#bill tanner

[luminiferocity]

James Bond x Buffy incorrect quotes

@mi6-cafe

[thirdsonofeve]

moneypenny & tanner frequently play "is q talking about james or one of his cats?"

[dontcxckitup]

Incorrect MI6 quotes 139/??

[milesmesservy]

bond thinks hes the whore but tanner was there first #real#true#sisbicycle. like hes the chief of STAFF for a reason am i right ladies??? [gets dapped up for the next 5 minutes]

mi6 loves his slightly sad, concerned dog man aura, but tanner is like one of those predatory animals who have a bit of them that looks like it's prey and then thats how they getcha. hes always on the prowl

you look at tanner and youre like wow id love to make your life easier for you and hes like oh really? and hes so appreciative and you go out to dinner with him the next two thursdays and the third thursday youre at his place and hes cooked you something from a well loved copy of mastering the art of french cooking by julia child and youve collectively polished off two beers and a bottle and a half of malbec from his VERY well stocked wine fridge and you find yourself giving him a sensual "back rub" to help "ease the tension" and you remark how you thought hed have more knots and hes like oh ive got a massage gun and youre like i see i see and this continues for the next four months until you decide to drop in on your beau on a tuesday and see him and another 6er halfway through a bottle of pinot and beef bourguignon. and hes so charming and sweet about it you end up joining them bc tanner made a big pot and he does have an extensive wine collection which, now you think about it, rotates rather frequently, and two hours and a store bought chocolate mousse later you find yourself eating his ass while your colleague blows him

[theycomewithfur]

It's a crime procedural

[barbarabonetta]

Michael Kitchen as Bill Tanner - Goldeneye

[castillon02]

"And that," Tanner said, sat in front of his children's bunk bed, "is the story of how your Uncle James and Uncle Felix freed the neglected animals from the otherwise fantastic botanical garden."

From the bottom bunk, Frieda nodded in her too-large London Zoo t-shirt, which served as her nightgown. "Botanical gardens should stay in their lane if they don't want to provide proper enrichment for animals' enclosures," she said wisely.

Emilia, wearing a She-Ra nightie, huffed from the top bunk. "They didn't even kill anyone this time! And that bit about riding the ostriches to safety never happened."

Tanner shrugged. "I'm only telling it like they told me."

"At least make your bedtime stories about Uncle James and Uncle Felix a bit more realistic. We're not stupid."

"They could so ride an ostrich!" Frieda argued. "Ostriches can carry people up to 200 pounds!"

Sensing an opportunity to defuse a growing argument, pester his friends, and teach some information-gathering skills, Tanner said, "What's the best way to verify their story, then?"

Frieda grinned. "Next time they come over for dinner, we have to ask them separately what happened and see if their stories match up. Dibs on Felix!"

"No way, you got Felix last time!"

"AND I'LL GET HIM AGAIN."

"Good night, girls," Tanner said, making his escape. But he turned back at the door, remembering. "Oh, and when are you allowed to copy what Uncle James and Uncle Felix do?"

A glum chorus of "When we're retired too" met his ears. Perfect.

[pommedepersephone]

Cordial

Bill Tanner knows Mallory never has, and never will, be someone Bond is particularly friendly with. Still, it would be nice if his oldest friend and his husband could at LEAST be cordial.

Rated G | 1.8k words | One shot

My anonymous fic for @mi6-cafe​‘s Cryptic Comms, a game-of-telephone challenge, is no longer anonymous! Check it out, and read all the other great fics in the collection!