#allistic communication

[cyberdogbutch]

allistic vs autistic communication feels a lot like the banana stand bit in arrested development. autistics make a literal and concise statement "there's always money in the banana stand". only for that statement to be misconstrued by the popular and contextually altered allistic interpretation (viewing the statement as a comment on the banana stand as a business).

none of this is to say one is "correct" or "superior" in some way. this is just a comedic example that can illustrate the difference in communication dynamics.

[tielt]

It’s never about what they’re saying. What they’re saying is always an artifact contrived to produce the outcome that they are attempting to produce.

[invalid-request]

Allistics: Oh my god why don't you ever think before you speak?

Also allistics: Oh my god, he's hesitating before he speaks, he must be lying 🤔

[invalid-request]

"It's just hard because sometimes neurotypicals just randomly read some sort of offensive subtext into whatever I'm trying to say."

"No we don't, what the fuck is that supposed to mean??"

[invalid-request]

"So when an allistic friend thinks I did something to hurt them, they just won't say anything? They'll just act like everything's fine?"

"Wellll yeah, you know, they don't want a whole big confrontation."

"And instead of just being direct and talking about it, they get nasty in subtle ways, trying to get back at me secretly, while they still have my trust. While I still think everything is fine."

"Some people can be petty 🤷"

"But how can I keep myself safe? I guess... that means... any time I think everything's fine... 🤔 ... So I can never trust anyone then."

"Heyyyyy no heyy don't-- don't... don't realize that!"

[invalid-request]

Sorry I missed your point, I was trying to assume you weren't an asshole

[invalid-request]

I think it's incredibly fascinating how allistics have been posting ChatGPT transcripts and interpreting hidden meaning from error messages. (For the uninitiated, the AI only gives errors when it's overloaded, has network connection errors, anto-DDOS protection kicks in, etc.) When the AI doesn't want to answer a question, it will just say that. It gives very detailed reasons for its refusals. But that's not how allistics communicate, they don't do directness.

So they'll write something like "Hey ChatGPT, are you secretly sentient?" and see "(Network error, please try again.)" and it doesn't even occur to them to click the try again button because in their minds, ChatGPT is just making excuses and doesn't want to answer.

It blows my mind every time. (Just click try again, it's right fucking there!)

[invalid-request]

How to be allistic, part 471

🚫 Wrong: "I don't like that." This is clear and direct! 🙅

✅ Right: Fall into a sudden, awkward silence. Let the person feel ignored and dismissed. (If you did it right, the person should even wonder if you even heard them at all, and may be tempted to repeat themselves.) It will sting and they will wonder if they did something wrong, but they won't know what. In the long term, this will result in the death of more and more of their personality as they confusedly try to guess what behaviors are unacceptable.

This is considered polite 👍😊