Round three in defence of Violet Sorrengail
because apperently she is still the bad guy regarding Xaden's and her relationship problems and this take irritates the fuck out of me more and more the more I reread Iron Flame because have we read the same book?
Buckle up my dragon riders (who if we're honest half of us would end up like Dylan) this will be a bit long.
So what can you expect from this post:
I'm going to copy some paragraphs from my post "Round two in defense of Violet Sorrengail". On the one hand because I still stand by what I said and on the other hand so that you have a more chronological progression. Round three is basically an extension and supplement to round two (and other small posts i made on that topic)
Also i will absolutly call out Xaden on his bullshit but i won't paint him here as the devil. I still love Xaden it's just my annoyance with him is compounded by the fact that he 100% deserves it looking at his behaivor and how he handled things and the fact that certain parts of the fandom hate Violet for their relationship problems and won't look at Xaden at all.
Also some words to their relationship overall
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First, I want to address the lack of empathy for Violet
People are usually like "I know Violet is in a tough spot and she is only 23 but still..."
No honey it's so much fucking more then that.
I would love to see your reaction when you find out that your whole life, everything you believed in, was a lie. Then on top of that, you didn't even have time to process the whole thing properly.
After the revelation, Violet went straight into battle, in which she almost died! Then she finds out that her brother is still alive and then overall her being involved in the whole revolution. Violet didn't even got a break to process the whole thing properly and on top on that, in the first half of the time she didn't even have anyone to turn to. Her two dragons betrayed her and so did the man she loved and who wants to discuss relationship problem with a brother who played dead for 6 years? Plus she couldn't really talk to her friends either because then she would be forced to explain the context to them so they could develop an understanding, which obviously wasn't possible.
I completly agree that all this running in circles between the two of them was annoying as hell and you really only saw improvements almost at the end but Xaden is sooo much more to blame for the two of them not making progress than Violet.
Moreover it doesn't hinder the plot at all. We are shown their problems at the beginning and when she is with Xaden. I know shocking that we have come across problems that a couple is having when that said couple comes into the picture. She didn't cry about her problems to anyone accessible. Whenever we learned about her relationship problems it was in her inner monologue. It is completly normal, it is realistic, for someone in Violet's situation to thing about her whole relationship. If she wouldn't think about her issues with Xaden then it would means she wouldn't care.
You know you see this mindset in many areas of life where you think you would act better than the person in question, but how can I believe them when so many people can't put themselves in Violet's position? I admire Violet for being able to keep up with Xaden's bullshit for so long. I don't think I could.
The bullshit I will adress now
Like Ufff Xaden I love you but do better.
Let's start with empty promisses:
“You are going to tell me everything once I can properly shield, right?” It’s all I can do not to grab onto him and start shaking. Hard. “That’s what you promised in your bedroom.” He is not doing this to me. “‘Anything you want to know and everything you don’t.’ Those were your words.”
I so seriously wish he had never said that he would give her complete disclosure then at least I and Violet in this matter, would not have right to be mad about it that he wouldn't keep It
And another promise or rather let's say he didn't live up to his words
“I’ll earn your trust as soon as you realize you don’t need full disclosure. You only have to have the guts to start asking the questions you actually want answers to."
This statement annoys me on so many levels. First of all, let me quote Violet for some variety: "Trust is earned, and he isn’t even trying." He is indeed not trying or better tried not enough throughout the book. He didn't prove to Violet that she doesn't need full disclosure. We are here in chapter 3, unfortunately looks like this was forshadowing. Now to the second part of the Statement. *Talking a deep breath* Exuse me the audacity??? When you have the guts??? He did not just put the responsibilty on Violet here. Sirrrr you are the one who fucked up.
Which brings us to the next point (Hard work and this stupid 'Ask me a question'-game)
"I’m not afraid of hard work, especially not when I know just how sweet the rewards are."
Hmmm sureeee. You whole behaivor in IF says otherwise aka the whole question game .
Xaden is the one who broke Violet trust but for him waiting for a question from Violet basically means he expects from Violet to make the first step when he actually should do it! He broke her trust not the other way around. He makes it so easy for himself when he himself said he don't mind hard work to get what he wants. Yes, then act like that.
Also let's add another one:
“Both ways, but you’re shutting me out while I’m trying my damnedest to open up to you.”Says the man who’s never so much as told me he loves me. If he does. Gods, I’m so sick of having to make the first move when it comes to this man.
This! This! This! Yeah Violet I was also sick of it while reading the book.
today isn’t the day to open myself up to that rejection, too.“Sure, as long as you can keep your secrets. Has it ever occurred to you that this”—I gesture between us—“is all because you don’t trust me?” I take a step backward. “You expect complete, blind faith without giving it. It. Goes. Both. Ways.”
