Falling Slowly - K.T.H
pairing: ex!taehyung x ex!reader summary: just exes casted in Daesung's music video for "Falling Slowly" type: actor au warning/s: awkward meetings, kinda angsty, i won't be following the actions in the mv bc i wanted to switch it up word count: 3695
bts m.list || kth m.list
Truthfully, you didn't know who you were going to be partnered up with. Daesung's team just told you that you'd be partnered up with a fellow actor around your age. It was your first time being cast for a music video, and you were very excited. It would not only help your popularity but also widen your range. After all, you only ever acted on stage. So, acting in a music video is an opportunity of a lifetime, and you hoped to get roles for movies and dramas as well. Acting on stage gives you such a thrill, and every night is a different set of audience, which makes it really fun. That's how you met the love of your life, Kim Taehyung. It was cute, really.
He was never supposed to be backstage, but he was there, anyway. His friend, Kim Seokjin, was a co-star of yours, and while he was waiting, you bumped into each other. It was love at first sight, and you knew then and there that he was the one for you. Unfortunately, good things must come to an end. After seven years, both of you painfully called it quits. You didn't understand how it came to be because everything was fine. Turns out, he had his own inner demons that he desperately tried to fix during your relationship, but he failed miserably, resulting in hurting you in the process. You overlooked it all because that's just how you were as a person. You desperately tried to make the relationship work despite Taehyung's toxicity.
Even though both of you called it quits, you were still very much in love with him. He was your first serious boyfriend, and he was the only man you planned your future with. All your exes could never compare. Yoongi, your manager, wanted you to explore and be happy again, but you turned it down. You'd much rather live in the dark for a little while longer to grieve the relationship that could've been if Taehyung had changed. It's been five months since then, and you were slowly being your old self again.
You were reviewing the script when Daesung approached you. You were a huge fan of BigBang, so to see one of the members in the flesh felt so surreal to you. You greeted him, and both of you started talking about the song, how he wanted the scene to be, and how honored you were to be there.
"Don't stress about it, Y/Nie! I picked you for a reason. I know you'll do great and give my song justice." He chuckled. "Anyway, I'll let you get ready." With that, he left.
You were on your phone when you sensed someone enter. You looked up, and your breath hitched as soon as you saw Kim Taehyung enter the set. He looked devilishly handsome. He was with his manager, Kim Namjoon. He locked eyes with you, and he was surprised. It was like neither of you didn't know the other would be there. Daesung broke the ice.
"Taehyung-ah! I'm so happy you're here!" Daesung smiled brightly. Taehyung's eyes tore away from yours as he smiled and bowed at Daesung.
"Daesung-hyung, it's a pleasure to be here. Thank you for casting me." He smiled. You once loved seeing him smile, and you fear that you still do.
"I'm actually a fan of both of your works. Anyway, Taehyung, this is-"
"Y/N." Taehyung said.
"Taehyung." You said and nodded at him politely.
"Oh, wonderful! You two know each other?" Daesung smiled happily. By then, both of your managers were there too, and all four of you looked at Daesung.
He didn't know. This was purely a coincidence.
"Something like that," Yoongi answered for all four of you. Daesung clapped his hands together, "This makes it easier for both of you, then! You guys know each other, so I expect natural chemistry."
Daesung left after that. He wanted both of you to get ready. There were speaking lines in the video, but they would be improvised. In the script, it's written that after the second verse, you'd have an intense confrontation/argument scene. You weren't looking forward to it at all.
For the next two days, you were shooting the separate scenes. Daesung actually had the budget to shoot two people at the same time. While you did your solo scenes, Taehyung was doing his. It gave both of you time to prepare for when it was time to shoot scenes together. By day three, you began to shoot the scenes where both of you are in love. You didn't know what to do.
"Just- just act like how you were before," Yoongi suggested.
"I can't. I might cry." You sighed. You were only being honest. Yoongi nodded, "Want me to talk to Namjoon? I'm sure we could arrange something."
"No, thank you. I can get through this. I just have to be professional about it."
"Perhaps you should speak with Taehyung before shooting begins. Y'know, like, set some boundaries, how to act in love, and whatnot. Like you said, be professional, so let's keep it that way." Yoongi said, and you nodded. It wasn't a bad idea.
