#absolute crack

[muusudgoi]

Ganked this from Netheryam on TikTok had to share it

[arthdoesart]

Silly Billford stuff where Bill disguises as his necklace

[faetyrantosaurus]

“Geralt. Seriously?” Jaskier repeated. “In my lute. My LUTE. Took it out to play this morning, and it made the most horrible noise—” “It doesn’t usually sound like that?” Geralt asked with a smirk. “Ha, ha. Anyway, I thought maybe the strings needed tuning again—but lo and behold, I find this!” Jaskier held up a throwing knife. To Geralt’s credit, he tried quite hard to hide the smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Must have gotten lodged in there when you put your lute with my stuff,” he grunted. “I did tell you not to do that.” Jaskier huffed and carefully set his lute down—only to place his hands firmly on his hips. He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t plant it there. I know you.” “Yeah?” “Yes. And you think you’re being sneaky, putting daggers in my belongings like it’s some game. We have been over this, Geralt. It’s getting old. I told you, my lute is the only weapon I need. And my charm!” Geralt raised an eyebrow. “Shame your lute and charisma didn’t stop those lads from nicking your purse last night.” Jaskier scoffed. “Oh, shut it. And you know what? Perhaps I’ll make you sleep on the floor!” With a laugh that sounded more like a breath through his nose, Geralt muttered, “Right. Good luck with that.” With a huff, Jaskier pressed the throwing knife into Geralt’s hand. “Don’t do it again." Geralt did it again.

***

of pranks and poetry

A crackfic in which Geralt and Jaskier share precisely one brain cell: Geralt thinks Jaskier needs a weapon, Jaskier thinks Geralt needs poetry... retaliation ensues.

Featuring the word "fuck". Far too many times.

Read it on ao3.

Prompt by @thedemonofcat - https://www.tumblr.com/thedemonofcat/802788727299702784/recently-geralts-begun-to-think-it-might-be-wise?source=share

[sophieturnersdoppelganger]

Happy Wolf

Day 4 of @nedcatweek: "Do you need some help with that?"

Inspired by @lycorim's 'Weresigils AU,' which I have been looking for a reason to write about since I first saw it over a year ago! Absolutely cracked fluff; literal wolf Starks with one human Catelyn. 931 words; divider by @/saradika.

The first rays of sunlight glinted across the snow. Winterfell’s godswood was quiet, save for a soft crunching—one pair of boots, three sets of paws. They made their way to the heart tree, where the boots stopped, their owner sitting upon one of the ancient roots. Two sets of paws meandered about the frozen pool in front of the massive weirwood, while the third stopped beside the boots, waiting just a moment before the fronts were placed on a thigh with a soft whine.

Catelyn smiled and bent down, pulling Rickon onto her lap. He licked her cheek, then curled up, watching Arya and Bran circle the pool, snuffling in the snow. Although it had been sixteen years, Catelyn still did not feel quite at ease here, surrounded by her husband’s gods. But having her children with her always made her more comfortable, even when they were in their canine forms instead of their human ones.

They had only been at the heart tree a few minutes when Arya and Bran suddenly lifted their heads and looked to the south. They glanced at Catelyn, who nodded, then ran off, snow flying up behind them. Their excited yipping reached her a moment later, making her smile and enticing Rickon to sit up. Another minute, then they were running back, each carrying a rabbit; Robb loped easily just behind them with a pair of beavers in his mouth. He placed them at her feet and sat, awaiting her approval. Catelyn reached out and gently stroked his head. Robb leaned into her touch for a breath, then Ned came into view, walking oddly, with Sansa skipping, as much as a wolf could, beside him. Robb stood and picked up his beavers, moving to the side. Rickon hopped from her lap to investigate his eldest sibling’s kills, and Catelyn got to her feet, walking towards her husband and daughter.

“Is that a bull elk?” Catelyn asked, astonished, realizing why Ned could not simply jog across the godswood as he had so many times before. Sansa pranced up to her, letting out a joyful bark.

“You took it down?” Another bark. “I am very impressed.”

Ned dragged the elk to the base of the heart tree, where Robb was laying with Rickon, snout already buried in one of the beavers, sitting on his front legs. Sansa sat proudly beside her kill as Arya and Bran bounded over with more excited yipping. Ned affectionately bumped his forehead against Sansa’s, then turned back to Catelyn. 

