#actualdid

[big-dipper-system]

Me being vague: i don't know... it's like... a personal thing.

The voices in my head: for who, asshole

[emosystem]

That awkward moment when your family doesn’t realize you’re dissociating and they keep talking to you and you have no idea what they’re saying. This happened like 5 minutes ago. And they don’t believe Me when I tell them I’m dissociating. how ✨fun✨

- Riven

[puppydeathfarts]

“Do you still feel crazy when you hear their voices?”

Therapist asked me this today. I’ve been in pretty intense therapy for just over 6 months. The answer is still the same, “Yup”.

It feels weird knowing other parts of me have been through this phase, and that some of their answers changed to “no” over time. I’ve no idea if it’ll ever feel normal to me.

[multiplemindedme-blog]

I am not okay with misrepresentation.

I am still not ok with someone who umbrellas traumagenic systems in with endos and tulpas to represent me, one of thousands of diagnosed persons with DID at a conference coming up.

This person has proven to be a problematic blip in our community and for someone who lashes out and attacks others, I am just extremely put on edge by the fact she feels she can hold a conference about dissociative disorders.

But what do I know. I'm not a DID Youtuber. So my opinion doesn't matter. I struggled all of my LIFE with huge gaps in my memory, horrendous torture and trafficking, and denial of basic human rights until Kay learned to run away. I lost so many friends due to 'always acting different' and lost jobs because of behavior I was unaware of. I have struggled in my relationships with my family, and also my partners. All to be FORCED to be grouped in with tulpas and endo systems under the guise of 'progression' because "its 2018". But my opinion amongst other systems doesn't matter to them.

I am bothered being represented by someone who constantly shows abusive behavior and they will be passing out business cards to advertise their "group" and push their shit merch to make a quick buck off of suffering individuals or people who wanna be included in a community they don't belong to: the DID/DDNOS one.

I want seriousness in being legitimized by medical professionals. I want my brain scanned to be studied to find the differences in my alters who have protected me for YEARS. I want to be heard. I want to have progression in the treatment and validity of trauma-based systems who need it to progress in their therapy and healing. Integration being used as a choice, not always the end goal.

I don't want to compete alongside people who believe a bobcat spirit possessed them. Or a Dr. Who fan-character is system-hopping between people's brains for a fucking lark. I don't want to have to have myself laughed out of a clinic because they believe I am making shit up because some fool came in before me and claims to have werewolf alters but not through trauma -- just because they like wolves "and i don't know how they showed up lol". (Literally what a psychiatrist told me before I left feeling defeated and sick)

I have been quiet about my opinions but as of recent, the /forced/ mixture of 'systems' in this specific facebook group and its leader is a mess. So many systems have left because they were made unaware that they'd be sharing space with spirit-dabblers and "natural systems" when they came there for a safe place to discuss their DID/DDNOS (or possibility of having it) and it changing its rhetoric to gain more followers to gain more clout to sell her brand and represent folx like ME, which is not what I asked for.

And will never ask for.

Unless your mission is to spread awareness of DID with science, medical knowledge and/or sensitivity of trauma and PTSD and to answer questions on how you live y'alls lives to help others feel more comfortable with their trauma-based dissociatice disorder, anything else including system-hopping and spirits and other shit that deligitimizes the study and focus of treatment and maintenance of DID/DDNOS does not and will not ever represent me and honestly freaking shouldn't for other trauma-based systems, either.

My treatment and struggle and community needs to be accepted by doctors and science. I don't want fantasy or spirits or religion or whatever to get in the way of it. I am so tired of being laughed out of offices or treatment centers.

Anyway, I am prepared for the backlash. I won't respond to endos or tulpa folx. Sorry. I stand firm on my opinion. If you don't know who I am talking about, you can figure it out by looking up dissociative groups on FB. the more clown-colored group will be your ticket.

-Celia

[impulselounge-blog]

Hi everyone, its Oli

I turned 23 today and while we put the body to sleep so all of the alters could celebrate, not one of Chae's (our main alter who comes out the most) friends remembered to say Happy Birthday to me... But if it were Fei's birthday, or Boon's birthday, or Kara's, theyd have remembered.

[feferily]

It’s wild to me how are terms (for DID) get taken from us and get used by people who don’t have DID and who don’t even know where it’s from?

Like the term “little” or “age-sliding”.

And how my QPP just told me of someone being like “I have a fictive maybe?” and when asked they didn’t even know it was DID or that having alters is diagnosable...  Like, there might not be any ill-will but it’s super discouraging for me? 

