#agab tw

[nonbinaryresource]

Hi! Is there a way I can know if im nonbinary or just a confused cis person who doesn’t want to comply to gender roles? I feel like i partially id with my agab but not fully/not all the time. No dysphoria worth mentioning (very limited experiences which i’ve been told could be social dysphoria). I dont gender myself in language if it’s not necessary. I feel like I have too many neg. feelings associated with my agab. Wouldn’t have chosen it (i like my body type tho) but idk what i am

There isn’t a test to determine if you are nonbinary or not. And no one else is able to tell you if you are nonbinary. That said, you could ask yourself some questions to try to dig a little deeper internally.

1. “How do I think about my gender right now?”

2. “How do I think about my gender in the past/future?”

3. “What is the reason I think I am not nonbinary?” 

4. “Do I have a gut feeling that tells me I’m nonbinary?”

There are 3 main aspects of gender:

Gender Expression- How you express yourself Gender Identity- Your own personal sense of your gender                        Gender Presentation- How your gender is viewed by the world

5. “How do I feel about each aspect of my gender (as of right now)?”

6. “Do I like being referred to/seen as a nonbinary person?”

7. “Do I have feelings of euphoria that relate to being nonbinary?”

8. “Am I worried the feeling of being nonbinary will stop?”

9. “Am I worried I will HAVE TO identify as another gender besides nonbinary?”

10. “If a magical person came to me and told me I would be seen by everyone as a nonbinary person, how would I react?”

You could use the step-by-step guide at the bottom of this post while answering the above questions or the ones listed in this post

You could try filling out a unicorn for yourself

This interactive guide helps you go step by step and asks you deeper questions to help you discover your gender identity

This FAQ

I feel like it is important to mention that you can like your body and be nonbinary. You don’t have to have dysphoria and you can definitely identify partially/sometimes as your agab. 

If you wanted to talk to someone about how you feel, you could talk to TrevorProject    TrevorSpace    TransLifeline    GenderSpectrum

With the negative feelings about your agab (whether or not you are nonbinary), you could:

1. Think about the parts of your body that you feel are positive (if you can’t think of any, think about the body parts that are neutral). This is important because it highlights that your body can be a neutral or positive part of you, maybe not in its entirety but at least part of it. Examples:

Pinkey

Toes

Nose

Esophagus (the tube inside the throat, does not include the outside)

Roof of your mouth

2. Try to not judge other people. If you say, “(Person) is too masculine/feminine/neutral”, you could let these thoughts effect the way you see yourself and eventually, that thought could become, “I’m too masculine/feminine/neutral.” (The adjective could be replaced with any “negative” characteristic.)

3. Do something good for your body every day. Examples:

Wear fuzzy socks

Take a shower/bath

Eat some fruit or vegetables

Say something nice to yourself

4. Connect to your senses.

Sight

Look at meaningful photos

Use visual imagery to imagine a peaceful, safe, and relaxing space

Watch fish in an aquarium (or video)

Go on a walk and watch nature

Blow bubbles

Smell

Flowers

Candles

Scented soap

Hearing

Create a playlist

Imagine the sound of waves (or listen to it)

Use noise-canceling headphones

Sing or play an instrument

Taste

Peppermint gum

Brush your teeth

Tea

Touch

Certain fabric

A smooth stone

Weighted vests or blankets

Pet an animal

Touch play-dough or silly putty

Take a bath or shower

4. Practice gratitude for your body. It can be simple things. (Ex. muscles for typing, stomach for digesting, eyelids for blinking, etc.)

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

Hey! So, can you explain being nonbinary to me? I always thought you had to strongly feel that you weren't your assigned gender, and use they/them but I hear you don't have to? Just a confused kid trying to figure things out!

No problem! My thought is that it is not identifying as a man or woman 24/7. This does not mean anyone has to label their identity with a percentage or time stamp.

A nonbinary person can use any pronouns they feel fits them, examples here.

Some nonbinary people feel very strongly that they aren’t their agab and some nonbinary people don’t. Both are still nonbinary! (There aren’t any “rules” for a person to identify as nonbinary.)

This article explains why 10 common myths about nonbinary people are false (that were not talked about here). 

9 young nonbinary people explain what nonbinary means (here)

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

I've been kind of sad lately because I don't know if I can call myself anything right now. I've read so many different stories from other nb people, but nine of them match up with me and I'm worrying I might just want to call myself nonbinary because it sounds cool. A lot.of the stories included people seeing/ hearing about a nb person for the first time and having that realization, but that never happened for me, I've known about trans/nb labels at a basic level for a while 🐍 1/

And I never really thought deeply about that, I was in my own world. I don't really tesonate with my agav as much anymore, but I certainly don't resonate with the 'opposite' and I can't tell if I'm less uncomfortable with labels from my agab since that's what I'm used to or if that's just what I am. I didn't have many signs (there were some, but they were small and could be easily cis too) and I worry I'm just projecting this onto myself what do you think? 🐍 2/2

You don't have to know immediately if you’re trans/nonbinary. It's different for everyone. Realizing later in life or longer after learning about trans or nonbinary identities, doesn't effect whether or not someone is nonbinary or transgender. I (mod Zay) did not realize I was trans and nonbinary until I was almost an adult.

If one of the signs is not wanting surgery/hormones, this doesn't invalidate how you feel. More 

Some trans and nonbinary people have dysphoria and some people don't. Dysphoria can help some people find an identity but for others it makes it more confusing. If you can, look for euphoria in your life, too. 

Am I nonbinary or do I not like gender roles? 

You could try looking at how your gender feels. 

What pronouns should I use? 

Am I trans or nonbinary or both? 

