#asukyu

[freezing-kaiju]

best eva end: 3.0+1.0 involves shinji being hit by the trolley problem and the whole movie is just an asurei romantic drama

[homuras-homos]

@xairathan those prompts you requested below the cut.

Also to hit you back,

2: AsuRei

5: AsuKyu

15: YuiMari

17. things you said that i wish you hadn’t (YuiMari)

Contradiction

    It had been a perfect conclusion to their vacation to the mountain resort. Yui Ayanami and Mari Makinami watched the sunset, nibbling on sweets together. Kyouko Soryuu had wandered off, leaving the two of them alone for now, giving Mari a knowing wink. The three friends had gone to the retreat in celebration of graduating, and so Mari could finally tell Yui about her feelings. The resort was quiet enough, romantic enough, to provide the right mood. And even in casual clothes, Mari was taken aback by the beauty Yui radiated. Mari entertained a fantasy where she and Yui elope, traveling back to the United Kingdom as fast as a plane could carry them. Probably stop over in Germany to drop of Kyouko. Then they could have a laugh at Gendo for thinking that he was good enough for Yui. He wasn’t.  

    It was just a fantasy, but depending on how the night went Mari would most likely make plans to return to Japan in the near future.

    Mari inched closer to Yui, one hand drifting on top of the other woman’s.Yui let it rest, splaying her fingers so that Mari’s slipped between them. Mari’s heart skipped a beat. It skipped another one as Yui leaned in to rest her head on Mari’s shoulder. With her free hand, Yui popped another sweet into her mouth.

    “You’ve got something to say?” Yui asked teasingly. Mari simply nodded, sliding closer to Yui. Her skin was soft and warm, and in the cold mountain air it was a godsend. The feeling of gentle comfort made her next words all that much easier. 

    “I love you, you dummy.” Mari confessed as the sun dipped below the horizon. Yui stared ahead for a moment, Mari noting how she swallowed repeatedly. Then she turned to face Mari, cupping her cheek in her hand and gently rubbing it. Yui was smiling, and though it was slight, as all her smiles were, Mari could see the emotions behind it.

    “I’d be lying if I said that I felt differently.” A grin spread on Mari’s face, her eyes growing wide. The effect was only amplified by Yui’s old glasses. “But I have to do this. I can’t run away now.” Yui dropped Mari’s hand, stepping away from her and turning away, looking down the mountain. Yui leaned forward, resting her elbows on the handrail and folding her hands under her chin. Her thinking pose. There was an audible sniffle, and Mari sunk back away from the balcony. She picked up the pace, moving towards their room. 

    She had been prepared for rejection. For a shake of the head from Yui, followed by assurance that she was still her friend. She had been prepared for acceptance. A twilight kiss in the open air. She had not been prepared for this. For knowing she had succeeded yet failed at the same time. Stepping onto that plane tomorrow would be the most difficult event in her life because of that.

18.things you said when you were scared (AsuKyu)

Pathos

    Asuka could feel the other pilot’s heartbeat pound in her chest as they pressed against each other in the abandoned closet, far too cramped for the three people currently occupying it. Outside, she could hear the sounds of the NERV probe, one of their Nemesis series, move around the building they were in, tearing it down as it went. The probe knew they were there, that much was certain. The grim realization made Asuka’s stomach twist into a knot. It would continue to search for them until it found something, or so she suspected.  

    Every time she heard another section of the building fall she felt Kyu flinch, her muscles tensing and head shifting on Asuka’s shoulder. Shinji inhaled sharply from his position behind Ayanami, cowering in the corner. Asuka paid him no mind. She would usually complain about his cowardice, but right now she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t terrified.

   Ayanami shifted slightly against Asuka, breathing short, quick breaths. Asuka took a moment to memorize the face in front of her, giving her something to do instead of think of what could happen in the next few minutes. It had only been a week since the battle, and Ayanami had been the only one for Asuka to talk to, but even so the Ayanami who had piloted the Mark.09 had become so much more. Asuka was impressed by how fast she was learning, growing. So it wasn’t fair that Ayanami-Kyu, Asuka corrected herself, that was the name they had agreed on last night-would never get to live the life that she had just been introduced to.

    Asuka was having trouble accepting that this could be the end. After so long fighting, so many close brushes with death, she never had been frightened as she was now. Perhaps it was because she had always been inside her Eva when she was dealing with death. Now she could meet her death at the hands of an automated probe she could have dealt with in her sleep had she had her Eva. She found it pathetic.

    Shinji pressed himself deeper into the corner of the closet. Kyu shuffled closer to Asuka, as much as she possibly could. Pale arms lightly wrapped around the German, and Asuka returned the gesture. She could feel both of their heartbeats start to slow as they embraced. Even though they were not emotionally close, the physical connection was comforting. For Asuka, it had been years since anyone had hugged her; for Kyu, it was a new experience.