[multiplemindedme-blog]

Now I can see why a lot of people with real trauma-from-childhood-life-threatening-and-debilitating-and-nearly-isolating DID avoid tumblr after trying to make something here.

Guys. Making up your own system and tulpamancy is its own thing, and should be respected as its own thing, but please do not call it DID or DDNOS. Its not medical. Your's is spiritial or fantastical (or purposefully created to cope with trauma at a much later age).

Please.

It really holds back real treatment for those of us who want to integrate or for those who want to forward science to help understand real DID because dissociation and memory repression is criticized and disregarded a LOT in the medical field.

I'm sorry, but its not DID and will not be accepted as DID in our community. Not by me, anyway.

[multiplemindedme-blog]

“You don’t have DID. Your 'alters’ don’t even act that different from you. I never noticed. Have you seen Sybil, though?”

I hate this movie. I hate the old. And I hate the new. And I hate the book. And I hate this whole situation. I personally have 6 alters that I am aware of -- One an adult, 47 year old man, two children ranging from 4-7, and an alter that ages with me but is very much “like me”, and a chaotic black mass who passes as me, but is very much a horrendous monster underneath it with self-harming behavior when she is alone. But all of them, aside the children, try to act like me! (act like me as in the perceived thought of who I am to other people. I try to blend in and not be noticed. ever.) ”But Celia, why do you hate Sybil? She spear-headed DID research and recognition? I mean, yeah, it’s wrong, but like, it’s still a very important part of the DID COMMUNI-” NO ITS NOT. The older version of Sybil (the one MOST people and even freaking doctors reference from) was much more psychological horror film-like, and really did scare the crap out of a lot of people because of the erratic switching and behaviors. A lot of those with DID usually have subtle changes in switching, and have some alters that are not 100% completely different from the core, as many people think those with DID are supposed to act. Sybil had many MANY alters that acted differently from the core -- in fact, so different that it fed into the whole idea that personalities all HAVE to be DRASTICALLY different from the presenting person that everyone sees. While the DID diagnostic bullet in the DSM5 talks about “the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior”, it doesn’t mean behavior has to be erratic or so severely dramatic to be ‘distinct’. You can have a room of 20 similar-looking, similar-acting, similar-thinking individuals without alters and yet they are all their own people with their own lives and thoughts and opinions. Alters can be the same way in a system as well. As long as a person matches the criteria for DID/DDNOS, diagnosis could almost be absolute without drastic different behaviors from alters. DID goes undetected for a LONG time, and alters learn how to adapt to look normal. Their job, as their own individual, is to look normal, and act normal to prevent the body from getting hurt just like anyone else without alters. Even ‘fictives’, despite being created by a TV show or -insert media here- come out trying to present like a normal human being instead of a fantasy character because the brain learns to adapt and conquer stressors around us like any normal human being without alters. I personally do not have any fictives, but most fictives I have met or read about are rather distant from their original stories or fanbases, and want to be their own person without the stress of being someone’s fantasy item to RP with. Sybil's alters were all over the place, and while some alters that come from systems can and do have severe changes in behavior, it was ‘depicted’ as desperate and erratic and attention-seeking, which for some reason some mental health doctors look at for some kind of base, and have a hard time believing and diagnosing DID -- because of the case of Sybil.

There are probably a good amount of legit, diagnosed systems that act like Sybil. There are self-harming alters, and this is very, very common. There are alters that have learned to fight back physically to PROTECT (not go out of their way to joyfully and willfully kill people) themselves, and in conjunction with PTSD, makes this all the more prevalent. There are alters who destroy things around them because that one particular alter is scared to be out, so they do anything to go back in by triggering themselves with fear and compulsive behavior. But the majority are terrified of being seen, heard, and hurt, and act subtly and quietly. Most traumagenic, professionally diagnosed or heavily-researched systems already know all of this, but the movie, new and old, are both stigmatizing and frustrating because everyone wants to base their research and baseline off of this movie or this book or these two women (therapist and patient) -- which is highly suggested that it shouldn't be, but that doesn't stop doctors from doing it anyway. Sorry, I am just in a mood today and someone made a video on Sybil and it made me remember how horrendously uneducated mental health professionals can be. I’ll probably be put on blast about how wrong I am for this post, and that’s fine. Everyone’s journey is different and systems are different, etc Its just...eugh. Not every alter has to be drastically different like in the case of Sybil to be legit.