seen from Serbia
seen from China
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Portugal
seen from United States
seen from Finland
seen from Poland
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Indonesia
Minor concerns on haggling
if you think about it, 1985A doc brown technically knows that something is Wrong with the timeline. he's met marty already. he knows he's supposed to live happily in 1985 and succeed in building a time machine. he knows he's supposed to die to terrorists. so he knows that biff isn't supposed to be the one controlling hill valley and he knows that he isn't supposed to be spending the rest of his days in a mental hospital. something was messed up. something went wrong. and he can't do anything about it.
So with the Wuthering Heights movie, made me read the book, not really a romance book in my opinion. but now im totally craving and obsessed with this idea of like a dark and long term love and longing. Like stiles and Derek have loved each other since childhood but due to their status or families they can't be together, so they just say it's close friendship. Till it's time for stiles to get married and that's when it all breaks loose. had an idea that stiles marries some guy, but quickly poisons him or something, so that he becomes weak and sickly, takes ill for long periods of time. basically so that Derek and him can have a honeymoon and live as if they are married, maybe planning to say any children stiles has is the husbands, till everything is just right and then the husband dies of his "illness". just Derek and stiles having sex in the master bedroom while next door is stiles husband who can't move.
Ooh that's so dark n delicious... I'm all in for Stiles poisoning his spouse and eloping with Derek
I am currently experiencing a Marauders renaissance, send help.
Lifelines
——-
Part one | Part two | A03
——-
They do work it out. Tommy apologises for running, Buck apologises for jumping and they both agree to take it slow this time.
Evan comes round for movie nights while Tommy works up the courage to take Chimney up on his offer of babysitting.
They sit, pressed against each other, Evan reeling off every piece of trivia about the film they’re watching. He tells Evan about Ava, how she’s starting to stand up and move around the furniture. How one day he had been making her breakfast, he’d turned around and she wasn’t there anymore. He knew both the doors were shut but it didn’t stop it feeling like his heart was about to come out of his chest. Until he heard a tiny giggle come out from under one of the chairs. She had wedged herself into the square created by the chair legs and was sat, perfectly still, two little hands covering her face. When he crouched down to gently ask what it was she was doing, she had pulled her hands away and shouted with the kind of pure joy Tommy didn’t think he’d ever seen before.
“She sounds very funny.”
“She certainly thinks so, I’m not sure my cardiologist would agree.”
——-
Tommy is still stood in the hallway.
There’s nothing else to do. He had given Howie the official tour, showed him Ava’s bottles, formula, where the extra diapers and pacifiers were kept.
He just had to leave.
He took a deep breath and glanced at where Ava and Howie were sat on the floor of the living room. Ava was banging two blocks slightly dangerously close to Howie’s nose and laughing at his mock shock. Howie pushes himself up off the floor and walks over to him. He puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder and smiles gently.
“She’s going to be okay.”
“I know.”
“You are going to be okay.”
Tommy chews on his lip. He’s less certain about that. His eyes flick over to the door. It’s just dinner, a couple of hours. He’s coming home.
I wonder if they thought the same thing?
He pushes the thought away immediately, and goes into the living room. He scoops Ava up and presses a kiss to her forehead.
“I promise I’m coming back, you’re going to have a great time with Uncle Howie, okay?”
She squeaks, seemingly in agreement and makes a ‘mwah’ smacking sound, tipping forward and crashing, open mouthed, straight into his face. He laughs and kisses her cheek. He puts her back down on the floor and offers her a block, she takes it and goes back to trying to find the most interesting combination of things to bash together.
He takes another deep breath and goes to the front door. Howie gives him a comical thumbs up as he opens the door.
Evan is practically bouncing by the time Tommy finally steps out of the door. They’ve chosen a restaurant a few blocks away from Tommy’s house. It isn’t the nicest place but Buck knows how tense Tommy was about being anywhere too far from home.
It also means they get to enjoy a warm evening walk, hands linked, the light autumn breeze ruffling through their hair.
“So you going to tell me why you look like you’re about to explode? Or should I just start taking guesses until the bomb squad gets called?”
Evan blushes, tips his head back and laughs.
