#afab autistic

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

Trying to be taken seriously as a fem and/or afab autistic is kind of like relentlessly being told to go fuck yourself every day but then also everyone is demanding to know why you are so reserved and cold and isolated all the time? why don’t you get out more?? and if you answer honestly they will look at you with so much shock and horror like a ten year old in 2006 witnessing the true graphic extent of the pre-code internet for the first time

[immaculateconsumptive]

i am incredibly tired of what the conversation around “afab autism” has turned into. it’s important to spread awareness about people’s experiences with autism that don’t fit into the typical mold in the media, and to support those people because they are frequently not recognized by doctors due to having “atypical” signs of autism. but at this point, the discussion has turned into blatant gender essentialism, in which *all* people who were afab and *all* people who were amab can be fit into simple, undeniable categories due to socialization and biology. 

this is especially frustrating when it reinforces stereotypes about women (and let’s be honest, cis people often say afab when they really mean women), except this time in a progressive light. so-called “afab autism” is often presented as being somehow better than the traditional signs of autism that are associated by these people with those who were amab--people with the signs of afab autism are more sensitive, more honest, more moral, more loyal, etc. i see so many posts that make wild generalizations off of the symptoms lumped in as “afab autism” that neurodivergent people as a whole are more enlightened than neurotypicals due to high empathy, a sense of justice, and all the other signs described in the screenshot above.

i fit in an interesting place in this discussion (which is to say, i have no place) because i was afab but i display many more of the signs of typical “amab autism” (i hate to use this terminology so much bc it’s regressive, but i mean the assumptions that this segment of the autistic community associates with people who were amab). to respond to the broad generalizations of the screenshotted IG reel comment: i am sensitive to sounds and textures, i suspect i have alexithymia but have literally no way of knowing bc idk how others even experience emotions, i have low empathy, i have no appreciation for what is typically considered beautiful, i am sensitive to change, and i am that unfortunate person who plays devil’s advocate (not about serious issues, i don’t mean to give the wrong impression). 

because of the ways my autism presents itself as a person who was afab, i have been called cruel, selfish, callous, rude, you name it - all for not being able to think and feel in the socially acceptable way. so it’s extremely hurtful to feel the same sentiments coming from my own community, where i should feel supported rather than excluded and dismissed. especially when it’s all in the name of “positivity” for a group that i’m supposed to belong to, even when i don’t want to.

it’s true that autism can present differently in people who were afab, i don’t deny it. but the key word is *can* -- autistic people are not a monolith! and they are especially not a monolith that can fit easily into binary gender essentialist beliefs.

[pansiesanddaisies]

Something that I don't see talked about enough in the autism community is how AFAB autistics might tend to befriend neurotypicals who are either older or younger than they are. Which is something that has occurred for me growing up, since I've had an easier time befriending older ladies than those in my age group. Or I'd have a blast spending and playing time with little ones, versus having to participate in activities with those who are the same age as me.

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

Can someone explain to me why I was born with

1.) a pathological fear of all things regarding reproduction and human offspring AND ALSO

2.) a ridiculously detrimental reproductive organ to bleed from every single month of my adult life to remind me what a spiritual and biological fucking failure I am for not centering my life around reproduction and human offspring

bc I’m just wondering why I needed to be born with BOTH of these traits ?

[deathofherreputation]

I’m 27 years old but idk man, sometimes I still feel so behind everyone else my age. Three years ago, I felt like I was finally making progress in terms of my social anxiety, OCD diagnosis, depression and getting on a birth control pill that didn’t make me feel like absolute ass. But then the pandemic came and now I feel like three years of my life have been stolen by one of the Fae and I’ve just been desperately playing catch-up ever since.

And during that stolen time, I slowly began to unmask and figure out who I actually am beneath the constant shutting my mouth to appease others and it led to me getting an autism diagnosis in my mid-twenties. That means I spent two whole decades on this planet living my life and feeling like I was some kind of freak or alien, never understanding why just existing came so easily to everyone around me. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that I finally figured this out! I’ve started accommodating myself and learning to get the support for myself I never got in my childhood and that has been so healing.

But there’s another part of me that feels lost and doesn’t know how to go back to real life anymore. I don’t think I can go back to the way things used to work. I think that I masked really heavily and really well as a child; I was always the old soul, too mature for her age, delighted when I could make an adult laugh or engage in conversation with my teachers like they were my friends. I wanted more than anything to grow up and be taken seriously.

But now that I’m older, I feel like I’m still trying to wear the same mask, only I’ve outgrown it. What worked for a little kid pretending to be grown-up doesn’t work for an actual adult. I don’t know how to build an adult mask, so I come across as younger than my age and I always feel like the baby of my friend group. Half the time I feel so lost and like I have no idea what I’m doing. People keep telling me that’s normal for everyone my age but I still can’t help but feel out of place.

Anyway, this is long and rambling and I’m not sure it really has a point. Suffice it to say I’m relating a lot to this is me trying lately 😅

[bravelydoesit]

Does anyone have any advice for coping at Christmas as a self dx autistic woman? Every year I have these huge meltdowns and I just completely collapse mentally and physically and I’m not coping too well. Any advice is really much appreciated

[clearingmyheadspace]

365 Days

Photo by Alexas Fotos on Pexels.com It’s been almost 365 days since I last spoke to my older sister, and about 4 months longer since I last spoke to my younger sister. I am sure that they’ve viewed this no-contact period as a “tantrum” or similar “immature” behavior because I didn’t like what they said to me or about me. At least that’s what I believe based on my past experiences with them.

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[woodland-autie]

I’ve been suffering a lot lately with internalized ableism. Does anyone have any recommendations for resources to help with this?😣 books, podcasts, content creators, your own advice, etc.🙏🙏🙏