[t2316m]

10-year old Damian Wayne was very disappointed when he first came to Wayne Manor, everything from the lack of servants to his fathers height was different then what he imagined. What he was most disappointed about however was the severe lack of hot spring.

The LOA had an abundance of them. The Lazarus Pit was practically one big hot spring, the Al Ghuls thrived on big extravagant hot springs. So being met with nothing but jacuzzis and shower rooms was severely underwhelming.

Bruce was taken aback by the reaction considering both Dick and Jason had practically marveled at Wayne Manor’s bathrooms when they were kids. They claimed the tub to be pool sized. Bruce however just gently explained the mechanics of a hot spring to his youngest, and how Wayne Manor physically couldn’t have one.

Damian gives up on the idea for a while until Dick teaches him about Santa Claus, the following Christmas a geyser appears and floods the whole east end of Wayne manor. Damian swears he had nothing to with it.

[derp-a-la-sheep]

Tim and the rest of Young Justice that had to fight the Earth to make it happen as they continue to cover Santa’s death

[t2316m]

10-year old Damian Wayne was very disappointed when he first came to Wayne Manor, everything from the lack of servants to his fathers height was different then what he imagined. What he was most disappointed about however was the severe lack of hot spring.

The LOA had an abundance of them. The Lazarus Pit was practically one big hot spring, the Al Ghuls thrived on big extravagant hot springs. So being met with nothing but jacuzzis and shower rooms was severely underwhelming.

Bruce was taken aback by the reaction considering both Dick and Jason had practically marveled at Wayne Manor’s bathrooms when they were kids. They claimed the tub to be pool sized. Bruce however just gently explained the mechanics of a hot spring to his youngest, and how Wayne Manor physically couldn’t have one.

Damian gives up on the idea for a while until Dick teaches him about Santa Claus, the following Christmas a geyser appears and floods the whole east end of Wayne manor. Damian swears he had nothing to with it.

[t2316m]

Jason:*teaching his younger siblings how to use Non-Bruce approved weapons* Okay when I get a double feed, I like to just stick my fingers up in there to loosen it Tim: ...Jason Jason: *Knowing exactly what he just said* What's so funny Timothy? Damian: *Completely oblivious* Yes, what is so amusing Drake?

[t2316m]

Cass is face blind, not like oh she’s bad at remembering faces but in an actual cannot for the life of her know who she’s looking at kinda way. Instead of faces she uses context clues, body language, and voices to tell who she’s interacting with. She’s gotten pretty good at it each of her family members having an obvious tell that it’s them. Some of them include how Dick always has blue incorporated into his outfit. Jason always smells slightly of gun powder and cigarettes. Tim’s posture is so bad Cass can tell it’s him from a mile away. Damian has green eyes, Steph has blonde hair, Babs has red hair. Cass wishes all the boys had different colored hair, as it would simply make her life a lot easier.

The face blindness really doesn’t impare her abilities during patrol cause all of the Gotham rogues and heroes wear such dramatic outfits Cass doesn’t need to see their face to know who they are.

Unfortunately problems often arise when she’s in civilian form,

Cass: *at starbucks*

Dick: oh my god Cass! is that you?

Cass: *confused but polite* hello.

Dick: hey, how’s your day been?

Cass: *is unsure why this random guy is talking to her but once again polite* good.

Dick: *confused on why his sister is acting weird*...that’s good.

Cass: *grabbing her order and attempting to leave.*

Dick: Wait don’t you want a ride back to the manor?

Cass: No. *rushing away and is very uncomfortable.*

Cass: *halfway down the street, realizing she’s heard that voice before, immediately pulling out her phone*

Dick: Hello?

Cass: Starbucks?

Dick: Yea..

——

Jason: *recently dyed his white streak black cause he was feeling insecure about it*

Cass: *stands next to no streak Jason sitting at the batcomputer* Bruce?

Jason: I beg your finest pardon

Cass: Oh, Hi Jason.

Jason: *on his way to bleach his streak back cause never again.*

——

Bruce: *brings Clark to the manor, they’re both in civilian clothing looking identical.*

Cass: No metas, too confusing.

Cass: *staring directly at Bruce thinking it’s Clark* I. Don’t. Like. You.

Bruce: *has not been this heartbroken since Khoa Khan.* Clark, I think it’s best for you to leave

——

Cass: *staring at the blonde person in the kitchen thinking it’s Steph* oh wow your hair..

Bernard: *also face blind.* Tim…You sound different.

[t2316m]

Stephanie Brown likes to go on luxury brand shopping sprees using Bruce’s credit card at international airports because

1. It’s tax free, so she’s literally saving Bruce money

And 2. By the time Bruce notices she’s using his card she’s on the plane. Which means Bruce can’t contact her because airplane mode, and Stephanie is not paying extra for that in plane WiFi.

