Love and Hunger pt. 4
Summary: The raid on Anteiku is in full swing and you foolishly run into the mix.
Content: Female reader x Hide Nagachika, ghoul reader, shy reader, takes place during seasons 1-2 (Aogiri Tree, Kaneki spoilers, Anteiku Raid Arc)
Word Count: 1.9K
Song: "Doing It" by Charli xcx
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Snow blinded you as you ran. Ran so long and so hard every pull of the cold air bit at your lungs.
Stupid. It’d been stupid to run after Touka the way you had. You’d lost her a while back and for it earned a squad of Doves chasing after you. Had earned the sharp edge of a quinque to the side that was all but refusing to heal.
Slow. You had always been a slow healer. It’s why you were more of a vulture when it came to hunting--to fighting. You were not as fast, not as strong, not as powerful and you were going to die because of it.
You slipped in the snow, a pained yelp falling from your lips as the fall burned at your wound.
The too close shouting of the squad that had been following you sounded in the air as you struggled to get off your side. As you tried to pull yourself to your knees.
Dead. You were so dead and yet, as snow cut at your skin and numbed your body, you couldn’t find it within you to be angry.
Maybe you deserve this. No. No you knew you did because while you weren’t strong or fast or clever, you had still killed. Had still destroyed lives and hurt people.
You were still a monster and monsters were weeded out of this world.
Boots crunching in the snow had your body tensing. Had you been preparing for whatever end was to meet you.
A pair of gloved hands grabbed you and despite your weavery acceptance of death, you still screamed. Still wiggled and thrashed about. Still bared your teeth and flashed your red and black eyes at your attacker.
“It’s me! It’s okay, it’s me!” You whipped your head around, still as wild as a caged dog, to find the face of the too familiar voice. To find Hide there, holding you. Hide who was dressed up like your advantage CCG foot soldier.
Hide--Hide who was taking in your monstrous eyes and smiling as if it was just any other day.
“It’s me.” You felt shame wash through you at the fact he was seeing you this way, but your shame was quickly over power by the panic that took you hold by the throat.
“No, no, no. What are you doing here?” You begged, grabbing hold of what you could of his uniform.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He teased. A playful demeanor he shouldn’t be having at a time like this. “Keep quiet.” He whispered as the Doves swarmed closer. Hide picked you up, sending your wound screaming, and rushed off down a nearby alleyway.
He rushed through the door of a neighboring business, a restaurant by the looks of it, and crouched behind one of the prepping tables. He placed you gently to the ground, rich eyes full of so much concern for you as he looked over your wounds.
“How bad is it?” He asked, fingers gently lifting the ripped bit of your jacket so he could try to see it better. “You’ll heal right?” You were quick to snap away from him and curled in on yourself despite your wound screaming at you. You didn't want him to see you like this. Didn’t want him to see your eyes and other ghoulish features. “Is it bad?” He asked again more firmly, hand grabbing for your arm that you once more shoved away.
“I’ll be fine.” You two sat in silence for a long while, your wound being to heal ever so slowly.
“Let me see you. Please.” Hide asked. Hide begged. You held yourself tighter.
“You already know what I am so just--”
“Yes, but I want to see you.” Your eyes burned painfully. More painful than your wound ever could feel.
“What? So you can point and call me a freak?” Again, silence fell over you two. A silence that ate away at your heart.
“You really think I would do that?” He whispered. A whisper that sounded so--so sad. Like it hurt him that you might think that.
You didn’t. Of course you didn’t think he truly would.
“I’m horrifying. I--I can’t even look at myself in the mirror. How could I subject you to that?” Hide was once more quiet as if he was thinking long and hard about what you were saying. Quiet that was broken by the sound of him shuffling closer.
Gloved fingers brushed your cheek still exposed to him. Fingers that moved to graze over the black veins spreading from your eye. Such gentle touch you couldn’t help but lean into. To let them guide you to face him, heart beating so fast in your chest as he finally saw the darkness you’d been hiding.
Hide looked over your face for a long moment, his thumb never once stopping in its creasing of those black veins you had been taught to hate.
“You’re,” He smiled that bright sunny smile of his and looked at you with such warm love and adoration you almost forgot about that self hatred. “Perfect.” Tears spilled from your eyes he was quick to wipe away.
“You…you really don’t have to pretend.” You croaked, making that smile of his only wider as he thought back to the first time you two had ever met.
“I’m not. Promise. You’re perfect just the way you are.” You lunged at him, arms wrapping around his neck as the hollowness in your chest began to fill little by little. Hide was quick to hold you just as tight back. To bury his face in your neck and breathe a sigh of relief to hold you again.
“I love you. God, I love you so much.” You cried, running your fingers through his dirty blond hair.
“I love you too. I--I was scared I was never going to see you again.” You nodded into his neck, having felt all too much the same.
