AIO girlfriend claims I’m appropriating her culture
For some context we’ve been dating for about five months. I’m (29M) black, and she’s (34F) Vietnamese. Since I was young I’ve always expressed a lot of appreciation and interest towards Asian culture. Specifically the pop culture, be it the food, the art, and especially the music. Naturally I became eager to learn the languages. I’m not fluent , but I do frequently speak Japanese , viet, Korean… (and I can actually read and write in Korean since late teen years) been doing this literally decades before I met her. I typically say the common curse words/phrases.
For example (씨발 ) “Shibal” or “Du” . Both these words meaning “f\*\*k” .
Now let’s reference the screenshots. She mentioned not once ,but twice. About her not being able to say certain things. Four months ago she said the N word, and I gave her a stank look, and I believe I addressed it there very calmly. All I said was “Yikes, do you normally say that, I don’t like that you say that”. And that was it, I didn’t freak out, didn’t yell at her didn’t go off. And we never talked about it again. Apparently her best friend is also dating someone that’s black, and he doesn’t care that his partner says it, so I’m assuming she’s fishing for that treatment.
Now I’m very open minded and I’m more than okay with admitting I’m wrong. The thing that’s really bothering me , is that she’s claiming it to be culture appropriation and “JUST AS OFFENSIVE”. Honestly not going to go dig into what really culture appropriating is with her, since at this point I’m pretty sure I’m blocked . But never in my 29 years of living have I ever been accused of such things, so I’d appreciate very open minded and non bias feedback on that specifics thing. Additionally , the relationship has to be cooked, by her literally exploding on me when we’re supposed to be partners.the crash out is not justified AIO?
\*\*Apologies for the transcript , was working so I had to send voice memos. the text shouldn’t be too hard to piece together\*\*
Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (95% confidence)
Top comment: “NOR. Saying ‘fuck’ in Vietnamese is nowhere near the extent of saying the N word. Shame on her if she really thinks that’s comparable.”
Notable explanation: “NOR - your gf is unhinged. There is a big difference between saying a general swear word and a racial slur, and the fact that she can’t tell the difference indicates that she has the emotional intelligence of a 10 year old.
Also, the way both of you are speaking to each other is so immature and no one in a healthy relationship should be swearing at their partner and talking to them like that. She was behaving way worse, but you engaged in it too.
It sounds like the relationship is already over, but just in case it’s not, get the heck out of there. She is clearly toxic and it sounds like this relationship is bringing out an ugly side of you too.”
Originally shared by Ih8maplestory8 on r/AmIOverreacting on January 13th, 2026 at 1:42 AM UTC. Credit to u/No_clue_help and u/Maleficient_Honeybee for the quoted comments.
