#a guide to

[setokaibapetty]

5 + 1 Fic Friday Roundup: More How-to (4)

Some guide, how-to fics. Again.

How to Prepare Your Lion for the Winter (AO3) - Jaime Lannister rides North to fight for the living and to fulfill his vow to Sansa Stark in 304 AC. Sansa Stark, the Lady of Winterfell, is trying to keep a handle on her keep while it feels like everything is collapsing inwards like the rush of a falling star. Try as they might, they are unable to stop Winterfell falling. They both wake back up in 299 AC."

How To Snatch A Husband (And A Kingdom In The Process) (AO3) - "The Northern Desert is a tale untold in Proud Immortal Demon Way, a place where Shang Qinghua once enjoyed putting all his favorite ideas that wouldn't fit the main plot. Beyond being a fantasy dumping ground, he knew nothing would really come of it. Then he transmigrates into his own work."

How to File Form 39-B (AO3) - "The first time Iruka met Hatake Kakashi, he was still on some pretty good painkillers."

How to change the plot and not die of consequences (AO3) - "She died, only to awaken in the world of Naruto. Granted the mysterious System, she is now determined to reshape the world's fate."

how to boyfriend your local ghost-boy (AO3) - "Fetch was a meta that managed to get in contact with the Bats, and did some support work for them. The first time Jason met him, however, the only thing he took away from that encounter was that somehow, this guy's very presence could scare the Pit into cowering. It kind of made him panic. He may or may not have shot at Fetch. And Fetch may or may not have disappeared as a result. Just when the Bats were resigned to thinking that maybe Fetch had left Gotham entirely, Jason stumbled across a warehouse that felt like Fetch's power. Looking into the owners, the Bats finally figure out Fetch's real identity--a kid named Danny Fenton."

Bonus: How to call a Ghost King (AO3) - "Latter when there's a threat to the Galaxy of a beast from the infinite realms and JLD is saying they'll have to summon the Ghost King to deal with the issue. Tim says "No need" and picks up his phone."

[ribroses]

a CLASSIC early 2010s makeup line of products!!

Let me know if you like these! I would love to do this with brands, books, movies, etc. from the early 2010s if you are interested!!!

As always, my asks are open to any suggestions or critiques 🎀

[themaidenofwords]

An Expert's Guide to Dealing with Children as a Waiter/Waitress

Babies

Positive interactions with children of this age are generally beneficial for garnering the approval of the parents, but babies are also fun in general

If the child appears to be under the age of 1, ask the parent how old they are (or guess) and remark upon how big they are. Declarations of how cute the child is are generally acceptable, but refrain from making any comments about "little heart-breakers" or generally anything that makes you seem like a creep.

If you have children of your own or who are closely associated with you (nephews/nieces) feel free to remark about how they behaved at the child's age and offer sympathy at the parents' lack of sleep (they will always be at least a little sleep deprived or very proud of how well their child sleeps).

Toddlers respond very actively to facial expressions, so make sure to smile extra big at them.

If the toddler is responsive to your facial expressions, blow out your cheeks and then "pop" them with a small tap of your hands. Repeat this procedure a couple times if the child is receptive. If the child is fully entertained, they may attempt to copy you. Kids this age are unlikely to be able to put air in their cheeks well, but congratulate them on the attempt regardless.

Children under the age of six/seven (aka the ones who still know they are children and are cool with being kids)

Make sure to smile and be friendly. Your rbf will not fly with the tiny human who responds directly to facial expressions

Offer a fist-bump/ high-five (crouching to their height if child seems shy), but be cautious of parents' reactions. If the guardian seems upset by the offer or the child refuses, gracefully retract the offer and do not attempt again unless the child grows suddenly brave. Never force any physical contact (duh).

If child accepts the fist-bump/ high-five, behave as if they are the strongest person you have ever met. If they so much as tap your hand, shake out your hand and look astounded while declaring "How did you do it that hard? That's crazy. You're so strong." Or something similar. Don't overdo the pained reaction or the child will feel guilty.

Most children will be pleased with this declaration of their strength, so offer another fist-bump. They will most likely try to do it harder to show off just how strong they can be, so make sure to play up your reaction accordingly.

In order to win points with the parents as well, ask the child if they have been eating all their veggies and declare that that must be how they have gotten so strong. Advise them to eat even more vegetables so that next time you see them they can really show how strong they are.

If the child offers their age, exclaim over how old they are (regardless of the number) and declare that you assumed them to be at least four years older than the provided number. Ex: Say that an eight year old looked twelve or a five year old looked nine.

Refrain from using a baby voice. Just don't do it.

tweens/ teenagers

Do not offer fist-bumps or high-fives unless for some reason the child initiates it.

Treat the child like an adult who may need extra patience.

Most children this age will be ordering for themselves, but they may be extra uncertain or need extra prompting about their choices. Be mindful of this in advance and remain calm and patient regardless. Refrain from looking to the parents for direction unless absolutely necessary.

If coloring pages are available, they may be offered to older teenagers (roughly 15 or older) so long as it is done in a conspiratorial manner.

All Ages

children are just adults with limited life experience. Treat them with respect and you're already doing well.

[lauriewildfree]

A guide to Garmasister

[amethystpath-writes]

A Guide to Walking in the Woods on New Year's Eve and Halloween:

Daylight is your friend. If you go while you can still see the sun, you do not need this guide.

Don't go at night. The moon's light breaks the hypnosis of nature. The trees gain consciousness and will block your panicked screams from helpful ears.

Stay away from vines. They'll incase you and make you part of Earth. The flowers will feed on your rot.

Don't step on any mushrooms. They're hard to see, but being crushed makes them vengeful. Be mindful where your foot falls.

The berries- even the nonpoisonous ones- are dangerous. Don't eat them unless you are willing to lose all willingness of your mind.

If you see a deer, look away. They are passengers of the dead, and you are their prey.

The rabbits and squirrels are the same. Surprisingly, the only safe animal is a coyote.

[rocky-mountain-gothics]

A GUIDE FOR EXPLORING HAUNTED ASYLUMS

•Leave all your belonging outside the door

• If you take anything in you won’t ever get it back

• Don’t force open any locked doors, they’re locked for a reason

• Bring string to help you find your way out, or you’ll never be able to leave

• If you see children try to ignore them, they’re not human

• Watch for the janitor and make sure he never sees you, if he sees you he’ll hunt you after you leave

• Stay out of the morgue, you’ll be stuck in a work other than your own

• Never sleep in the building, you may never wake up from your slumber

• If you see residual patients leave them alone, and don’t ever try to help them leave

• Before you leave check all your pockets, they will leave things in there

• Don’t visit the building more than twice a month, and never in the same week

• When you go home keep your lights on the rest of the night, they attack in the dark

[sgt-paul]

Nancy asked Ed [Ruscha] to paint a picture for my birthday which uses the phrase ‘For Life’ which is taken from the song 'My Valentine’, which I wrote for her. It is a beautiful picture with the text in his usual deadpan signature style. The lettering font he uses reminds me of art classes I used to take as a teenager in the Liverpool Institute where we learned to write the alphabet in this style and I enjoyed it so much I even offered to do the lettering on one piece of George’s homework!

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