So the past few things I’ve posted involved bad potential group members. I said a couple of times in my “More People to Avoid Letting Into Your Group” post that the mentioned portrayals are just stereotypes, and that these no-go group members can appear very differently. So, here’s a list of how to spot these potential problems, as well as a few general things to watch out for.
Bad Temper
Look for...
short fuse, lack of patience
snaps at little things
is “done, I’m over it!” all the time
constantly annoyed, raises voice
Their group...
afraid of them
walks on eggshells
probably will warn you about their temper
How to deal with them:
have a civil discussion. Let them know their problem. If that doesn’t work,
confront them.
don’t give them weapons. They may be more inclined to use them against others.
if all else fails, kick them out. No fuss, no muss.
Bigot (Hate anyone who isn’t their gender, race, religion, etc.)
Look for...
self-righteous, arrogant behavior or personality
openly disgusted with others who are different
makes offensive comments based on a person’s faith, gender, race, etc.
makes offensive jokes with intentions to hurt
says “You’re good at that for a girl”, “You’re pretty cool for a gay guy”, “You’re not so bad for a [race]”, etc.
doesn’t listen to other’s opinions if they are of different race, gender, etc.
Their group...
if non-relatives, completely despises them or completely agrees with them, no in-between
if they are relatives, they will point out their backwards views
if non-relatives, consists of the same religion, gender, race, etc.
if there are people of different genders, races, etc., they don’t seem to be allowed to speak/participate
How to deal with them:
remind them we all need each other to survive. If that doesn’t work,
confront them. They’re out of the group if they don’t change.
kick them out. They didn’t change, now they’re on their own.
Have to Have their Way
Look for...
micromanaging
getting upset if things aren’t “just right”
taking over a job if things aren’t “just right”
verbally assaulting someone if they don’t do it “just right”
immediately tries to assert their will and way upon your group
Their group...
lets them take over because they don’t want another argument
probably 100% “over it” constantly
How to deal with them:
assert your position as leader of your group (if you are).
talk to them, let them know “this needs to stop”.
demote them if they persist with their habits.
*annoying, but likely not going to tear the group apart
Abusers
Look for...
controlling behavior
jealousy
quick involvement in your group
threats, esp. against their group
abrupt mood changes, esp. with their group
micromanages their group members’ activities
needs to have tabs on everyone
sense of entitlement, arrogant, narcissist
short fuse, tendency to snap
hostility, volatility, may break things
how they treat their group (condescending, physically assaulting, etc.)
Their group...
have visible bruises or other damage (if physically abused)
flinch when abuser makes sudden movements (if physically abused)
have low confidence (if emotionally abused)
unnaturally thin compared to suspected abuser (if neglected)
may apologize relentlessly if they do anything even remotely wrong
justify or make excuses for the suspected abuser
may not want suspected abuser to leave out of fear of not being able to live without them
clearly afraid of the suspected abuser
may come forward about abuse in confidence (unlikely)
How to deal with them:
confront them. They refuse to be civil with their group, you refuse to be civil with them.
punishment must fit crime. If they hit, they get hit back.
if they refuse to stop, kick them out. If they refuse to leave without their victims, run them off.
if they give you reason to believe they will kill someone, kill them first.
Drama Queens
Look for...
dramatic overreactions to just about everything
tendency to spread rumors or insert themselves into all discussions
desire to be the center of attention constantly
Their group...
whispers about important information, likely to keep them from hearing
annoyed with them constantly
likely will warn you about their dramatic tendencies
How to deal with them:
tell them to work on it, call them out when they start being dramatic.
don’t entrust them with vital secrets.
if functionality or health of group is at stake, kick them out; however, unlikely
Crybabies
Look for...
dramatic emotional reactions
sensitivity
low confidence (not always)
Their group...
annoyed with them (not always)
walks on eggshells
How to deal with them:
talk to them gently about the problem, show you want to help. Confronting them will only make things worse.
if someone in the group has a beef with them, make sure they are aware of it so it can be dealt with. Monitor to make sure things don’t escalate.
if all else fails, earplugs.
