Here it is! The little AK!Jason fic I thought about writing. I'm happy a lot of you guys wanted me to write this. Hope you all like it! Sorry it took so long to post. I got sick before I could finish writing it. That and writer's block hit me like a bitch while I was trying to write this.
Tags: Fluff, slight suggestive (I guess?) but no smut, a bit of hurt/comfort, too, gn!reader
Summary: Jason believes it's time to be more vulnerable around you. He wants to.
(Feel free to give me any feedback or criticism so I can improve my writing. Thank you so much for reading this and encouraging me to make it!)
The night was calm, quiet, still. There were barely any of the loud city noises. It was the most peaceful night Gotham has ever had in a while. The perfect night for this. Both you and Jason sat on the bed across from each other with your legs crossed, breathing slowly, preparing yourselves.
“Are you ready?” You asked, a hint of nervousness in your voice.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jason answered, a hint of nervousness in his, too.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I'm sure. I… I want this.”
“Okay, then… Do you mind taking your shirt off for me?” You cautiously asked, making Jason realize that, oh, yeah, his shirt was still on. Every so slowly, he took it off before tossing it to the side. His nervousness increased after that, he could barely even look you in the eye. Which makes sense. This was after all the first he was letting you see him without a shirt, letting you see all the scars that plagued his upper body. You slowly moved closer towards him. “Hey, you okay?” Jason turned to meet your gaze and nodded once more. “Okay. Remember. You are in control here. You guide me where you want me to touch, you tell me where you don't. You tell me you don't like something, I won't do it anymore. And most importantly, you tell me to stop, I stop. Okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I'm in control.” Jason repeated, mostly to assure himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, before opening them back and making eye contact with you. “You can start now.” You nodded with a warm smile, before slowly bringing your hands up to his shoulders.
Carefully, you lightly placed the pads of your fingers on his skin and ever so softly began tracing every single scar on his upper body, traveling from his shoulders to his arms and back up. Running your fingers across the scars that littered his chest all the way down to his stomach, and then running them back up the sides. Jason's breath turned shaky as you continued, and his body started to tense up. He knew that would happen. After all, his body could handle such great length of pain, but the moment he felt such sweet softness, it would lock up. Probably because he's never really experienced anything like this his whole life. Yeah, he had some decent moments with his mom, as well as the pats on the back from Bruce when he'd done a good job, even the occasional hug from Dick and Barbara, but nothing like this. Nothing as soft and tender like this. It was unfamiliar and, because of that, his body wasn't sure how to react. He wasn't sure how to react.
“Are you okay?” You asked him while making eye contact. You could feel how his body tensed and shaked, and instantly became worried that this was too much for him.
“Yeah, yeah I'm fine,” Jason could see the concern in your eyes and instantly brought his hands to your waist to reassure you. “I promise.”
You smiled slightly as his comfort, before bringing your hand up to his face, thumb slowly and softly rubbing his cheek. “Do you… want me to go even further now?”
Jason looked into your eyes and nodded, earning a small, gentle smile from you. You brought your hands up to his face, caressing it between them. Then started placing little pecks across it, starting with the forehead, then one cheek, then the other, then the nose, then corners of the mouth, before finally placing a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. Jason's hands mindlessly went to hold onto your hips as you did it, letting out small sighs and feeling his eyes start to water a tiny bit, but he held it in.
You could feel the nervousness in him, as his body began to shake subtly. So, in an attempt to help him relax, you slowly moved your hands from his face towards his shoulders, gently massaging as you continued to kiss him. As you did, his body began to loosen back up, then his hands brought you closer to him and slowly, he started kissing you back. You both sat there for a moment, caught up in each other's soft kisses and warm touches, before you pulled away and opened your eyes. “If… if it's okay with you, could you lie down for me?”
Jason simply nodded, and began lowering himself down until he laid flat on the bed, facing up at you. Once you made sure he was comfortable, you moved into a better position, sitting right in his lap with your legs on either side and your hands on his chest. Jason could feel the nervousness creep back in. The worry that this might be too much for him. That he'll go into a panic attack or breakdown and ruin everything. That despite wanting this so badly, wanting to open himself up to you, to let himself be vulnerable around, he wasn't really ready. Then, as if you could hear his thoughts and woes, Jason felt your hand hold onto his, comforting, reassuring him. “Hey, it's okay. Remember. If at any point you want to stop, want me to do something else, anything, just say so and I promise, I swear, I will. Okay? Like I said, you're in control, not me. You.”