By the time Steph lands and comes back to Gotham hours later he’s completely forgotten about the money.

[t2316m]

Idk why but every time I read any Jason Todd dialogue my brain reads it in the Grunkle Stan voice, like my brain just thinks that’s what Jason should sound like

Which is crazy cuz Jensen Ackles did a really good job voicing him in UTRH

And yet somehow my brains default is just Grunkle Stan, including his infamous monologue

“Why, Why on gods earth is HE still alive!?”

Just gives the same energy as

“You think you’ve got problems!? I’ve got a MULLET Stanford!”

Of course Jason wouldn’t be caught dead with a mullet unlike a certain someone

[t2316m]

Jason uses sour candy to help get himself out of panic attacks and to ground his emotions. It just helps pull himself back into reality and focus on the task at hand, especially when patrol gets rough. Which is why he always carries around a shit ton of sour candy at all times. He also offers it to the other bats when he thinks they could use it. This earns him the nickname of ‘the candy man’.

Jason doesn’t make the connection and thinks it comes from the horror movie, and how his “good” fashion taste and his post-Lazurus stunt of stalking Bruce was kinda reminiscent of the Candyman. Until one day he learns it’s ’the candy man’ like Willy Wonka and the song in the movie not ‘candyman’ like the urban legend.

You can probably guess the reaction to this realization, anyways the situations that earned Red Hood ‘The Candy Man’ nickname

—-

Tim: *dizzy during patrol* Hood, Hey, Can we stop? I- I need to sit for a second.

Jason:*immediately noticing the hyperventilating and intense trembling* Oh yea you’re good, we can stop, here want a toxic waste?

Tim: How’d you know my blood sugar was low?

Jason: *who had thought he had totally nailed the empathetic older brother thing helping Tim through a panic attack and was seconds away from initiating a breathing exercising*...Just a hunch?

—-

Jason: *on patrol with Damian noticing he’s really distracted and unsteady, stopping to hand him some candy* Here, this’ll help

Damian: Todd, I am suffering blood loss from a reopened wound, why would you hand me a warhead!?

Jason: It..It’ll prevent shock, just eat it. I’ll call backup.

—-

Dick: *Goes MIA during patrol to hide in a secluded spot of an abandoned building cause he’s having a panic attack*

Jason: *finds him and contemplates just leaving but instead walks over to him and doesn’t say anything as he takes Dick’s hand and dumps a handful of semi-melted smog balls into it before attempting to walk away with a smug look on his face*

Dick: *Grimacing as he pops one in his mouth.* Ya know Hood, I really fucking hate sour stuff

*There’s an moment of silence before Dick’s face softens*

C’mon Jay let’s go home

[t2316m]

Tim Drake has a hatred for Sherlock Holmes, has he ever read the books? No but his dad used to insultingly call him Sherlock as a kid when he was being too nosy or curious and now even when people say it as a compliment it just irks him

Jason being the resident classic literature nerd is dead set on at least having Tim read the books so he can either A. Actually like the books and accept that Sherlock is actually a pretty cool guy to be compared too, or B. Give actual tasteful criticism and insults based on the contents of the book

Jason could care less which happens he’s just tired of Tim ranting about his hatred for Sherlock despite not knowing a thing about Sherlock

——

Tim: Sherlock this, Sherlock that, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stupid hat

Jason: The hat really isn’t even mentioned in the books, You’d know if you read them

Tim: I’m not reading them, they really can’t be that good in fact Sherlock was so bad even his literal creator wanted nothing to do with him

Jason: Your dad wanted nothing to do with you and you’re still a pretty good detective

*Cue Dick yelling at Jason cause “that wasn’t nice”

[t2316m]

Bruce is probably still afraid of bats, like this man was so afraid of bats growing up that it inspired him to be a superhero who instills fear? And you’re telling me he just got over it one day? I mean I’m sure he’s fine with the existence of bats but they still make him really really uncomfortable case and point

- Bruce’s cowl prevents him from looking up unless he goes full back bend, everyone thinks it’s a design flaw but in reality it’s so Bruce doesn’t accidentally look up and make eye contact with one of the hundreds of bats that live in the cave

- He was once at a JL meeting and thought Robin was hiding in his cape, instead when he lifted his cape a colony of bats flew out in various directions, if it wasn’t for Hal screaming his head off everyone would’ve caught the way Batman’s cowl eyes widened so much in shock the stitching around the white lenses nearly ripped

- Bruce really really really did not want to fight manbat when he first appeared, so much so that WE spent months investing in the pest control field, and it was very productive as Gotham saw a big decrease in rats and cockroaches unfortunately for Bruce, people were unsure what Batman was just that he was “Bat”Man so no one would dare touch the bats, much less the really big bat.

