50 Stark House Rules and Other Declarations
1. No medieval weapons are to be given as gifts.
2. Rickon and Arya are not to be left in the kitchen together unsupervised.
3. No dating Baratheons.
4. Do not have sex in the common areas.
5. No climbing onto the roof.
6. No sneaking out to see your SO.
7. No sneaking in your SO.
8. Do not spike the punch at the Christmas party.
9. Under no circumstances are Theon and Robb allowed to babysit.
10. Baby goats and other farm animals are not allowed to be brought home without permission.
11. Threatening to stab someone is not considered polite dinner conversation.
12. Threatening to have your dog eat someone is also not considered polite dinner conversation.
13. Archery practice is to be kept outside.
14. Please refrain from antagonising CEOs and politicians on social media.
15. Fuck The Lannisters is not an appropriate slogan for your class president campaign.
16. Fuck The Lannisters is not an appropriate slogan for your Prom King/Queen campaign.
17. It is not appropriate to trademark the term Fuck The Lannisters and try to sell t-shirts, backpacks and sunglasses at school, even if you claim it is for a business assignment.
18. Murder is not the solution to everything. Use your words.
19. Overthrowing the government is not the solution to everything.
20. Yelling “I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me” is not how you should respond to your teacher giving you detention.
21. The dogs are not allowed to sit at the table, even if you have trained them to sit like people.
22. Dropping fake bodies off the roof is not an acceptable way to welcome the new math tutor into the home. Madam Mordane had to go to therapy.
23. The dogs are still not allowed to sit at the table. Dressing them up in ties and button up shirts does not suddenly make them people.
24. Poison necklaces are not to be worn to school or social events, even if you think someone there should die.
25. Fuck The Freys is also not an appropriate t-shirt slogan.
26. It is not appropriate to offer to “top” someone in the cafeteria.
27. Yelling “GET SOME” is not the appropriate response to another family member offering to “top” another student at school.
28. All SOs must keep their shirts on at all times in the house.
29. Please stop threatening to stab people in your Home Ec class.
30. No one in this house believes in the Lord of Light. Do not scare others by muttering names over a bunsen burner in science class.
31. No, you are not allowed to hand in a slideshow compilation of your favourite memes in lieu of an actual assignment.
32. Running off to be a wilding is not a better idea than running off to join the circus.
33. “An outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn” is not a serious answer to give when someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
34. Stop telling people that Theon knows where to hide a body. We don’t need another visit from the police.
35. Do not try and put people on trial for “being a slimy dick” at family reunions. It’s inappropriate even if said man is slimy and needs to stay away from your mother.
36. The fact that you yelled at him is not what we meant by using your words.
37. Trading blackmail for money at school is not what we meant when we suggested that you should get a job, Bran.
38. Trading blackmail for candy at school is not what we meant when we said that you should get a job, Rickon.
39. Trading mercenary services for money is not what we meant when we said you should get a job, Arya.
40. King/Queen of the North is not an appropriate name to write on your tests.
41. Sending Robert Baratheon a card for Father’s Day saying “thanks for being a ho” is not appropriate.
42. Do not wear Fuck The Patriarchy shirts to school. We don’t care if you’ve managed to convince your brothers, your sister and your siblings’ boyfriends to wear them too.
43. Trying to bribe someone to “yeet” your cousin out the moon door is not a nice way to celebrate the end of your cousin’s visit from the Vale.
44. Trying to give your Aunt Lysa a heart attack is not a wholesome family bonding experience. Stop doing it.
45. Do not take your baby goat to school.
46. Boyfriend of the King of the North is not an appropriate name to write on your tests.
47. Sending Robert Baratheon a card for your boyfriend’s birthday saying “thanks for being a ho” is still not appropriate.
48. Do NOT try and shoot an apple off of someone’s head.
49. Threatening to “kneecap that bitch Jeyne Poole” in the school courtyard is not an appropriate response to someone flirting with your boyfriend.
50. Threatening to “feed that bitch Ros” to your dog is also not an appropriate response to someone flirting with your boyfriend.
