#(angry tears)

[parasolladyansy]

When Anger burns BLUE.

[renjencttheohh]

im unironically brought to tears anytime akechi appears I HATE HIM

[xxconnection]

from WomanSpirit magazine, 1982 spring equinox edition

text:

Ode To Any Woman Your eyes all the sea Your hair the wind Your body stronger than the sky That holds the stars

Sun warm and soft Mountain solid Earth rich Blossom lovely Whole with angry tears And joy. And sorrow. Woman Wise You will Survive.

Louise Mattlage Key Biscayne, Florida

[atrophicgardenia]

when were you guys gonna tell me that my "cool and badass angry tears" were me having autistic meltdowns?

[septic-dr-schneep]

@whumpril Day 13: Angry Tears

“Hey, stop that. They aren’t gonna heal well if you keep picking at the scabs—”

“Yes, thank you kindly for the obvious commentary! I’m very well aware!” Jameson’s waspish response clearly took Chase aback but he couldn’t bring himself to apologize. The marks around JJ’s wrists, left by strings, were now as red, hot and irritated as he felt thanks to his agitated rubbing and scratching. He just wanted to erase them, to be free of any trace of the Glitch’s control.

Oh̀, b͘ut̕ do̢n͜’̡t̶ y͡oų u̧nd͠e̡rs͡t͞a̛n͢d, d́u̧mb͝ ͜l̛įt͝tle͡ p͠upp̡et? that nagging voice in the back of his head sneered, making his breath catch. You̧’͜ll̷ ͜never ̡be ̡f̢rȩe!

That first hitch in his chest led to another as a lump of helpless frustration swelled in his throat. In his peripheral vision Chase softened, cautiously opening an arm. JJ couldn’t turn him down, slumping into his embrace with shaking shoulders.

[crimsonlyinglilly]

Day 13 Angry Tears

Still on catch up for whumpril, here's day 13

Familiar faces, set TVD season 3 end of ep 13 and beginning of Ep 14, take place before Adrenaline

Elijah doesn't deal with Esther's return well and Esther doesn't take the hint.

-----

I want us to be a family again. It echoed around in his head.

He had been silent since he had had to pull on Kol’s sleeve to ask him to stop Rebekah, to get her to leave Elena alone, his younger brother had stared at him a moment before vanishing after her one his second 'Please'.

After that he stood at a distance watching as Esther spoke to his remaining siblings. To reassure her boys, calming Finn's anger over her death and soothing Klaus’s nerves. It wasn’t that different from his childhood, Elijah stood quietly until he was needed to calm bickering younger siblings or distract them when mother wanted to focus on her dark arts.

I want us to be a family again.

She looked unchanged, her clothes a frozen picture of a long forgotten time, a village buried under dirt and people reduced to dust through the passage of time

And yet she was there, alive, speaking to them of forgiveness and new chances, and Elijah was bitter, angry, another parent returned but again the wrong one.

How come she got to speak of forgiveness when she had never asked for theirs when she stole their lives and futures from them. When she ignored her husband’s violence leaving bruises on them.

I want us to be a family again.

He had planned to wait for Rebekah and Kol, to apologize to for Elena’s actions and his failure to undagger her and to properly reunite with his brother. He had tried but watching as Finn and Klaus slipped back into the way things used to be, looking at mother as if she had done nothing wrong, made him sick, angry.

I want us to be a family again.

It was giving him a headache, Elijah Mikaeslon’s original love and idealization of her, his anger over her failings made worse by the countless deaths where he relieved them all over again. Watching Finn seemingly forgot the words they had shared months ago, before Elijah  remembered everything.

They ruined us.

We can do better.

Remembering what Esther had done in the aftermath of him killing Tatia, what he had done to Klaus when he had learnt the truth.

And as Klaus looked between them, Elijah realised he couldn’t stay, as anger and secrets burned inside. Klaus couldn’t know that he knew about her, couldn’t learn what he had made Aurora do out of his own anger and grief.

He wanted to go home, to Jenna, Jeremy and his cats, to call Elena or his brothers, older brothers who cared, even if one was without his humanity it was still better than watching as two of his brothers apparently forgot all the pain Esther had caused them as they tried to please her.

He just needed to get away.