   “Shikinami. There is so much I want to see, but I may not get the chance.” Kyu lamented in a whisper barely above a breath. Asuka understood. She was scared as well. The Nemesis moved close enough for the ground to shake. Asuka’s heart leapt into her throat and Kyu whimpered slightly.

   “We will,” Asuka muttered, equally quiet. Even if it was hollow assurance, it still felt good to hear. It seemed to work for Kyu, Asuka felt the girl’s heartbeat quiet. Asuka shut her good eye, tightening the embrace and feeling it tighten in response. Another movement from the probe, shifting the ground beneath them. The world seemed to stand still. In a moment the feeling would pass, something would happen. The probe would either overlook them or they would be dead.

8. things you said when you were crying (AsuRei)

Antithesis

    Asuka had been in a daze when she stumbled into the apartment block, seemingly abandoned. The West end of Tokyo-3 was slated for demolition, so no one should have lived there. It was why she had come to the area, to escape people. Escape her life, if only temporarily. Yet it hadn’t been abandoned, if the sounds of crying were any indication.

    Nor could Asuka understand why she had followed those sounds if she was so determined to avoid people. Yet she had done just that, and it had led her to an apartment with the door ajar. The carpet was scuffed at the entrance, which made Asuka pause. It was different than anything else she had encountered since moving to Japan. So who was it? But in the end it only piqued her curiosity, and she stepped into the room.

    She soon found the source of the sobs, though she didn’t believe it at first. The doll. The First Child, the emotionless automation of the Commander. Rei Ayanami. The lump of white and blue was on the bed in one of the back rooms, balling her eyes out. There was a pair of glasses casually discarded to one side. Asuka moved closer, wondering if she hadn’t gone mad. If this was just some hallucination brought on from lack of sleep and depression. Her hand reached out, touching Rei on the shoulder. That was real enough. Instantly the blue haired clone looked up at the intruder and grasped the hand that had made contact with her. Her red eyes were bloodshot, and her face was flush from sobbing.

   They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Rei too distressed to ask why Asuka was here, Asuka too confused to ask Rei what was going on. There was a gentle tug on Asuka’s hand, and Rei moved over ever so slightly so she could sit. Asuka did so, neither of them caring if her dirty shoes got on Rei’s sheet. Asuka began to weep, softly at first, still trying to hold it back.

   She eventually gave in though, curling up and lying on her side as tears flowed freely. She could not look any more weak than Rei did, so there was no reason to try to appear stronger than she really was. The meek grip on Rei’s hand was the only thing that kept her from drowning in her grief completely.

   Then Rei spoke, in a tone that Asuka had not expected to hear. Yet after everything else it seemed only natural. Complete and utter grief filled Rei’s voice. “You were right, I am a doll.” She stated simply. Asuka wanted to yell, to shriek and shake Rei as she pointed out exactly how she was proving her wrong. She could not though, she could hardly raise her voice above a low growl, nor could she move in any meaningful way. So instead she squeezed Rei’s hand tighter. It was all she could do.

[homuras-homos]

asukyu same questions

2. Who reminds the other to take care of themselves? 

Asuka needs to teach Kyu everything from the basics. It’s slow going, being treated as a disposable clone for your very short life does not lead to good hygienic practices from Kyu.

3. Who is happier when they are out in nature? 

They both nearly died in the desert, so neither of them feel particularly happy to get off the Wunder. But Asuka will still reminisce about the old forests and fields of Germany and Kyu wants to be able to feel what it’s like to be there.

4. Do they like to go in the hot tub together? 

Baths did not survive Near Third Impact. Though their first kiss was started by Kyu when they were in the showers so there’s that. Asuka was left in stunned silence until the water turned cold.

8. Who likes to play with the other’s hair? 

Asuka does, most of the time during meals or after Asuka gets back from a mission and they’re hugging, Asuka will ruffle her hair. Very occasionally Asuka will let Kyu brush her hair.

9. Who calms the other down when the other has a nightmare?

Both of them, by god both of them. Those years of fighting NERV have not been kind to Asuka, there’s a reason her old plugsuit was pretty much held together by ducktape. And Kyu’s life so far was short but pretty much a non-stop angst train of “I’m going to be abandoned/replaced” so it’s pretty much alternating nights of them telling each other that they’re still there for them.

11. Who can’t sleep without the other? 

Kyu, definitely Kyu. Asuka can sleep alone, she’s done it for all her life. Though that doesn’t mean that she’ll have a restful sleep. When Asuka gets injured Sakura lets Kyu sleep in the back of the med-bay for as long as it takes for Asuka to recover.

