ROUND 1 — Match 233 of 276
Aufidius (Coriolanus)
Problematic because: "killed the titular character" Propaganda: "his gay ass monologue: O CORIOLANUS, CORIOLANUS! / Each word thou hast spoke hath weeded from my heart / A root of ancient envy. If Jupiter / Should from yond cloud speak divine things, / And say 'Tis true,' I'ld not believe them more / Than thee, all noble CORIOLANUS. Let me twine / Mine arms about that body, where against / My grained ash an hundred times hath broke / And scarr'd the moon with splinters: here I clip / The anvil of my sword, and do contest / As hotly and as nobly with thy love / As ever in ambitious strength I did / Contend against thy valour. Know thou first, / I loved the maid I married; never man / Sigh'd truer breath; but that I see thee here, / Thou noble thing! more dances my rapt heart / Than when I first my wedded mistress saw / Bestride my threshold. Why, thou Mars! I tell thee, / We have a power on foot; and I had purpose / Once more to hew thy target from thy brawn, / Or lose mine arm fort: thou hast beat me out / Twelve several times, and I have nightly since / Dreamt of encounters 'twixt thyself and me; / We have been down together in my sleep, / Unbuckling helms, fisting each other's throat, / And waked half dead with nothing. Worthy CORIOLANUS, / Had we no quarrel else to Rome, but that / Thou art thence banish'd, we would muster all / From twelve to seventy, and pouring war / Into the bowels of ungrateful Rome, / Like a bold flood o'er-bear. O, come, go in, / And take our friendly senators by the hands; / Who now are here, taking their leaves of me, / Who am prepared against your territories, / Though not for Rome itself."
vs. Lampy (Protagonist Object Show)
Problematic because: "You know those boring male protagonists? You know those guys who don't really seem to have a reason for being the protagonist, they Just Are, they get the girl and win their challenges and all that? That is this lamp, except everyone HATES HIM. He gets beat up constantly. He has like one friend and people wonder why they even are friends. He goes to absurd lengths to protect the world's stupidest secret (he pretends to not like games but actually loves them). He thinks people disappear if he closes his eyes. The only reason people pay attention to is because they are forced to by the cursed artifact he unknowningly carries. The moment he realizes he carries it he starts hollering about how everyone is going to love him because he's the most special and awesomest and he's going to get all the fangirls. Upon realizing that lesbians exist he says The Line that casts psychic damage to anyone who's ever read it (I'm not saying it, I think it's more fun for it to be a surprise in case anyone reads the comic). Lampy sucks and I want him dead." Propaganda: "LAMPY DID NOTHING WRONG"
Who should advance?
Aufidius
Lampy
(Disclaimer: All text above was sent in by submitters and not written by OP.)