“That could be like Batman’s brother Mr. Wayne, we can’t exterminate him!”

*Bruce debating if he should pull a Lex Luther and base his corporation on his hatred of bats atp if it means he doesn’t have to touch manbat with his bare(gloved) hands cause just the mere sight of manbat gives him the ick, why can’t they all be like killer croc, cool dinosaur-esque monsters, ya know things that Bruce actually likes*

Bonus

- When Bruce told Alfred his (somewhat canonical) origin/decision to become Batman was because he was sulking by the window when a bat broke in and it was broad daylight and how that was a sign from his parents. Alfred did not see the sign or feel the inspiration and instead immediately booked Bruce an appointment to get his rabies shot

[t2316m]

I need to go to the gym, but I don’t wanna so here are some batfam workout hcs that were made purely to procrastinate

Dick is a calisthenics guy 100%, and he is pretentious about it to his family and other heroes (ie: doing handstands during team meetings or just hitting a pose somebody with a spine should never do just to rub his flexibilty in Bruce *cannot touch his toes* Wayne’s face)

However he also believes in having fun while exercising and so Dick pays extra at his gym to attend every single group workout class they offer from yoga to cycling circuit, to aqua zumba, he’s always the youngest and only male to ever attend any of the classes but he likes them and the old ladies there always offer the best gossip in Gotham

Nightwing also swears by cardio drumming techniques when beating ppl up with his escrima sticks

—

Jason is the opposite of Dick, he simply doesn’t work out

Or he claims he doesn’t

He claims that his muscles are just genetics, and that he’s always been more athletic and muscular and that’s how he survived in crime alley as a kid

Tim calls bull and says that it was probably some Lazarus pit magic which Damian disproves claiming that that’s not how the pit works and that Todd is just some sort of genetic anomaly

In reality Jason has muscles because he doesn’t own a car or a butler. His bike is used exclusively by red hood as any civilian with a bike that expensive is a walking target and he cannot be bothered.

This leads to his primary mode of transportation being his feet, he doesn’t trust Gotham public transit to get him to where he needs in a timely manner so he walks/runs everywhere occasionally scaling a rooftop or two as a shortcut, he’s been doing this since he was a kid pre Batman so he’s quite used to it.

His suit and guns are also significantly heavier then the other bat’s suits and weapons which also gives him the extra muscle despite “not working out”

—

Tim also doesn’t work out, but he genuinely doesn’t work out outside of being Red Robin, which is honestly a workout in itself

His strength and endurance typically comes from a mix of adrenaline, high pain tolerance, and stubbornness, that help him pull off inhumane feats

It is also a recipe for injury which Bruce has stressed multiple times but Tim believes that as long as he stretches he’ll be fine,

He is not fine and god knows his bones and joints snap, crackle, and pop all the time but his nighttime extracurriculars are enough to keep him toned and in shape

On rare occasions he will be spotted in a gym either productively with Steph and Duke or competitively with Damian

—

Damian’s “workouts”which he firmly refers to as training typically consists of sparring nonstop along with practicing martial arts

He spends hours demolishing training dummies and punching bags to get his blood flowing, but he’s not allowed to train outside of the cave as his exercises has cost Alfred far too much property damage. Alfred mourns the loss of his meticulously crafted shrubbery to this day.

Damian’s also really competitive cause he’s like 10 and he’s constantly challenging people, this however backfires when his siblings don’t go easy on him and it usually ends with him losing and sulking(a lot)

Damian’s favorite challenge, besides when one of his siblings pulls out a stopwatch and times him as he runs around to complete a random task is to do an endurance off on the stairmaster

It’s the one thing he consistently wins at regardless of his opponent. Bruce practically invented the grappling hook to prevent having to use stairs and that distain of stairs has been passed on to all of his children expect his biological one

It’s not even about the endurance, it’s more about the boredom of stair climbing, no amount of good vibes and hype songs is enough to get past more than an hour of repetitive stair climbing.

Damian however enjoys it, if he closes his eyes and zones out it brings him back to the days of the league where the architecture had hundreds of steps he was expected to climb multiple times a day and unlike most memories of the league it brings him nostalgia and peace.

