The cream wolf blankly stared at the cotton sheep beside it. The sheep, Fluffy apparently, stared back.
Their caretakers were talking to each other. What about, the two didn't care enough to pay attention.
The two animals looked directly at each other, uttering not a sound. That was, until Fluffy spoke.
" That affogato person is a bitch."
" Oh most definantly, fuck that guy."
" Does Cacao seriously not realize his advisor is up to some shit???"
" Exactly! He's, like, a thousand years old. He should be in tuned to sniffing out this shit."
" Maybe he's so old that he's lost his ability to tell?"
" Yeah, that would make sense. I don't get how no one has brought this shit up."
" The gate guards have literally watching this bitch turn people from dying villages away, yet they have said nothing. Like, why wouldn't you mention this to anyone??"
" Then us Wolf patrols end up wandering up on abandonned villages. I can't tell why Crunchy Chip hasn't mention this yet, because it's been happening a lot!"
" Our cookie friends are idiots."
" Yeah."
...
" They're still loveavle though."
" Exactly, Fluffy. Exactly."
Anytime Fluffy interacts with Crunchy Chip's wolf, they will gossip and talk a little shit with each other.
They still love their owners, it's just that they recognize their occasional idiocy.
They just sound like they're making random noises when they talk. No one is aware what they're saying except for the twin dragons. They also occasionally gossip with the two.
By occasionally, I mean like basically every time Crunchy Chip has a meeting with Dark Cacao
Don't ask how no one has noticed the two literal dragons gossiping with a cotton sheep and a cream wolf.
We put this kid in prison for a week and he owns the place.”
A/N: Instead of outright using the prompt, I kinda just gleaned from the idea, and here we go. It’s sort of a modern au, but obviously, this shit wouldn’t fly in a real jail lmao. Imagine they are in a small town where everyone grew up with each other. But this scene popped into my head immediately and had me laughing.
Honestly, Cullen wouldn’t have arrested Garrett Hawke in the first place, considering the man he’d been “assaulting” was a regular face around this jail and guilty of worse crimes than throwing a punch here or there. In fact, Cullen was rather impressed with the way the fellow stood up for his friends and defended the woman’s honor after she’d been harassed by the real villain.
However, rules are rules, and so Hawke had been sentenced to a week behind bars. Only…the man was rarely behind them. Of all the crazy things that could happen, it seemed that being in jail suited the man just fine. He treated it like he was on a cruise through the Carribean. He got along with all the guards and had the adoration of his fellow inmates. Even the crotchety old cook that Cullen often had to beg for a stray biscuit seemed to love the man and could often be found smuggling him snacks and piling him with enough food for three people.
Warden Rutherford sighed and refilled his coffee cup, sneaking in four packets of sugar when he noticed no one around to judge him. He was just going to his office for a while to wind down before the often stressful task of trying to herd his charges back to their rooms for the evening began.
Only, when he opened his office door what should he find but Garrett Hawke himself lounging at his desk like he owned the place, his crusty shoes all over his pristine desk.
“Curly, there you are. I thought you’d never show,” Hawke grinned, not showing a shred of apology for his misdeeds.
“Inmate 23, how may I help you?”
Hawke frowned and finally pulled his feet off of the desk, only to lean over and pout.
“Now, now, Cullen. None of this number business. My friends call me Hawke. We’ve known each other for many years now.”
“I am not your friend. I am your warden, and apparently a very bad one at that if you’re being allowed to roam freely and mess about in my own office. What are you doing here?”
“Ah, we have a meeting. My lawyer should be here in a moment. He’s going to get me out.”
Cullen quirked an eyebrow at the smirking man. He wondered if he should remind Hawke that he was supposed to be out two days ago but instead chose to remain.
“Why is your lawyer only just now showing up? Didn’t they bring him in when you were first booked?”
Hawke shrugged, “He was busy.”
Cullen shook his head, “Alright.”
Honestly, he was quite aware that the man was just having a grand ole’ time trying to make the most of his first jail trip. If they lived in a larger town with stricter laws, Cullen might have made a fuss and had the man dragged bodily from the premises, but he was rather in awe of how he seemed to keep the inmates in line just with his mere presence, so he allowed him to hang about.
There was a light knock on the door and Cullen turned to face their guest, sighing wearily when he recognized the “lawyer.”
“Varric Tethras, since when were you a lawyer?”
The dwarf shrugged, grinning crookedly and adjusting new glasses on his nose. He had even dressed the part in an expensive-looking suit with a crimson tie, and a leather briefcase that he’d wager was filled goodies for Hawke rather than important documents.
“Since a few days ago, actually. It’s good to have connections in high places. Good to see ya, curly. Now, about my client…”
“Your client has been a free man for two days, Mr. Tethras. Take him and go.”
Hawke cackled behind him as he gathers a bag from behind the desk. apparently having already packed his belongings.