“Elijah, where are you going?” Klaus called before he managed to get to the door.

“Home.” He called back, ignoring the fact he could hear the three of them following him, he was surprised Klaus hadn’t used his speed to grab him but he supposed that was a positive of her presents. 

“This is our home.” Klaus snapped, and Elijah twisted to face them.

Mother and her golden boys, Elijah smother the thought as he took them in Esther expression almost blank if not for the faint concern, Klaus angry and Finn looking at him almost pleadingly until Elijah met his eyes and he looked away.

They ruined us.

We can do better.

‘Apparently not’ Elijah thought, Finn could offer comfort to a teenager that barely remembered him but once Esther returned Elijah was once again a reminder of an event he wasn’t there for, an annoyance and obstruction.

“I’m not playing happy families,” he replied keeping his anger from his tone, adding as Klaus started looking hurt and Esther gained a disproving expression, “not with a woman always more concerned about her own appearance than the good of her children.”

Esther flinched at the words looking shocked to be the target of his anger while Klaus blinked looking at him with confusion.

He looked at Finn who kept looking away, Elijah would have taken it as an improvement if his older brother hadn’t reached out to Esther, to offer her comfort over the truth being laid at her feet.

Right, he should have known better.  

I want us to be a family again.

She could have that but Elijah wasn’t going to be part of it.

—--

Jenna hadn’t asked much when he arrived at the door, just pulled him into a tight hug and let him go to his room, barely touched since he was last there. 

He almost damaged the expensive suit that Klaus had brought him in his rush to get it off and change into his own clothes and pulled on one of Dad’s sweatshirts over the top.

It was still too big and he thinks as he breathes in he could almost pretend dad was still there.

Neither Luci or Kit seemed to hold any grudge over the months he had left them and had joined him as he pulled the cover over himself, he hadn’t wanted to talk or think.

It wasn’t fair, how come Mikeal and Esther returned when all they had done was hurt and damage their children while his parents, mum and dad, stayed dead no matter how much their children wanted-needed them.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat and kept his eyes closed ignoring the heat under his closed lids. He wasn’t sad, he was angry but he was a thousand years old, he was too old to cry over it.

—- 

In the morning his call to Elena added more to his problems Kol had fulfilled his promise and stopped Rebekah and told her about Esther, Elijah pretty sure his twin knew he wasn’t happy about that by his flat tone but she had also told him what he had been missing stuck under Niklaus’s possessive guard since Mikeal’s death, Caroline’s dad was dead, Alaric was in hospital and someone was hunting down council members.

She was still staying at the boarding house, both a mentioned returning that day, excited about living together again, just the promise of that had managed to slightly loosen the knot inside him.

He could have his family back, Esther, Finn and Klaus could go back to playing happy family and Elijah could still have all his siblings, without needing to stop them killing each other. For a brief moment Esther’s return was a blessing.

When he smiled at Jenna it was real, it was content and peaceful as both ate breakfast at the table and he ignored the guilt at the idea of having left Jenna here alone, before it was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Elijah didn’t think to hesitate to answer the door, expecting to see either of his younger siblings, a chance to reconnect with them, he was more than disappointed when found someone else there

He froze when the door opened to Esther, looking far more suited to the modern day than she had, the night before.

It made looking at her hurt less but somehow made his anger worse.

“Hello?” Jenna called over Elijah's shoulder as he found his words gone as he starred.

“Hello, I'm Esther Mikaelson,” she introduced herself to Jenna smile at her over Elijah. “I’m inviting you to the Mikaelson ball and I've come to collect Elijah-”

“No.” he cut her off, looking at the envelope in her hands.

Gilbert House.

“Elijah” she started like a disappointed mother over a tantrum which she could have been if he was very aware he had been the one to deal with most of his younger siblings fights and tantrums, and that during most of his own he’d been left alone or for Finn to deal with. “I understand your anger, Klaus shouldn’t have forced you to move in with him, he should have allowed you to bring your belongings but as a fam-”

He almost choked as he listened to her, had she ignored what he said or was she so sure he would relent and return to his place, the one he had put himself when he was a child and it was the only way to get her attention, the way his brothers had.

“Please leave,” he cut her off “I’ve invited Rebekah and Kol” not you went unspoken.