13. Who makes the first move to cuddle?

Kyu and Asuka, depending on the circumstance. Asuka does it before and after she sorties, pulling Kyu into a tight hug and giving her a quick kiss. Kyu starts cuddles when they have downtime, just wrapping an arm around Asuka’s waist and resting against her.

15. Who likes to wear the other’s sweaters? 

When they’re first getting settled Kyu says she wants something that will make her uniform different, she doesn’t want to wear the same uniform as other people. WILLE plays it fast and loose with uniform regulations though and Misato’s fine with whatever.

Anyhow, Asuka has an old bomber jacket from her days in the European air force. Never did fit her correctly, a bit too small. She took it with her to Tokyo-3, and somehow it survived through the years. It’s perfect for Kyu and she loves it. Also Asuka will give her her cat toque when she’s out on a mission to keep it safe.

[homuras-homos]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition, Neon Genesis Evangelion Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Shikinami Asuka Langley Characters: Ayanami Rei, Shikinami Asuka Langley, Suzuhara Sakura, Makinami Mari Illustrious, Rei-Q Additional Tags: Post 3.33, Valentine's Day, Asukyu - Freeform, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:

Kyu has noticed that Asuka has been avoiding her for the past few days.

For both AsuKyu and Valentines Day.

[homuras-homos]

asurei for 1 & 5, asukyu for 10 & 17, either/both for 20

Here’s the lot of them.

1: “Oh my god, you’re in love with her.”

Touch was the first sensation that returned to Rei after washing ashore. The feel of the sand she was lying on, the feel of the water washing over her, cutting through her addled brain and giving her something to latch on to. To remind her that she had a body again. She remembered to breathe, finding her lungs filled with liquid. Her chest convulsed as she coughed it out, shakily getting to her knees. She leaned forward, digging her hands into the sand as she hacked and sputtered out the last drops and sucked in air for the first time in a week. Her next breath was full of water as a wave crashed over her. The wave drew back into the ocean, threatening to drag her along with it.

Yet she had a reason to leave, to return to the world.

With great effort, she dragged her body forward, up the beach. One hand reaching out as far as it could and then digging deep into the wet sand. The noises of the world, blowing wind and tumbling water, returned to her next. The sounds were incredibly loud, but that only reminded her how utterly empty the world now was. Yet if she wasn’t among the souls, she was somewhere in the world.

Eventually she got herself out of the surf, the sand changing from wet clumps to dry particles under her hands. Only then did she crack her eyes open, being greeted by nothing but red. Blood red. LCL red. Her stomach churned, and she began to retch empty air, collapsing back into the sand. She clutched her stomach, rolling over to lay on her back. The land past the beach was red, the sea was red, even the sky, where she had always turned to escape the colour, had red bleeding into it.

None of it was the red she had returned for. Rei had discovered so many secrets when Lilith had begun instrumentality, when she had embraced the collected souls of humanity. Only few of those secrets had been about Rei. And there were even fewer that she had taken interest in. And there was one that had brought her back from the sea of souls.

Eventually she propped herself up on her elbows, twisting her head from side to side. There was a small lean-to, made out of sheet metal, a hundred metres away from her. Rolling onto her knees again, Rei stood up. Her legs shook with just the simple act, and when she took a step forward she lost her balance, falling face first into the sand. She crossed her arms under her head, lifting it out of the sand and plunging her back into darkness.

The waves called to her.  

She didn’t listen. She gritted her teeth, reminding herself as to why she had returned. To settle the single regret that she had had. Instead she pulled herself back to her knees, and then to her feet. She made it ten steps before she collapsed again. Inside the lean-to, she could see a silhouette sitting in the shade. She got to her feet once again. Getting closer to the makeshift shelter until she collapsed one last time in front of it. She looked at the person who had been watching her, seeing them for the first time.

Shinji Ikari stared back at her, a look of terror on his face.

“Ayanami.” He stated quietly, cowering away from her. “Did you come for me?” His voice sounded hollow and defeated. Rei crawled under the shade of the sheet metal, catching her breath and collecting her thoughts. Eventually she shook her head.

“You are not the one I returned for.” Rei stated bluntly, her voice sounding rough and out of use. Shinji’s shoulders slumped, and she could see the slight shiver in them. Even if he was terrified of her, Rei could tell that he wanted someone to return for him. And she knew that someone would, even if she didn’t understand how she knew that. It was a a mere fact though, as much as one plus one is two or a hydrogen atom had a single electron.

“What?” Shinji asked, his head sinking into his legs. She could feel the disappointment, the pain, in his voice.