Tim’s gotten the closest to beating Damian on the stairmaster with a completely different approach of pretending he’s climbing the staircase to heaven, no he doesn’t really believe in heaven or god but he sure as hell will not let his inability to climb stairs be the reason he can’t get in, he thinks of it as practice for when he dies, a contingency of sorts

[t2316m]

I’ve never been a fan of the Tim Drake loves coffee headcanon cuz I don’t like coffee and who would I be if not projecting myself onto fictional characters

Instead he probably likes sugary stuff like Soda and Juice, like he’s the type to remember orange juice exists every once in a while, drink like 5 cartons in a span of a week, and just when Alfred starts bulk buying OJ to keep up with Tim’s new fad he gets bored of it and moves on to the next sugary drink of choice

—

Tim probably also doesn’t like most tea but can/will enjoy it with lots of sugar, while Damian is the opposite and finds it a crime to put sugar in tea unless it’s milk tea in which case it balances out.

Tim and Damian’s common ground is milk tea but specifically chai, but Tim insists on calling it chai tea which annoys the fuck out of Damian who finds it redundant to call it chai tea as chai means tea, but in Tim’s defense the last time he ordered a ‘chai latte’ instead of a ‘chai tea’ the barista put coffee in his chai latte. Tim was so flabbergasted by the sudden assault to his tastebuds he ended up walking away with tainted drink in hand, which he then promptly gave to Dick claiming it was a pumpkin spice latte(it was the middle of June)

[t2316m]

Tim: *breaking down the door to an abandoned warehouse* Not another spooky warehouse filled with crates and drugs.

Stephanie: *sarcasm* What, you expected this one to be full of fluffy pink animals? Maybe a small TV?

Tim: touche Steph

Stephanie: Seriously tho it would've been nice if we walked in and it was like 'Oh look at this nice Ikea furniture, excellent Scandinavian vibe.'

[t2316m]

All work that Bruce doesn’t do at WE gets passed down to Tim cuz Tim’s the CEO and basically B’s replacement, B once had to give a speech at a college cuz he probably funds or owns the place but he forgot. Which caused the responsibility to get passed to Tim. Tim who‘s not only 17 but a high school dropout... The speech was “Stay In School *mike drop*” Tim personally thinks he nailed it Barbra who happened to be in the crowd did not agree.

[t2316m]

Damian Wayne rating the Batfam members

Bruce Wayne: 10/10 “Father is skilled and smart, it is my job as his son to respect and admire him”. Dick Grayson: 6/10 “Grayson has no sense of personal space and has many dumb weaknesses like individuals with red hair, I must admit his skills as Nightwing are quite admirable.” Barbra Gordan: 6/10 “Manages to not smother me and her technology skills are impressive, Not that bad but needs to stop going out with Grayson“

Jason Todd: 4/10 “Is reckless, and goes against father’s orders. Has the audacity to pet me as if I’m a cat of some sort. Gun skills are decent. Most importantly has the respect of mother.”

Tim Drake: 0/10 “I would give him a lower rating but Grayson said no. His existence bothers me. Has a weird coffee addiction. Somehow has the trust of both father and Grayson.”

Stephanie Brown: 2/10 “Similar to Drake, needs to stop liking Drake. Horrible taste in everything including men. Good at comforting I guess”

Cassandra Cain: 6/10 “Is nice, former league member, good skills. good sister.”

Alfred Pennyworth: 10/10 “Gets his job done unlike Drake, is actually useful unlike Drake, makes good tea unlike Drake.”

[t2316m]

Jason Todd rating his batfam members

Dick Grayson: 7/10 “Nailed the whole older bro thing but needs to stop breaking into my apartment to restock shelves, honestly creepy”

Barbra Gordan: 10/10 “Is cool, honestly kinda scary, we made out once it was gross”

Tim Drake: 9/10 “The best of us, -1 point for his inability to sleep”

Demon Brat: 0/10 “It bites, still my lil bro tho hurt him and you die”

Cassandra Cain: 10/10 “Coolest to hang with, awesome sister”

Stephanie Brown: 8/10 “not bad, good pranks, needs to stop sucking face with Timbo it’s weird“

Bruce Wayne: -99/10 “horrible, very bad, let me die, didn’t avenge me, created the hell spawn..+1 point for trying his best at fatherhood”

Alfred Pennyworth: 1000/10 “best grandfather ever, pro guns, fun tea parties, good taste in books, cookies.”

[t2316m]

How many times Conner Kent has been almost killed by each person because he dates Tim Drake.

Dick: once, passive aggressively

Jason: 150 times, all failed purposely because Tim stopped him

Stephanie: Somehow Zero, she's totally on board with Tim getting a bf

Cass: She accidentally scared him half to death once, oh and she left threatening notes that mentioned if he hurt Tim she would personally kill him, he never found out who did it tho

Damian: 47 times because "Even Drake could do better", only stopped by Jon and his puppy eyes

Bruce: Conner was mostly safe, Clark wasn't

[softgrlfriend]

that’s enough emotions for a whole year. ciao

[insertchaoticenbyname]

The earlier in the year you reblog this the better it gets