you literally just wanted validation. that’s it. you show him a random picture on your phone – two guys, mid selfie, nothing crazy – and you go, “which one’s the top and which one’s the bottom?”
he doesn’t even hesitate. like not even a second. his eyes sharpen the way they do when he’s analyzing plays and you already regret asking.
he leans in slightly, squints, and goes, “neither. they’re switches.”
your jaw goes slack. “what.”
now he’s in it. now he’s explaining.
“see the way the one on the left is leaning in? he’s trying to appear dominant, but his shoulders are slightly angled inward – subconscious openness. and the other one is mirroring him, but not fully committing. they’re both testing control.”
IS YOUR BOYFRIEND HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU???
he’s pointing at the phone like it’s literal game footage. “it’s a power balance. no fixed roles. they’d alternate depending on the situation.”
you’re staring at him like. WHO ARE YOU??? HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS.
he finally looks up and pauses, processing your expression, then gets a little flustered like “i-it’s just observation!! i observe patterns!!”
yeah. patterns. sure. okay, mr. “i can read your entire relationship dynamic from a jpeg.”
he absolutely does this with EVERYTHING btw. friendships, arguments, family dinners. nothing is safe because he needs to prove he knows ball.
itoshi rin
rin’s version of “i know ball” is less chaotic and more like… you say ONE thing and suddenly he’s looking at you like you just exposed classified information.
you’re watching one of his matches, right, and you casually go, “oh, that defender’s gonna shift left in a second.”
rin stills. “… why would you think that.”
now YOU’RE confused. “i mean… his stance? and the way he keeps glancing at your right side? he’s anticipating your cut, but he’s overcompensating.”
“...”
silence.
rin slowly turns his head toward you like you just grew a second brain.
“that’s exactly what he did last time i played him.”
“okay???”
“how do you know that.”
now it’s an interrogation. you’re on trial. he’s staring at you like you might secretly be some hidden prodigy ego recruited.
you try to brush it off like “i just guessed???”
he does NOT believe you. not even a little. in fact, he believes that you’re a secret female pro soccer player now.
from that moment on, he keeps side-eyeing you during games like he’s waiting for you to drop another insane read.
and the worst part? you do it again. casually. accidentally.
now he’s lowkey bothered. not because you’re wrong, but because you’re RIGHT.
yay, you’ve just unlocked rin’s respect… and his suspicion.
itoshi sae
you’re in the kitchen, he’s washing dishes like he’s starring in a minimalist cologne commercial, sleeves rolled, expression unreadable.
you walk up, trying to reach past him. “excuse me, brah–”
the sink is still running. the plate in his hand pauses mid-scrub.
slowly, he turns his head just enough to look at you.
“… brah?”
you already feel like you messed up, but you don’t know HOW.
he studies you for a second like he’s deciding whether you’re serious.
then completely flat, “you’re excused.”
he turns fully now, drying his hands. then he adds, still straight-faced, “and i’m not your brah.”
AND HE JUST TURNS BACK TO THE SINK???
no smile. no reaction. just continues washing like he didn’t just continue your reference that you’ve never brought up before.
you’re left standing there, mentally buffering.
later, you’re like “so you watched zoolander? you think you’re so funny, don’t you?”
he shrugs slightly, not even looking at you. “i know i am.”
the worst part? he’s right.
sae’s “i know ball” is literally knowing the CORRECT usage of the most random, niche things and then not smiling or even laughing about it. just that same 😐
he will catch your references with zero visible joy… even though he’s laughing internally like this is the highlight of his day.
nagi seishiro
you’re rambling. like full-on stream of consciousness, laying on his bed while he’s half-paying attention to his phone.
“i think one of my top canon events is like… my best friend dying, but then something comes back wearing his body.”
silence. you think he’s not listening.
then he goes, immediately, “oh. i love the summer hikaru died.”
you sit up so fast you almost get whiplash. “WHAT.”
he finally looks at you, mildly confused at your shock. “that’s what you’re talking about, right?” “yeah i was just– WAIT YOU KNOW THAT???”
he shrugs, already going back to his phone. “it’s good. kinda gay though.”
KINDA???
now you’re interrogating him. since when does he consume media that isn’t video games???
turns out nagi has insanely specific taste and only consumes PEAK. like if it’s not psychologically devastating or weirdly profound, he doesn’t care.
he’ll randomly drop takes like “they always use cicadas in the anime to represent life’s fleeting nature, which is smart considering the series contains major themes of death and grief” and then go back to saying everything is a hassle (as if this isn’t the most you’ve heard him talk).
you’re like… you’ve been hiding this…?
he just yawns. “you just don’t ask.”
oh. so he’s gatekeeping peak. got it.
mikage reo
this starts because HE asked. important detail.
he’s standing in front of the mirror, adjusting his shirt, and goes, “how would you describe my body shape?”
you already don’t trust this question. “what?”
“like my figure,” he clarifies, gesturing vaguely. “be honest.”
and for SOME reason, your brain betrays you. “a… sippy cup…”
DEAD silence.
reo turns slowly. like a horror movie. “a what? 🙂”
you’re already backpedaling. “WAIT–”
he looks genuinely offended. like you just attacked his entire lineage. “a sippy cup?”
you’re trying not to laugh because now it’s clicking. “IT’S A REFERENCE–”
there’s a pause. his eyes narrow.
“… terri joe.”
now it clicks for HIM.
another pause.
and then he exhales, rubbing his face. “oh my gosh.”
he’s still offended. but now he’s ALSO mad that it was funny.
“that’s not even accurate,” he mutters, but there’s the tiniest hint of amusement slipping through.
you’re crying laughing at this point.
he sighs like he’s exhausted with you, but then goes, “my figure is clearly an hourglass.”
reo absolutely knows every niche internet reference, every meme, every viral clip, but he has PRIDE about it.
you will never live this down btw. he brings it up randomly like “remember when you called my figure a sippy cup.”
Do you guys remember that one video when Wilbur said "ONE POINT!" In a really weird scratchy Voice (it was the sorry boys video when Charlie had 50 pounds of bounce that ahh) I think about it daily
Sometimes I get the urge to dye half my hair white, shave it and leave the white part of the hair dangling and get a lavender-pink Japanese-style overcoat over a wheat-colored yukata, tied with an unhemmed and jagged brick-orange obi under a thin rope, tied at the front. (ELITE knowledge required)
