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[Private] Kurt's diary. 15th Dec. →

I'm sorry I haven't been paying any attention to you lately, Bette. It's been going on extremely much in my life lately, and it must have been at least three weeks ago I talked to you. I've only got myself to blame.

The days that has passed by has been both exciting, and depressing. So I'm going to fill you in about what has happened. All good, and all bad things. Let's start with the good things shall we?

Blaine has visited me 2 times since the last time you and I talked.

He's actually here right now, and is currently taking a nap on the couch. And I tell you, that is the cutest sight ever. I swear, you won't be able to find anything that is as adorable than that. We went to Central Park the other day, and it was freezing. But that didn't beat us. We bought us some hot chocolate in the park, and just simply enjoyed spending time together.

And I couldn't be any happier about this. I swear, for every day that passes by when he's not here, it feels like I'm only getting more and more depressed. But I of course doesn't show this when I'm in public, because then people would start wonder. But the two times he's been here, has been incredible. Just the fact that he goes all the way from Lima out here just to see me honestly makes me feel like I'm really wanted.

I got into NYADA.

Of course Carmen had to put me under pressure, and let me perform at the Winter showcase right after the competition. I know I should have been extremely happy about getting a second chance, but in that moment, I was only frightened. At first I didn't had any clue of what song to sing at all. But then a hundreds of songs popped up in my head at the same time, but after discussing it through with Rachel, I decided to go with Being Alive. Even though I thought that Carmen hated that song, it still felt like the right thing to do, considering she told me that I needed to show more 'heart' when I sing. But it turns out that this was exactly what I needed to do to make it. Singing Being Alive, aka a song that is close to me, and I can relate to. I got my NYADA letter last week, and the first person I told about it was Blaine, (Obviously). The only problem about this is that I haven't really figured out what to do about Vogue yet... I love working there, and spending time with Isabelle is really the top of the day every day.

Now... to the less good news.. I'm not going to point these up, really. Unfortunately, there's a lot more bad news, and there's good ones.

This whole story about that Eli guy has started to bother me a lot.

A lot more that I was hoping it would. He's been trying to saying sorry to Blaine I think, about what happened. But Blaine won't really accept it. Or more like; He won't accept what happened between them both. And in my opinion, I don't want Blaine to talk to him. Call me manipulative if you want, Bette, but I simply don't like that guy. But, I can't help feeling sorry for him, when he's trying to make things right and Blaine is acting like (in my opinion) a bully, by telling him that's he glad that Eli is hurt. Now, I think that Eli was being sarcastic, but still. Just hearing how Blaine is acting isn't really making me feel good at all. I'm not going to go any further into why I'm so frustrated about this, considering Blaine and I has pretty much solved it.

Blaine and I has noticed that we're fighting a lot more now when we're apart than what we did when I didn't lived in New York.

After having that huge argument about Eli, I stated for him at one point that we're fighting a lot more nowadays that was we used to do. This really bring the both of us down, and it's not really pleasant at all... We both want to seem like two reasonable adults, meanwhile we're trying to tell the other one all the deficiencies in the other one's statements ect...

I had to show around a girl at Vogue.

And I swear, she couldn't stop talking. She went on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on with question, after question, after question. And the thing is... Was I even supposed to know the answer to every single on of them? Like, why would there be necessary to know exactly where all the toilets where? All of them?

And of course, the last but absolutely not least...

After telling my dad about the great news that I got into NYADA over the phone a few days ago, he had some news to tell to me, too. But they weren't as happy as what mine was... Bette, he told me that he's sick. Like, really sick... It turns out, he's got prostate cancer, and I bet I was sitting there in total silence for what felt like an eternity. And now.. I can't stop blaming myself for not being there for him. At least I've got Blaine here right now. But he doesn't know anything yet... I'm trying to find a good moment to tell him, without spoiling our time together, and make it depressing. Now, I know that he's noticed that I'm not my best right now, but I'm really trying to act like nothing's wrong 'till I find the right moment. I'm planning to do it before he goes on the train back home to Lima. I don't want to...telling him now, because then all of the time that will be left will include me and him being in a less happy mood, and he will probably try to comfort me. Don't misunderstand me, I would love being comforted by him, but like I said, I don't want to spoil anything... So before he leaves (which probably will be tomorrow), I will tell him about it. God... I love my dad so much, and I just... really wish I could be there for him right now. At least Carole, Finn and Marley is there and can take care of it for a while, but I can't help feeling like I should be the one who supports him. He's my father, and he always will be. I love them all so much.. It really hurts. I can barley type correctly right now, and it just... hurts.

Also...

I need to write down a note to myself that I need to visit mum when I go to Lima for Christmas Eve, right before the surprise party for Finn.~

Now if you excuse me, I'm going to cuddle up beside Blaine in the couch. That will mean, if there's any room for me.~

#15th Dec

HEY GUISE, GUESS WHAT?!?!?!!? IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (it's 00:37 here in the UK, OK)

#YAYAYAYAY #15TH DEC #IS DA BESTEST DAY OF DA YEAR

I don't come on for ages and gain followers... I come online and reblog like 5 pictures and lose 2 followers

.......... I feel like this is all sort of backwards

#btw #it's my birthday on SATURDAY #YAY #15TH DEC #HERE WE COME

Mr Monkey's Musical Advent Calendar: 15th Dec

What, door 15 seems to be on the reverse of the calendar. That can only mean that it's time for Clarence Carter, and Backdoor Santa.

#15th Dec #2011 advent #back door santa #christmas songs #clarence carter