You approached Taehyung while he was busy browsing the food at the snack table. There were so many breads and pastries to choose from. He needed to gain weight anyway for his upcoming role. Just as Taehyung took a big bite of his pistachio croissant, you cleared your throat and spoke, "Nice to see you again, Tae."
He turned to you with a surprised look and a full mouth. You couldn't help but giggle at the sight of it. He looked like a deer in the headlights. He tried to speak, but some of the croissant's crumbs flew in your direction, landing on your cheek. He quickly grabbed a tissue and debated on whether he should wipe it himself or hand it to you. To save him, you grabbed the tissue from him and wiped it off. He quickly swallowed the food in his mouth and said, "Sorry about that. Nice to see you too, Y/N. How- how've you been? Good?"
You nodded, "I'm alright. You?"
"Just dandy." He gave you a tight-lipped smile. It was obvious that both of you were avoiding the breakup topic.
"So, um, I just wanted to talk to you about the scenes we'll be shooting today. They're, um, scenes of us in love." You said awkwardly.
"Yeah! Oh, fuck. Um, yeah, great idea. So, how do we... how do we do that? Is it awkward for you?" He asked, and you shook your head.
"We were in love for seven years, Tae. I think we got this in the bag. I guess we should just act like how we were before. Let's pretend we didn't break up at all." You suggested.
He nodded, "Alright. I think I can do that. We can cuddle and shit. How about kissing?"
"A short, but sweet kiss would be fine."
"Alright. To make things easier, I could say a few jokes, and you could laugh. Would that be okay?" He asked, taking another bite of his croissant. You nodded, "That's actually a good idea. It would look natural."
Unbeknownst to both of you, both of your managers were talking. They watched with their arms crossed as they stood next to each other, watching the whole exchange.
"God, I hope it goes well. We didn't declare them as exes." Yoongi said.
"We didn't declare anything either. Besides, Daesung hyung's team didn't know. We just gotta keep it professional. Do you think they'll be okay?" Namjoon asked as he turned his head to the older man.
"They'll be just fine," Yoongi answered.
Turns out, shooting the flashback scenes was easy. You and Taehyung did a tremendous job acting in love. In fact, Daesung was so impressed that he let both of you decide its creative direction. You suggested running around the apartment as he chased you, and Taehyung suggested a cute bike ride around the park with you sitting in front, where the bike handles are. Both of you came up with baking together in the apartment, which led to both of your faces being covered in flour, and you sat on top of the counter, Taehyung stood between your legs as he whispered how much he loved you, while you giggled before sharing a sweet kiss.
It was absolutely heartbreaking to know that it's all for a music video. The director yelled, "Cut!", and Taehyung pulled away, staring at you. Daesung clapped and smiled, "Wow! You guys are amazing. The chemistry is so good! Maybe you guys would end up together after this."
Oh, if he only knew you and Taehyung had dated for seven years.
"Save your energies for tomorrow. We'll be shooting the improv part! I'm so excited. Feel free to discuss how to do it. Like, who speaks first, how to end the scene, if there's a prompt you want to go with, and all. Tomorrow's also the last day of shooting, so I hope we all end on a good note. See you tomorrow!"
When tomorrow came, both you and Taehyung were extremely nervous. There were so many things left unsaid because while your breakup was inevitable, it was still abrupt. It was a mutual decision in the end, but it was you who initiated it. Taehyung suggested that both of you could just address the breakup in the guise of shooting for a music video, so it's real. You didn't mind. It would probably be your only chance to speak to each other.
The setting was much like your shared apartment that day. It was all comfy, but you could sense the tension. You and Taehyung were dressed in comfortable house clothes that you brought from home. You wore his sweater and your comfiest pajamas. Taehyung wore his hoodie and his grey sweatpants that you loved. By the time you stood in front of each other in the living room, you felt a wave of emotions come through you.
"So, we'd like to test your professionalism." The director said, causing both of you to turn to him. "We'll do this in one take, okay? That's the challenge. Take your time and end it when it feels right. We'll follow your lead. To have a feel of it, we'll play the second verse and when it stops, start acting."
Both of you looked at each other and nodded. Your stage acting skills would come in handy because being in a play is all in one take, anyway. Taehyung nodded to himself and took a deep breath. As a screen actor, he'd have a semi-hard time adjusting because he wasn't used to it. However, he was willing to do it, and he knew he could pull it off because, well, it was you he was doing a scene with.