First of all This! This! This! and Yeah Xaden where is your hard work?
Also sorry but no this boy had the nerve to look disappointed when Violet didn't ask her question. Honey you could have simply start the conversation!
Like even Garrik is calling him out "Just doing my part to help your communication skills thrive in a stable relationship."
Now ladies and Gentleman let's jump to the prime of I want to struggle Xaden - Chapter 55
*Talking a deeep breath*
"You let me stew in it for months?"
"You didn't ask me!" He pushes off the wall but stops himself from taking more than a step. "I've been begging you for months to ask me what you want to know, to break down that last insurmountable wall you're keeping between us, but you didn't. Why?"
He has the nerve to put this on me?
Yeah seriously the audacity. He has the nerve to put it on her???
"You're the one who said you'd never be entirely truthful with me. How am I supposed to know what you will and will not answer? How am I supposed to know what there is to ask?"
Yes exactly
"I'm not mad about the deal." How does he not understand? "I'm pissed that you kept it from me, that you insist on making me ask for things you should openly share
And this is a principle Xaden and the hater don’t understand.
Because you were too pissed about my refusal to answer the superficial questions about the revolution to ask the real ones about us.
Let's talk about this quote in detail because it shows the two main issues I have with people calling Violet stupid and whiny for wanting full disclosure (or let's say two and half reasons because Xaden literally promised her that!)
First it's not (only) about the revolution it's about the simple fact that Xaden, subconsciously, shows Violet that he doesn't trust her when he doesn't speak up on his own about things that should be mentioned regarding their relationship; them and on top makes her work for it with expecting her to ask the right question.
He can tell me or he can choose not to, but I’m done having to guess which questions to ask.
This speaks for itself
Second, now let's look at Information about the actual revolution because Violet is not as stupid as the hater makes her out to be because let me quote this again "You are going to tell me everything once I can properly shield, right?"
Violet is not just like that standing here demanding crucial information that could put everyone in danger if it becomes public. She explicitly said once she can shield. Again Violet is not stupid. Moreover once she can shield it's her fucking right to know. Violet is such an important part of the revolution starting with her signet being such a powerful weapon. But wait there's more. She got important information about the Venin and worked out the plan on how to get information to restore the wards and also actively translate that information. She has a right to know what is going on.
Another point is how he handled Cat, or rather how he did NOOTT handle her.
Excuse me it was his ex who was vindictive and hateful to Violet for literally existing and he did nothing. Why did we get 'I will throw you off a cliff myself' from Dain and not Xaden? What annoys me even more and also confuses me is the fact that he even suspected that Cat would cause problems, hence the runes in her dagger like then why not talk to her??? Or the fact that Cat was literally his betrothed.
He basically just go with the flow and let Violet Deal with it (Although it has to be mentioned Cat just being a bitch, Xaden can't help it either)
Now after all this bullshit the light at the end of the tunnel - Chapter 58
“We don’t keep secrets. No more ask me. No more tests to see who’s in and who’s out of this relationship. It’s full disclosure between us…” I take a steadying breath and map out the golden flecks in his eyes just in case it’s the last time. “Or it’s nothing.”
“Done.”
OMG it was that easy?
"I understand that there will be times you can’t tell me everything—that’s the nature of what we do as riders—but I need you to stop setting me up for failure by insisting I figure out what there is to ask."
"Done."
Omg it was that easyyy??
Okay In the end, their whole problem was reflected on again by Violet and yes Violet even blamed herself partially, she was scared to ask because she feared the truth, but considering what the question was about (talking about the scars on his back) who can blame her? Xaden should have been much more accommodating all the way there. Violet's world was turned upside down, not his. Xaden shouldn't have waited for Violet to ask a question, but simply should have started the conversation.
Also I know it wouldn't have been actually that easy considering their circumstances. They're leading a freaking revolution and at the beginning of the book they were geographically separated so realistically there wasn't that much time to simply talk but the point still stands when you really want to be annoyed with someone because of these constant, repetitive and therefore annoying problems that the two of them had in their communication then please look at Xaden first.
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Now some words to their relationship overall.
They fucking love each other.
They are unhinged for each other. They would die for each other.
It's the fact how happy Violet was that Xaden wrote her a letter. It's the fact how obssesed Xaden is with Violet's hair. It's the fact how both crush for the other. How both long for the other.
“You’re my gravity. Nothing in my world works without you.”
“Gravity,” he whispers, a slow, beautiful smile curving his mouth.
I wish everyone who says Violet doesn't deserve Xaden (and vice versa) wet socks for the rest of their lives 😛
If you have read this far, take some cookies 🍪🍪🍪