“Bet you’d look good, even in a bomb suit.” He playfully bumps against Tommy’s shoulder.
“Maddie had her first scan today, everything is going well. I always think they look super weird when they’re that small, like little beans y’know?”
Tommy did know.
Tommy knows because there is one of those pictures in the top drawer of his dresser at home. A little note attached, achingly familiar handwriting printing out his status as favoured Uncle.
It twists in his gut and he can feel the bile rising in his throat. He instinctively presses it down, tries to disguise the burning in his throat with a cough. Evan looks at him, bright and piercing.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, that’s, it’s really great news.”
——-
They reach the restaurant and get seated.
Buck is busy catching Tommy up with some of the more note worthy calls they’d had in the last few months.
He reaches across the table and prise Tommy’s hand away from the napkin he’s currently shredding, linking their fingers together. He squeezes gently.
“She’s going to be okay, Chim is like a master with babies.”
Tommy smiles faintly, he had received a picture of Ava fast asleep in her crib with Howie leaning over her, big smile, thumbs up and a ‘she’s been great, enjoy your date!’ messaged attached.
“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just- it’s the first time I’ve left her.”
“We can go back if you need to, I know she’s important.”
“You’re important too.”
Tommy doesn’t miss the faint blush that creeps across Evan’s cheeks. Smiles at him.
“Now what were you saying? You can’t leave me hanging with a kitten stuck in an air vent story.”
Evan grins, it lights up his whole face. Tommy feels the knot of pressure in his chest ease slightly.
The rest of the date passes easily and before he knows it he’s stood in Ava’s room, softly stroking her cheek while she sleeps.
He and Evan had said goodnight with a kiss and a promise to see each other again later that week.
He pulls up her little blanket and whispers
“I think it might work this time.”
——-
They met at Tommy’s house later in the week, as promised, but Evan has been quieter this evening. Dinner passes with a bare description of his day, no regaling of the random facts he’d learnt since the last time they’d seen each other. Tommy recalls his small late night confession. It starts to make him feel sick. They wash up in near silence.
Tommy dries his hands as Evan loops the tea towel through the cabinet door. The silence starts to feel heavy.
“Is everything okay?”
Evan looks uneasy, shifting from foot to foot, fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve.
I- uhm - I don’t know how to-” his eyes are shining with unshed tears. “I want this Tommy, I really do, but-”
Tommy feels rooted to the floor. It’s happening again, only this time it’ll be Evan that walks out of the door.
“It’s been great, really, I just feel like something isn’t working.”
Tommy has to try to remember to breathe. He opens his mouth, closes it again. How could he have missed this?
“But- I thought-” he hears his voice catch. “I thought it was going well.”
Evan tilts his head, a sad smile on his face.
“It was, and I am, I really want to be with you, it’s just-”
He takes a deep breath, face resolute.
“You’re still hiding from me.”
Tommy takes a step back, stunned.
“I’m- I’m not-”
“Tommy, your sister died. In a freak accident a hundred miles away, months ago and you haven’t said a single word about it.”
He can feel his chest getting tight, breaths coming out shorter than he would like. He glances at the monitor on the side, prays for a disturbance, a snuffle. Anything to get him out from under Evan’s gaze.
He wants to run. Every thing in him is telling him to get away, it’s too much. He can’t admit how broken he feels. How much he loves the tiny face that looks just like hers, how much it hurts.
He knows this is it, this is the moment. Trust himself with Evan, or run.
He takes a step towards Evan, his shaking hand is moving forward. Reaching out.
His head feels like it’s full of lead, he lifts his eyes, dragging them away from his escape route. Focuses them in front of him.
Evan’s eyes are soft, full of the patience that usually makes Tommy feel uneasy. He feels hands wrapped around his own, pulling him closer. He lets himself go, finding his face pressed up against the side of Evan’s neck. He closes his eyes against the shiver that runs through his whole body.
“I miss her.” He whispers. “She was the only one I ever-” a stuttering breath forces its way out of his chest. “She was the only one I ever felt safe with.” He can’t stop it now, the grief crashes over him like a wave. He trembles in Evan’s embrace. The arms wrapping around him are the only things keeping him from collapsing under the weight of it.
