۶ৎ miscellaneous hcs of a life lived with the men (separately) post-rumbling <3 ⋆ explicit sexual content ⋆ fem! pregnant reader ⋆ minors dni ⋆ requests are open!
𝜗ৎ REINER BRAUN is the kind of lover who overthinks until the moment you touch him, and then every thought collapses. he’s always been big, heavyoly overwhelming in size, but he moves with a care that sometimes frustrates you because he doesn’t realize how much you want the full weight of him. once you tell him, once you tug him down and beg for it, he gives in, and when he does, it’s like something in him finally relaxes. he loves missionary most, pressing you deep into the mattress, forehead against yours, his body covering every inch of yours. he cries easily during intimacy, not in loud sobs but in the kind of sudden wetness in his eyes that he can’t hide. the first time you rode him, he almost lost his mind, hands gripping your thighs so tightly he worried he’d bruise you, whispering apologies even while you told him to hold you harder.
𝜗ৎ reiner’s reaction to pregnancy is loud. he weeps openly when you tell him, holding your face in his hands, kissing you everywhere, repeating “thank you” over and over again. he grows fiercely protective, hovering when you climb stairs, carrying you when he insists you shouldn’t strain yourself, even hauling you into his arms “just because he can.” he looks ridiculous but you let him, because his devotion is so pure it breaks you a little.
𝜗ৎ your doctor’s visits make him nervous. he hovers so much that the midwife eventually pats his arm and tells him to sit down, to breathe. he keeps a notebook with him at each appointment, jotting down questions, nodding solemnly as though he’s preparing for a lecture. when the doctor listens to the baby’s heartbeat, he stares like he’s seen something holy, holding your hand until his knuckles blanch. he asks intelligent questions about the baby, your health, the progress of your pregnancy. when you roll your eyes at his over-precaution, he grins sheepishly, admitting, “i just like knowing you’re safe. you’re mine, you know?” on the way home, he doesn’t talk much, just presses his lips to the back of your hand until you laugh and tell him he’s soppy.
𝜗ৎ intimacy after pregnancy news unsettles him at first. he hesitates, afraid of hurting you, afraid of hurting the child. the first time you tug him down and insist, he’s stiff, almost apologetic. “i shouldn’t,” he mutters, but you cup his face, remind him it’s safe, remind him you need him. when he finally gives in, it’s almost overwhelming, he holds you so tightly that you can barely move, whispering, “i love you, i love you,” against your throat as he moves inside you. afterward, he collapses into tears, ashamed for doubting, overwhelmed by relief.
𝜗ৎ his aftercare doubles when you’re pregnant. he kneels at your feet to rub them gently with oil, untying your slippers himself, careful with every stroke. he brushes your hair back when you’re too tired to move. he rarely lets you leave the bed without coaxing at least two glasses of water into you. he mumbles questions against your skin, “did i hurt you? did i go too far? did you really like that?” until you silence him with kisses. his need for reassurance borders on endearing. he insists on carrying anything heavier than a loaf of bread, even carrying you over puddles if the ground looks too slick. he loves to carry you, up the stairs, across the yard, into the bath, just to feel your weight, the curve of your pregnant body against his chest. he grumbles playfully, “you’re getting heavier every week,” but the hand cupping your ass betrays his delight. you tease him relentlessly, making him laugh even as he mutters, “stop moving, or i’ll drop you.”
𝜗ৎ he cried the first time he felt the baby kick. you had guided his hand over your belly late one evening, and when the little flutter pushed against his palm, his jaw trembled, then tears streaked down his cheeks before he could stop them. “it’s real,” he whispered, stunned. you teased him gently, told him not to cry so much or the baby would come out weepy too, and he laughed through it, kissing your stomach again and again until you had to shove him off to breathe.
𝜗ৎ reiner’s skin is fever-warm even at rest, so you’re constantly pushing him away at first only to drag him back again when you realize you can’t sleep without the weight of him. during sex, that heat doubles. sweat rolls down his temples, dampening his hair, soaking your collarbones where his mouth lingers. he apologizes for it, muttering, “i’m all over you,” and you answer, “that’s exactly where i want you.” that’s enough to undo him completely, his thrusts faltering as he hides his face against your neck.
𝜗ৎ the house you live in is cottage-like, on the edge of town with a yard that grows wildflowers each spring. his neighbors adore him, he’s the one who helps with heavy lifting, who repairs fences, who offers a hand when the older men can’t reach their roofs anymore. they smile when they see him walking you arm-in-arm, murmuring about what a devoted husband he is. it embarrasses him, but you always squeeze his hand tighter.
𝜗ৎ reiner is weak for praise. he craves it more than he admits. call him good, tell him he feels incredible, beg for more, and he crumbles. he’ll rut into you with a desperation that borders on frantic, voice cracking as he groans your name. afterward, when you tease him for being so easily undone, he flushes deeply and buries his face against your chest, muttering, “don’t say it like that,” even though you can feel his smile.
𝜗ৎ reiner gets off on location risks. he’d never outright propose it, but he can’t hide how much it turns him on when you initiate in places where you might get caught. once, in the kitchen with the curtains open, another time against the wall in the narrow hallway where your neighbors were just on the other side. he muttered, “you’re going to get us in trouble,” even as he pulled your leg higher around his hip.
𝜗ৎ both of them are possessive in their own ways. reiner needs to cover you, to fill you, to hold your wrists to the mattress and remind himself you’re his.
𝜗ৎ he has a fixation with your stomach once you’re pregnant. he kisses it constantly, palms spread wide, moving slow as though you might break. when you guide his hands lower, he hesitates, flushed with guilt at the idea of lusting after you while you carry his child, but your insistence always unravels him. his size difference with you becomes more pronounced then. your body under his hands feels so delicate that he can’t stop murmuring things like, “you’re so small in my arms,” while you roll your eyes and pull him down anyway.
⋆
𝜗ৎ BERTHOLDT HOOVER on the other hand, is steadier from the start. he doesn’t cry as easily during intimacy, but that doesn’t mean he feels less; it just simmers deeper inside him. his height makes every position a negotiation, and he always adjusts himself around you, folding his frame down, curving his spine, so he can kiss you without breaking rhythm. his go-to is also missionary, but slower, deliberate, hips grinding into you with patience until you’re writhing beneath him. he keeps his hands wide on your hips or thighs, grounding you.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt’s size difference shows in every intimate detail. his hands span your hips completely, his fingers pressing into the dip of your waist like they were made for it. when you sit on his lap, his thighs are so broad they spread yours open easily, your knees dangling in the air as he cups your ass and keeps you steady. you tease him about being a “giant made for this” and he blushes, ducking his head, but the way his cock twitches against you gives him away instantly.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt lovessss leaving marks: your neck, your chest, the curve of your thighs mottled with the evidence of his mouth. you wake up with bruises shaped like his fingertips, and when you confront him about it, he only smiles faintly and says, “they’ll fade.”
𝜗ৎ the house that you live in which was one of the few that was fortunately untouched by the wrath of the rumbling, bertholdt’s family home, is a large, sturdy brick home with tall windows. it feels timeless. his mother’s engagement ring is on your hand before the pregnancy. it has a sizable old-cut diamond set in a gold band, with an heirloom weight. he added a second ring just for you, a finer, newer one, so that together they glitter heavily on your finger. he stares at it constantly, especially when he holds your hand in public.
