautiously, feeling its imprint. Did he make this menu by himself? Your hostess jumps onto the table, planting a paw repeatedly onto the bottom of the page. The ink impression of its paw greets you enthusiastically. It seems that the cafe boss was not the only artist in the cafe
Lists of various drinks and nourishments line the paper. As you flip the page, your eyes lay on another font.
“What’s a SWOT analysis?” Sett lets out a snort. Aphelios had written that in as a joke
Just as Sett was about to explain, the purple ragdoll saunters over with the swagger of a 4/0/0 Jhin at 5 minutes. Hanging from its lips is a cup with chalk pens. A crumpled note hangs out from the brim precariously. Messy ink sprawls over white:
Let Yuumi and Sett analyse the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats of your friends with you! Coupled with a drawing of a cat which you assume to be Yuumi
Amusement bubbles up within you. Yuumi’s meows shrills as it bobs its head against your knuckles - a demand for you to pick up a chalk
“Alright alright” you decide to indulge the furry companion. Now, armed with chalk, you look up at the cafe boss
“I would like to order Yuumi’s SWOT analysis please”
୨ৎ ˚.・◌ (˵◝ ⩊ ◜˵マ ◌・.˚ ୨ৎ
Irritation bleeds through the crimson head’s skin. His nose scrunches in disbelief as a vein protrounds on his forehead.
“You’re telling me your partner doesn’t shower before getting onto your bed?” the vein gets even more visible with every nod you give him “and you have to tell him to clean up after himself?”
“Sheesh, are you their parent or their partner?”
That gets a laugh out of you.
“So are you breaking up with that Chud?”
“Well I was thinking about it. I scheduled to break up with him on Saturday, at his place”
“Oh fuck no” the cafe boss’ eyes narrow “Why are you going onto his turf? Listen up, pretty. That would put the dynamics in his favour” Amber eyes roam over his chalkboard, now chockfull of chalk letterings from yourself and him
“You should do it here” Yuumi leaps onto your lap, as if to agree with Sett’s words. “Public place, good food. And if he gets handsy with you” you swear the purple fur around his shoulders light gold for a moment “i’ll knock em dead”
୨ৎ ˚.・◌ (˵◝ ⩊ ◜˵マ ◌・.˚ ୨ৎ
The sugary substance is not as effective in cheering you up as it should.
Your partner, soon to ex, sits across from you. Their eyes burn into you as accusations spill from their lips
“You’re absolutely heartless! How could you be so cold to me? Did you know I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. I smoked cigarettes every waking moment”
Sett rolls his eyes at their words. He has been wiping the same glass for the past 15 minutes. Topaz iris cling onto you. Every wince, every sigh from your lips sear deep into Sett’s mind. He had wanted to kick the perpetrator out from the moment your face contorted in hurt. But alas, you had insisted on ending things proper. On your own.
He bites back the urge to click his tongue, and the urge to put his fist through your soon to be ex’s guts.
“I’m so disappointed, angry and upset with you. Don’t you think ending things is so unfair to me?” as the nuisance rattles on and on, Yuumi strolls up to you. With the grace of a ballerina, she leaps into your lap. Shrill complaints from the one you thought you would share your happy ever after with die down to make way for excessively loud sneezing.
Your eyebrows knit together. Bloodshot eyes, coupled with sniffles and rashes mar your almost-ex whose wheezes are now beyond comprehension
“Look, I just wanted to end the relationship. This is not up for negotiation. I do not envision a future with you” you repeat yourself for the umpteenth time
“I deserve an explanation!” the table wobbles as they shoot up, almost toppling over your sweet treat in the process.
Your eyes roll, scanning over to meet Sett’s yellow orbs. He shoots you an uneasy smile, trying to tune out the incessant ranting. To your surprise, yours and Sett’s SWOT analysis of your now ex hangs proudly behind the buff man. Your eyes follow his finger, tapping under a new addition
“Sheesh, didn’t you say you like buff men? Your ex is built like Fiddlesticks”
Your teeth slam down your lower lip in a poor attempt to stifle your laughter. Sett swears that the way your eyes crinkle with joy would knock out any opponent in the ring
Unfortunately your smile does not go unnoticed by your former partner too.
In an almost possessed like frenzy, your former lover grabs the glassware off the wooden table. Water sloshes like a sampan boat in treacherous waters. Liquid douses you, soaking you to the bone. Suddenly, the walls squeeze in, the ceiling crushes down - like a box shrinking in on you. Blood runs cold, an internal frost trickles through your hands. There’s a ringing in your ears. The breeze from the air conditioner blasts relentlessly on your defenseless frame. Your teeth chatter. You barely register Sett’s urgent stride, Yuumi’s screech and your past partner’s tears.
Soft cotton wraps around your petrified frame - frozen by the cold or shock, you are unsure. Your fingers run through the plush material, lifting the makeshift hood away from your eyes.
Sett’s righteous indignation unfolds before your very eyes. The crimson head cafe boss resembles more like a triggered dog as his fists bunch around your bully’s collar. The only feet planted on the ground firmly are Sett’s. The offender thrashes around, legs kick out into the empty air as they spew equally empty threats.
“Nothing I hate more than chumps who come into my pit, throw their weight around and bother my customers” Yellow eyes narrow into dangerous slits as Sett’s voice drops into a deep, heavy register. Your eyes drift, landing on the various rings lining Sett’s fingers. The menacing metal rings parallel to knuckledusters. You have never seen Sett act like this, more accustomed to his warmer, playful deposition. Yeah, he did mention running an underground fighting ring. But he said it with such nonchalance that you assumed he was cracking a joke.
Now, it looks like he was about to crack some skulls.
“Sett” your voice clips into him, slicing all the tension in his body effortlessly “they’re not worth it”
With a sigh, Sett drops the deadweight unceremoniously
If it were up to him, he would have wiped the floor with that loser’s face.
“Get out” Sett points towards the door, his large forearm dwarfs the interloper’s frame “before I knock you dead”
The door bell chimes gleefully as they scramble off with their tail between their legs
Yuumi presses into your thighs, dragging her paws across your skin as if she were a baker kneading dough. Soft purrs emit from her body as the warmth returns to the cafe.
“Come on pretty, let’s get you cleaned up”
୨ৎ ˚.・◌ (˵◝ ⩊ ◜˵マ ◌・.˚ ୨ৎ
This is based off episode 5 of Valoran Town (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp5I-u4F2jE&list=PLO2JCaJPV_Wr529Ab9clPURAjMZG-dF9L&index=5) & my recent break up. I tweaked some stuff like the name of the cafe, Yuumi’s ability to speak, and the layout of the cafe. Personally, i think Sett would not be wearing his knuckledusters - in case Mamma wanted to visit
I wrote out the SWOT analysis for my now ex over the span of a workday and then showed it off to my friends on discord. They collectively cheered when I announced my intentions to break up. One of them slandered my ex and said “cannot be you love men like Sett and Jason Todd but your boyfriend’s built like fiddlesticks”
That descriptor’s seared into my brain forever now.
Most of the dialogue from the ex says are lifted from the conversation I had with my ex. They didn’t throw water at me but i kinda would have preferred that over his demands for closure
I’m glad I didn’t choose to stay in that relationship.
thanks for reading