Jason felt his worries float away at your statement and nodded in agreement while giving a soft smile, which you returned. You then leaned in and gave him another kiss on the lips, before pulling away and slowly making your way down. You made eye contact with a small scar on the side of his neck, and in response to seeing it, you placed a soft kiss on it, then moved from that scar to another on shoulder, then to one on his collarbone, until you placing soft kiss on all the scars across his upper body while softly running your hands up and down his sides. Jason could feel his muscles start to tense up as his body went on high alert again and he let out a bunch of shaky sighs as he felt tears starting to form once more. He did best to hold them back like he did before, but he couldn't this time. You were just being too sweet. He wasn't used to it. He didn't deserve it. He was ruined inside and out. Just how could you possibly believe he was worthy of this? The tears began streaming down his face as he breathing became even more timid and he started letting out small cries.
You immediately stopped kissing him once you heard it and your brain went into panic mode when you looked up at his face. “Hey, hey. You okay?” Your voice was rushed and worried as you got up and held his face. “Hey, hey. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. We don't have to continue. Okay? We can stop-”
“No,” Jason interrupted, managing to calm himself just enough to talk and open his eyes to look at you, but the tears kept coming. “No. I want this. I want to keep going.”
“Jason, I know you want this, but if you're not ready-”
“No, no. I'm ready. I promise. It's just-” Jason stopped. More tears ran down his face as he tried to figure out what to say. “I'm just not used to this. Being loved this much. It's unfamiliar and even though I want it and I like it, my body still goes on high alert because it's never experienced something as soft and as sweet as this. That and…” Jason cut himself off again, looking like he wanted to say something but he just couldn't get the words to come out.
“And?” You waited for an answer, but still kept quiet. No matter how much he wanted to talk, it was like his brain was forcing him not to. Like he was scared. “Jason, it's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm not gonna judge you or anything like that.”
Jason took a deep, shaky breath in and out. “And I just can't wrap my head around why you would treat me like this. I didn't do anything to deserve this, to deserve you. I mean, look at me. I know you love all of me, even my scars, you said it a bunch of times, but… I just- I did horrible things before. I hurt people. Good people. Innocent people. I know you say I didn't mean to, but I still did it. I even hurt people I care about. I let my anger control me and it ended with people getting hurt despite my efforts not to. I didn't even bother caring until it was over.” More tears ran down his face as he started to remember.
Your expression grew sad and empathetic as you heard Jason speak and you immediately responded by placing a soft kiss on his forehead. Then you moved down his face to place kisses on his cheekbones, attempting to kiss his tears away. “You were suffering, Jay. You were still under the joker’s manipulation and you were suffering.”
“That doesn't excuse what I did.”
“You're right it doesn't. But it also doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved.”
Jason turned his gaze away from you. Not knowing what to say. He thought about trying to convince you some more. Convince you that he still didn't deserve all this. But he knew that would be impossible. Your mind was already dead set on believing he deserved all the love you had to offer and more. And it was because of that belief that he felt like he didn't deserve you, and why he just couldn't let go no matter how hard he tried.
“Can you turn over onto your stomach for me?” Jason's face grew curious as he became a tad bit suspicious of what you wanted to do for a second. “Not for anything weird. I just wanna help you relax, okay? Do you trust me?” Jason thought about it for a moment and then nodded. I mean, how could he say no to that? He trusted you more than himself sometimes. After he answered, you got off of him and he slowly got up and flipped over onto his stomach, laying his head down on the pillow sideways with his hands underneath it. You got back on him after he managed to make himself comfortable, sitting right back on his thighs, before bringing his hands to his back. It was covered with just as many scars as his front was, and you intended to appreciate every single one just like you did with those. You slowly began moving your hands up and down his back, gently massaging it, causing Jason to close his eyes and groan in relief.
His reaction earned a smile from you, feeling content that you were able to make him feel better. Especially considering since his back would cause him such pain sometimes. Another thing caused by spending time being you-know-who's prisoner. You brought your head down to his upper back and began planting soft pecks on it, moving from one shoulder toward the other, even placing some on the back of his neck, earning a small chuckle from him since he was a little ticklish there, which made you giggle a little. “Yes, you did do some bad things, Jason. But you feel guilty for doing them, and you make up for it every day. You stop others from hurting innocent people. You protect innocent people. You make them feel safe. You make me feel safe. So, don't ever tell yourself you don't deserve to feel loved and safe as well. Cause you do. And I'm gonna keep reminding you of that every day for the rest of your life.” You stopped kissing him for a moment as after you said as a thought crept into your mind and made you feel nervous. “I mean, as long as you want me here, in your life. I would never force my way into your life if you didn't want me. I mean, I hope you will want me to be with you for a long while, since I want you to be with me for a long, long while, actually forever, if that's okay. Not saying you have to be with me forever. I just- um-”
Jason opened his eyes once he heard the anxiety in your voice and smiled warmly at how much you cared about him and his boundaries, but still wanted to be right by his side. He lift his head up a bit, turning it to the side a bit more as he brought one of his hands from underneath the pillow to the back of your head to bring you closer towards him, and gave you a small kiss on your cheek, causing you to stop panicking, as well as talking all together as you became a tad bit flustered at his action. “I'll always want you here, with me, in my life.”