𝜗ৎ doctor’s visits amuse him more than scare him. he’s fascinated by the process, asking measured questions in his calm voice, always listening closely. when the doctor checks your vitals, he takes notes. when the baby’s heartbeat echoes in the room, he looks at you like he’s falling in love again, saying quietly, “that’s ours.” he walks you home afterward, stopping to buy flowers for the table.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt adjusts to fatherhood with a quiet intensity. pregnancy only makes him hungrier for you. he touches your belly constantly, kisses the curve, presses his ear there in hopes of catching movement. when he feels the baby kick for the first time, his eyes go wide, then wet. he doesn’t speak right away, just rests his forehead against you, inhaling shakily. outside the bedroom, he’s endlessly attentive. he rubs your back when you complain of aches, carries you upstairs when your ankles swell, and fetches pastries late at night because you can’t sleep without them. when you protest, he shakes his head, smiling faintly. “it makes me happy to see you happy,” he says, and he means it.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt is an eater, plain and simple. he never lets you leave the house without breakfast, never ends a date without dessert, never stops himself from feeding you bites off his plate. during pregnancy, he dotes shamelessly, finding whatever you crave, walking to town late at night for fruit, milk, or pastries. “i’ll get it,” he insists, sliding on his coat. “don’t move. i’ll be back in ten.” he loves nothing more than watching you eat happily, as if nourishing you nourishes him.
𝜗ৎ he is less shy about oral than reiner. he takes his time with it, long licks, deliberate pressure, his fingers spreading you open while he watches every twitch, every gasp. you tease him for how serious he looks, like he’s studying for an exam, and he flushes but doesn’t stop. when you tug his hair and tell him to look at you, he obeys instantly, eyes wide, mouth wet, the obedience itself enough to make you shiver.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt’s playful side comes out more in bed than anywhere else. you’ll call him handsome when he’s inside you, and he’ll smirk faintly, saying, “you only say that when you want me to go harder.” he’s right, of course, and he always indulges you, pace quickening until you’re clawing at his back. he likes when you ride him too, though the sight of you above him almost overwhelms him. his hands grip your waist, guiding you down, his voice breaking into low groans as he mutters, “you’re going to ruin me.”
𝜗ৎ bertholdt surprises you with stamina. he doesn’t waste motion, but he can keep going for what feels like hours. he’s deliberate, working you open, pulling you to climax again and again until you’re begging him to stop because your legs can’t take any more. “you always say that,” he murmurs, still steady inside you, “but you don’t mean it.” he’s right, of course.
𝜗ৎ bertholdt is needier than most would expect. his height and composure give him the appearance of control, but behind closed doors he’s often the one tugging you toward the bedroom, burying his face in your neck, murmuring, “i need you.” after long trips to paradis as ambassador, he returns ravenous, pressing you against the door before you’ve even hung up your coat.
𝜗ৎ after, he isn’t as fussy as reiner, but he’s deeply affectionate. he pulls you onto his chest, strokes your back lazily, presses kisses into your hairline until you drift off. he doesn’t always speak much, but sometimes, when you’re half-asleep, he lets out little admissions, “i can’t believe i get to have this,” or “i don’t know how you love me so much.” you always answer, even drowsily, and the relief in his chest is so obvious that it makes you hold him tighter.
I only do this party 4 you. Bertholdt Hoover x reader
word count : 3,8 k
warnings: college AU, angst NO happy ending, unrequired feelings, miscommunication, friends with benefits gone wrong, first times, mention of loss of virginity, soft sex, footjob, face sitting, fingering, cockwarming, semi public sex (locker room), praise and dirty talk, unexperienced bert and reader, switch!bertholdt switch!reader
part two is up ✶
It started off as a help me help you situation. You and Bertholdt, two friends both inexperienced but trusting each other enough to be their firsts.
After a few years in college and a bunch of failed situationships you started to believe you would die a virgin. Until one day stumbling upon a conversation between Bertholdt and his best friend Reiner. The ramble to his friend resembled your own inner monologue. That's why you allowed yourself to talk to him in private about it.
He denied at first but the way he went pink from his cheeks to his ears didn't lie. You were quick to reassure him, as you were in the exact same situation. So it all began.
It didn't really came as a surprise when you found out Bertholdt had no sexual experiences, but at the same time you always thought that he and Reiner had something going on.
The way he touched and held you so softly for you guys first time was all you could dream off. You had your doubt and even considered backing out but the horniness and curiosity had the best of you. And you don't regret it.
The intercourse was awkward at first. Bertholdt was so scared to hurt you that he was extra cautious.
"You sure you're ok ? It doesn't look like it feels good"
"Wait is that blood"
"Want me to go slower ?"
You had to told him to just go with the flow (very unusual for him) and he stopped moving all at once, that was you cue to take control. Eventually he relaxed and started to enjoy the moment, His deep voice made his moan so pretty and encouraged you to continue.
Once you both came, comforter covering your naked bodies, Bertholdt had a hard time making eye contact with you, it's clear something was on the tip of its tongue, eventually he told you what was on his mind.
"I don't mean to be impolite and I really liked what we did but I don't want you to get the wrong idea... I don't think I want a relationship"
"Don't worry Berth, I'm not trying to fish anything out of this, I'm content as it is" you had snickered. Relief could clearly be read on his face as he hugged you tight.
"Thank you, I was scared this would be awkward" You still remember how warm his body was wrapped around you, almost enough to lull you to sleep.
"Want to take a nap ?"
=͟͟͞⚝
It's been two weeks since you had sex with Bertholdt. Ever since, you two fall into a dynamic of experimenting sex together. Whenever he fancied a new position or simply relief he would come to you and you would do the same.
Today is a bit different. You have noticed that Bertholdt is a whiner type, you like it very much and you plan to get as much as you can from it. That's why you are currently seated behind him on the couch. Your right hand is covering his mouth in a fake attempt to mute his moan, his voice is so deep that he bleeds through your fingers anyway. The left hand is tweaking his nipple, his back arches in response. Your legs are circled around his waist, so your feet can stroke his cock.
It's not the most comfortable position for you, but the way his wimper fills the room, hips trembling with each stroke makes it worth the pain.
"I-I'm gonna cum" Bertholdt cries behind your hand. HIs puppy voice makes heat rushes to your pussy, god you wish you could see his face right now, biting the pale skin of his bare back.
"Yeah ? You're going to cum all over my feet Berth ? Like a pervert ?" you whisper in a condescending voice right under his ear, even seated he is still taller than you. His back arches a little more at your words and you squeeze his nipple harder. He gasps.
"Yes! Yes please let me cum!" he begs, hips thrusting between your joined feet.
"Say that you're a pervert and I'll let you"
"I'm a pervert!" he states without an ounce of hesitation. You groan against his skin unsatisfied bringing your feets movement to a halt. "I'm a pervert a-and I want to cum !" his voice is more pitched this time, you smile to yourself resuming the up and down motion on his thick cock.
"You are ~ go ahead make a mess"
"Thank you ah! Thank you y/n" Betholdt gasps, voice sloppier with each rope of hot cum that lands on your feet. His back relaxes into your chest as his high comes to an end.
"Sorry" he whispers with a dopey smile when he realizes he was slowly crushing you onto the backrest.
A long exhale leaves his lips as he lay flat on the couch, closing his eyes. Smile still spread on his face, Bertholdt is pretty when he is not self conscious you think, never such a smile could be seen in public, he's more guarded when surrounded by people, it feels like a privilege seeing him like that.
"What are you going to do about this ?" you ask, extending your cum covered feet to his face. Opening his eyes slightly, he grabs your ankle, cleaning his semen off your skin with his warm tongue.
"Come sit on my face" he sleepily murmurs once your feet are as clean as the day you were born.
You do not have to be told twice, thighs spread around his face for him to feed on you. Humming in your scent, Bertholdt rubs his nose against your clit a few times, you let your head fall back, eyes closing in anticipation when he finally puts the bundle of nerves in his mouth. You sink more and more of your weight on his face moaning in relief. That boy sure knows how to use his tongue.
=͟͟͞⚝
Life goes on, you go to college, eat with your friends, go home, study and repeat it all again the next day but...
There is something different these days. You found yourself always eager from Bertholdt's next text, not only for the awesome sex but also simply to be in his presence. It was an embarrassing realisatiation.
On a random Tuesday night he had asked you to come by his place to watch the moon through with his telescope. The small balcony of his apartment could barely fit two chairs so your bodies were flushed against each other, nothing you are not used to, but it felt very intimate and not in a sexual way.
