May 29, 2017
i feel awful to be who i am, what i become. i dont want to be bitter, i dont want to dwell in padt but it seems inevitable. im scared i'll lose everything one day, nothing left to my hands.
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i feel awful to be who i am, what i become. i dont want to be bitter, i dont want to dwell in padt but it seems inevitable. im scared i'll lose everything one day, nothing left to my hands.
The day that went from fucked to even more fucked.
Ok so - i drove my scooter to school with empty tire -i call bro, mom and dad to fogure out what to do. -i bring it to the nearest car repaire shop -they say it costs around 80€ -i get a ride to grandmas from my best cousin ever. -i ask mom how much money do i have -i have 40€ -im literally fucked and hate it.
At times...
I hate everything. I'm so tired and fed up with bullshit I'm honestly so complicated and so simple-minded I can't figure out myself. I WISH I WAS DROWNING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA it's so beautiful... beneath the surface .. all the creatures that live in the pitch black darkness. Yet somehow ppl manage to pull me out of my thoughts of so dark that are often unspoken. Im dark and I'm light. I welcome you to darkness of the pit of my mind. It's something so complex u can never figure it out. That's kind of curse. I have big heart and share my love to ppl. Humans are thought more twisted than they show. And I find myself disappointed at them. Thought some are worthy their trust. And always there are new relationships born from mistakes. I regret so much anf grieve for it. Thought I wasn't wrong. I never am wrong. But my head can't take it. I can't make it. Every thought or spoken word about past breaks me apart.
That ur love will je away till 15th of August and u want to say u'll feel lonely but ur too embarrased to say that.
Happiness overall
It's happiness to succee in life To move on To just look ahead to future. I got a person next to me who shares the future with me. Hopefully. I passed license theory exams I have school where to study Half way there One and half months to go I will move. I will smile Laugh Be happy.
Sick n tired
Headache and fever and i've been sick last 2 weeks. First flu and then nasty stomach virus and now more fever. Im so down and also driving sessios have started. Im stressed. I also drove like area of 80 h/km and started almost crying for some reason idk i got scared? Im feeling so down and straight to hell going. But imma beat it. Im strong. And no one will bring me ever down.
Fuck this
Im scared. this is new kind of scared. Im scared that this drunk person that is my granfather is going to say something he'll regred or do something unthinkable. I have my cousin here too so i try to be protective for her. Why must people say things that arent their business when drunk. I cant sleep, it is 2.26am. gid dammit SLEEP.
Drink responsibly
So yeh i was drunk but when grandpa came to our cabinet i realized he was drunk more than i. And talked bullshit about things. I hope he never remembers shit about what he talked about. My cousin was scared (shes 12 yrs.) And im trying tp talk to him like to a kid. He finally sleeps (or something like that). So yeh, drink responsibly. And adults only. Or else ur troubling those around you.