“A-and she left me.” His voice is raw, ragged. “And I’m-” he falters, a sharp edge pulls through his mind, it’s too much, he won’t stay if you say it. “I’m angry with her.” He clenches his jaw. “She’s dead and I’m angry with her.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “She didn’t tell me about Ava, she didn’t ask, she just-” He feels Evan turn his head towards him, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “She just left, and I- I want her back Evan, I miss her so much.”
“And I’m scared. If I-” he chokes. “That if I tell anyone how much I feel like I can’t do this, how terrified I am that I’m getting it all wrong…That someone will come and takes her away from me.”
“Nobody is going to take Ava.”
“She’s all I have left of her.”
“Nobody is going to take her away from you. Tommy,” He shuffles them slightly, guides them down the hallway and over to the couch. Pulls Tommy down, in close to his chest.
“It’s okay to feel like that. If Maddie and Chim-” he cuts himself off with a harsh swallow. “I think it’s a fairly normal response given the situation, but sweetheart,” he cradles Tommy’s face gently, rubs his thumb along Tommys cheekbone, trying to smooth away the fear embedded there. “If you don’t talk about, it’ll only ever get worse. You have to talk to us, trust that we aren’t going anywhere.”
“Okay.”
They sit there for a while as Tommy calms down. He feels exhausted from the sudden outpouring of emotion. His eyes feel heavy, just as he feel himself drifting off the monitor on the coffee table starts emitting high cries.
He sighs.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, you go, I’ll be right here when you get back.”
Tommy looks at him, so open and earnest. He offers a watery smile and starts to push himself off the couch. Evan catches him just before he stands, squeezes the hand balancing on his thigh.
“Thank you for telling me.”
Tommy nods, his throat still feels locked up.
Evan presses a quick kiss to his cheek and watches as he leaves the room.
He sits back on the couch and lets out a long breath. He wasn’t glad Tommy was upset, of course not, but he had chosen to let his guard down. He had chosen to stay.
Buck picks up the monitor and holds it close to his chest, listening to the gentle soothing. Tommy telling her that she is okay, she’s safe.
Maybe this time it will work.
"— Just like this song — he said, turning up the volume as he walked around the living room, opening the large window panes to let the saxophone moan contaminate even more the dirty air of the streets, of the night, of the city. — Exactly like this song."
"The July wind ruffled his hair slightly. His back to the other, face turned towards the darkness, arms outstretched. As if dancing. And he said, his face raised to the sky covered in soot, wet with drops of the cold drizzle:"
"The other had leaned back on the sofa until he was almost lying down. And listened, his attention divided between his words and sips of wine. He smiled. He had a way of smiling sideways, as if he wanted to hide some flaw in his teeth, although he didn't have any, you could see it when he smiled fully, which was rare. He smiled, then one of the-"
"— And the saxophone comes back. When the saxophone comes back, comes back the punch. But not a hard punch, you understand? A gentle punch. As if your belly were a soft cushion. As if the very fist that strikes were somewhat padded. All soft. There's no noise. Just a soft feeling. A slow, vague pain. A pain that only begins to be pain gradually, not suddenly, because it's gradually that you begin to realize that it exists, the pain."
"— You know that somehow the thing was right there, very close. That you could have touched it. You could have caught it. In the air, like a fruit. Then comes back the punch. And without understanding, you stop and ask something like: but whose mistake was it?"
Withnail & I (1987) + First pages of Pela Noite, by Caio Fernando Abreu + translations
DELTARUNE TOMORROW!!!!!
absolutely ditching tumblr til i finish but when im back ill tag spoilers with ‘deltarune spoilers’ for at least a few weeks. i also want everyone to know that i do in fact have a dentist appointment i cannot reschedule tomorrow so my day is gonna be deltarune -> dentist -> more deltarune. i do think that is about to be the Longest dentist appointment in my life and if anything is indeed wrong with my teeth and thus makes it longer i might freak out <3
tumblr keeps fucking edging me it always tells me i have 1 item in my inbox and i check and there’s never anything. TODAY it tells me there are TWO things in my inbox!! i get excited!! i open it!! there are now two nothings in my inbox
