best i can do

26 - she/they just trying to survive. don’t follow me, this is a journal.

[sylence99]

i might’ve pressed down a little bit too hard. i won’t go to a doctor it’s not that bad. but the boyfriend is gonna be disappointed. and i might’ve set a new record for deepest cut.

[sylence99]

i need stitches, he needs his stomach pumped, neither of us is doing well.

[sylence99]

i might’ve pressed down a little bit too hard. i won’t go to a doctor it’s not that bad. but the boyfriend is gonna be disappointed. and i might’ve set a new record for deepest cut.

[sylence99]

oh, you sweet stupid summer child. you thought you mattered! that is so clearly not true :) all of your most important people live very happy lives without you around. it’s almost like you make it worse. why else would they exclude you? just shut your stupid complaining mouth and let them have a good time. maybe hurt yourself for good measure. but don’t bother them. you’ve done enough, and they don’t care.

[sylence99]

it’s just like… why was i not even invited? am i that terrible to be around? have i done something? idk i guess it doesn’t really matter because the brain dictates i must be punished. i’m trying to at least delay it. but idk. i feel like i somehow fucked up. i don’t even know what i did. i guess i thought they would think of me but they didn’t. which isn’t a crime or anything. but it hurts my feelings. and now i don’t feel like i can be honest because i don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feelings. i guess ill just make a financially irresponsible choice and try to justify it even though im probably also still gonna self harm. so fun.

[sylence99]

oh, you sweet stupid summer child. you thought you mattered! that is so clearly not true :) all of your most important people live very happy lives without you around. it’s almost like you make it worse. why else would they exclude you? just shut your stupid complaining mouth and let them have a good time. maybe hurt yourself for good measure. but don’t bother them. you’ve done enough, and they don’t care.

[sylence99]

i need someone to help me learn how to be dead. or feel dead. i can’t keep doing this. and i don’t deserve to get better.

[sylence99]

i can’t keep doing this whole being alive thing. it’s gotta be over for me soon. i’m so so so tired. i just want to rest.

[ceruleanheaven]

honestly given my parents whole [gestures vaguely] i am actually incredibly well adjusted

[sylence99]

[sylence99]

oh, you know he hates you, right? well of course. the nickname is just a cruel joke. trust no one.

[sylence99]

no no no, i’m not hungry. i’ve actually never been hungry before in my life.

[sylence99]

you know he fucking hates you, he doesn’t care about you at all. why do you keep trying? you’re so fucking annoying. he hates you, of course he hates you

good, good, good. push everyone away. make them hate you. distance yourself and then die.

[cutemurderofvirgins-blog]

[hollowboobtheory]

i support universal free healthcare for one simple reason: if you are diagnosed with a terminal illness you should quit your job. quitting your job is the correct response to terminal illness. but you can’t do that if your healthcare is tied to your job

[hollowboobtheory]

listen if somebody knows that they will be dead in a years time, and you are forcing them to continue to come into work, that’s fucked up. terminally ill people should be able to quit their jobs and live their last few months to the fullest. i don’t get how that’s a controversial opinion

[robertfagden]

actually im doing really well except for the fact that everything makes me sad and the things that dont make me sad make me angry. but other than that im fine

[sylence99]

good news! you can’t be sad if you’re dead! start the countdown.

[sylence99]

i really hope this was deep enough. it stings.

[sylence99]

no one cares about you, you dumb fucking bitch