untitled.

*quote about how the most beautiful things are created out of darkness by tortured hands/tortured minds* [Banner ID: Francis Farmer sitting by a pool]

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

art therapy / mental illness vent / creative safe space / I need to start healing and loving myself and seeing the softness beneath all the violence before it consumes me / maybe connecting with creative products of other people’s pain will help me find beauty and light in my own / I’m told the hardest part can be showing up so here I am

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m

sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

[disgustinggf]

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

have high expectations of yourself & don’t sleep too much sounds like good advice but respect your body & don’t ignore it’s signals also sounds like good advice so…what is a girl to do

[bioethicists]

something i constantly struggle with as a psych survivor is that "self-improvement" or "self-care" were utilized as punishment in adolescent psych treatment. "you self-harmed, fill out this worksheet about it" "we will be kicking you out unless you agree to use three skills before using behavior" "you spoke out of turn in group, go sit alone in the room for hours for self-reflection + write a plan as to how you are going to reintegrate into the community"

it wasn't collaborative; it was imposed. it wasn't curious about my needs; it was imposing their vision of how they wanted me to behave. it wasn't about addressing my pain; it was about addressing specific things i did with that pain which were deemed undesirable.

in contrast, self-destruction was routinely a way to act against power + authority that were causing me to feel belittled, unloved, trapped. finding ways to self injure when every second of my life was monitored. finding ways to use 'coping mechanisms' against themselves as ways to harm myself. cultivating self-hatred because i knew that's what i wasn't supposed to be doing + i needed to rebel against the people telling me what i was supposed to do (this rebellion is sacred, btw).

now, as an adult, taking care of myself still feels like something i'm Supposed to Do under Penalty of Punishment, while self-destructing still feels like resistance + freedom. self-destruction feels like a precious thing that proves that i belong to myself + self-compassion feels like people trying to take away that belonging.

anyway. kill the psychiatrist inside you but be mindful of the terrified child he created who is still bloodying their nails on the insides of the asylum walls.

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

“seasonal” depression but seasons don’t exist like they used to so the “season” lasts several extra months bc of climate change and then the very short happy season is also deeply depressing because for the same reason so really it’s just year-round depression

[taylorswift-edit]

Most days, I'm like, okay. But then sometimes, I'm just like — it just gets loud sometimes.

[egberts]

i don’t feel like i’m old enough to be my age

[catmat]

Credit @ coyotesnout on Instagram

[hel7l7]

Everyday is a fight, it is exhausting

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

would be so much easier to do if I didn’t have such a complicated security system😅

[theasylumwheretheyraisedme]

Trying to be taken seriously as a fem and/or afab autistic is kind of like relentlessly being told to go fuck yourself every day but then also everyone is demanding to know why you are so reserved and cold and isolated all the time? why don’t you get out more?? and if you answer honestly they will look at you with so much shock and horror like a ten year old in 2006 witnessing the true graphic extent of the pre-code internet for the first time

[thepumpkin-queenn]

[ontheoutside-lookingin]

“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person

[the-toybox-sys]

reading the symptoms of autism as a now grown adult after being bullied for no explainable reason all your life

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

*displays textbook symptomatic behavior of my own disorder that I am well educated on* what’s my deal why am I like this