“The Second. I came back for her.” Rei closed her eyes, thinking about the other pilot. Asuka had been the first to return. Rei had never even had a chance to contact her, bring forth her soul before she had left to live again. Never had a chance to explain, to help her as she wanted to. Now she could.  

“Why?” His voice was quiet, barely heard above the waves.

“Because, she cared about me. As did I. We never figured that out, and that is something that I regret. There is a purpose for me now, to tell her that I care. To fix that regret. To see if she still does care about me.” She looked away from the ocean, her eyes searching for a different shade of red than that which dominated the world. “I was hoping that she would be near you.”  

“No, we, I… I hurt her. And then we went our separate ways.” Shinji admitted. Rei nodded, half to herself. She did not want to press him for further details. If she was alive that was what mattered. “I don’t think she wants to see anyone.” he grumbled.

“I merely hope to see her again. Regardless of what happens.” She wanted Asuka to know that she cared. Even if it didn’t matter anymore. And if Asuka didn’t want anything to do with her, then she could always return to the ocean. “Though, is it strange that I hope that I will be able to make her smile?” She pondered.

“That’s how I feel about… Oh my god. You’re in love with her.” Rei could hear the surprise in Shinji’s voice at that. Rei frowned, her brow scrunching. Her hands folded under her chin, and she looked back out at the ocean, finding the rolling waves relaxing. At any point of time before today, she would have shrugged, unable to say if what she felt was love. But now she knew what love was. She had seen the feeling in others. It was an apt description for her feelings towards Asuka.

“Yes, I think I am.” She confirmed. Shinji gave a weak nod, and turned his head towards the ruined buildings that rose further inland. Shinji answered Rei’s question before she could ask it.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know where she went. Just… into the city” He said, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. A determined look crossed Rei’s face and she crawled out of the lean-to before getting to her feet. She looked away from the ocean, forward towards the city. “I’ll stay here for now.” Shinji whispered from the shade. He was still waiting. The hope driving him on.

“Thank you, Ikari.” Rei departed, starting to walk away from the lean-to towards the crumbled towers of Tokyo-3. Her legs were unsteady, but she did not fall as she had before, even though she occasionally stumbled. There was clear purpose driving her now. She now had two things to tell Asuka once she found her.

5: “Please let me help.”

Rei walked through the suburbs of Tokyo-3, looking for the class representative’s house. That was where Shinji had predicted Asuka had gone. So that was where she would go. The streets were deserted at this late hour. The moon provided enough light for her to see the street signs, and she knew she was getting close. Her mind began to plan ahead. What was she going to do once she found Asuka? The question was one that only now popped up in her mind. She meant to at least see her, to see how she was doing after the angel had forced itself into her mind. Then… Rei shook her head. There were too many what-ifs that came afterwards. It was better to deal with them when they arrived, and not waste time thinking about what could be. Instead she glanced up at the moon and continued walking. Half an hour later she was walked up the sidewalk to a decent sized two story house.  

She knocked thrice. There were a few murmurs from behind the door, nothing she could pick out clearly though. So she waited ten seconds. She knew that she had the right address, unless Shinji had mistaken one of the numbers. She knocked again, her desire for an answer to her internal conundrum demanding she stay.

“Go away Shinji!” She heard Asuka yell from inside the house, somewhere on the second floor. So she was in the right location. Rei knocked once more and waited. She debated whether or not to say anything to indicate who it was to them. There was the sound of movement behind the door, and it was opened a second later. Hikari peeked out, the annoyed expression on her face turning to one of surprise at the sight of Rei.

“May I enter?” Rei asked politely. Hikari nodded, stepping aside. Rei walked past her quickly, almost forgetting to take off her shoes in the foyer before advancing. Asuka’s voice had come from near the front of the upper story, so she climbed the stairs, Hikari following a few steps behind her, her eyes focussed on the ripped pillow in Rei’s hands.

“Asuka, it isn’t Shinji it’s-” Hikari called as Rei walked into the open door to her room.

“You bitch.” Asuka swore when she caught sight of Rei, her voice sounded strained, as if she had been yelling for hours. She was sitting in front of the television, the chip-tune music of a videogame tapping out on the screen. She threw down the controller she had been using, springing up and clenching her fists. “You bitch.” She repeated lamely, the only insult she can think of.  

Rei stayed where she was when Asuka had first seen her. A feeling of guilt welling up inside her. It made her freeze, staring dumbly at the other pilot who was standing a few feet away from her. Now she was here, what would she say? What could she say? Asuka did not stay far from her for long, lunging at Rei and drawing back one fist in preparation to punch her. Her other hand grabbed Rei’s collar, making sure that she couldn’t move.