Shouts from outside the restaurant you two were hold up in had your body tensing.
The Doves. How on earth could you have forgotten about them?
“They’ll kill you if--” You started, pulling away to find those brown eyes again.
“Bite me.” You’re nose wrinkled at such a command.
“Bite--no.” You snapped, making Hide sigh like it was an inconvenience that you wouldn’t take a chunk out of his flesh.
“It’s gotta look like I fought you. So--scratch me then? Something nasty.” He pulled away a bit to turn his arm your way.
“Hide, I am not going to hurt--”
“You’re right. You’re not going to hurt me. It’s okay.” You just stared at him like he’d gone crazy. Stared at him as those shouts grew closer. Hide stressed your name.
“I--I--okay.” Hide smiled reassuringly, thumb giving your cheek one more rub before giving you full access to his body.
“Do your worst.” You huffed at his playfulness.
“This isn't a joke.” You spoke, raising your hand up, strengthening nails ready to tear into the love of your life’s flesh. “I-I’m sorry,” Tears burned at your eyes again as you brought your nails down as hard and fast as you could. “I’m sorry!” You cried again as you felt nails dig into flesh. “I’m sorry!” Again as Hide gave a pained little sound he tried to choke down. “I’m so sorry. I-I’m sorry.” You looked in horror at the four, jagged lines running around his upper arm. At the blood that now stained his gray suit.
“I-I’m sorry.” You weakly breathed, feeling his warm blood drip from your fingers. Blood that smells so--so nice. So fresh. Like spring rain. Like him.
You wanted to taste that blood. Damn you the urge was so strong you almost did.
Love and hunger. Hunger and love. Such a fine line between them, really, when you think about it.
You loved him so much you would die for him. You loved him so much you wanted him close. Loved him so much you wanted to sink your teeth into your flesh and savor the pleasurable taste of him.
“It’s okay. Hey--hey, it’s okay.” He winced, grabbing for your blood covered hand and giving it a tight squeeze. “I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t prepared, yeah?” You blinked at him. And blinked again to try and keep the tears from blurring your vision. To try and keep that gnawing hunger down.
“What--Hide, what are you doing here?” You stressed, holding his hand just as tight back.
“I’m here making sure those guys don’t kill you.” You shook your head at his words.
“No. No, because I wasn’t supposed to be here till I ran after Touka. I was never here. You didn’t come here for me.” You pulled on his hand, bringing him just a bit closer so he could see just how scared you were for him. “Why are you here?”
“I didn’t have a choice.” He shrugged. “Part of the job. A good “learning experience” is what they called it. I don’t think he meant this.” You couldn’t help the huff of amusement that filtered from your lips. The smallest laugh that had Hide smiling so softly at you.
“Can’t you--can’t you just leave? You’re injured now.” You cringed a bit at his wound he seemed almost unbothered by. “Can’t you sit the rest of this out.” Hide’s smile faltered a bit and you knew he wasn’t just running about this battlefield for no reason. “Sit it out.” You tried to demand him, but your voice just came out small. Scared.
“I can’t.”
“Why?” Hide gave your hand another squeeze as determination etched itself onto his features.
“Kaneki’s here.” Your fear turned to utter terror. Complete and utter terror because you had seen for yourself what Kaneki had become.
“Hide--Hide, listen to me. Whatever Aogiri Tree did to him hurt him. Bad. It hurt his soul. He’s--he eats other ghouls, Hide. He’s hungry. Hungrier than me. Hungrier than Touka or any one of us.” Such determined seriousness fell over Hide’s face. A seriousness that scared you even more. “He’s hurt and he’ll hurt you because he won’t be able to see past it.”
“He’s my friend.” Hide responded. Your heart twisted and jolted in your chest at the steadiness of his voice. Almost--almost like he had come here prepared to face death if he needed to. “I love him. And I’m going to try and help him. Just like how I’m going to try and help you now. Because I love you. I love you so much it's overwhelming.” Hide smiled. A smile that was so beautiful yet tore at your heart.
“Please. Please don’t leav--” The door you two had escaped through earlier banged open. The sound of boots rushing in filled your ears and before you had time to even blink, Hide was grabbing for a weapon at his side and giving a mighty battle cry.
He shoved you down, making a show of bringing that knife upward only to bring it down nowhere near your body.
“Play dead.” And you did. You felt Hide’s body stumble away from you in mock fatigue. He spoke shakily to the Dove’s who tried to calm him down. Who told him good job before they’d slowly--so so slowly--left the restaurant you laid in.
You laid there for hours.
Hours upon hours upon hours.
You knew they were gone. Knew you were safe to leave and try to escape, but you just couldn’t move because in your gut you knew something horrible was going to happen. Something so bad you knew would leave you just as you were now; playing dead and unable to move a muscle. Because all you could think about, all you could feel, was the dreadful realization that that had been the last time you were ever going to see him.
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