#aro-ace things

[eeee-lye]

Tired reminder that is not inherently dehumanisation or infantilisation to headcanon autistic-coded or autistic characters as aro-spec, ace-spec or a-spec.

Autistic a-specs get to exist, and given that most canon or coded portrayals are usually written by allistic allosexual/alloromantic people who don’t have a clue about how to positively write autistic, ace and aro characters (never mind autistic and a-spec characters), we absolutely get to exist in headcanons. We need to exist in headcanons.

It’s not like we get to exist much of anywhere else.

Do some people headcanon an autistic character as aro, ace or aro-ace so they don’t have to ship them? I’m sure it’s happened. How is it the fault of a-spec people, though, that our identities are being used to justify or allow someone else’s ableism? Why should a-spec autistics be told that we’re not allowed to exist in someone else’s headcanon just because some folks are ableist?

Why are we erasing autistic a-specs instead of addressing the ableism?

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you don’t want to have complex discussions about autism, ableism, asexuality and aromanticism.

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you want to do only the minimum work possible in disability activism.

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you don’t care if a-spec autistics are collateral damage.

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you are happy to create an artificial division between my autistic and my a-spec identities, one that in no way benefits me as an a-spec autistic.

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you don’t care if a-spec autistics don’t exist.

I’m finding it increasingly hard not to see this ongoing conversation as a simple statement that you are a terrible activist.

I have words for this conversation that keeps on happening even though many, many a-spec autistics and a-spec disabled people have spoken up over the last six months and called this hate for what it is.

They’re words like “ableism” and “acemisia” and “aromisia”. Words that should never describe something that is ostensibly an activist conversation.

This is erasure dressed up in the language of social justice, and I’m done with it.

[the-cimmerians]

still polyamorous even though i’m asexual

[eeee-lye]

In the year 2018, I want aromanticism and the identities under the aro umbrella to not be treated like the red-headed stepchild of a-spec conversations and communities.

I want to access community content for aro-aces that cherishes, celebrates and centres the aro part of aro-ace as much as it does the ace part.

I want more community content that focuses on aro issues, identities, relationships and experiences as distinct from ace ones.

I want explicitly, openly, powerfully and positively aro protagonists who are never treated as loveless, robotic or inhuman.

I want an aro community space where I can connect with other aro creators and bond over the challenges that lie in creating aro-centric representation in an amatonormative world.

I want to be able to come online and talk about aro issues in safety and comfort, knowing that I don’t have to risk having aro language dismissed, aro experiences belittled, aro communities attacked and aro identities erased.

I want 2018 to be the year of aro amazing.

[eeee-lye]

Ace-spec doesn’t include aros.

I can’t believe I still need to say this in the waning days of 2017, but here we go:

Ace or ace-spec is not an umbrella term for aro and ace people both.

Ace or ace-spec is an umbrella term for people of the ace spectrum.

Aro or aro-spec is an umbrella term for people of the aro spectrum.

A-spec is an umbrella term for people of the ace and aro spectra.

Please don’t conflate “ace” and “aro” under “ace-spec”. Aromanticism is a separate identity and experience to asexuality, and the continual conflation of the two is something aros (aro-aces and allo aros both) struggle with in terms of the validation of aro-specific issues and aro representation.

Asexual spaces, communities and conversations seldom centre our needs as aros. At best, the aro part of aro-ace is subsumed under the asexual experience, acknowledged here and there but never treated as its own distinct identity with its own experiences and challenges. This doesn’t support many ace-spec aros (myself included) and outright ignores the needs and concerns of allosexual aros.

The discussion of aro-specific issues and representation here on Tumblr resolves around “we exist”, “we are not the same thing as asexuality”, “stop making aro-ace characters alloromantic ace in the adaptation” and “we are not heartless”. Yet, while there is little beyond these 101 level conversations, we need to keep on having them. In all honesty, I would much rather put my communication spoons to writing more stories about aro characters or start working on an epic “aromanticism, disability and representation” post, but I don’t yet live in a world where I can browse my dashboard and not find need to instead discuss the very basics of aro erasure.

If you are talking about issues impacting both communities or umbrellas of identities, it is appropriate to group us together. If you want to refer to aces and aros both, use “a-spec”. If you don’t want to use “a-spec”, say “ace-spec and aro-spec”. That’s all you need to do to avoid aro erasure!

TL;DR: “Ace” or “ace-spec” is an umbrella term only for folks of the asexual spectrum. It in no way includes aromantics and should not be used to refer to both. When ace is used to mean both aces and aros, it is aro erasure. Please stop doing this.

[eeee-lye]

When someone expresses a wish for aro-ace leads and you provide a link to a list of asexual romances with alloromantic ace leads, congrats: you have participated in another round of aro erasure.

The aro part of our identity is just as important as the ace part and I’d really like people to try and remember this.

(And for some of us, the aro part is more important...)

[eeee-lye]

Hey, aces and ace-spec folks, especially aces and ace-spec folks who are not also aro or aro-spec:

If a character is aro-ace in the original text but alloromantic ace in the adaptation and you talk about the adaptation as ace representation without ever mentioning the aro erasure, we have problems.

Stop doing this. Stop ignoring the aro erasure as though we aro-aces don’t also read through lists of ace representation in search of characters like us and have no reason to be upset because only half of our identity and experience makes it to the adaptation. Stop treating aro erasure as though it isn’t a problem or worth discussing because the ace rep is good enough and that’s all that matters on these lists. It isn’t.

List it, sure. I’m not saying these adaptations shouldn’t be included as an instance of ace representation. But also include the fact that aros are being erased yet again in this adaptation so that aro-aces can make informed decisions about accessing content that doesn’t erase the aromantic representation we’re also looking for.

Please, please stop overlooking aro erasure. Please stop forgetting that aro-aces also use these lists to find media representation and need to see our constant aro erasure acknowledged and treated as the problem it is by aces.

[eeee-lye]

[image description: a silver, black and white necklace pendant on a long silver ball chain. The pendant is a flat metal rectangle with a silver back and attachment ring and a white enamel front. A miniature version of the standard ace of spades playing card - an black “A” in the top left and bottom right corners above and below miniature club symbols, both framing the larger club in the centre of the card - is raised ever so slightly above the enamel.]

I’m not saying that the universe is telling me that I’m really aro-ace and everything my autistic arse considered “sexual attraction” is probably more aesthetic appreciation, but I am saying that the universe led me to find this at Savers...