#anxiouspreoccupied

[goddessgaya]

These thoughts are basically an extension of the following quote, which I will always come back to when weighing potential friends and partners:

"Like so much else, people have misunderstood the place of love in life, they have made it into play and pleasure because they thought that play and pleasure was more blissful than work; but there is nothing happier than work, and love, just because it is the extreme happiness, can be nothing else but work." – Rainer Maria Rilke

May you be surrounded by those willing to work for you, may you only allow those in that are. May you look to deeply understand and accept the loves in your life. May

[daffodilrays]

Understanding attachment styles and cultivating healthier relationships

Our attachment styles are determined and developed in our childhood. It is these attachment styles that greatly influence the way we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. Understanding these attachment styles can shed light on why we relate to others the way we do and help us build healthier and more secure connections. Attachment theory, developed by psychologist John Bowlby,…

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[kimdoughnuts]

“Love” and Limerence

I’m coming to terms with limerence. It’s something I’ve always experienced. I’m realizing now that somehow, my brain is wired to do this. I can’t figure it out exactly. I’m suspecting it’s a combination of my trauma + my autistic brain that is often geared towards obsession with certain items.

It’s a process that seems to happen automatically; I feel like I have very little control over it. I meet someone I like, and down the rabbit hole my mind goes. My mind wants to latch onto them. I know my contact with them will be limited, so my mind holds on to whatever it can.

I seem to have a “type”--they’re usually sweet, funny, and a little broken. They tend to be very present with me and very open and loving for a short period of time, then disappear or become generally unresponsive for days at a time. During their absence, they’re usually having some sort of family or internal struggle (or so they say..).

I become a fiend for their attention and validation. I feel euphoric and giddy when they’re around, then anxious and confused when they’re not. It’s a very exciting and dysfunctional cycle. Eventually they decide they do not want a relationship or anything further with me, and I have to go no contact and suffer being rejected again.

This has been my entire love life. This cycle over and over again. I have never been in an official adult relationship, despite wanting and trying for one. I want to get out of it and seek something healthy, but part of me believes it will never happen.