For a moment they stared at each other. He was huge, his head level with her chest, with canines the size of her hand and paws the size of her face. She ought to be terrified of such a creature. But then he flopped down with a great sigh, looking up at her dolefully, and she shook her head, smiling.

“Alright, alright.” Catelyn spread out the blanket she had brought with her, then sat beside him. Ned rolled onto his side, placing his gigantic head in her lap and closing his eyes. She buried her fingers in his ruff, slowly dragging them through the incredibly soft fur.

“Did you eat already?” Catelyn asked.

Ned huffed. 

“You’ll go out again later, then?”

He placed his paw on her shin, rubbing his cheek against her thighs.

“Do not tell me not to worry. I am very glad that you take such good care of our pups, Eddard, but you must also eat.”

Ned growled softly.

“That is unbecoming.”

Another huff, then he turned his head and licked her gloved palm.

“Apology accepted.”

They sat in silence as their children ate, enjoying the winter sun. Rickon quickly finished and immediately scrambled onto Ned to curl up again, still small enough that the cold bothered him. After cleaning up every scrap of meat from the collected kills, the other four, bellies full and fur warmed by the sunshine, took off through the snow, chasing one another, knocking each other down and playfully batting and nipping. Rickon watched them for a few minutes, then, apparently deciding he would rather face the cold than be left out, slid from his bed of Ned and bounded after them. Catelyn continued to scratch at Ned’s neck, smiling at the awkward way Rickon moved, his paws too big for his legs, which were in turn too long for his body.

“We shall have another one soon,” Catelyn said quietly.

Ned’s eyes opened and he tilted his head to look up at her. Catelyn held her breath, smiling down at him. Ned flipped himself upright, blinked twice at her, then began sniffing her intently, wolfy brow furrowed almost comically. After a minute he pulled back, looking happy, then he quickly sat up and leaned in, and—

“Ned!” Catelyn laughed, his tongue hot on her neck. “Oh! You know I hate when you do that!” Ned pressed his forehead to her cheek and sighed, his tail swiping furiously across the snow. This clearly was more emotion than he wished to express, for Ned quickly leaned back again and snapped at his tail. Catelyn covered her mouth, trying not to giggle at him as he attempted to capture his tail, still wagging, with either paws or mouth.

“Do you need some help with that, husband?” Catelyn asked, unable to keep the amusement from her voice. Ned, apparently resigning himself to a temporary lack of stoicism, sighed and laid down beside her, his chin on his paws, his body against her legs. His tail continued to wag behind them as their children played in the snow.

[autumnalfrost]

An edit of this piece https://www.tumblr.com/autumnalfrost/795802442571874304/carl-being-creeped-on-by-the-unseen-ai requested by my husband

💬 1  🔁 8  ❤️ 27 · Carl being creeped on by the unseen AI

She done did it again y’all! @gallifreyasgardmiddle-earth has gifted us with another story to go with my art

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

McDreamy, Gotham Style

Whumptober Alt: Yearning Whumptober Alt: Oh. Oh. Whumptober Day #11: Laceration Whumptober Day #20: Fancy Event Whumptober Day #27: Bedside Vigil

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: Gen

Fandom: Batman - All Media Types

Characters: Original Female Character(s); Original Characters; Kiran "Dev" Devabhaktuni; Bruce Wayne; Batfamily Members (DCU)

Additional Tags: Crack; Just absolute lunacy; As I told bowditch "I'm here to cause problems"; Canon Compliant; Dr. Dev is loved; POV Outsider; Accidental aphobia; Why are Gothamites like that; Life in Gotham City (DCU); Whumptober 2025; Not Edited; cannot emphasize enough this is absolute garbage crack; Yearning; We support Women's wrongs; and she is so so wrong; Rated T for language; no toxic masculinity we cuddle and support like men

——

"What's his name again?"

"Doctor Dev," Lisa replies, enjoying the way the final consonant makes her bite her lower lip.

"Sexy," Amber agrees.

Read now on A03

[kidindanger]

Uhhhhhhh ghhuu uhhg guhhhh huh UHHHHH UH UH UH UM

IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME GOOOOOOOO??????????????????????????

Not a ectofeature post I'm just very confused what the hell tears in my eyes

Music?? I think

[auntiezelda]

Happy Pride month y'all🏳️‍🌈