Gender Unicorn (a way to visually see basic aspects of gender) 

Gender Playbook

I know questioning gender is uncomfortable and it feels “weird” (at least to me) but, let yourself question. If you can, just let yourself think and use the resources but don't overwhelm yourself.

If you want to identify as trans or nonbinary and you don't have a “reason”, go for it. Experiment with your gender and you might find something that works better for you. 

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

So... I’ve identified as non-binary for a couple years now. I’m a gender studies and psych major, therefore i’m almost too aware of my afab conditoning. however now i believe i may be agender. female nor male expression appeals to me. my only concern that i would love to hear opinions on is this - i understand that many agender folk identify as such because they can remove themselves from the gendered rhetoric - but how can i, someone who battles female socialization constantly, truly b agender?

I would say that not every agender person is able to/chooses to remove themself entirely from the idea of a gender binary. I think most people are aware of some form of gender binary, whether they place themself on it is a different story. 

(Image ID: In grey across the top reads “The Gender Spectrum” underneath is a circle with a gradient of pink on the left side, purple on top, blue on the right side, and white on the bottom. Above the circle reads “NONBINARY, to the right reads “MASCULINE” to the left reads “FEMININE” and underneath reads “AGENDER”. In the bottom right corner says “tyef” and underneath “transyouthequality.org”. End ID)

So if you still consider yourself a part of the gender binary, that’s okay. It doesn’t make you any less agender. Trying to distance yourself from this is difficult, especially when you’re learning more about it in school.

The last part of your ask seems complicated. (”how can i, someone who battles female socialization constantly, truly b agender?”) Do you identify as agender? If you answered yes, you’re truly agender! If you answered maybe or partially, that doesn’t mean you aren’t. You could be truly agender sometimes or truly agender along with something else.

Basically, there isn’t one way to be truly agender. All you have to do is be you.

Here are some blogs on Tumblr that might lead you to more resources

@a-gender (agender positivity/resources)

@agenderchat (connecting with community)

@agenderhelp (genderqueer-focused)

@agenderootd (agender clothing/selfie)

@hellyeahagender (agender ask-based)

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

I'm nonbinary but Is it okay if I want top surgery, but not bottom surgery or am I being fake? Because I don't like my chest.

You can be nonbinary and not want surgery! There aren’t any “requirements” to be nonbinary. If you identify as nonbinary, you can be nonbinary! You are allowed (in fact, encouraged) to love your body. Including parts that are associated with agab.

Friend, you are not faking. It’s difficult to deal with disliking parts of your body, though. If you wanted some ideas to deal with the negative associations, you could check out this post. 

If you want to talk through how you feel, you could always talk to:

TrevorChat TrevorLifeline TrevorText    TrevorSpace     Sage    GenderSpectrum

TransLifeline

(Side note: This response is written by a nonbinary person who doesn’t want lower surgery.)

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

I've been reading a lot of stuff by older butches and realized that I really vibe with "gnc [agab]" as something distinct from just "[agab]". I don't meet the wlw/nblw requirement for IDing as butch, so I was wondering if this is a thing outside of those circles. Is this something that falls under the trans/nb umbrella or not?

I am not 100% certain what the answer is but based on the sites below, I think the answer is yes.

1  2  3

Keli Dunham is a genderqueer woman/nonbinary transmasc butch comedian, writer, and nurse from America

Ivan E. Coyote is a nonbinary butch writer from Canada

Corey Alexander was a genderqueer, queer, trans, stone butch, demiromantic, demigraysexual author

Sonalee Rashatwar is a soft butch enby social worker from America

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

Hey. I’m a closeted NB and I have to give my gender for something that my family may or may not see in the mail. I want to give my correct gender but I feel like it might be easier rn to just give my agab...I don’t want to because it feels wrong but I also don’t want to accidentally be outed before I’m ready. I know this is ultimately up to me, but do you have any advice?? Thanks

It would most likely be easier to put your agab on the form but (depending on the person), it would be easier to put nonbinary. You could ask yourself some questions to try to determine what is best.

1. How difficult would it be if your parents did find out?

2. Do you have a support system if you were accidentally outed?

3. Is this a legal document? (Some require agab gender markers, depending on the country or state.)

4. Can you describe how you would feel if you were to use your agab? What about if you were to use nonbinary?

5. Think about the realistic outcome of both scenarios. How do you feel? What are the pros and cons of both?

Whether or not you write nonbinary on the form, it doesn’t deny your identity.

-Mod Zay

[nonbinaryresource]

alright so i’m nb. afab. i want to present more masculine. in the future i want to bind, and possibly get on t! (my parents are transphobic and i’m still a minor, so it’ll be two years at least until i’m even able to do this.) my problem is: i can’t find good costs (a general range or such thats average) and i’m also worried as hell that i’ll be judged. i know some people would support me, but i’m scared i’ll be belittled for doing all of this. so i guess this is two questions. any help?

Please do not skimp on price when going for a binder! This is for your safety! Use a reputable brand. It is better to not bind than to use an unsafe or unproven brand. Save up, maybe see if your friends will pitch in and buy one together for you as a gift (if you decide to come out to them), or look into free binder programs. @transgenderteensurvivalguide​ has a list of safe free binder programs in their Binding FAQ.

Some people might judge you. I can’t say that they won’t. But by and large, any reasonable person is not going to comment on your body, not even a newly flattened chest. Anybody who does belittle you is not worth your time or the space in your life.

It will help if you build up community resources for yourself. Places where you can feel safe as yourself. Connect to queer/nonbinary communities online. Connect to them offline when you’re safe to do so. Connect as an ally at first if that’s safest/most comfortable for you.

It takes come to come to terms with being nonbinary and time to be able to express this to others. Give yourself more time and check out our self-acceptance tag for tips on how to have confidence and pride in who you are and how you feel. You’re doing great. Just take it one day at a time.

~Pluto