You took turns watching the rocky star through his lense, Never in your life have you seen it so clearly, it warmed your chest to witness it next to Bertholdt for the first time. Later in the night when the observation turned into a conversation he had given you his hoodie when he noticed you were shivering. His musky scent flooded your senses. Your heart was beating so fast, as fast as you felt yourself falling for him.
13:26 Bertholdt : Meet me after training ? I forgot my calculus textbook at your place...
Such a simple text and you were already thinking about what to wear for his eyes never to leave you. A mid tights floral dress it is, he complimented it once while it was on the drying rack of your living room: you can't go wrong with that choice.
Checking the time on your phone you mentally curse you're running 20 minutes late because you couldn't decide on the right lip combo and the perfect fragrance. It's so stupid he probably already left or is very mad at you, breaking into a small jog you enter the locker room. Crap, it looks empty.
"Bertholdt ?" you try out loud.
"Over here" you hear from the back of the room. Guess it's your lucky day.
Bertholdt is crouched over his duffel bag filling what seems to be his lacrosse uniform. Hearing footsteps he looks your way, you are surprised to see that he is only wearing a towel around his waist.
"You guys finished later ? "
"No, I... I don't like to take my shower with everyone else so I waited" he admits standing tall, and you almost forgot that he was in fact almost a giant, you feel a tug at your heartstring. He's so handsome. His black hair is slicked back, a very different look from his usual, falling on his forehead.
"I'm not surprised" you chuckle to clear your thought "Anyways I got your book with me" you continue squeezing your bag where it is sitting against your ribs.
He only hums absentmindedly looking at your form up and down brushing his damp hair against his skull as he gulps. Is it the power of the dress working ? A smile creeps on your face.
"Come here" he says, extending his hands to you. Your heart misses a beat when you take his large palm in yours. Bertholdt tugs lightly, crashing his lips against yours. You feel your legs about to give out under the fervor he kisses you with, his other hand lands on the small of your back, presing you flush against his moist body. You can feel his hard member against your belly and you break the kiss.
"Berth ?" you chuckle looking down at the bulge behind his towel.
"It happens after exercise sometimes" he clarifies with a faint blush on his cheek.
"You mean to say, you walk around campus with a hard on after hours of catching a ball with a net ? "You giggle tracing the outline of his cock with your fingertips. Bertholdt gives you one of his deadpan stares you chortle kissing him back.
"Is it ok ? If we do it here I mean ? " he asks crouching down, being eye to eye level with him is a rare occurrence, it's your turn to heat up, you nod your head giving him consent to proceed. He nods too, angling your body so you rest against the metal row of lockers, the cold material makes you moan into the kiss, you let your bag hit the ground so your hands are free to mess with his hair.
Bertholdt's large hands go to your hips, squeezing them and you take it as a sign to spread your legs for him. Travelling to your pussy he gasps being welcomed by your bare skin, no underwear. Oops, you smile against his lips. Long digits enter your cunt scissoring you open. Your head falls to the side, catching your breath
"Get nice and wet for me, yes ?" he mumbles against the skin of your exposed neck, his hips rut against your thigh and you feel yourself getting wetter by the second.
"Yes Bertholdt" your meek voice echoes in the empty room. He is not that forward usually, but you don't mind at all. His thumb attaches to your clit, circling it slowly as his fingers keep curling along your most sensitive spot. Your hips buck on their own against his hands, as the squelching sound from your pussy fills the room, your grip his shoulders tipping over your release.
"U-uh please, mmh please" you beg, burying your head in his chest.
"There, there" he breathes, intensifying his motion, enough for you to cum around his fingers. back arching off the locker, you babble an incoherent mess that none of you care to understand, nails digging into the skin of his shoulders.
A thing you have realised ever since the night on his balcony, is that each of the orgasms he gives you seems to be stronger. You don't think much of it, just glad it feels that way. The sound of something hitting the ground brings you back to earth. Bertholdt is now naked in front of you, erection springing free.
Your mouth water at the sight of it. Obviously your lack of experience doesn't make you unbiased but to you, his cock is close to perfection. Thick, long and veiny, it could be the way he uses it or the fact that you feel yourself slowly falling for him. Your pussy clenches around nothing, eager to feel him inside of you.
Bertholdt's large hands wrap around your thighs to lock them around his hips your body is sandwiched between him and the locker behind you.
"Can I put it in ?" he asks, looking up at you with his pale green eyes. you nod sliding your hand from his shoulder to his neck, grazing your fingers against the nape of his hair. Flashing you a smile, Bertholdt peppers kisses to your cleavage as he slowly slides his length inside of you.
An exhale of relief flees your lips, your shoulder relaxes as his cock pumps torturous slow thrusts inside of you.
"Bertholdt, give it to me" you whine, dragging the last vowel.
"Not very patient today are you?" he asks playfully, licking a strip up your neck. "Say please and I'll go faster" He is using your tricks against you !
What happened to the boy that was too shy to even look you in the eye when he was inside of you? Your cunt clenches against him, this new personality is driving you up the wall.
"Please bertholdt" you moan pulling at the nape of his hair
"Please ?" he questions picking his pace slightly
"Please Bert I need it" you plead, more desperate feeling the impatience grow inside of you alongside the knot in your belly.
"Kiss me" you happily oblige.
The whole room sounds like a mess, the metal clanks with each thrust that makes your bodies collide against it, mixes of voices whispering and skin slapping. It's your mess, the very own mess you created with him, you're proud of it you wished someone would walk in right now to see how good Bertholdt makes you feel, how good you two look together.
=͟͟͞⚝
Today Bertholdt is at your place sitting at the coffee table where he is making flashcards. You are belly up on the couch behind him reading the latest celebrity drama on twitter when his deep voice comes to your ears.
"There is something i would like to try" he starts, looking back at you. Locking your phone you meet his eyes, eyebrow quirked, there is not much you guys haven't tried so you are curious.
"Shoot" you say tracing his nose with your index finger.
"I would like to put my cock inside of you and just continue what i'm doing, you can turn me down if it's weird i'll understand" he states, his signature blush making his way on the sharp features of his face
"Now where the hell did you get that idea uh ? " you giggle, pinching the bridge of his nose "But it sounds good to me" you say, joining him on the rug. Bertholdt helps you straddle him, as he pulls his sweat pants down enough so his soft dick can break free. You pull your shorts and pantie to the side, directing his penis to your entrance.
He's not hard so you don't bother touching yourself to allow him inside of you. Placing a quick peck on his lips you sink on his dick.
The sensation is different from everything you've tried before, you're not stretched enough for your liking but the position allows you to be close to him, it's relaxing his penis would stirr inside of you from time to time. Resting your chin on his shoulder you close your eyes. His body always runs so hot.
"You're feeling good ?" Bertholdt asks, running his hands up and down your sides.
"Hmm yes I could fall asleep like that " you murmur nuzzling into the crook of his neck.
"Go ahead," he says, rubbing your back.
Dozing off you can hear Bertholdt talking distantly on the phone.
"Annie is back in town ?" Is the last thing you hear before falling asleep, his voice sounds chippier than usual and his dick grows harder inside of you.
=͟͟͞⚝
"They went to you for the organization of a party ?" you huff biting in your ice cream cone, Bertholdt looks defeated next to you, head in his hands.
" I know, Eren said it's because i'm a tidy person whatever it has to do with it" he grunt eyes closed.
You chortle, shaking your head from left to right, what a very Eren thing to do.
"I mean, I could help you if you want"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I did a few before even if it's an Eren party it should be in my range" you smirk standing up "I go to bounce but let's talk about it more later ?" you propose adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder.
Bertholdt nods his head vigorously, you can't help but think he's cute like that.
Walking to your next class you think about all the things that need to be done before the party. Friday in two weeks.
A guest list, booze (a lot), decorations, a banging playlist, you could even throw some songs Bertholdt have shared with you from his playlist. Eren should already have a set of ambient lights you could use. Yeah no fuss this should be easy enough you thought to yourself.