“I asked them to let me speak-” she started, he ignored her instead trying to close the door.

“Don’t care.” he smiled until the door froze and he could feel her magic in the air.

“Eylaugr Mim”- she started old Norse rolling from her tongue as if her had never stopped speaking to which may have been true, Elijah was just relieved it no longer gave him a headache, however the idea that she thought she could browbeat him back into his place with a name snapped his temper.

“GILBERT.” he shouted, pleased that at least stopped her, “Elijah Gilbert, the name’s on the invitation Esther.” He lifted the paper to her and watched her as she took a step back at the use of her name, her reaction was a balm to the hot anger burning in his chest, the flicker of hurt he caught. “I love my siblings, they are the only thing I'm keeping. Mikael’s name and everything else from either of you, I cast off.”

“Elijah,” she called her hand going to her heart, and yet the magic holding the door didn’t let up “you're my son, a part of this family.”

I want us to be a family again.

He had a family; it was scattered and broken but it was his and she wasn’t a part of it.

“Fuck your family! The one where you ignored your favourite son’s tears so you could keep your husband, the standing you gained from him and your lover. He was the head of his pack; he could have claimed Niklaus, saved at least one of your children from the raging man you choose.” he revealed it all, the secrets that shaped them and scared them just as well, none of that matter to him anymore  “I raised them as much as you, from the time i was five and you gave me Klaus, while you had fed Kol, then the same for Kol and Rebekah.”

He took a deep breath pleased when she kept quiet.

“The joys of this curse i’ve been living,” he explained sarcastically “is reliving every moment leading to my death, every time. I was never a child for you, neither was Finn really, just extra hands, we never got the chance to because you pushed everything you could on us. He might be happy to return to doing your bidding but i’m not, I've outgrown that need for the crumbs of your attention.”

“Elijah this is a second chance for all of us to do better.” She offered her hands reaching out, Elijah may have believed it before, but if she had changed, had seen the errors of her ways, where was the apology for turning him into the monster that had murdered the woman he loved, why was her power still stopping him from closing the door.

It was a mask, he wondered if she even knew how much of herself she was faking, at least it explained where Elijah had gotten that habit.

“All of us you failed first” he shook his head as he explained, “Try it with the others, they always mattered more, your secret keeper, your golden boy you kept from a good father for your own selfishness, your blessed prodigy that you stole his magic from, or the daughter you took any chance at a family of her own from.”

“You're my son.” she repeated but the words just caused the hot feeling in his eyes to grow.

He wasn’t going to cry, not in front of her, she didn’t get that, not after a childhood of ignoring his tears.

“You're not my mother.” he told her, the words offering him a lightness in his chest he took comfort in as he kept going “I’m the Gilbert's son, I was your spare set of hands.” he used the surprise at his own magic to slam the door before any more spite could escape him.

Angry tears escaped him instead as he glared at the door.

—--

Jenna waited for a moment after the door slammed, watching as her nephew’s back curled over slightly until the first shudder escaped him and she placed a hand of his shoulder.

She wasn’t going to force him to turn to her or anything of the sort just offer him the comfort she had wanted to do since she had been forced to sign the guardianship forms, to make sure he knew he wasn’t alone.

Her chest hurts when he twists and crumples against her, curling into her to hide, the way she used to watch him do with her sister despite the fact he’s taller than her, he wrapped her arms around him.

Another painful realisation was she had missed him growing in the last couple of months.

“I’m a thousand years old, I should be far beyond this.” came quietly and she just held him tighter. A thousand or eighteen, he was still her little nephew, the one she watched grow.

“I don't think you ever grow past your parents hurting you.” She tells him she had heard enough to work most of it out, Elijah was happy to be reunited with his original siblings but the same wasn’t true of his first parents.

“She’s not.” he snapped but he carried no weight, “I hate her.” he muttered into her shoulder, almost calmly if she hadn’t heard his voice crack. 

“Oh honey.” she sighed sadly, reaching up and running a hand through his hair. He had cut it while he was living away, started gelling it but it seemed hadn’t done that yet this morning. “But you don't, do you?”

“I want to. She deserves it.” he grumbled. 

