hello is this mcdonalds?
great! can i order sick headcannons with the mercs (reader is the sick one. idk how else to clarify that)
okay coolio bye then
-apple anon ✌️
haha imagine being sick. enjoy covid, apple :)
(disclaimer, i'm not mean to anyone else. I just know apple IRL.)
When you're sick - headcanons
All the mercs (+ Ms. Pauling) x G/N reader
(I added Pilot because pretending my OC is a canon character is fun.)
Fluff
Scout:
Ok, let's be honest, you aren't getting a lot in terms of anything genuinely helpful to your health.
He'll sit at the edge of your bed and keep you company, rattling off about his day or the current happening around the base.
He lived with seven older brothers, thus naturally developed a pretty good immune system. He'll snuggle with and kiss you all over. He'll get under the covers, too. He's taking a nap there. You don't get to kick him out. Here's there forever now.
Will get you a juice or something, but don't expect him to get you anything you'd need to cook.
Soldier:
Sick?? You shouldn't be sick!! It's those damn communists contaminating the water supply, he swears by it.
Nonetheless, he will be sure to stay by your side and give you an honorable burial if you were to perish. Not that you will! You're a strong american man (regardless of your nationality. or gender. just go with it, it'll make him happy.), and he knows you'll pull through.
Stands at the foot of your bed doing surveillance. You're at your most vulnerable, so he has to keep watch!!
He cannot cook. Good lord he cannot cook. He'll try though for you, but you better expect it to taste or look horrible.
Pyro:
Will prance to your room, move all of their stuff in there, and have sleepovers with you until you're better.
They'll color with you, bring you snacks and treats, and spend a lot of time with you in general.
They don't really get sick themself, partially due to wearing the mask all the time, so they don't know exactly how to take care of you on the practical side of things, but they'll grab you anything you want if you ask them!!
Demoman:
He knows a lot about being sick. Mainly due to hangovers, but he's pretty experienced in terms of getting sick, so he knows what to do in a lot of cases.
He's making you a hot toddy if your throat is sore. (He's making one for himself too.)
Will offer a bunch of weird remedies that he swears by, which only a handful usually work. His eagerness to help you out usually wins over you though, so you end up trying them.
Heavy:
I think he would be one of the best to care for you. He took care of his family when he lived with them (and still visits!), so he'd for sure know exactly what to do for you.
Makes a mean soup. It's his mother's recipe, so you better compliment it.
Can and will pick you up and carry you to other rooms if you want a change of scenery. He doesn't much care about getting sick himself, and he can usually power through it if it spreads to him, so don't worry about giving him your germs. Just don't kiss him or anything, he's not that interested in getting sick.
Will take you to Medic if he thinks it's getting bad.
Engineer:
Okay, this might be a controversial take, but I think he'd be absolute dogwater at taking care of you.
MAN CAN'T EVEN GET UP FOR A GLASS OF WATER FOR HIMSELF IF HE'S WORKING, AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF A WHOLE 'NOTHER PERSON???
Okay, he'll try.
He'll talk to Medic to see what can be done for you, might move some of the stuff he's tinkering on so you can spend time with him if you want, He might make you a snack if he has the time, but probably not much more than that.
He genuinely cares about you, but he doesn't exactly have the resources or time to be with you the whole duration of your sickness.
Medic:
Sick? Under his watch? Impossible. The second you start showing symptoms of anything, no matter how small, he is testing you for everything under the sun.
Be prepared to spend ninety percent of your time in the medbay, because he's running tests on you like there's no tomorrow.
Will give you so many pills or random liquids to down, and not tell you what a single one does.
He's definitely giving you a remedy of his own invention that may or may not be banned in multiple US states.
Sniper:
Now this is a man who can take care of you when you're sick.
He has a lot of knowledge on how to help, because his mother would always talk about what she was doing or making to help him feel better whenever he was sick growing up.
He knows (and can probably cook) whatever meals will help get your energy back, he knows what medicine to get from Medic, and he'll do his best to make you all comfy cozy.
He'll probably call his parents if he doesn't know what to do in a specific case, as he doesn't really want you spending too much time in the medbay. It's just overly sterile and serious in there, and he knows that a comforting atmosphere can be better for trying to recover from being sick.
Spy:
He will reluctantly bring you a few things, but do not expect him to spend time with you.
He is wearing a facemask when entering your room, giving a brief greeting while bringing you food or something, and leaving. If you ask him to stay, he will not.
I feel like he would have mildly germaphobic tendencies, just based on how clean he tries to keep on a regular basis.
The only reason he even bothers to bring you anything is because he thinks you're the least annoying and wouldn't survive being around everyone else if you died.
A little melodramatic, but he's got the spirit.
Ms. Pauling:
Let's be honest, she wouldn't have the time to take care of you.
She'll make an effort to tell the others to make sure you're doing okay and are fed and given proper care, but she probably won't be able to do anything past that.
WE STILL LOVE HER THOUGH.
Pilot:
Pilot is a little bit of a mess, but will try his best.
He usually makes food for everyone when nobody wants prepackaged meals, so he's got quite a bit of soup-making experience.
Is the comforting king. Will let you lay your head in his lap and sleep while he reads or writes. Will gently play with your hair if you want him to.
He'll get you a ginger ale and swear that it helps. It tastes good, but it's unclear if it actually helps with nausea or a sore throat.
Let him kiss you. He will get so sick, but he wants to kiss you so bad. He doesn't care that he's getting your germs, he just wants to comfort you.
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my Kofi if you'd like to tip me!
