— infiniautism; an infini[x] [link] term for when your autism influences your autism.
— ;depression; a ;[x] [link] term for when your depression influences your depression.
— paderivanxiety; a paderiv[x] [link] term for when your anxiety influences your anxiety.
— all symbol[x] / [x]symbol terms with non-qwerty symbols are listed with their text counterparts for accessibility purposes.
— I have also finished intersex, aspd, npd, bpd, plural, and persodivergent variants and plan to do ones for fictive, bisexual, delusions, lesbian, veldian, disabled (with their associated systems, i probably missed some here) and pretty much any neurodivergent/disability (that I have/applies to me), queer, and alterhuman systems that currently or eventually have templates. probably also some other systems that i forgot that can have circular definitions like these.
— you can interpret these however you like!
— colors inspired by / taken from this autism flag [link], this depression flag [link], and this anxiety flag [link]
— tagging @ranqai @radiomogai @symblabel-terms @pawbeans-flags (please let me know if any of y'all don't want tags)
the thing about my aus, is that i tend to make them fluffy and happy and low-stakes as compared to canon, because canon is already pretty fucking awful, what with battling for their lives and losing family etc etc. but lately i’ve been haunted by this mighty nein modern high school au that is not at all happy or fluffy--it’s heavily based on my own high school experience, and, from what i’ve seen on tumblr, a lot of other people’s, too.
under a read more because this shit be triggery, y’all
caleb widogast struggles with self-harm. people think he’s taken up smoking in order to combat the depression brought about by his parents’ deaths; they’re right, sort of, but not really. he doesn’t smoke them, he lights them and then he burns himself. there are rows upon rows of neatly spaced cigarette burns down his thighs; no one ever sees, because no one ever checks thighs.
jester lavorre is fake. she is bright and cheerful and always laughing, everyone’s favorite friend, and when she goes into her room at the end of the night it’s all she can do to keep herself from screaming. she’s tired, she’s stuck, all she wants is to be free, why can’t anyone see how much she’s hurting--
veth is just...not. not pretty enough, not cute enough, not thin enough. she stares at the fridge full of food and feels the rumble of her stomach; she’s too weak, she can’t, she--
she eats until it hurts, and then she throws up until she’s better. when she sees yeza brenatto the next day, she ducks behind her hair in shame.
caduceus...feels like something might be wrong with him. when his siblings or friends talk about sex and getting off and all that stuff, he just. doesn’t get it. yeah, they’re pretty. yeah, they’re handsome. so what? is he supposed to feel...something else?
lucien doesn’t feel like his name is lucien. he feels more like a molly, really, but he’s afraid to say the name out loud: isn’t that a girl’s name? he’s not a girl, either, but he’s not sure he’s a boy, either. he’s heard of some people using they/them instead of he/him and she/her; he tests it on his tongue, they test it on their tongue...not sure yet. he’s not sure yet? they’re not sure yet?
fjord’s name is fjord, and his pronouns are he/him. his name is not fiona, he has never been a she/her. the only person he’s ever told is his foster father vandren, who looked him in the eye and said, “hello fjord, it’s good to meet you” and shook his hand, man-to-man.
but now vandren is gone and he’s alone and--what is he going to do. what is he going to do?
fuck you, mom and dad. beau is a lesbian and that’s the end of it. wasn’t this what you wanted, a nice little boy who would marry a nice girl and provide an heir to the winery? well, she failed the nice and she failed the boy, but she’s still going to marry a girl someday, so fuck you. fuck you and what you want.
yasha loves zuala so much, so much, but skyspear can never know. skyspear has bigger dreams for her sports star yasha than zuala, bigger dreams than settling down and a little florist shop and living happily ever after. yasha doesn’t know what to do, but she can’t lose zuala. she can’t.
eight teenagers, in a single classroom, sitting in their seats and listening to their teachers--all of them struggling, all of them quiet, all of them keeping their heads down and just trying to survive.
Don’t be fucking surprised if my blog is deleted by the end of the night. I’m being treated EXACTLY how my ex treated me and I can’t deal with this anymore!! TWO ANXIETY ATTACKS IN LESS THAN A FUCKING HOUR!!
NO ONE FUCKING UNDERSTANDING WHY I AM TRIGGERED BY THIS PERIOD!!
Let me fucking tell you!!
I was in a group of 8 people before in another fandom. You know what that group used to do? They used to run into A SEPARATE CHAT THAT I WAS NOT A PART OF just to talk about me!!
They told my ex I said things about him that I didn’t say!!
WITHIN AN HOUR I LOST MY FRIENDS MY FANDOM AND MY BOYFRIEND!!
I was FORCED off of tumblr for two fucking years because of that!! i was forced into hiding!! I only just came back and it’s just that ALL OVER AGAIN!!
R.I.P Missy the Shih Tzu. (2003-2016) As you may have noticed, my activity has been rather sporadic over the past few days. That is because my lovely dog has been having serious health problems. It's been like this with her for years, but tonight... It was just too much for her to handle. She stopped breathing at around midnight and I rushed her to the clinic alongside my mother. The vet told us that there was nothing we could do for her now. It breaks my heart to see the dog I have loved for thirteen years pass away, and I cannot help but shed tears at the thought of not hearing her joyous bark in the morning, but I know she lived a happy life, and I loved every moment I spent with her. At the moment, I am currently wide awake in my basement, and chances are I won't be getting any sleep tonight. I wish she could've stayed around longer, but that would be selfish of me to have her stay longer when her condition was poor. I apologize to those I have to reply to, but I need to take a break for another day or two, just so I can get my bearings back.
the worst part about depression is living with the contradictions. sometimes you feel everything all at once, and sometimes you're numb to the world. sometimes your heart beats so heavily you feel like you're suffocating, and sometimes your heart beats so quietly you wonder if you have a pulse at all. sometimes you can't stop crying, and sometimes the tears are trapped in your eyes.
I feel like such a terrible person and I'm so sorry I'm sorry to everyone because I can't get my shit together I don't know why you put up with me I'm just I feel like such a pos