“I’m sure.” She agrees, she had alway wondered where the maturity that had haunted her little nephew had come from, after learning about his dreams and past lives she had thought it was those that made sense. But no, it was a horrible pair of people who should never have become parents in the first place screwing up their kids, a thousand years ago, so bad that they haunted the world in the aftermath.

I raised them, he had said pain clear i was five. I was never a child.

“Why was it them that came back, why not mom and dad.” Elijah muttered angrily and Jenna hugged him tighter, knowing she couldn’t be her sister but needing him to know he wasn’t alone.

[coffeeangelinabox]

Whumpril #13: Angry Tears

Lee’s been alone in the dark for however long it’s been. No contact, no stimulation. He can smell himself, rank and unwashed. Rot and death. 

The door cracks open revealing a thin wedge of light that may as well be a blunt knife to the eyes, inciting white hot tingling pain all down the neglected optic nerve and driving ice pick tendrils into his brain. He slams his lids shut, but still the red hot burst of light kaleidoscopes through his memory like sparks and fireworks. 

He senses the shadowy presence that steps up close. It doesn’t speak. A hand clenches around his upper arm, dragging him to standing with a jerk that almost takes him off his feet and his arm from the socket. He’s pulled along at a stride half again his own that almost takes him to the ground, feet tripping over one another as he struggles to keep up. His muscles are just as unused as his eyes and feel weak and noodly. He realises he’s shaking. His bare soles slap against the cool metal plates of the flooring and Lee feels a vague sense of shame at the filthy marks he must be leaving, at the stench that will be in his wake. 

His escort still doesn’t speak, not even to insult him. Lee’s not even sure if it’s a man or a woman, though he’d guess man simply from the strength and bult of him. Not that Jemma couldn’t twist him into a pretzel if she took a mind to. 

His heart clenches at the thought of Jemma. He’s been forcibly keeping memories of the Valjean at bay, knowing what he’s done to them. He hadn’t meant to…He just-

He just wanted to live. 

He flutters his eyelashes trying to accustomed them to the light, receiving in return brief flashes of white and chrome and humming lighting as he’s dragged through the base. Everything is blurry, but he’s starting to be able to keep them open for longer and longer when he’s finally pushed unceremoniously into what he recognises as the Lieutenant’s ready room. 

The man (it is a man) lets go of him and takes up a hulking presence in the doorway. Not that Lee would try to escape, what’s the point. 

He can’t look at the Lieutenant for more than a moment: scrubbed and pressed and shaved, his uniform looks fresh on mere moments ago, every inch the Domain official. Lee wilts under his gaze, a scruffy child, a criminal. 

“Darrow is coming aboard now.”

He wilts further, can’t repress the flinch, but doesn’t otherwise respond. He supposes this is where they’ll part ways as agreed, and thank the stars for that, means he won’t have to-

The Lieutenant is still speaking, apparently not here to gloat in his discomfort after all. “...Captain of this vessel, you are to be executed for crimes against the Domain.”

“What?” Lee gasps out, jerks his head up, meeting those cold eyes. He takes another stumbling step backwards and the guard wraps a meaty arm around him, an unbreakable restraint of muscle and bone even if Lee had somewhere to run and somewhere to flee. “But…we agreed. You-”

The Lieutenant smiles coldly. “I am not required to hold to oaths made to traitors.”

Tears spring to Lee’s eyes and he wishes he could get a hand free to dash them away, humiliated as they roll down his cheeks, hot with rage and salty with spite. He’d given this man everything and this is how he was repaid. “But…” and he can only fall back on the argument of a child. “You promised!” His eyes glitter with more tears, fury straightening his spine where a will to survive had not. 

The Lieutenant runs a thumb along Lee’s cheekbone, collecting the wetness there and regards Lee with something approaching amusement. “It’s simple justice,” he says gently. “You have committed any number of crimes and I’m sure you promised not to do to Darrow exactly what you did.”

When the Lieutenant smiles, he has dimples, under other circumstances he’d be Lee’s type. He flushes hotly and the blurring in his eyes is water not sensory recovery now. “You’re a bastard,” he says cold and clear.

[hughungrybear]

@telomeke, I tried posting my 2023 summary thingy. Unfortunately, Tumblr decided to hate me (again) by disabling my ability to link my top posts from June onwards. The fvck.