Untitled.
I relate to many fictional characters but recently i’ve read Our Dreams At Dusk, and immediately felt drawn to Anonymous or ‘Someone-san,’ like i’m sure everyone else has.
As much as there is a part of me that craves to be known, their is an overpowering other part of me, who prefers to always remain unknown, untitled and unlabelled.
I already have a special place in my heart for androgynous characters (HANGEEEEEEE MY LOVE) but Anonymous is creeping their way up to the top of my list of the ones I most relate to.
I had an epiphany moment during the pandemic where I remember thinking that I didn’t care what job I had, which is no longer true because I dropped out of college literally last week, because I did care what job I’d end up with AHHHHHHHHHHHHH),
But what hasn’t changed is where the origins of that thought came from.
We are all just beings, experiencing life, put on this earth against our will. Whether we are happy about that or not, doesn’t matter because it was all down to coincidence. It just happened. Fortunately or unfortunately.
Sure it feels really good to achieve things of course, and to be known, to be heard, and to get that job, to earn that paycheque. But what most people forget is that simple, idle living is an achievement too.
I don’t know if you had trouble sleeping. Trouble waking up in the morning, trouble going to sleep at night in fear of waking up in the morning, just to be forced to live another day but,
either way I can’t say “I’m proud of you,” because I don’t know you and it will just sound insincere.
However, you can say that to yourself. Be the person your younger self needed. Pat yourself on the back for living another day, not only surviving, but living.
You can be no one or someone if you want to.
You can be who you want to be, and I think that’s a truth that’s way easier said than done.
The strongest people in the world are the ones who live unapologetically themselves, every day.
I don’t know if this is a distant memory of something I remember hearing or if it’s something I thought of myself (ego is sky-high rn ), but if you know where this could be from, please let me know because I have a memory of a fucking fish:
You don’t have to be anyone to be someone.
I don’t know about anyone else but I constantly need that reminder. Like YES, go chase your dreams. Your passions, and don’t let anyone trample on your ambitions. They may not get your vision but you do; and that’s all that matters.
And if you don’t have any dreams, any passions, that’s okay too. Simply living is okay too. You’re not lazy, but you may be sad, so try or don't try to find something that might give you some serotonin.
Start being the person your inner child wants you to be. If you can, if you want. If you can’t that’s fine too.
Live only up to your own expectations because everyone else,
does. not. matter.
Believing in yourself will get you way further than you might actually think, and believing in yourself can be so fucking stupid, difficult and lonely.
Find peace in the chaos of your own company.
Back to Anonymous though, the qualities I find in them, I see in myself. Their empathetic heartlessness. The juxtaposition of those qualities and using them to describe myself, makes no fucking sense.
How do you care but at the same time feel like you can’t. It makes you question whether or not you have an actual heart or what. Am I A Psychopath? like what?
And i’m not saying Anonymous is a fucking psychopath, all i’m saying is that they simply choose to remain neutral, unbiased but truthful, who also has an actual heart of gold, without breaking their own boundaries for other people. It’s admirable.
Don’t bend your back for anyone (😏).
I say I don’t like labels and yet here I am labelling. Maybe it’s inevitable,
Maybe we do need to feel like we belong to some form of a title.
Maybe we don’t. I don’t know.
Either way, it’s okay; Either way is okay.
14.02.22
Sea.
