#anxious vent

[ventsoflinoone]

ever need to stim but don't know which one or is it just me...

[6ilent-9ufferer]

Today, when I was dropped off at the staff parking in the back of the store where I work, I saw a car with a decal with the words "I'm a trump girl".

It's making my amygdala go into hyperdrive thinking who among my co-workers it could be. It's disturbing that someone i work with supports such an evil man and it makes me want to work at where I do even less.

My co-worker, an 80 something year old woman, asked how I was. Normally, i would give a thumbs up to co-workers, and with customers, i say "I'm fine" or "good" even when I'm not.

This time, however, I needed to be honest; I needed to know who I can and can't trust.

I wrote "anxious", and that the decal on the car parked in the back is what's causing me such distress.

She said that it [the decal] didn't mean anything.

But it does. It means so many things, and I don't know which one is worse.

I said, "Trump people are scary."

She told me that she's a trump girl, that she's not scary, and to not listen to what they [anti-trumpers] say.

Does she seriously not know how dangerous Trumpers truly are and can be? Like MAGAts, and the Jan 6 insurrectionists?? As she said, she's a "trump girl". It's not something to be proud of -- it's a red flag.

Then she says that I was "too young to worry". Umm, no?? I have an endless supply of reasons why I should be worried. "Too young to worry"? What does that even mean??

I don't feel safe. Not with someone who projects themselves as sweet and kind but then also supports that evil old man. And until he's successfully impeached and out of office and de-powered, none of us are safe. Even those who support him.

Her shift ended eventually, and before she left she said to me: "take care of yourself". Girl, don't try to sound sympathetic to my being anxious when you voted for a sociopathic psycho criminal. I don't want any "sympathy" coming from you.

Sometime after she left, I went on my break and checked to see if the car was gone, and it was. Yep, that Trump car is definitely hers.

I remember one time she told me that she used to drink a lot when she was younger. Yeah, no wonder she's a trumper -- alcohol damages the brain, and erodes the ability to make good decisions.

My whole shift, i found myself constantly thinking things like:

Who else at work is a trumper?

What if one of my co-workers is a Jan 6th insurrectionist?

What if the store manager, who's respectful to customers and the best SM we've had so far is a trumper?

I already have trust issues, I don't need any more and if the SM is a trumper, it would make my trust issues worse and destroy the good employer-employee workplace relationship the SM has built with me. She's respectful, makes an effort to call me by my preferred pronouns, and oftentimes catches herself when she accidentally slips.

I'm exhausted, emotionally and physically. I'm so glad my shift is over now. This was a tangent, I know, but I had to vent.

[change--of--heart]

Why does dissociation feel like the start of passing out or having a seizure which only increases the feeling i hate this

[ventsoflinoone]

heart turn too fast in chest

[ventsoflinoone]

even been putting on my mask for babe, need to break down this wall before it becomes steel

[ventsoflinoone]

i need to talk to her but i don't know how to make the words come out of my mouth

[ventsoflinoone]

when insurance fucks up your meds and messes up your mind and then your body goes all out of whack synthesizing to make a perfect hell, and the autism adds sensory issues bc your body isn't regulated making it all that much worse

[ventsoflinoone]

today was hell at work and it set my autism on fire