“Asuka!” Hikari protested, her voice cutting through Asuka’s anger and Rei’s indecisiveness. Asuka turned to face her friend, while Rei continued to stare at Asuka, her brow furrowed. “She hasn’t even said anything.” Hikari continued, giving Rei an apologetic smile.  

“Why are you here then?” Asuka snapped, turning back to face Rei. She kept her fist primed for when Rei delivered whatever unsatisfying answer she would come up with. Rei bowed her head slightly, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “Spit it out already!” Asuka yelled, almost pulling her off her feet as she yanks on the collar of her shirt.

“Please, let me help.” She stated quietly. She knew she should have done something to help her when fighting the angel. She could have tried to talk to her, reassure her in some way. She hadn’t. She had followed orders. As was expected. Now she had no orders. And she wanted to amend her mistakes.

“What?” Asuka’s voice faltered, if only for a moment. And then her face hardened and she released Rei’s collar, turning around. “Go. If you want to help then get out of my sight.” She spat, her voice a low growl. Rei nodded without question. It was a response she had expected. She turned, bowing slightly to Hikari before walking back down the stairs. Her shoes were at the door, and she slipped them on. It was late, and her apartment was a long walk away. She didn’t see the tears welling up in Asuka’s eyes, nor hear the slight sound that may have been her asking for Rei not to listen to her and to stay.

10: “Will you stay with me anyway?”

NERV had attacked the Wunder with a relatively large force, which had surprised Asuka. Three automated Nemesi and two Evas, both copies of Unit 06. Yet even then it had still been a one sided fight, with two Evas and the Wunder’s own cannons. It was soon down to just NERV’s Evas, and they were both crippled and at the mercy of Asuka and Mari. A small feeling of uneasiness crept into the back of Asuka’s mind. It had been far too easy. She said as much to Mari, who agreed with her.

Then it became clear why NERV had chosen to attack. Not to take down the Wunder, not even to test WILLE’s defences. Gendo Ikari had attacked to settle a personal vendetta.

The two pilots of NERV’s Evas had opened communications at that moment, their faces appearing among Asuka’s open video channels. Both of them were Ayanami-types, identical to each other. Blue hair and red eyes, a face that was all too familiar to Asuka. She felt a shiver run up through her spine, unsettled by the mirrored faces. She glanced at the small picture taped to her Eva’s control console, the smiling face of Kyu looking back at her.

The Ayanamis had a single demand, and adding to Asuka’s uneasiness they spoke in unison. It was a ridiculous demand.  An order from Commander Ikari for the Ayanami-type onboard the Wunder to return to NERV. Misato had actually laughed at that, Asuka hearing the sound through her channel to the bridge. Asuka herself had only gotten pissed at the demand. The only way that Kyu was returning to NERV was over her dead body. She had said as much to the two clones. They had calmly asked her why she cared about something so disposable as an Ayanami-type. And that had only pissed her off even more. Because it wasn’t just an Ayanami-type she cared about. It was Kyu.

Asuka had destroyed one of the Evas after that, Mari shooting the other one a second later. The inside of Asuka’s plug fell silent for a long moment, and then the bridge had asked them to confirm the target’s destruction. She had done so, growling out the words through a clenched teeth, saying that the Evas were no longer a threat. Then Asuka had swapped channels to the Eva pens. Kyu would be there, she was always listening into the comms during sorties. And she knew that she would have heard what the NERV pilots had said.

Except Kyu hadn’t answered. It had been Maya instead, her voice sounding somewhat strained and urgent. Maya told her to get back onboard, and Asuka felt her heart leap into her throat. She knew that something had happened. Recovery couldn’t have happened slower for Asuka, who drummed her fingers on her knee as her Eva was picked up and returned to its pen.

Kyu wasn’t there when Asuka exited her entry plug, which only made her more worried. She looked around, spotting Maya across the pen and making a beeline towards her. The maintenance crews for the two Evas parted around her, knowing better than to get in the way of the pilot who seemed to radiate anger. They were still celebrating the successful sortie though, patting each other on the back. Asuka did her best to ignore them. Maya didn’t notice until Asuka was right behind her, and when she turned around the worried expression on her face only deepened.

“What happened.” Asuka barked at her, slamming her palms onto the console that Maya was working at. 

“Kyu was listening in when she heard them demand that she return to NERV. And when they had said they were nothing but disposable clones, she just ran away.” Maya reported. The phone on her station buzzed behind her and she picked it up. Asuka watched her nod and make small sounds to confirm whatever she was hearing. She eventually put the phone down and looked back up at Asuka. “It was Sakura. She says Kyu ran to your room.” she relayed to Asuka.