It's only when you enter the building that you remember that Bertholdt's hoodie is still in your bag, crap you've been meaning to give him back for weeks now, rushing back to the three where you had lunch you hope he is still there. The voice that cannot be mistaken for another reaches your ear and you're about to but when his next sentence stops you in your track.
"Yes she will be at the party, you think I should ask her out then ?"
You're frozen, heart beating a mile an hour, is he talking about you ?
"Right, I've known her long enough it's about time I do it I guess" he laugh nervously.
It's happening ! Retreating on your tippy toes your resume your previous itinerary with a spring in your step.
You'll have all the time in the world to give his cloth back once you two are boyfriend and girlfriend
=͟͟͞⚝
You haven't seen much of Bertholdt for the last few days. There really isn't much to think of . College and the organisation of the party kept you busy. Regardless, you miss him...
His text felt distant, like what you had shared with him over the last few months was a long gone memory. It is hard not to overthink, you know he is a rather dry texter but your heart drops a little bit more each time he doesn't reciprocate your enthusiasm.
Maybe he's stressed about making you his girlfriend ? You really got to know him better, so you wouldn't be surprised if he was sweating buckets right now. The party is in two days time anyway, you can't wait to see him and you can't wait to make your relationship official.
=͟͟͞⚝
It’s the song you picked for him.
The strobes, flashing lights, loud music balloons and confetti scattered all over the floor makes it all feel like a bad joke. Why is everyone laughing while you are witnessing pure horror ? Standing a few feet away from the scene you can't take your eyes off it as badly as you need it, in order to preserve the few sanity left in you.
Bertholdt is here, as expected, with Annie, not expected, they are close, so close you feel your chest constrict tighter by the second. He is using his default stance when talking to shorter people (almost everyone). It always made you feel special, seen, when he would use it with you, as if he cared enough to not miss a bit of what you're saying. But now... now you feel like a fool you were never special and you can clearly see it in the way he looks at her. Never in the time you have spent with him you were graced with this softness in his eyes.
Sure he was always kind to you, but witnessing him like that with Annie makes you realise that you never hold a candle to her. She didn't have to get naked for him to be completely enticed with her. You feel dirty, you feel betrayed, but you can only blame yourself. He said it from the start that he wasn't fishing a relationship out of this.
Of course it wouldn't be you he wanted to make his girlfriend and to think you believed it until the last moment.
You're stuck in place,the world keeps spinning around you. Your throat is dry, but your eyes sure aren't, slowly, your vision becomes blurry, maybe it is better this way. A hard shove on your shoulder brings you back to reality, turning around there's an obviously drunk girl apologizing to you, she looks like she's having fun, her friend group drags her somewhere else, apologizing again on her behalf.
Like a magnet your eyes drag back to Bertholdt and Annie, they are kissing now, his hands, the same hands that you felt roaming your body so many times, his large warm hands are on her small waist, hers are around his neck. Bile rises to your throat. You speed walk to the back of the house. You need air, you need space and quiet or you might go crazy right now.
Fortunately there's no one in the backyard, not yet. With a few more drinks in there's no doubt that it will be filled with drunk young adults. But for now you are alone. Again
The moon stares down at you, the same moon under which you felt your heart calling for Bertholdt the first time. You feel like a wounded dog under its beam, you want to claw at your chest for it to stop hurting so much. Sitting on the cold grass before your legs give out there's no way this night could get any worse. Tugging your knees to your chest, you allow your forehead to rest on them. You don't want to cry, it would be ridiculous to. But just like falling in love with your friend, you can't help it.
It's more whimpers and sobs than actual cry, you can hardly breath, not that you care anymore. Praying to the moon that no one comes here to find you, they never do anyways. Squeezing your arms tight around your legs you wished you never went to that party let alone set it up, you wished you never proposed to help Bertholdt, you wished you listened to him when he said he this will not be anything more than sex, you wished your heart would stop squeezing so tight with each passing second.
It was a help me help you situation at first and yet you're the only one crying about it.
Armin Arlert x Reader
Headcanons s/o hiding from him
When He Feels Down
Loved Not By Blood
Armin Romantic Headcanons
Jean Kirschtein x Reader
Headcanons s/o hiding from him
One Is The Reason
When He Comforts You
You are scared of thunderstorms
Marco Bodt x Reader
Why?
Historia Reiss x Reader
Trust Is Everything
"I wish we could live together already." + Before Bed kiss
Study Date
Neglected Childhood
Picture Perfect
Ymir x Reader
Oreo Stuffing
A Bundle Of Joy
When You Are Afraid Of Thunder
A Life Beyond The Walls
"Can you please...? Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe put a shirt on?!"
A Breath Of Relief
When Ymir Comforts You
Annie Leonhart x Reader
"I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful"
"Have you seen my hoodie?" "Noo." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"
Reiner Braun x Reader
Headcanons s/o hiding from him
Ghosts Of The Past
Bertolt Hoover x Reader
Sunday - 7:36 pm
A-Z Alphabet (SFW)
"YOU SAID TO BE HONEST STOP HITTING ME!"
• prefers public places, not well hidden, like fingering you under the table or having you suck him off behind the racks at restaurants and shops
• risky, likes the thrill of potentially being caught, swears the adrenaline makes you look and sound sexier
• loves sucking on your neck and leaving hickeys, bites your shoulders enough to leave a visible mark for days
• shushes you while he strokes your hair, tells you that you need to be more quiet when you swallow him whole, that you need to bite your lip when he rocks his hips
Jean
• at home, in the kitchen, while prepping for dinner or while baking desserts
• likes lifting you onto the countertop, kissing and fondling you until his preset timers are going off
• always takes his shirt off before putting the apron on, just in case he spills something on it anyway
• smacks you with a spatula or wooden spoon when you walk by, threatens to do it again when you squeal
• watches you lick the batter off your finger with dilated pupils and starts palming his erection through the apron, staring at your lips the whole time
Connie
• well if it wasn’t the arcade, it wasn’t anywhere but home
• hes winning prizes and tickets at every game, smiling and handing you the gifts to keep, smacking your ass and kissing your cheek intermittently
• sometimes asks you to blow on his hands before ski-ball or air-hockey for good luck
• reminds you of that when he asks you to blow on his cock later, behind the pac-man operator, when he’s unzipping his jeans and you’re dropping to your knees
• sometimes will push up against you from behind, pushing your hips into the game as you play, as he teaches you
Reiner
• rents cabins so you two can be conpletely alone because he loves to hear you scream, and doesn’t want a soul to hear or see you (only him)
• likes you on your hands and knees, his hand roughly pulling your hair
• situates you so both of you are facing the wide window, overlooking the natural scenery as his hips slap against yours
• smirks at you in the reflection in the window, blows kisses when you both make eye contact in it
Porco
• could always find him hanging out under the bleachers, and he greets you with open arms and a big kiss each time
• wraps his jacket around you when he takes your shirt off; puts your shirt over his backpack so it doesn’t touch the ground
• holds you so close and so tight, protects your head with his hand if you two get too close to the metal benches
• loves the rattle of the bleachers when you grab onto the metal bars or benches as he fucks into you from behind
Levi
• hates doing it in bathrooms and kitchens
• prefers taking you to expensive hotels with clean sheets and fluffy towels, usually rents a room with two large beds so you can rest and relax on spotless sheets
• cleaning up is his favorite part, lapping up your streams of fluid from your thighs like a parched dog
• loves shoving his cock down your throat when he’s about to orgasm, loves feeling and watching you swallow his cum, enjoying everything more thoroughly with the knowledge that he doesn’t have to dirty a towel
Erwin
• back of the car, like you’re both hormone-crazed teenagers who can’t keep their hands off each other
• has a huge car, so sprawling you out into any position isn’t an obstacle
• always wraps his tie around his wrist, dangling it slightly, and sometimes sharply slaps it against your ass
• plays music through the speakers every time, always drives to the ocean or the lake
• likes the visual of you beneath him, his cock pushed between your breasts
Armin
• likes to be in private, at home BUT the back room at the public library comes quite close
• works there part time, so acquiring the room was easy, and there was something about seeing you amongst unbound books that evoked something inexplicable within him
• loves when you bend over him like an open book, especially when you’re asking him to lick you out while you suck him off
• always reminds you to be quiet when he’s louder than you are
Zeke
• likes to take you to plays and musicals and theaters and operas, “to enjoy the sounds and symphonies of art,” he’d say
• his hand is crawling up your thigh before intermission, tracing the tights pattern up your skirt
• hides the playwright over your lap so those in neighboring seats can’t gawk (but he also kind of likes it when they do)
• rushes you to the bathroom during intermission, hiking up your skirt and ripping a hole in the crotch of your tights
Bertolt
• plays basketball, so meeting him in the locker room after practice is the routine
• explores different positions on the benches and in the showers with you, bending you over it or holding you up
• loves holding your butt cheeks like two globes, moaning every time he compares his hand and dick sizes to the size of your ass
• blushes when he sees you at his games because he knows what will happen later in the locker room, what you’ve both practiced for
in which: there's only one bed? lmao have fun! note that in reiner's part, you are a warrior that escaped back to marley with reiner after the shiganshina arc.