"Ready?" The director asked. Both of you were mentally prepared for it and gave the director a thumbs-up. "Action!" As soon as the director said that, all eyes were on you. You had to remember that you were still doing your job while you were having some kind of closure with your ex-boyfriend of seven years.
Uh, geuge majimagieotdamyeon Han beon deo nae pume Neol gadeuk anasseul tende, mm (Uh, if it was our last, I would have held you tight in my arms once more, mm)
Wae ijeya, ijeseoya, itji mothae Neol geurineun geoya, oh (Why is it just now, now that I helplessly dream of you? Oh)
Music stops.
"I can't have this argument with you again, Tae." Your voice was shaky. You knew you were about to cry, so you walked around the apartment to make it more natural, picking up clothes and putting them in the laundry basket. In all fairness, the apartment looked lived in. It made it more real.
"Aish, I'm not looking to argue with you, Y/N. I just want to apologize for how I acted, okay? Is that too much to ask?" He asked as he followed you around.
"That's the thing!" You raised your voice and turned to him. "You always apologize for how you react, for what you say, and for how you treat me, but you repeat it anyway! What's the point?!"
Taehyung was quiet, but his eyes were clouded with tears.
"You- you always blame it on alcohol or stress. Heck, I'm stressed too, but I never take it out on you! How is that fair?" You asked. Your voice finally cracked. Tears streamed down your face, and Taehyung immediately wiped them with his thumbs as he cupped your face.
"But Y/N, I love you. You're it for me." Taehyung cried. "I always thought I never amounted to anything, but you came into my life and suddenly, I want to be great. I was pressured, but I don't blame you. It was all me, but please, cut me some slack. I was trying really hard to be the perfect boyfriend on and off camera! I was loyal, and I always showed you the projects being offered to me because I wanted to be transparent with you. I love you so much."
You were quiet, but your tears continued to fall.
"You made me think I actually mattered, Y/N."
"That's because you mattered so much to me. Do you know if I happened to matter to you? Because you surely didn't make me feel that way. You were too busy battling your demons that you forgot that you were hurting me." You cried as you removed his hands from your face. You grabbed the laundry basket and walked to the 'laundry room'. You opened the door and left it there before closing it.
"Of course you mattered to me! How dare you accuse me-"
"Because I was drowning, Tae!" You screamed, turning to look at him. Your chest was rising up and down as you stared at each other. You harshly wiped your tears and said, "I was drowning right in front of you, and you were too busy and too focused on yourself to even notice."
"I was trying, okay?! Do you know how hard it is to start off as a child actor?"
"Oh, here we go again with the child actor argument!"
"It wasn't fucking easy!" Taehyung yelled. "That shit gave me so much trauma, Y/N. All I asked for was a little more patience. Fuck! They all call me an alcoholic, they slandered my name so many fucking times, and they made rumors about me. How the fuck was I supposed to overcome that?!"
"You're a grown-ass man, Taehyung!" You shouted back. "Your trauma doesn't fucking define you. I understand what you went through, but it wasn't a fucking excuse to treat me like shit! Seven years wasn't a fucking joke." You cried even more.
"So, my trying will never be good enough, huh? What's the point of trying if I'll never be good enough for you? Was I even enough for you, Y/N?" He asked, hurt written all over his face.
"No, you were too much for me." You confessed. "Too much to handle, Tae."
Both of you were crying your hearts out at this point. Even Namjoon and Yoongi were in tears. Both of them were witnesses to your relationship, after all. Daesung and his team were beginning to have a clue because it all felt personal, but they didn't say anything.
"Every time I think it'll get easier, it doesn't." You hiccuped. "Pretending to be happy is exhausting, Tae."
"Then don't pretend." Taehyung walked towards you once more and held both of your hands, "We could go back to the way we were in the beginning. Just you and me forever, right?"
"That's the thing, Tae." You said softly, letting go of his hands. "Sometimes, forever just doesn't last long."
"You won't wait for me to get better?"
"Truthfully, how long am I supposed to wait, Tae? You kept saying the old you would come back soon, and when I think the old you is back, you change and become worse. You keep pushing me away and pulling me back in. It's dizzying."
"I was scared that you wouldn't like the old me. Even when I met you, I had my troubles. I was afraid you'd leave me if I went back to who I was." Taehyung cried.