Asuka didn’t bother going through the showers after that; she ran off out of the Eva pen making a beeline towards her room. They were close to the pens, a convenience to the pilots who needed to be ready at any moment. Again, people parted before her, knowing better than to get in her way when she was running. She was at the door to her room five minutes later, Sakura pacing in front of it. The medic looked at Asuka and nodded, stepping out of the way and shutting the door behind her.

The room was dark when Asuka entered it, though she could hear the sounds of laboured breathing. “Kyu.” She called quietly into the darkness. The breathing stopped for a second, and then resumed, louder and more rushed than before. Asuka felt a twinge of doubt creep into her mind. She had always been bad with people, and even her relationship with Kyu was plagued by her own fear of messing up. She flicked on the lights, surveying the room and looking for Kyu. She wasn’t lying on the bed, though all the sheets had been pulled off of it.

Asuka walked further into the room and around the bed, cautiously approaching the lump on the floor that was covered with sheets. “Hey, Kyu.” She whispered to the lump. She squatted down beside it, grabbing the edge of one of the sheets and pulling it up to see the girl underneath it. “What’s wrong?” She asked, trying to sound as open as she could.

Kyu blinked from the sudden exposure to the light, and upon seeing Asuka shrunk further into the blankets. It was her own private world, where only she could exist. Where she tried to forget about the existence of others. There were no other Ayanami-types, no other people. Until Asuka had intruded at least. 

“Asuka.” Kyu whispered, her voice sounding heavy, almost wet. In the light Asuka could see the tear stains running down her eyes. “Why am I here?” She asked, looking at Asuka, desperate for an answer. “Why me?”

“You wanted to live.” Asuka stated simply, sitting down in front of Kyu. The clone turned her gaze to the floor underneath them, lowering her head so Asuka couldn’t see her face. Fresh tears were starting to fall, and Asuka reached out to wipe them. Kyu recoiled back, away from her touch. She did shed the blankets off of herself though, which Asuka took as an improvement.

“But I’m no different than those two that were in those Evas. What makes me different? I could have switched places with either of them, it could have been me in there and one of them here.” She whispered. The various doubts that she lived with, that hung at the back of her mind, sprang forward. She wasn’t unique. She could be replaced. There were dozens, maybe hundreds, of other hers out there. What was so different about her that Asuka loved?

“Kyu, you are different. Even before we met you wanted to live. You were different then. And now you’re even more different than those clones from today. They aren’t Kyu. They never could be. But you are.” Asuka told her gently.

“You don’t need to lie. I know I’m just a replaceable clone.” She whispered, not believing it. Kyu looked up at Asuka, with eyes that were filled with desperation. “Will you stay with me anyway?” She asked.

Asuka didn’t hesitate to answer that. She wrapped her arms around Kyu, making her straighten out. Asuka pressed their bodies together, tucking Kyu’s head into her shoulder. Kyu was crying again, her shoulders heaving as Asuka rocked her back and forth, stroking her hair with one hand and grasping one of Kyu’s hands with the other. Their fingers intertwined at their side, and Asuka gave it a light squeeze to affirm her presence.

7“Of course. And you’re special, irreplaceable, to me if no one else.” She whispered into Kyu’s ear. The sobs seemed to grow weaker, and Asuka continued. “There are no other yous. If there was another Ayanami-type then I’d know it wasn’t you. The way you smile, the way you talk, the way your hand feels when it holds mine. I know you’re Kyu.” She reaffirmed. Kyu’s free hand wrapped itself around Asuka’s shoulder, pressing her closer than before. Asuka shut her eye, holding Kyu while she finished crying.

17: “Come here. Let me fix it.”

It had been five days since they had started heading towards where Asuka hoped the Wunder would be. They had stopped for the night, taking shelter in the husk of a solitary house rising up in the sea of red sand. Asuka had been staring out a hole in the wall, where there should have been a window, ignoring her two companions as she had all the previous nights.

Shinji had been silent the whole journey, in fact aside from walking he had refused to do anything. Kyu made Rei look like a motor mouth by comparison. The last conversation, the only conversation, that Asuka had had with Kyu had been two days ago, where her and Kyu had discussed what she should be called, until Asuka had come up with Kyu, her being the former pilot of Eva 09.

It was better than nothing.

Kyu had said her new name once and then fallen silent again.

The silence was starting to get to Asuka, and she was tempted to start talking to herself, if only to fill it with some noise. It wasn’t like she had anyone to talk to anyway. Shinji would refuse to respond if she asked anything, and she didn’t even know where to begin with talking to Kyu.