“See ya, Rutherford. Drinks at the pub this weekend?”
Cullen ruffles his hair and cracks a slight grin of his own as he meets Hawke’s teasing glint over his shoulder.
@kairi-chan I had far too much fun writing this, to the point where it might be slightly OOC, but pregnant Sakura makes me laugh. Here you go my dear, I hope you like it!
title: banish
prompt: “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”
pairing: kakashi x sakura
word count: 834
“Now Sakura,” Kakashi softly pleaded.
He swiftly dodged the pillow that was tossed across the room, aimed at his head, before continuing, “This hardly seems fair.”
“What’s not fair,” His cherry-haired wife tersely replied, “Is that I have to go through this and you do not.”
This time, she threw a blanket in his direction and Kakashi didn’t try to evade hurled inanimate object. The rumpled quilt landed haphazardly on his right shoulder, covering half of his head in the process.
The copy-nin removed the plush article from his person, sulkily answering, “I don’t recall you complaining this much during the initial process.”
A rosy flush lit up his wife’s cheeks, but instead of crumbling under her new-found embarrassment, Sakura merely squared her shoulders, straightening her spine.
“Yes, well,” She started, nose slightly upturned in the air with a delicate sniff. “That was before I gained an extra thirty pounds.”
Kakashi cast her a pointed look, though he said nothing as he bent down to retrieve the discarded pillow.
As he straightened, he turned to regard Sakura, who was now situating herself among the remaining pillows in the center of their bed, sheets and comforter tucked neatly around the curve of her hips.
“Sakura, it’s three in the morning.”
At her husband’s statement, the pinkette glanced towards the digital clock on the nightstand. The bright neon-green numbers confirmed that it was, in fact, extremely early in the morning.
“It is,” Sakura calmly agreed, turning back to look at her silver-haired lover.
“I just got back from a mission,” Kakashi then offered.
With a small hum, Sakura nodded her head.
“You did,” she affirmed.
“…And you’re seriously kicking me out of our room.”
It was more of a statement than a question, but Sakura chose to answer it anyway.
“Yes,” The emerald-eyed woman immediately replied, her tone passive. “I haven’t gotten a night of decent sleep since before you left and you have been gone weeks, Kakashi. Weeks.”
The underlying accusation didn’t go unnoticed, and Kakashi winced slightly.
Truthfully, if there were someone to blame, it would be Naruto, as he was the one that thought it would be best to send Kakashi out on a month-long reconnaissance mission during Sakura’s time of need.
“Mark my words,” His wife continued her rant. “I am not going to that council meeting with Shishou tomorrow morning without a few hours of decent sleep. Of course, on the night that I finally feel well enough to relax, you come barging in demanding half of the bed.”
His brows drew down in a frown, charcoal eyes narrowing into a small glower.
“You can’t banish me!” Came his childish retort. “This is my bed too!”
Sakura growled, pearly-whites snapping as she responded, “Don’t you look at me like that.”
Despite his current predicament, Kakashi was somewhat impressed by the feral note her voice held.
Clearly, his wife had spent too much time with their dogs while he was away.
“Your son,” She accentuated her statement by placing her hands over the large swell of her protruding stomach, viridian eyes burning with rage as she scowled at him. “Likes to spend his days kicking up a fuss to the point where I can barely stand. I can’t catch a break. When he finally calms down enough to me to relax, nausea takes his place and the next thing I know I’m locked in the bathroom for the next hour.”
Kakashi grimaced again but remained calm under Sakura’s hardened gaze.
He knew this pregnancy had been particularly trying on her, even with her skills as a medical ninja. It was one of the main reasons why he didn’t want to take the mission in the first place, but Naruto had been insistent on sending his ex-sensei, citing that Kakashi was the only one competent enough to get the job done correctly.
“I’m hot,” His wife continued her tirade. “Unbearably so, in fact, and my entire body feels like a swollen water balloon. So, Mr. ‘My-resting-body-temperature-is-one-hundred-degrees-but-I-still-like-to-cuddle’, if you step one foot in this bed, I will smother you.”
Her threat was paired with a small, innocent smile and the batting of long lashes, but the stiffness in her posture promised retribution should he try and test her.
Over the long years of his life, there were very few people that Kakashi found himself fearful of.
On most occasions, he was wary, cautious even. It came with the territory of being a shinobi.
Now, when faced with his very irritated and very pregnant wife, Kakashi would never admit that he was scared, but there was a little – extremely minute – tingle of trepidation crawling up his spine.
He would not win this fight.
With as much dignity as one who was being shunned from their bedroom could muster, Kakashi straightened, grumbling as he turned on his heel and padded out of the room, pillow and blanket in tow.
“Summon the dogs if you get lonely!” Sakura called out after him. “Pakkun is a great cuddler!”
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