I think I appreciate assertiveness in women so much more than in men because it feels more earned.
In heteronormative men its expected, ordinary, "default." Many of them stumbled into it blindly without a second thought and without any real challenge from the world, so they either developed a feeling of begrudging performance at best, or being entitled to it at worst. "It doesn't matter how good you are at it," the world says to them, "any wall comes down eventually if you push hard enough, just like on tv." The kind of tact needed to develop a real connection to the other person while simultaneously asserting their own desires is often absent entirely. This isn't universally true of course, but it seems so, so common.
But when a woman is assertive? That confidence was fought for every step of the way; through every push back, every dismissal, every confused or judgemental stare that said "you're not supposed to be doing this," it still perseveres. "I know what I want and I'm going to fight for it even if it seems like the entire world is against me." That's the kind of power of will that defines heroes of myth!!! How inspiring is that?? Genuinely that is the kind of actualization of self that most people can only dream of achieving.