At the very least, Kyu had the SDAT player to escape to. When they were walking she would usually be wearing the headphones and carrying it in one of her hands. Even when she put the headphones around her neck Asuka could hear music piping through them and into the empty air. She would slow her pace, just slightly, so that Kyu could catch up to her. The music had been a welcome relief for Asuka, even if she considered most of it to be rather boring. It was noise that distracted her from the thoughts that they would die in the desert long before WILLE found them.

She wondered if Kyu used it the same way. To distract her from whatever problems she was facing. 

She had faintly heard the music playing behind her as she sat looking out the hole in the wall. Her eyes wandered to where Kyu was slowly approaching Shinji, one hand holding the headphones and the other holding the main body. Kyu intended to give it back to Shinji, knowing that it would remind him of Kaworu Nagisa and hoping that it would perhaps make him feel happier.

He had slapped the music player out of her hand, sending it flying into the wall. It bounced off and landed in the sand. Asuka diverted her full attention to the scene playing out in front of her, her teeth clenching in anger. Shinji  turned away from Kyu, refusing to acknowledge her at all. Kyu had hovered around Shinji for another few seconds, staring at her now empty hands. She then muttered a hasty apology and then walked over to the fallen SDAT, picking it up and plugging the headphones back in.

Asuka could tell that it was broken by the expression on Kyu’s face a few seconds later. She had shaken it, fiddled with the buttons, tried to get it to work again. Then, resigning to the fact that it was broken, Kyu had silently begun to walk towards her own corner of the house, getting as far away from Shinji as she could. Asuka closed her eyes, trying hard not to yell at Shinji. It would just be a waste of her time and energy. So she silently watched Kyu walk further away, her shoulders shrugged tightly, as if she was trying to prepare herself for a blow. .

Asuka realized it would be be a quiet walk tomorrow.

Unless she did something. She had kept her handheld video game player functioning for the past fourteen years, learning how to tinker and fiddle with electronics in her downtime. She guessed that the SDAT would work the same way.

“Come here. Let me fix it.” Asuka called, walking over to a fallen slab of concrete that was tall enough to serve as a table. She realized how foreign her own voice sounded, after neglecting it for two days. Kyu turned around, the sadness on her face palpable. Even though she told herself that she had offered to fix it so that she would have something to listen to tomorrow, she also hated seeing the look of disappointment on Kyu’s face. Kyu’s body had perked up at the offer and she had made her way over to Asuka, gripping the broken music player.

Wordlessly, Kyu let Asuka take the SDAT out of her hand, and then set it on a slab of concrete sticking out of the sand. Asuka popped the battery case open, discarding the dented battery onto the ground. That would need to be replaced. The battery compartment was also bent out of shape, but Asuka managed to flatten it out well enough.

Asuka was hopeful that a busted battery was all that was wrong with it. She glanced at the battery on the ground. It was smaller than average, flat and circular. Definitely not standard for an SDAT. Someone, she glanced at Shinji, had rebuilt the whole thing. And she doubted Shinji had the knowhow to do it. Yet it was beneficial for Asuka. She knew where to find a replacement for the battery. She had looked at Kyu again, focusing on the top of her head.

“You need those?” She asked Kyu, pointing at the neural clips that ran through her hair. Kyu’s hands rose to take them out, and she looked down at them.

“No. I do not.” She admitted, turning them over in her hand. She would no longer pilot, and she did not wish to remind herself of that life.

“Smash one then. It’s pretty cathartic actually.” Asuka suggested. Kyu looked at the neural clips one last time, and then threw one of them at the wall with all the force she could muster. There was a loud crack as the shell shattered, bits and pieces flying everywhere. Kyu surveyed the damage from where she had thrown it before walking towards where most of it had fallen. She scooped up the main body of the neural clip and carrying it back to Asuka. It was set on the slab of concrete beside the SDAT, then she herself sat down on the ground. Her back against the slab with her knees curled up to her chest.

Asuka was almost tempted to take off her eyepatch so she could have some light as she worked under the starlight. The battery was small, and deep inside the neural clip. It was slow work picking through it. She sighed, looking down at Kyu. Kyu seemed to sense her gaze and looked up to meet her eyes. There was a glimmer of hopeful anticipation in them. Asuka told herself that she wouldn’t disappoint her.

Asuka finally found the battery among the mess and slipped it into the SDAT. She closed the case and whacked the music player with her palm, just in case that helped. Then she handed it back to Kyu. “Try it.” She suggested. Kyu did so, the familiar sounds of an orchestra filling the air a moment later. Asuka could see Kyu’s eyes grow wide with wonder, and then her mouth crept upward into a smile.

