Did anyone became so good at fiting in that you even fooled yourself ? Like i'll be in my "group of friends" i don't really consider them my friends but yk, and i'll say things and act in a way that i know will make it look like i'm neurotypical and ik i look natural because i've been doing this since i was 14 and no ever picked on me after i learned those skills but then i'll think "well i fit in so well maybe i'm not neurodivergent after all" and the whole i'll just be scaning my every thought going like "you can Come Out of my mouth...you can't, they'll look at you weird" "you can share this fun fact about yourself... not this one tho, they'll laught" "don't laught this loud" "don't move your hands this way" "YOU'RE WALKING WEIRD" "Ho i should laught at this" "oh my god they all sound so adult, Quick, find something to relate without making it about you" and After all this i'll just be like "hehe nailed it, i'm so neurotypical" LIKE i'm so self aware that i can pass as neurotypical ??? Does that mean i'm even neurodivergent at all??? Because After that i'll be home by 4pm and need to lie down for 2hours watching a cartoon and then proceed to just evacuate everything and move the way i want on m'y favorite musicale AND LIE DOWN AGAIN WITHOUT SPEAKING or like two or three phrases until morning ?????? And even when i'm with them i'll have like 10 full seconds when i just feel so out of place? Like i don't belong here??? But like isn't this normal ??? Doesn't everyone feel this way??? Like am i autistic ? I'm like 99% shure i have ADHD but autisme ? I was so shure for a while but then i just??? Didn't anymore ?? IT SO COMPLICATED AND DIAGNOSTICS ARE SO EXPENSIVE I CAN'T AFFORD IT I HATE IT HERE
