#((so many))

[discopaws]

There Are So Many Rabbits In The World

there are so many!

[zipadeea]

I always feel so so so bad for Ilya in episode four when Shane leaves. His hand is outstretched, face devastated. He was reaching out and Shane said no.

But. But. Then I think about Shane in Vegas. Shane who has been ghosted for months, who tried to talk to Ilya at the Olympics and got completely shut out. Shane who was pursued by Ilya for two years, had one life-changing night, and then was left hung out to dry. Shane Hollander definitely thought, at least for a few days, that Ilya only slept with him to mess with his head. Until the Olympics, he definitely contemplated the idea that Ilya slept with him to have some blackmail on Shane.

Then Vegas happens, and ilyas back, but he’s changing the rules of engagement. It’s not going to be soft, it’s not going to be tender. We didn’t even kiss. This is a hookup and nothing more.

If Shane could talk to anyone else in his life about what’s going on with Ilya at that time, I guarantee they would tell Shane to drop Ilya and move on. They would tell Shane this isn’t good for him, Ilya isn’t good for him, and they would tbh probably be right, at least at the time. This is the Ilya Rozanov people think they know. This is the asshole womanizer everyone sees and thinks of when they hear ilyas name.

Watching Shane during the Vegas scenes is kind of hard, because even I couldn’t help but think, oh my god Shane what are you doing?? You deserve better than this, he’s being mean to you. And Shane knows that, but he also knows that he wants Ilya and that’s what ilyas willing to give. So Shane goes along with it.

Flash forward to episode four, and suddenly Ilya is being soft? Suddenly Ilya has ginger ale and he’s cooking Shane food and he wants to take naps and cuddle and have shane sleep over?? Suddenly Ilya wants more? He wants to be what Shane has wished for from the beginning, what Shane always knew Ilya could be but he also knew ilya wasn’t willing to give again? Ilya being soft pulled the rug right out from under Shane. He got used to the way things were, had accepted what Ilya was willing to give and had cut himself off from wanting more. Shane got burned so bad in episode two! So bad! And he had to run before he could be brave again and let Ilya be kind.

[ctae]

"The great magician of black chaos descends! The magician dwelling in chaos brought forth by the fusion of light and darkness. The supreme and sublime master of all magicians!"

MAGICIAN OF BLACK CHAOS YU✩GI✩OH! Duel Monsters Ep. 39

[whatlurksbean]

1000 pages of What Lurks Beneath! here's to 1000 more!

[jogakky]

more submas because i love and miss hem urghhhgrughh Strawpage for requests : https://jo-gakky.straw.page/

[nico-di-genova]

My random PHM/Coltland headcanon dump

Trans ftm Grace, Colt was the first one he came out to.

Raised religious, “don’t take/say god’s name in vain” was a very frequent saying while they grew up. The habit to refrain from cursing sticks with Grace, further enforced by his career in teaching children where cursing in front of them would not win him any favors.

In that same vein, Ryland’s pastel/white Easter or Sunday best dresses stained with dirt and the knees of Colt’s pants ripped, his tie lost somewhere, from their rough housing outside church was a common occurrence. Their parents eventually relented and let Ryland wear dress pants as well, even before he came out to them, mainly because it saved the cost of buying expensive dresses that would hardly last a day.

Ryland could actually match Colt’s energy/temper when they were young. Both of them were no stranger to short fuses or exasperated outbursts. Ryland got in more trouble than Colt in school, mainly because he was too advanced for the classes he got stuck in and quickly got bored, which quickly shifted to agitation. He learns to control it later on, especially after one particularly poor outburst leads to him being ousted from the field he’d spent years studying to be apart of, but it can sneak up on him when he’s feeling particularly overwhelmed (like when he’s making alien contact for the first time in all of humanity and his stupid spectrometer keeps telling him xenon is a solid).

Ryland made fun of Colt for being stuck in the “dumb classes” once they finally bumped him up to honors/AP, but stopped once he realized how much it was really hurting his brother. They both agreed where Ryland ended up with the book smarts, Colt had taken every other braincell.

Their dad dies when they’re young, in their early teens. They were never a particularly close family, but the loss of their dad just drives the wedge deeper. The choice to lose contact with their mom isn’t a conscious one, just something that happens as Ryland gets caught up in grad school and Colt moves to LA and sucked into the whirlwind of Hollywood chaos.

The last time they speak, before Ryland is launched into space, is at their mom’s funeral.

Despite their distance, they do share a tattoo, a black bar on the inside of their wrists that was done on a drunken impulse during their early twenties. Colt tells people it doesn’t mean anything, Ryland tends to forget it’s there (or intentionally avoids looking at it). “Something for dad,” Colt had suggested when proposing the idea, beer in his hands from the pack they were splitting, “or for us, just the two of us, so we have something that will always look the same” - his broken nose had healed crooked, markedly different from the unblemished bridge of Ryland’s.

They are both horrible communicators. Neither one of them wanted to lose contact with the other, but they were raised in a household of staunch avoidance, and they never overcame the imagined barrier between them.

Ryland visits Colt in the hospital after his accident. Colt never finds out, he was asleep when Ryland wiped tears away with a shaky hand and prayed for the first time in a long time that his brother would be okay.

Colt leaves hundreds of voicemails for Ryland, none of them will ever be heard. There are the dozen or so after the Hail Mary first launches, Colt confused, then demanding, then frantic as each of his calls goes unanswered. There’s the one Colt left when he was choking on sobs, crying so hard the words begging Ryland to pick up, to come home, are near unintelligible. Then there are the ones placed for years after, happy birthdays, somber admissions of regret, life updates, a wedding invite, a birth announcement for a nephew Ryland will never know, his voicemail becoming a graveyard for a relationship they both cannot have.

Colt can’t look in mirrors for too long, he will notice lines in his face, gray hairs, crows feet, and the fact that Ryland doesn’t share his age anymore hits him hard enough to make his world tilt.

Aroace Grace in space :)

[cosmicpoutine]

joining the bat fandom is so fun, you pick a robin and hold onto that thing for dear life