#admin: caro

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey Dean, it's R.W (it's been a while) I still haven't told him. We're becoming more distant. I texted him randomly one day and he said he was going on vacation but we could maybe meet up after for lunch one day. He didn't text me when he got back(then again it was only 2 days after)so I texted him He said he would tell me his work schedule by the end of the week(last week)so we could go out the next(this coming week)I don't even know what to think anymore He doesn't contact me. Why am I trying?

Hey there R.W

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this guy, it can be so frustrating when you can’t pin someone down. But maybe you could send him a text telling him how you feel about this situation, and ask him if there is a particular reason why he cannot find the time to talk to you? It might just be that he has a lot on right now, but maybe he’s also having a tough time, ask him if there’s anything that you can help him with to make things easier or something like that. But I think you’re trying because you care, and you are a nice person, we all want to feel close to someone. Stay strong and tell me how it goes, 

Yours, Dean

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey John, it's C here. I got in a fight with my parents trying to defend my brother from them and now it's sorta rocky and dad wants to move out of the house because he can't handle us and I think my family is falling apart.

Hi there C, 

I’m so sorry this happened, and I think the first thing you should remember here is that it was absolutely not your fault. You were protecting your brother, which is exactly what siblings are there to do. Is there any way that you could speak to your dad, maybe away from the rest of the family? The best thing to do is just stay calm and ask him what it is he’s struggling with and if there is any way that you can help him to deal with the family. I’m sure it will be really difficult for yo, family is always complicated, but your help is bound to make things smoother between your family. 

If that’s not an option, then the only thing you can do is take a step back and keep yourself out of the line of fire. You are so incredibly important, and it would be awful if you got caught up in the crossfire. People in distress often look for someone outside of the situation to blame, so if you can keep yourself clear, it may be better for you. Is there anyone you can take a break with? Just a couple of days away from the house? Maybe a relative or a friend who will let you have a sleepover for a night. You must be so stressed out right now, a little time away may not be such a terrible idea. Is your brother okay? Could he go with you? Maybe your parents need some quiet time to talk things through, ask them if it would help maybe? 

I hope you’re doing okay, and please try and keep yourself healthy throughout such a stressful situation. I’m here whenever you need to talk, so stay strong and let me know how things turn out. 

Your friend,

John Winchester

[never-to-be-homeless]

(part 1) Hey Cas, it's Eva. I'm in a weird predicament, and would appreciate (as always) your advice. The best place to start is the beginning, so bear with me. I've had some self-image problems for as long as I can remember, but I've been pretty good about it. I'm at a healthy weight, I'm probably not the most active human being but I'm not a couch potato, and I'm usually at a level of being at least okay with myself. My boyfriend's kind of a health nut, always has been, which is fine...

which is fine since it floats his boat and all. Well lately he’s been heavily hinting I should go to the gym or go running with him (particularly today). I know that he means well and just wants to make sure I stay happy and healthy, but I don’t think he’s aware of the self-image problems I have. I know that with my slightly obsessive nature, if I become a gym rat I won’t be able to stop half-way. I’ll count every calorie, insist on losing ‘the last five pounds’ or something…something. I don’t want to go down that path, because I know it won’t end well. But at the same time I don’t know how to tell him to back off because even though he means well my brain twists everything positive and supportive he says into ‘you’re fat and you’re never going to be good enough’. As always, thank you for the help Cas. -Eva

Hello Eva, 

I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems, but I also think your boyfriend means well in his suggestions. I think you really need to sit him down and explain all this to him, it sounds like you’ve got a rational head on you and you’ve explained it all so well to me you’ve got nothing to worry about. Your boyfriend seems like he really cares about you, so i think he would understand if you told him that you’ve had issues in the past. Tell him that even when he means well it makes you uncomfortable when he talks about how you look or your weight, help him to understand because I’m sure he would rather make you happy if he could. It might be that he wants to spend more time with you and share some of his hobbies, so maybe you could meet him half way? Say you’ll go on one or two runs with him each week, or ask if there’s another thing you can do together, make a new weekly ritual. 

I hope this has helped, but if you still need to talk, or want to tell me how it goes, please come back whenever you need to. 

Your friend, 

Castiel

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey Benny it's Haley. So I'm going to this church camp and my ex is going to. We are on the bus now. I don't know what to do. Should I act like nothing happened between us? I don't particularly care about him but he was my first boyfriend.

Hey there Haley, 

I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you hun, it’s been pretty busy over here. Did you cope at camp? It can be tough, trying to act casual and put aside your differences with someone but I think that’s the best route to follow. Don’t pretend it never happened, it’s an important part of both your histories and I’m sure you learned a lot from the relationship, so just say hi, smile, and go talk to your friends. I hope it all turned out okay, and keep your chin up kid. 