warnings: none. i have extreme paranoia when it comes to me writing smut, so you will not see some from me until i get better (i am literally touch-starved, so i feel like anything i write will be cringe)!
author's note: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what to write next. i'm literally out of ideas. either in the comments, or in my messages. i will appreciate ANYTHING.
jean
"alright everyone," hange says, "go to your respective rooms. we'll meet back up in the morning and explore some more!" she turns to leave with onyankopon and levi who were staying in a nearby hotel as to not draw too much attention.
you look around for jean, sasha, and connie who were also staying in this hotel with you. as soon as you went to grab sasha to room with, connie swooped in, and the two were so excited that they were going to have a "sleepover". you heave a small sigh.
"don't sound too disappointed." jean says, giving you a small smile. "sad you're stuck with me tonight?"
"never." you say, bumping your shoulder with his. "it will just be much harder to keep an eye on those two." jean's smile slowly slides off his face.
"oh yeah." not much you can do about it now. you grab jean's hand and pull him to go find your room.
"this is actually so interesting, being in marley. i can't believe they have actual cars!" you say excitedly, smiling while looking out the window. you couldn't believe how advanced this place is.
"you sound like hange now! keep it down before your dumbass gets us caught." you give jean a little smack.
"oh shut up." the two of you finally reach the room, and as jean opens the door, he stops halfway into the room.
"hey! get out of my way, horse-face!" jean turns to look at you, his face a little red.
"i think they gave us the wrong room." confused, you look around jean to see there is only one bed in the entire room.
"oh." the thought of spending the night with your best friend in the same bed also made you a little pink. much to your relief, jean didn't see because he was too busy hurrying to use the bathroom. in reality, he was trying to calm himself down, but you didn't know that.
your stomach was swirling as jean finally came out of the bathroom, his face wet, like he had washed it. you had to look away. of course you were nervous. you've had a crush on the man for quite a while now. but you'd rather die than admit that.
an awkward, uncomfortable silence blanketed the room. until jean spoke up. "I honestly think we should just share it. it's pretty big. and we've grown up together. it won't be awkward."
that's a relief. "yeah. as long as your big horse feet won't kick me in the middle of the night."
"hey! my feet are normal shaped!" you giggle, the previous tension gone. "yeah yeah."
the two of you chat a little bit before calling it a night. you tuck yourself under the covers, turning your back to jean. "i hope you don't snore."
"guess you'll find out tonight." the two of you try sleeping, and for a few hours, it was successful. until the room got incredibly cold. you shuffle closer to jean, but it wasn't helping all that much. you turn around, facing jean, who looked fast asleep.
"hey." silence. "hey!" nothing. so you start poking his face, and he flinches. "what?" now you're embarrassed.
"nevermind."
"oh no. you didn’t wake me up for nothing." he pokes your face. "what do you want?"
"can you hold me?"
"what?!"
"i'm cold!"
"oh. alright then, come here."
"really?"
"yes, y/n. now hurry up." so you weasel your way into his arms, sinking into his chest. he is so warm.
and in the morning, when he wakes up before you, he'll let you sleep, with your leg around his waist and his arms around you. maybe he will finally work up the courage to ask you out.
bertholdt
you were shaken. of course you were, you were kidnapped. the last thing you remember is walking away with armin on the wall, and you could faintly hear hange talking to moblit about titans that could dig. but you wake up on a tree, in the forest which was surrounded by titans. you see ymir awake, scowling at two men up on higher trees. is that eren over there? you have to blink because it's so bright, but when it finally comes into focus, you realize it's reiner and bertholdt. oh yeah. the traitors. you start breathing heavily, thinking about how it's your lover up there. ymir tries to calm you down, her eyes wide, but it doesn't work. how could he do this to you. was everything fake? were your friends still alive. why were you here? you start feeling faint, and feel hot tears pooling at your eyes. you faintly hear the screeching of odm gear coming closer, and you hear bertholdt talking to ymir, but it's too late, and you pass out once again.
when you awaken a second time, it's night. you have to adjust your eyes to try to figure out where you are. but all you see are stars. you're on the wall. you feel a hand on your shoulder.
"y/n?" you turn your head without moving your body and see him. bertholdt, who's eyes are red and swollen. you reach your hand up to hold his face but then think better of it. you let your hand fall.
"i'm so sorry. y/n, i'm so sor-"
"bertholdt!" you recognize reiner's voice and lift your body up, with his hand on your back. you shove his hand away, ignoring the hurt look on his face. you see reiner and ymir coming your way. while bertholdt and reiner whisper to each other, ymir comes to check on you.
"are you alright?" you shrug. which earns a sad smirk from ymir. shortly after, bertholdt returns to kneeling next to you, but not saying anything. after a while, you find your voice.
you turn your head to bertholdt and ask, "how did i get here?" he flinches at your strained tone, but softly explains what happened while reiner and ymir set up sleeping bags they found in the district below. you also find out the truth about bertholdt's background. about him being from marley, his mission, why he decided to become a warrior. he explained about his sick father and the oppression he received just because he was eldian.
and suddenly, your heart was conflicted. there was life outside of the walls. but they weren't free. they had the same blood you did, and they were being tortured for it. but they killed so many innocent people from inside the walls. those people didn't know what they were dying for. they didn't deserve to die. you wanted to yell and scream at him, but you also wanted to comfort him. so you cried. you cried and cried and fell into him because you were weak, and despite hating him for all he had done, you loved him. and he held you as you cried, and eventually he started crying with you. so the two of you cried until there were no tears left. in the silence left behind, you whispered to him, "take me with you. take me home with you." too weak to argue, he agreed. he placed a soft kiss on your forehead and wiped away your tears.
"ok."
what felt like hours later, reiner came to drop off the sleeping bag.
"i'm sorry, but we could only find three." while bertholdt starting insisting you take it, you just stand up and take the sleeping back from reiner, giving the man a hug, which surprised him.
"thank you. one is enough. we can share." and so you did.
you held onto his long ass body and just held each other, oozing comfort the both of you needed.
reiner
while porco and pieck were mocking him from behind, you were at his side, giggling at his little pout. you intertwined your arm with his and put your head on his shoulder, causing the two goons to laugh and mock even more. but the two of you didn't care. you guys were considered pretty close before, but after returning from paradise, the two of you were inseparable. the two of you walked along the festival, reiner occasionally having to stop to pay for gabi and the others, but never separating from you.
"oh, reiner!" pieck says, "don't forget about the meeting we have tomorrow." the both of you sigh.
