💔 ﹝ weren’t meant to be ﹞
i. sano manjiro aka “mikey”
the feeling was not only unique but foreign to him as well, he didn’t get the “traditional” frenzy of butterflies in his stomach, he didn’t feel nervous around you and there was never an outward reaction to you, not a blush or even a twinkle in his eye that showed his growing attachment to you, no one could have known
the only difference was his sudden possessiveness over you but everyone, even he himself, thought it was just part of his “you’re mine now. your pain, your suffering, it’s all mine” spiel, so he didn’t think it meant anything
that is until you started talking about someone else... that dark cold energy inside of him threatened to come out every time you gushed about your crush
like a cornered animal it wanted to tear apart everything in its way, to destroy any of trace affection that wasn’t specifically for him
it took an unbelievable amount of self-control not to let that demon inside of him out, so he became distant and every time you sought him out he pulled further and further back until you put two and two together (at least you thought) and realized he didn’t want you around
he knew he’d messed up when he heard from the others that you and the other person had started dating and you were happy, happier than he could have ever made you
but it was for the best, he knew that, he really did... but then why did it hurt so much?
ii. ryuguji ken aka “draken”
as much as he wanted to tell himself this wasn’t his doing and that you just happened to fall for someone else, he knew he was lying to himself
again... he’d done the same mistake again
he’d kept the words to himself and he was beating himself up for it, if only he’d voiced his feelings just once. that’s all it would have taken for you to know, for you to consider him more than just a friend, to see him as a lifelong partner cause that’s how he saw you
he had already pictured what your future together would look like, he saw years of happiness with a nice home far from the city, a place that was warm and full of laughter, with a family to call his own
the images shattered when you introduced them to the group, one by one they disappeared leaving a void he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to fill. but your smile was so wide and your eyes lit up like fireworks every time you glanced their way that he couldn’t help but feel happy for you. he’d just have to keep his feelings a secret and support you
that didn’t mean he’d stop caring for you though, every year without fail he got you the perfect birthday and christmas gift, no one knew how he did it, but it was obvious he listened to you
maybe he had taken you for granted, but could anyone really blame him? you’d been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember. during those tough days spent taking care of his sisters while his mom worked you were the one who kept him company, who made those night bearable
you were also the one who gave him that extra push to become a delinquent, though you made sure to warn him that you weren’t going to be happy if he went too crazy and got hurt. he remembers laughing about it until he saw the serious look in your eyes, his laughter immediately died out and he nodded
but on top of it all you were the person he confided in about all his troubles and he knew you trusted him just the same, so it stung when he found out through someone else that you were dating
to be honest he wasn’t sure what hurt more, that you hadn’t picked him or that you hadn’t told him
it’s okay if you were to call him an idiot for reading too much into it, but all those late nights on the phone, the kind that ended with both of you falling asleep while on call, and all the walks home together, plus all the sleepovers had to have meant something. even if it wasn’t love, which it painfully wasn’t, it was still some kind of affection
so why hadn’t you told him about the person you liked? he would have been happy for you, he would have buried his feelings and cheered you on... but now he felt conflicted, like he had to fight for that spot
unfortunately it was a “right person, wrong time” kind of situation, from the moment the two of you met there was an undeniable attraction, particularly from his side
at the time you were in a relationship, so there was nothing he could do about it except admire you from afar buuuut he didn’t do a very good job at it. he always found himself in close vicinity to you, like a moth to a flame. oh how he would willingly burn to be the one beside you
your relationship didn’t last long though and you were single a couple months later, but he wasn’t about to just jump in and seem desperate, so he let some time go by... a little too much time
before long you were talking to someone else and he couldn’t blame them cause man you had a way of drawing people in, unintentionally too. it was the way you spoke, you were just so energetic when you talked about one of your favorite subjects and you were good at listening to others too. he knew burning cars wasn’t a good thing, but you didn’t reprimand him when he’d tell you about the latest one he’d totaled. you’d just laugh at him for almost getting caught
so it infuriated him how someone else butt in just like that, but he didn’t want to cause trouble for you, if you wanted them then he’d back off and he did. that’s when he joined valhalla, only to find out you hadn’t actually gotten with the other person and were looking for him, but he had to go through with his plans
if only he could have made it back to you
how can one person make so many mistakes? from the beginning he had you. it wasn’t an attainable wish he just needed to work towards or a maybe, you were dating and you were happy
but then he made his first mistake that led him to juvie. it could have cost him everything, it could have cost him you, but you decided to wait. it was almost hard to believe that you’d stick with him but you did. you sent him letters so he didn’t feel alone and you keep him updated on everything. you were also the first person to greet him when he got out, before even baji
he should have known things were going to go downhill from there. you weren’t at all happy about his decision of joining valhalla, you tried talking him out of it, multiple times, telling him to talk things out but he didn’t listen. and yet, you still stayed by his side. it was probably to keep him grounded, you were the little conscience he had left, but it wasn’t enough...
the last straw was seeing him drive that knife into baji, his best friend and your childhood friend. it erased any progress you thought you’d done and made you realize he was a lost cause
it didn’t matter that he took responsibility, or that he promised to change, or that mikey decided to forgive him for his past actions. he’d betrayed you, when all you had wanted was for him to have his life back
this time you didn’t wait for him and by the time he got out you had a new life, far away from him and his destructive touch, but at least you were happy. he could live with that
damn him and his goddamn fear, it’d taken him too long to get the courage to ask you out. the worst part about it was that he had been ready for a while he just didn’t want to bring you into the mess that was his family
he couldn’t imagine a fruitful relationship after you’d met his brother and he was afraid that taiju would do something to you. you weren’t exactly a member of toman but you still hung around them enough that other gangs knew of your existence and affiliation. he’d never be able to forgive himself if you got hurt because of him
so he waited. every day begging that you didn’t find out about his secret and think of him a disappointment, that would cause his whole world to come crumbling down. you and mitsuya were his safe haven, if either of you changed your views on him he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. he thought that was the worst thing that could happen
but then he saw you walking out of the cinema, hand in hand with someone else, and he felt the wind leave his chest. the pain that filled it was so intense that no punch from taiju could hurt this bad
he couldn’t help the warm tears stinging his eyes, if only he’d fought back sooner and stood his ground, he could have been the one next to you