#abuse advice

[jigglybellysoftheart]

Every summer, this happens - I’m at home all day everyday, instead of a few hours a day. My parents are abusive and make me miserable. And I can’t figure out how to stop this cycle. 

I can’t drive - my parents refuse to teach me. I live miles from everything - even my driveway is 2/3 of a mile long. So walking anywhere isn’t an option.

I can’t get a job because my parents refuse to drive me, so I don’t have any excuse to leave the house.

I have a job during school months, but it is a tutoring job at my university and I don’t work many hours - I made less than $2,000 last year. Even if I had saved all of that money, that would only be enough money to live for maybe two months out of my house.

My parents regularly take away my phone as punishment for anything they decide to make up - yesterday, it was taken away for unknown reasons, and I have no expectation of when to get it back, so I can’t communicate with my friends, which is my one lifeline. 

There is no “be silent and things will go away” option with my family - my father, especially, will find something. I try to stay in my room as much as possible, because even just seeing me makes him angry. But me staying in my room makes him angry, too, so there isn’t any winning.

My parents have full financial control over me. I have no money, so I can’t move out. I can’t drive, so I can’t get a job and make money to be able to move out. I can’t even live out of my car - I can’t drive and don’t have one. 

There seems to be no options. I can’t see a way out. During the school year, it is tolerable, because, even though I live at home, I am at school from 8:00 am to 10:00 pm. Summer, however, is miserable. 

If anyone has any insight, advice, or anything, please please let me know. It seems impossible to me. I don’t know how to help myself.

[thiefqueenftw]

Need Advice

For those of you who tried to help with my previous post about this, thank you much! I really appreciate it!

The situation has changed drastically however, so I don’t know if anyone will have more specific advice about this or not, but I figured I’d try anyway

So my fiancee’s little brother had his phone and computer taken away by his parents for contacting my fiancée and I. He was able to call us from a friend’s phone at school, but his parents are now by his side and monitoring him 24/7 (even standing over his bed while he sleeps) and he hasn’t been able to do homework or talk to anyone because of this

His parents are also threatening to put him in a mental ward for his “anxiety” about them (because clearly it’s his fault /sarcasm) because they “have never done anything wrong” (they very much have)

This kid is too scared to eat or sleep, hasn’t been able to get homework done, and because if that he’s starting to get kind of paranoid and I’m worried that because his lack of food and sleep is making him paranoid that if his parents do decide to get him hospitalized for anxiety they’ll be able to do it and this kid’s case against them will fall apart because “oh I guess it was just anxiety that made him call CPS and the police!”

Does anyone have any advice? Just in general? CPS are meeting with him at school today for an interview, but like I said if his parents can convince them it’s just anxiety when CPS talks to them later I’m worried it’ll ruin his chances of getting out

Signal boosting is ok and encouraged

[snape-25-7]

Hi, first you don't need to answer if this is too personal, but i saw your post about your abusive roommate. I have a friend who I think might be abusive and can be controlling sometimes. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to know if someone is really abusive or how you figured it out? And how to get out of the situation? Thank you, and I love your snape blog :)

I apologize for not seeing this sooner dear!!

Well, the problem with abusive friends is that it is hard to believe they are abusive because you care so much for them. It also makes you feel guilty because you might think you’re overreacting. It’s important to know that your feelings are valid and you’re most likely not overrreacting.

Trust me, I did not believe she was abusive until others tried to get me to listen to them about it. She did not like me to go anywhere, she threatened to kill herself if I did anything she did not like, she would not let me near my other friends and my boyfriend. But every abuse is different, every story is different. If you feel like your friend is controlling and abusive, the best thing you can do for both of you is cut ties.

You may feel terrible, that’s normal. But it is best for you and so healthy for you to stop talking to those who make you feel bad. It does not mean you hate them, I still care about all of my past abusers, but that is not what you want to do either. At best, be civil if possible, but no one is making you do that. You do what makes you feel best.

If they threaten their own life when you cut ties, you need to be strong. Tell one of their family members or call someone who might be able to help. Sometimes they are serious, but many times it is a guilt trip. It can be hard to get out or to stay out. But it is possible.

I hope you find a way to get out of this, love. You are a wonderful person who deserves to feel free from abuse. Please keep me updated x

[bellaswansong]

sleep deprivation as a weapon of predators: an advice post for 13-14 year olds

one of the most sneaky things an older person can do to hurt you is to encourage you to mess up your health or do things that will affect your ability to make good judgements, and by convincing you to lose sleep, they can do both at once. humans need sleep to function properly, and humans age 13 and 14 need a whole lot of it. if an adult wants you to stay up past midnight messaging them more than once a month or so, theyre sacrificing your health to talk to you alone, with no one else even awake for you to ask advice from, for hours on end. and that isn’t okay.

sleep deprivation lowers performance by the same amount as being drunk. when you dont get enough sleep for a few days in a row, that makes it harder for your brain to store long term memories. if an adult means to hurt you, and encourages you to destroy your sleep schedule, theyre also trying to impair your judgement and memory. the memory part is especially important. it’s very scary to realise a few years later that you’ve forgotten most of the details of your conversations with someone who hurt you. it’s scary to realise that you arent as sure about how far things went as you should be. i dont want any of you to experience that.

look, i know it’s hard to believe that people on the internet are out to get you, and a lot of them wont be. i know that with timezones, it’s hard to talk to someone at normal times of day. but someone doesnt have to have bad intentions to hurt you anyway. if someone always wants you to stay up late for them, they dont value your health enough to let you sleep, and you deserve a friend who wants you to be healthy. even with timezones, you shouldnt always be the one who loses sleep to talk. i know i cant make you sleep, and i know it feels like youre a being of concentrated willpower when you manage to stay up all night without falling asleep in class the next day, but if youre going to mess up your sleep schedule, do it on your own terms.

and remember that when someone wants you to keep talking to them late into the night, night after night, theyre also asking you to hurt yourself, even if they dont realise it. it’s fun to stay up very late with friends once in a while, but if it’s a pattern, it’ll hurt you.

thank you for reading this, and please reblog if you think it’ll help others. if you’re going to add to this post, dont cuss, because i want this to be accessible as a resource for as many people as possible.