"we haven't forgotten pieck," he replies. you detach yourself from reiner when you see porco beckoning to you. while reiner and pieck chatted, you were able to talk a bit with porco. the two of you wandered for a bit before reiner came to pull you away, looking a bit jealous, which porco wouldn't let him live down.
the two of you follow the children around until they get too tired and full from all the festival food. while reiner is dragging gabi around, the two of you talk about the trek you will have to make for the meeting.
"we should rent a hotel room. that way we won't have to get up too early tomorrow to travel."
"good idea!" so after dropping off the children at their respective homes, the two of you hitch a ride to the hotel nearest to HQ where the meeting was taking place. when the two of you check in, you only ask for one room, but two separate beds.
however, when the two of you went to go to sleep, there was only one bed. although, it didn't bother you two that much, as the two of you often slept over together.
so when it was time for bed, the two of you crawled in together, immediately cuddling together. you lay your head on his chest and he holds you. this was how you often found comfort when the two of you first got back from the island, often crying about bertholdt, annie, and the comrades you considered friends. and the two of you haven't stopped this little routine, even years later.
but this time felt a little different. reiner was holding you more tightly than usual. but you couldn't bring yourself to ask why because you were too tired. as you were falling asleep, you hear him whisper, "I love you." not that you would know this, but he had been telling you this for a long time when you were sleeping. so it quite surprise to him when you opened your eyes and smiled.
"I love you too." you slowly press a kiss to his lips and he graciously returns it.
author's note (again): will there be a part two? idk yet. let me know if y'all want one in the comments section. (and i know you saw my author's note up top. *suspicious side eye* you better tell me what to write next)
Bertholdt being shy about how big his dick is has me kicking my feet n twirling my hair <33
He would 100% roll his hips against yours when you’re making out with him n then get shy when you’re surprised because you can feel how big n heavy his cock is sjfjakcnkand
𝒢ℰ𝒩𝒯ℒℰ 𝒢ℐ𝒜𝒩𝒯 . . !
𝓈𝓎𝓃ℴ𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: based on this post! a teensy-tiny drabble for bertl! my sweet big boy 💘
𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈: (700+ words of . . .) aged up!bertholdt hoover x fem!reader (black coded), nsfw/smut, bertl has a mega size kink, handjob, oral (m!receiving), penetrative sex, mention of bertl’s big bawls, lowercase intended, explicit language, minors shoo!
omfg sandie!!! now this is everything to me! there’s nothin’ like a giant man who can’t truly grasp just how large he is.
bertholdt is well aware of his height— since his earliest memories he’s towered over others, standing head and shoulder above them. but when it comes to size-size? bertl doesn’t fully register how big he is. this bashful man don’t got a clue in the world!
your reaction to bertl discarding his underwear is what gets him to finally understand. to you, he already looked fairly large when wearing his boxers, but witnessing the real thing proves to be a stark difference. you unashamedly observe your boyfriend’s fat dick as it throbs lewdly, free of any confines. he can feel your keen eyes fixate on him.
“you’re fuckin’ huge.” you release the airiest whisper.
to that, bertholdt’s breath catches in his throat, adam’s apple bobbing. he gets self-conscious, even more so than usual. a stream of questions swirl about in his head. is he too big? will you be able to handle him? are there even condoms in his size?
his worries quickly dissipate once you begin to wrap your dainty fingers around his cock. you stroke whatever you can manage to reach, touching down his shaft and twirling your hand over the precum-smeared tip. you gaze at his endowment with lust-blown eyes, seemingly appreciative of what he has to offer.
“how big are you, baby?” he doesn’t know. hell, he’s never cared to check or measure before now. your assumption is nine whole inches, maybe ten.
“i— fuck,” he lets a foul whine slip past, bringing a hand to cover his mouth. he shyly speaks through his slender fingers, “i-i’m not sure...” with a stammer, bertholdt instinctively rolls his hips, bucking against your hand. his pale-green eyes stay trained on how you can barely close your fingers around the base of his girthy dick. in that very moment, within the depths of his mind, he can practically hear a switch flicking— that’s the size kink he never knew he had, officially turning on.
following that experience, bertholdt’s shyness considering his length doesn’t get any better. he’s easily flustered, but also more self-aware than he’s ever been. bertl starts to notice how wide your plush lips stretch around his cockhead when taking him into your wet, pliant mouth. he finds it amusing; how you can’t mutter a word when he fills up your throat, weighty and pulsing against your tongue.
he admittedly likes to give himself a rush during sex, by sizing you up— placing his rigid cock onto your tummy, just to make an estimate of how far he’ll reach. before long, he brushes past your folds and pushes into your velvety cunt. you clamp down fervidly, eager to take all of him.
he’s settled in your womb. you’re so fucking full. “it’s big,” you brainlessly mewl. bertl interlocks his fingers with yours, cheeks dusted red. he makes slow, impassioned thrusts forward, swiveling his hips to plunge into you just right.
“is it too much, love?” bertholdt’s words spill out shakily, wavering breaths dropping from his agape mouth. dark shaggy bangs fall across his forehead. you thread your hand through his hair to help him brush it back. faint traces of sweat trail down his forehead. “uh-uh. it’s perfect, baby,” you reassure with a soothing smile, pressing your lips to his. he returns the haphazard kisses, immodestly groaning into your mouth.
you’re always given generously thick loads when he finishes, because his balls are fat and heavy, too. bertholdt is slowly, but surely, learning how to use his imposing size for your benefit.
↪ content; warrior!reader, aged-up character, graphic description of violence, slow burn, season 4 spoiler
When you first breached the wall maria, what went inside your mind next was how to make sure everyone could survive. You and your fellow warriors were just thirteen and fourteen years old kids at that time, and no one knew what the condition would be inside the walls.
There were lots of crimes such as robbery, human trafficking, and fraud going around. Even the garrison soldiers who were supposed to take care of the crisis inside the walls along with the military police seemed to be overwhelmed by how the condition turned out to get worse and worse every day.
So a year right after the breach, the majority of the refugees had to devote their lives and join the military to reclaim back wall maria. The royal government summoned around two hundred fifty thousand people to join the operation, mostly healthy men, and some of them were even women.
It had become a public secret that the results of the mission would turn out like that. With only a few surviving, barely one hundred people left, and you were devastated that day when you worked near the Plaza, finding Armin walking mindlessly, clutching a worn-out hat which he told you that it was belonged to his grandfather.
One of the summoned soldiers — who went to reclaim the wall and never came back.
Even though it was a cruel way to push those people to die, everyone inside the wall couldn't thank them enough for their sacrifices. The food shortage slowly got better for everyone who was still alive, the refugees even got a proper house to live their days. And slowly, everything started to ease down.
But of course, there was no guarantee that they would be safe. There was no guarantee that they wouldn't have to relive the same thing ever again. You knew that, you knew things that they never thought would happen. And you still hate yourself for becoming the reason why it happened in the first place.
"Are you sure that you are going to join the military?"
Your thought was interrupted by the gentle, mature voice that belonged to Mrs. Keller. She was the one who had been helping you out and offered you a job two years ago where you and the others barely survived. You worked with her by putting labels on her husband's wine, and she had treated you like her own daughter ever since.
"Yes, I am sure of that, Mrs. Keller."
Meanwhile, Mr. Keller himself was never home, rarely to be exact. He always traveled around Sheena to distribute his wine to the nobleman and aristocrats, leaving his wife in a house that was too big to be filled with one person. And even now, you didn't dare to ask her why she didn't have children.
She was such a perfect woman in your eyes, reminding you of your mother back home. Mrs. Keller remembered all your stories that you told her, about how you were not alone since you had three friends who were always there for you. She even invited them to have dinner with her, saying that the atmosphere would be nicer with more people around.
Annie being Annie was cautious at first, refusing to eat the meal that Mrs. Keller prepared for everyone. But when she saw Reiner crying after one mouthful of a spoon, she decided to taste the meal and always became the first one who finished it after that.
"Oh, dear. I will miss you so much!"