*likely not a threat to health and safety of group
Drug Addicts
Look for...
signs of withdrawal (grouchy, fidgety, jittery, headache, etc.)
signs of using (pipes, needles, bongs, packets of cigarettes/other drugs, flasks, etc.)
rotting front teeth, smell, bloodshot eyes, sores that won’t heal, scars from needles, etc. (different drug usage have different side effects)
Their group...
might be using also
probably have suffered the wrath of withdrawal
might have tried to help addiction before, or might be total enablers
enablers probably will not tell you about the addiction beforehand
How to deal with them:
try to help them avoid triggers.
try to help them overcome the addiction.
keep them away from the medicine (if you have to lock it up, do it).
if you can’t deal with it, kick them out and move away/take them away so they can’t find you.
NEVER JUST CUT THEM OFF. FORCING SOMEONE TO QUIT COLD-TURKEY CAN KILL THEM. Not all drugs will do this, but some hard-core ones will. You might as well be putting a gun to their head.
Slackers
Look for...
messy appearance
a little too laid-back
has no signs of hard work (weak, soft hands)
possible sense of entitlement
asking everyone else to take care of everything for them
blaming everyone else for their problems
Their group...
constantly picks up after them
might be frustrated, but don’t have the heart to get rid of them (probably related)
if close friends before outbreak, probably slackers, too
How to deal with them:
be assertive and make them do the work.
don’t pick up after them, don’t let anyone else pick up after them.
deny them food until they do what they’re told.
start punishing them if they still refuse to work.
kick them out if they refuse to pick up the slack.
People Who Have Never Had to Work, Think, etc.
Look for...
complaining about things that would be a “no duh!” in the apocalypse (not getting any cell service, being dirty, etc.)
first solution is, “just buy a new one”
not used to physical work
expecting royal treatment
acting superior to everyone else
possible sense of entitlement
getting very defensive if called out for behavior
giving up immediately
Their group...
probably all like-minded and/or family
more than likely the exact same way
if not, probably only with them for some kind of benefit
How to deal with them:
remind them this is the apocalypse, their cozy lives are the past.
assert yourself as leader (if you are) and that they need to do what you say or they’re out.
punish them if they don’t work.
if they aren’t used to heavy-lifting, build them up; you can’t just force some weak little 12-year-old to lift 5x their weight.
if they can’t change immediately, be patient; if they won’t change, they’re gone.
General
Look for...
a sense of entitlement is always bad. These people are often arrogant, and will probably put themselves on a pedestal. They probably don’t think it’s fair that they have to work, and that they should just be able to dip into the resource stockpile whenever they want.
extreme or black-and-white views of the world. These people see only two options for everything: black or white, good or evil, right or wrong, yes or no, my way or the highway. Because they cannot see the grey, they are often hard to reason with. This is especially a bad thing if they categorize people of other races, religions, genders, etc. under “evil”.
inability to be reasoned with. Like I said above, a person who won’t be reasoned with would make a very bad addition to the team. Even if they have a valuable skill - maybe they were a doctor before it all went down - they should be overlooked, because they may have it in their minds that only certain people are worth their gifts. Or, maybe they’ve decided they are going to single-handedly take down a rival group, and since they’ve made up their mind, you can’t talk them out of it. This will not only hurt them, but you and your group. Don’t let these people in.
no accomplishments, especially if they act like they have one. Rising from the bottom to the top in a “dead-end” job so it’s not so dead-end anymore, is an accomplishment. Going from being able to lift no weight to being able to lift 15 pounds in a month is an accomplishment. Sleeping with every guy/girl at the party/in the office is not an accomplishment. If it is in your mind, that’s fine, but good luck trying to apply that to the apocalypse. If somebody hasn’t accomplished anything in life, be skeptical of them; if they join, don’t let them go on supply runs alone. If they treat their lack of accomplishments like an accomplishment, they’re probably a little bit arrogant. If they are only a little, they may change; if they are very, they should not be allowed in.
clumsiness. There’s nothing wrong with being clumsy; I drop stuff all the time. But if one of your group members is unnaturally clumsy, don’t let them handle any weapons, anything fragile, or anything important in general. It’s also probably a bad idea to let them go on supply runs or anything else that’s important.
