There’s only been three girls out of dozens that actually initiated conversation with me. I ruined my relationship with them because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough to be their friend. I never really valued their presence or took into consideration how special their friendship was. I really wasn’t good enough. In high school, I was a dumbass and I had trouble finding who I was. I was the kid that only talked to a handful of people. I wasn’t outgoing, I hated confrontation, I had no real goals. I didn’t know what I was gunna do after high school. I had no charisma or personality. I also had misconceptions about women and I was hormonal like every other teenage guy. My hobbies were watching anime and playing guitar. Now I’m 22. I have a music degree. A starter job. Still live with my parents. For the past couple of years I’ve been trying to enjoy single life and build a personality. Work on my flaws and become a better person. I think it’s too late for me though. I had an opportunity to make the most of the relationships I’ve built but I let those opportunities fall. Now I’m on dating apps hoping to find the same kindness I was given before but no luck. Obviously shouldn’t be looking for companionship there anyway. I doubt I’ll find good people to be friends with again in person either way. I’m just biding my time till something happens now. Just focusing on my project car and moving out on my own someday.
Would be nice to not go at it alone.
I also don’t need anyone’s pity. I’m not a victim or anything. It’s just my sad reality. Pretty sure I deserve more criticism. I’m always going to keep looking towards the positive side when I can though.
I don’t even know what this post is but it helps me put my thoughts down somewhere.