You were currently focusing on the label in your hand, sticking your tongue out a little as you didn't want the paper to be wrinkled or else it wouldn't look good on the bottle. But of course, you didn't expect Mrs. Keller to wrap her arms around you all of a sudden, squeezing your torso playfully, yet you could feel the affection from the gesture.
She didn't say anything as she just continued to hug you, sometimes even planting her lips at the back of your head. And you just stood there, basking yourself from the tenderness of a parent. It was nice to have something to hold on to for a while, even if you knew that she could possibly die by your own hand in the future.
But you shook it off, erasing all the negative thoughts that often slipped inside your mind. Just for once, you wanted to be selfish, so you pulled away from her, only to jump at her embrace and squeeze her torso so tight you didn't want to let go.
Today would be the last time you helped her. Tomorrow you were going to the cadet corps along with your friends. She had been talking a lot more than usual, not wanting to waste just one second away from you. You knew that she loved you like her own daughter, and you too, loved her like she was your mother.
From how her fingers would gently untangle the knot on your hair or the gentle pat on top of your head — you had been masking yourself with the idea that you were just a normal citizen in Paradis, whom your father always busy with work and rarely home, whom your mother was a gentle, loving woman who loved children.
You knew you didn't deserve any of it, you knew you didn't have the right to feel such love and hugged her body as if she was not one of your future victims. But when you felt her palms caressing your hair, whispering that she would miss you and send you lots of letters — you decided to accept this little heaven that you created.
"By the way, I have something for you!" She abruptly pulled away as she grinned, her green orbs glimmered with mischief before booping your nose. "Wait here, okay, darling? I'll be right back!" And before you could answer, she already stormed off to the upstairs, who knew what that woman would do.
You shook your head as you just leaned yourself on the table behind you. This workplace filled like home already with how many days that you spent here. Boxes filled with high-quality wine, stacks of shiny labels that you should stick on the red bottle — you would genuinely miss this place and the person who owned it.
The sound of footsteps echoed through the room, interrupting your thought. And you could imagine how Mrs. Keller was running down the stairs impatiently so she could see your adorable face once more. She had her usual charming smile plastered on her face as she strode towards you, a kraft paper bag in hand.
"Here you go." She handed it to you with a giddy smile, wanting to see your reaction to the gift. "I ask my husband to send something from Sheena. It's nothing much, but I hope you could use this as a soldier." So you opened the paper bag, retrieving a piece of cloth from inside. "You know, maybe to warm you up when winter comes."
You gently laid the packaging on the desk, orbs never leaving the warm, velvety clothes in your hand. It was an obsidian-coloured scarf, and you knew from how thin yet warm it was, or the way that you couldn't find any shabby seam on the textile — this must be worth lots of coins inside these walls.
"Mrs. Keller you don't have—"
"Hush, now."
She shut you up in the most gentle way, resting both hands on your shoulder and squeezed it gently. You didn't have to hear any other syllable slip from her lips, it just needed her warm gaze and reassuring smile to know that she wanted you to take it without hesitation.
It was as if she was trying to tell you that you couldn't get rid of her that easily — and she would be there for you every step of the way.
Your vision blurred. A single teardrop fell down your cheek, followed by a hiccup and nasty snort. You never cried like this, even when you bid farewell to your homeland, even when Marcel died to save you, never once you became such a mess.
Maybe it was because everything mixed into one that your heart and mind could not even understand. You didn't know if you cried because of your sadness and the guilt that kept eating you every day from the inside, or because of something as simple as feeling so loved.
It was both.
Her fingers delicately fetch the piece of cloth from your hand, asking you if you wanted her to help you wear it. You couldn't even answer it verbally, afraid that your voice would crack. So you just gave her a single nod in between your sobs, and it was the only thing she needed before circling the scarf on your neck.
"Oh, I forgot you wore a necklace. Pardon me."
You didn't flinch as her cold fingertips grazed your skin. She looked so focused, biting her bottom lip while squinting her eyes a little as she draped the scarf unevenly. Looping the longer end around your neck, she crossed both ends and tucking it gently under the loop.
Mrs. Keller took one step backward to admire her handiwork, but as her orbs moved up and down with an affectionate look, you knew that she wasn't just trying to make sure if the scarf was tucked in nicely. She appreciated you, engraving your figure like this inside her mind.
"You are perfect, my dear!" She clasped her hand together, grinning so wide that sometimes you wanted to ask if it hurt her or not for doing so. "Remember me when you graduate! I will send you lots of letters, and you have to answer them back, okay, little girl?"
"Yes, yes. I will." You chuckled softly before wrapping your arms around her once again, one that she reciprocated almost in an instant. With your mission, you didn't know if you could meet her again after graduation, but surely you would answer each of her letters without a doubt. "I promise I will, mom."
Everyone knew how much Mrs. Keller loved and cared for your entire well-being, so it didn't surprise them when you came back later than usual today. You always looked like you had no burden on your shoulder when you got back, having this little smile and a serene expression on your face.
So many times Reiner had been telling you to be careful, afraid of the demons putting a spell on you. But you shrugged it off and kept silent since you knew the truth about the citizens in Paradis, and he knew too well not to push you too much — still haunted by your glare that he received two years ago when he brought up Marcel.
"What's going to happen to our room?"
You were currently packing some of your clothes into your bag when you heard Annie's voice. She was mostly silent, but the two of you talked on a daily basis since she was a lot more comfortable being around you than the others. Probably because you had the same gender as her and became her roommates.
"Maybe they are going to keep it open for us, in case we are going to be back here." You stopped for a while, deciding to sit on the edge of the bed that creaks a little as you plopped yourself. "Since they literally give this room to us, and there are no other refugees who still need shelter."
Annie just gave you a small hum as she leaned her back on the wall, showing that she listened to your answer. But something bothered her mind and you could see it from how she seemed to be a lot more fidgety, not calm and collected like usual.
"But we are not going to be back here." Her voice dropped, lingered with solemn. "Right?"
You knew the answer to that, hell, you were sure that she knew too all along. Yet the way she asked you right now, she wanted you to lie. She had grown fond of those people who worked with her on the stables for the last two years, the blonde started to feel like she was home.
And you wanted to lie to her. If that meant she could at least live in a fantasy where she was just a normal sixteen years old teen instead of a warrior, you would lie to her. But you knew there was no point in that, sooner or later the fantasy would crack.
"I don't know, Annie." Though maybe you could give her the benefit of the doubt. "There was a possibility." And you didn't have any intention to give her more than that.
She seemed pleased enough with your answer, and you didn't try to say anything more as you let her create her own fantasy, her own path. You have been doing that for the last couple of years with Mrs. Keller as your mother figure, and you thought Annie would need that too, with a goal to keep her sanity in check.
"Have you ever missed anyone from home?" You were surprised when she talked again, and it seemed like she was a lot more talkative today. "From Marley, our homeland."
Your mind immediately veered from one person to another of the familiar faces that often popped up every now and then. Long-blonde hair, warm dark eyes, and cheeky smile; your father. The first one who filled your mind within a second when you heard the question. Then soft strands, styled in an updo — her laugh resonating through your ear as she watched you sneeze over a horse mane; your mother.
Pieck’s dishevelled hair that was always tied in a ponytail and how she always scurried off to anywhere Zeke went to, you could always picture them together. Whether it was something utterly platonic, or perhaps more than respect and admiration, you would never know. Hopefully, someday you will.
And of course, of course, he slipped in your mind. Perhaps he even popped at the same time as your father, but you just didn't want to acknowledge it before. His smug, annoying face that you wanted to slap sometimes. Or his cute, button nose that you liked to pinch or boop at random times that resulted in you getting another shout from him.
There was this peaceful expression on your face as you daydreamed about them, spending time again with those people that you loved and adored so much. Annie couldn't help but look at you with a small smile since she knew who would be in your mind at the moment. Despite her not being attached to the other warriors, she was quite observant of what happened around her.
"Galliard, eh?" Her voice pulled you back forcefully to the present. "I could never understand how come you like him. Marcel is more — partner material, but you never batted your eyes at someone else far from the rude blonde."