"I was scared of you, yet I still stayed because my love for you triumphed over everything." You said, lip quivering. "Over everything, Tae. I lost myself in the process of loving you and choosing you, and I hate it. I hate myself for not giving myself an ounce of love because I foolishly gave it all to you. Now, I can't fucking function because you drained the shit out of me. You barely even returned the love I gave you."
"So, what? You're leaving?" He asked, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. You could only nod. He poked his tongue through his cheek and sniffed, "This is it, then? Seven years down the drain. Did it matter to you?"
"It meant the world for me, Tae." You cried hard. "Please don't misunderstand. You were my whole world, and we planned our future together. It was everything to me, but I have to choose myself this time."
He nodded, tears continuously falling, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that I messed it up for you, for us. I wish I weren't fucked up, and maybe we'd be married with children by now."
"Things happen for a reason. Maybe our paths will cross again, or maybe you'd find someone else who could silence your demons. I'm not that girl, Taehyung. I'm sorry."
He shook his head, "You're wrong. You'll always be my girl. There's no one else for me, Y/N. I made that pretty fucking clear this whole time. I hope you come back to me."
You grabbed your bag from the couch and walked to the door with Taehyung following behind. He hugged you tightly from behind, causing you to stop in your tracks. Both of you cried and cried.
"I'm sorry, Y/N."
"I'm sorry too. I don't want to leave, but I have to. Please get better for me." You turned around and cupped his face with your hands, wiping his tears away with your thumbs. "I will always love you, Tae."
"And I, you," Taehyung said with a small smile on his face. You pulled him in for a deep and passionate kiss, knowing it won't happen either ever again or anytime soon.
Everyone was surprised, but Namjoon and Yoongi were the most surprised. They didn't think you'd share a kiss, but to them, it made sense. You couldn't avoid the love of your life forever, right? The heart wants what it wants after all.
Both of you pulled away from the kiss and rested your foreheads against each other.
"Goodbye, Taehyung."
"Goodbye, Y/N."
You gave him the tightest hug. Taehyung did the same as he memorized your scent and the way your arms enveloped his tall frame. He wanted to engrave it all in his mind. You pulled away first and opened the door without looking back. You walked out and closed the door behind you.
One camera followed you, and one stayed focused on Taehyung. You had your back against the door, and you slid down as you broke down. Taehyung's heart broke even more when he heard you crying. He stared at the door and broke down, too, falling to the floor.
After two minutes, the director yelled, "Cut!" The director knew better than to address anything. It wasn't anyone's business. You and Taehyung immediately wiped your tears, but both of you were still in hiccups. You joined Taehyung as the director, and Daesung thanked both of you for your incredible work.
When it was time to leave, your and Taehyung's van was waiting for you outside of the set. Namjoon and Yoongi were walking ahead of both of you, and as they entered the vans, you turned to face Taehyung, and he did the same.
"I'll see you around, Tae. It has been a pleasure to work with you in my small screen debut." You chuckled lightheartedly, and he did the same.
"It was an honor to work with you on your debut." He smiled.
Both of you stared at each other for what seemed like hours. It was clear that the love was still present. Neither of you ever really moved on from each other. He still wanted you to be his wife and mother of his children, and you wanted to be those things too. You wanted to be his wife, the mother of his children, his best friend, his confidant, and his partner in everything.
"I love you too much to let you go." He said, tearing up a bit. "Do you think we could try again?"
"It's only been five months, Tae. Both of us should heal first. Give it a year or two, but please know that you're still the man I want and need. You're it for me."
"We're it for each other, jagiya," Taehyung said.
"How about this, when you're almost completely healed and okay, come find me. This industry's smaller than you think." You proposed, and he nodded eagerly.
"I won't disappoint you."
"But don't rush it. Healing takes time, Tae. I want to heal, too, before we try again."
"I know. I love you, Y/N. I'll look for you when the time is right for both of us. Will you wait for me?"
"I waited seven years for you to heal. I think I can wait for you again."
"I'll wait for you too. I'll wait for you to come back to me once I finally find you." He smiled and kissed your cheek. "See you around, Y/N."
"See you around, Tae."
With that, both of you went in your respective vans and drove separately, not knowing what the future held for both of you, but you hoped it was positive.
a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while so i decided to finish it! hope you liked this angsty fic! lmk ur thoughts!
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taehyung taglist: @calmyourtitts7