“Thank you Shikinami.” She told Asuka, slumping back against the slab of concrete. Asuka sighed. It had been fourteen years since someone had said thank you to her. Asuka looked at Shinji, who sat alone in his corner. Not a single hint of regret on his face for what he had done. He only stared at the other two with emotionless eyes. Again Asuka wanted to yell at him, and again she realized how pointless it would be. Instead she carefully sat down beside Kyu, letting the sounds of the music and the gentle heat radiating off of Kyu lull her to sleep.

20. “Have you slept?”

Asuka knew the answer she would get before she had even asked the question. “Have you slept?” She asked Kyu. They were laying on their bed in their room aboard the Wunder, the lights still on. Asuka was on her side, looking at Kyu. Kyu was on her back, her hands folded over her stomach and looking at the ceiling. Asuka could see the red eyes slowly shift towards her as Kyu acknowledged her presence.

“No. I could not sleep without dreaming that you had died.” Kyu explained quietly. She rolled onto her side, facing away from Asuka. “Two days, two days of searching for you, not knowing if you had survived.” She lamented, a mix of worry and anger in her voice. Asuka had been forced to eject from her Eva after a battle with NERV. The Wunder had been forced to retreat as well, if only for a few hours to conduct repairs safely. Asuka had been gone when they returned to the battle-site. Kyu shook as she remembered those past two days, spent wondering if Asuka was still alive. All the doubt that had plagued her.

“Hey, I’m back. So get some sleep, okay.” Asuka pressed her face into the back of Kyu’s neck, placing an arm over her in a loose embrace. Kyu’s shaking seemed to settle down at that, and eventually Asuka could feel the normal rise and fall of her chest, telling her that Kyu was asleep. Asuka smiled, running her fingers through Kyu’s hair for a few minutes before withdrawing it. Very carefully she pulled away from Kyu, swinging her legs over the side of their bed.

She sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at her hands as she clenched them repeatedly. She bitterly thought about how she couldn’t even take her own advice and get some sleep. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flicker of movement, and her head tilted upwards searching for it. Nothing was there. Nothing ever was. Kyu said that she could occasionally see her, but Asuka didn’t have that privilege.

“Have you slept?” The words seemed to form in her mind, emanating from nowhere in particular. The lights in the room flickered off, even though Asuka was nowhere near the lightswitch. A gentle push to let her sleep easier. “Asuka.” Rei’s voice sounded annoyed, waiting for a response from her. Like Asuka had with Kyu, she knew the answer.  

“No. I can’t sleep.” Asuka whispered to the empty air. Rei would hear it, as she heard everything on the Wunder. One of the many advantages of being the soul inside the engine of the living vessel. Another was diverting extra hot water to Asuka’s shower. “Too scared. After fourteen years you’d have thought that the nightmares would have ended. Turns out that more just show up” She looked down at her lap, clasping her hands. She was weary of the nightmares. “Do you sleep anymore?”

“No.” Rei replied, a hint of sadness on her voice. “Though I think that I wish to again, some day.” Asuka felt something cold touch her shoulder. She reached out, hoping to feel something when she reached back. There was nothing there. “You do require sleep though. And both you and Kyu could just use some rest.” Rei reaffirmed. “I will watch over you.” She promised.

Asuka nodded, knowing that it was better than to argue with Rei. She had become much more persistent in the intervening years, especially in regards to Asuka’s health. Perhaps to make up for what she thought of as past mistakes. Asuka climbed back under the covers, feeling Kyu shift beside her, onto her other shoulder so that she now faced Asuka. Kyu reached out for her in her sleep, throwing an arm around her shoulder and pulling herself closer to Asuka. Asuka ensured she closed the distance and shut her good eye, letting her weariness overwhelm her. She desperately hoped for a good sleep.

[ayanamitype]

I kind of can’t sleep so HERE HAVE TWO FRAGMENT THINGS okay back to trying to sleep 

     There are things she won't go back to. In reality; in her mind. NERV is one of these. So is Fourth Impact. Any mention of either Ikari. It's hard to find anything to talk about with Ayanami. But she does speak- in little phrases, that if one can commit them to memory form the outline of a conversation. She leaves these phrases strewn about the Wunder, in mess hall and on the flight deck, but mostly in Asuka's room. That, she supposes, is why only Asuka has managed to talk to her. Ayanami wouldn't have it any other way.

     Mari is gone. The university halls echo with the chattering of students, but also with Mari's absence. Only now that she's gone does Yui feel the void she's left, one that despite her unsmiling and brusque demeanor seems unable to be filled by anyone else, not Kyoko's lilting voice, nor Gendo's smile. Mari is in London, Yui thinks. She will find happiness there. Even so, Yui cannot help but wish that she had stopped Mari that summer day, if only to take her into her arms and tell her, however insincerely, that she loved her. Maybe then Mari would've stayed.