"Hey, now!" You fake gasped, clutching your heart dramatically. "Porco is unique, mind you." Annie snorted a little at your reasoning, shaking her head in amusement before she finished her packing, throwing the large backpack near the door. "And I don't know what you are talking about. I don't romantically like him if that's what you are trying to imply."
"Oh, please. Everyone with eyes could see how much you liked him."
"I do not—"
"Your eyes would light up with hearts like a lovesick girl."
"Annie, I am not!"
"You don't even realise that someone looks at you the same way, right?"
Your heart stopped at that. Before, you were whining and begging her to stop, jutting out your lips as you were too embarrassed that she exposed you like that. But this, this information — she announced it so smoothly as if she just talked about how bland the food was in Paradis.
You waited for her to elaborate more, perhaps giving you a hint or just saying it again since you still couldn't believe it. But with how Annie just tucked herself under the white blanket, ready to sleep, it seemed like you wouldn't get any explanation that you wanted. And at the same time, you were actually relieved, because then you didn't have to think much about this person she mentioned.
Pouting, you decided to just sleep in for the night since you would need all the stamina that you had for tomorrow. And just like any other night, you hoped that you could have a good dream today instead of the usual nightmare which never got tired of haunting you.
But it seemed like today, the one thing that haunted you was Annie's words.
You couldn't sleep, turning and shifting your body around that made your friend groan in a few minutes. Her bed was placed right across from yours, so when you turned to the left, the two of you would see eye to eye, and she had been glaring dagger at you for ruining her sleep (and you forgot that she could be a lot crankier than you when it came to that).
"What?"
Grinning sheepishly, you ignored the irritated look on her face. You were curious about what she meant by that, surely if someone was interested in you, you would have known it, right? But perhaps this someone was subtle, so despite having your friend ready to bark at you at this moment, you decided to ask.
"May I know who this person is?" You whispered-shout, feeling like anyone could walk inside the room. "Or you know, just give me a hint or something?"
"It's a boy." But that was the only thing she said before covering her whole face with the blanket, wanting to rest already and hoping that you would leave her alone for now. Yet even though she already hid under the white sheet, she could still feel your gaze bore on her. "And he had been looking at you like that since we were in Marley."
So hopefully, that added information — which actually didn't help you at all from knowing who it was — could satisfy you for tonight.
You decided to focus on your own thoughts after that, not wanting to disturb your friend even more. Having this mission in your hand shouldn't make you think too much about a matter of the heart. But something like this always excited you, and you cherished all of the precious feelings that you harboured for anyone.
Whether it was platonic or family love as you had to your parents and the maids in your home, or perhaps romantic love that you slightly felt when younger Galliard was around — whatever it was, you loved to understand it. Because you were certain that feeling was the greatest invention humans ever found.
The sun almost set for the day, painting the sky with an orange hue, creating a sense of comfort and tranquillity. Golden hour, you read that in one of the books you had, about how the sun turned everything that it touched into gold, for how everything felt like you were walking in a dream as warm enveloped your body.
For about the majority of your life, you always flew to your father's study when the clock struck five in the afternoon. No maids or butlers would stop you, knowing too well what you were going to do. The large window inside the room stretched throughout the wall, making it possible for the sunlight to illuminate the space.
And he would wait for you, you knew that your father saved all of his work and took a rest at such an hour. Because you were going to be there, because you would barge inside the room, running towards the windowpane and pressed your face on the glass, eyes glimmering as your orbs tinted with orange.
You remembered that one day you barged inside the room, not seeing how the guards tensed up and tried to stop you. White, maybe around a dozen men wearing a white uniform, a military uniform. Your father didn't scold you and gently scooted you outside, telling you that he had to finish a job. But you couldn't forget the menacing and disgusted look on their faces when they looked at you.
That was the first, and the last time you ever saw them. Your father always made sure that he had an empty schedule in the afternoon ever since, certain that his little girl would go to his study without knocking, and he didn't mind that, not at all. And that had become another routine that you shared with him.
When the clock struck five p.m., your tiny feet would drag you to your father's study. And he would always be there, sitting on his plush leather chair, waiting for you.
"I am not going to wait for you, you know."
Grumbling under his breath, he didn't face you ever since you sat there on top of the wooden crate right outside the base, accompanying him even though he didn't ask you to. "Either you or Marcel, I am not going to wait for the two of you to come back. Hell, I even wish that Reiner didn't come back at all but he had the armoured titan so he needed to come back."
He had been kicking pebbles and turned his back on you, both hands pocketed inside his trousers. And after around fifteen minutes of silence, he decided to speak up, only to say some discouraging things to you. Then again though, it was Porco Galliard you were talking to. He never said anything nice to you, what made you think he would change just because you are going to Paradis tomorrow?
"I know, Porco." You answered to satisfy him, knowing that he could be more irritated if you didn't say anything back.
Then it went back to another silence.
You had to get back after this, your parents must have wanted to spend their time with you, their only daughter. Tomorrow morning you needed to get on the ship that brought you to Paradis. A one-way-ticket, you believed. The military would leave you there with the other warriors, not coming back for perhaps a few years.
There was a high chance that some of you wouldn't come back, even everyone in the military knew that there was a possibility that this mission would fail. Yet they kept on going, feeling certain that at least with five titans infiltrating the Paradis, stealing the founding titan would be an easy task once they knew who inherited it.
Warriors would decapitate them, bringing whoever it was back to Marley and let other warrior candidates devour them. Though if they showed immense resistance, one of the remaining warriors had to eat them. No, the military was absolute and they told you to be the one who ate them — because you were a Tybur, because you inherited the powerful war hammer titan.
And yes, you should have been back by now. The last warrior meeting ended around half an hour ago. Yet here you were, wanting to spend your time with someone who didn't even look at you the entire time you were sitting there. You should have come back, having a quality moment with your family instead of wasting your time here, watching the back of the warrior candidates whose expression was unknown to you.
You could have caught the sunlight and watched it with your father inside his study, maybe even invited your mother for the day. That was what you were supposed to do, that was the right thing to do from the eyes of others.
But just today, for the last time in Marley, you wanted to have a memory where you watched the sunset with Porco Galliard.
It was always the same, no matter where you were in this world, the orange hue would stretch across the horizon at this time of day. And here, nothing changed, except maybe beside the fact that you were enjoying it with strangers, fellow soldiers, instead of warriors.
You thanked whoever built this place for making the barracks facing the west, becoming a perfect place for you to see the sun when it started to set. Now, you could spend time here, enjoying the serene atmosphere and the steady yet gentle breeze after the training was done for the day.
Your eyes flickered to a female soldier that had been running around the main ground, you shook your head in amusement when you recalled the event from a few hours prior. The girl ate a boiled, warm potato in the middle of the field where everyone was supposed to stand still with a perfect stance.
Well, here she was right now, running until her body couldn't take it. And despite how Annie mumbled under her breath about how nonsense everything was here — either it was the weak cadets or the messed-up training system — you couldn’t help but smile at the variety of people that you met here so far.
Maybe the life of a soldier wouldn't be so bad after all.
"Pock, Commander Magath called for you."
A delicate voice rang through his ear, pulling him back from his thoughts as he stared at the orange sky. But he didn't avert his eyes from the sight, not even for a second since he waited until the sun was hiding behind the horizon. Wanting to feel the only connection that he had with someone.
"There's only one sun in this world, Porco."
He had been standing here for a while, on the cliff not too far from Liberio. Two years, he wanted to mock himself for doing something like this for the past two years. No one knew the reason why he seemed so engrossed watching the sunset when he had never been like this before.
"It would be where I laid my eyes upon every day before the night came."
And despite all the rumours that were going around, despite how many times he was called at this time of day to face the commander. He would still stand there, hazel orbs watching every second passed by as the sun hid behind the hill, believing that your eyes landed on the same thing.
Even though you were an ocean away from him.
"I'll be there in a minute, Pieck."
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