Yours, Benny

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey, Dean (or Benny) - its Lania again (after a really long time). I got into a LDR and things were going good until last week. He said he didn't love me and I'm heart broken. I'm obviously not fit for relationships and I'm so tired - (1/2)

This kind of tired I am is like its physically seeped into my bones and is staying there. Oh. And did I mention I went to the school counselor a week before school ended? My parents are refusing to get me a counselor. A "waste of money' (2/2) -Lania 

Okay Lania, 

Let’s tackle things one at a time. First off, I am so sorry your relationship hasn’t worked out. It can be so tough when they end, especially if it’s not on the friendliest of terms, but you are a fantastic strong woman and you are not defined by your relationships. Please don’t get yourself down, it’s only going to make things so much harder to come to terms with. Of course you’re feeling tired, you’re emotionally drained and it’s going to take some time to really move on, don’t panic. As impossible as it seems right now you need to pick yourself up as soon as possible and don’t let him hold you back. If you feel it would help you, then get your stereotype on; watch a weepy movie, eat a load of ice cream and just take a night to get it all out of your system, and then when it gets round to the morning, say to yourself “This is a new start.” Do you have some friends you can talk to about how you’re feeling? Maybe talking it all over with someone might help you get you thoughts and feelings in order. 

As for this issue with the councilor, if you’ve already spoken to someone at school already then perhaps they can intervene with your parents and explain to them how important it is that you get the help you need. It is such a fantastic step on your part just admitting that you need help, and going out of your way to make it happen is just incredible. I am so proud of you, so keep trying. 

I’ll always be here if you need to talk, so don’t hesitate to come back whenever you need to. Maybe let me know how it all goes?

Stay strong sweetheart, 

Dean 

[never-to-be-homeless]

Hey guys. It's Balthazar again, and I just wanted to give you and update, and thank you for the advice. Currently, I'm traveling with my mother, and although she doesn't agree with it, she hasn't said anything about it, and I'm grateful for that. Anyway, I just thought I'd drop in and let you know! :)

Hey Balthazar, 

That is such great news, I am so happy for you. I might not seem like much, but this is a huge step and it may take some time for your parents to put aside the prejudices that they have held their entire lives, so it’s a brilliant first step! Just keep showing them that no matter what you are called, or what you wear you are a fantastic, strong person, and you are so important. 

We will always be here for you, so stay strong. 

Your brother, Balthazar.

[never-to-be-homeless]

Is Jo from supernatural there? I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and because of this and trauma from my past I have a really distorted view of the world and often feel like a victim. How do I know if my perspective of right or if I'm being crazy? How will I know if there is a "real" reason for me to be upset or if I've just lost it? - Valkyrie.

Hi Valkyrie,

I can say for sure you have not lost it, you are not being crazy. The fact that you’re seeking help is, by itself, and indication that you are doing really well, so don’t panic! Are you speaking to a councilor or a therapist about your BPD at the moment? I think that would really help you to get your mind in order and get these feelings organised. Being able to talk about how you think a situation went, and getting someone else’s opinion back may help you to see things from a different perspective. 

When you start to feel yourself loosing control, or that a certain emotion is becoming too much try listening to music, pick a song that evokes an emotion completely opposite to the one you’re feeling. So if you’re feeling particularly sad, listen to something happy or if you’re angry listen to something calm and tranquil. 

Otherwise you need to try and distract yourself, do something that occupies your mind and your body like cleaning your house, going for a run, baking a cake, essentially anything that will clear your mind and give you something to focus on. 

Is there a particular hobby you really enjoy? It could be writing or drawing or a certain sport? If there is, then really throw yourself into it, make that your safe space, somewhere you can completely clear your mind and focus completely on that. Set yourself goals and then keep them in your mind while you work, use them as a goalpost. 

But please don’t get yourself down and don’t be so hard on yourself because you are strong and you can do this. I’m really proud of you, so keep going, and know I’ll be here whenever you need to talk. 

Love Jo

[never-to-be-homeless]

(1/2) It's Emmie. I'm sorry but I never saw they last time you answered me. I want to talk to Ellen. That boy I was with and I are now just friends. I mean we're pretty close and it's hard for him because I'm the first ex to actually want to be friends and hard for me because I just can't get him out of my head. I don't know what it is but I've tried almost everything to get I've him. Ignoring him, talking to new guys. I mean, I don't know what I feel towards him really.

I mean I honestly feel that we truly make better friends. But around night time I just miss him so much. He already has a new girlfriend. And I support him and I’m glad she makes him so happy because I didn’t. I just don’t know if this is just loneliness or actual love.

Hey there Emmie

First off, I’m sorry you missed the response to your last message, but don’t panic, let me link you through to that before we start. (http://never-to-be-homeless.tumblr.com/tagged/emmie) Hopefully that will take you through so you can have a quick read. 

But down to business, Emmie, I think you should be really proud of yourself for accepting his new relationship. It can be so hard to let go of someone you love, but sadly a time comes when it happens, and there isn’t much we can do about it except pick ourselves up and make the most of the opportunities it opens up for us. You have been given the chance to develop a fantastic friendship with him, and from what I understand of your message you are already doing just that. Each relationship is different and so I really don’t think it’s the case that you didn’t make him happy and she does, so don’t put yourself down!

 Of course it’s going to be really hard at first, but you shouldn’t rush yourself into another relationship to help get over him, a relationship shouldn’t be founded on a rebound. So take it slow, take some time just enjoying being a free agent and have fun with your friends. It might even be worth giving him a little space and letting the air clear a bit, because I’m sure he’s finding it hard as well. 

You are an amazing person, and there will be someone out there who’s perfect for you, but don’t let it define you. 

Love Ellen