A few things: - My sister & I are forever quoting Mystery Spot when Dean tries to out-talk Sam speaking in unison with him ("Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed...") -Every time I ask where my brother is and my family doesn't know, I go "damnit he better not be on that demon blood again!" - I hard relate to Dean (oldest, bisexual, pop-culture goof, etc.), which is probably why it was really easy for me to make a realistic fake account & trick someone into thinking he was my boyfriend once.
PS: I'm really sorry that this negative stuff has gotten to you. I've hit rough patches like that and they're the worst. Here's hoping you get tons of love and fun stuff in your inbox to brighten things up. 💓
thank you so much:’) i hope that things look up too. these positive things people are sending definitely help!
also that’s AWESOME it seems like your family is into spn just as much as you are and that’s so cool. and wait, wait, wait.... you tricked someone into thinking he was your boyfriend?? that’s amazing i need more details lmao
I’m not leaving Tumblr, but I am participating in the log out, and I’m now on Pillowfort if you care to come hang over there in the meantime (still blazeeblake, as always).
TTFN
So! I don’t know who here has played GISHWHES before. If you have, then this might not be new information. And if I’m incorrect, well, I never said I played the game much before. Super low-key. Basically, if a person has friends willing to cough up money to participate, they can form a team. I’m assuming this team can have as few as two people.
By the time registration for the hunt closes, GISH fits all of the teams that haven’t enough teammates to qualify as A Team (annually 15 people) together. So if a team has 2 participants, you have now been added to two other teams with 6 and 7 people
The team names will be mashed together with the word “loves” in between. The more teams form together, the longer the ultimate name is. So if you and Buddy 2 are team Fograts, you could end up like Fograts Loves Mishananigans Loves TeamFreeSamples
Of course, with the game rebranded, with a new app, and with constantly changing rules, this is only the case as far as I’m aware. There might be a minimum for how many people need to coalesce that is above 2 but less than 15.
a fic for amazing detective/genius @blazeeblake for winning my 600 followers celebration game! they requested a fic set in my dean smith/mafioso!cas AU involving feelings coming out during a fight
Dean hates waking up alone. Or, more accurately, he hates waking up alone after falling asleep with someone. Blinking his eyes slowly open, hand resting on the cold pillow next to him, Dean has to swallow back the disappointment. He should have seen this coming. The few times Cas has given in to his near-begging and actually deigned to show up at Dean’s apartment, he’s always snuck out in the middle of the night.
Dean tries not to let it bother him. Cas has places to be, and he’s got plenty of enemies who would love to catch him with his guard down.
If it was just the waking up alone that was bothering him, Dean could probably let it slide. But it isn’t. Whenever they’re together, it ends with sex. Even the dinners Cas has invited him out to have played out more like extended foreplay. And Dean loves it, really, but he’s beginning to think that it’s all there is to their relationship.
Can he even call it that? Is it really a relationship if all they do is fuck? Dean kind of hates himself for wondering – why ruin a good thing by stressing out about it? – but he can’t stop himself. Maybe Michael was right when he called Dean high-maintenance.
Dean quickly shakes himself from that train of thought, sitting up in his bed. And great, thinking of Michael has put him in an even worse mood than before. This is what he gets for letting his mind wander before he’s even had his coffee.
Sighing, he gets out of bed and starts his morning routine. It’s easy to get lost in but the bad mood is harder to shake and by the time Dean’s pulling out of his garage, he’s already feeling the beginnings of a pounding headache.
The morning passes slowly. Thanks to Cas’ near daily visits at this point, Dean is way behind on his paperwork. He hasn’t gotten in trouble for it yet – he suspects his bosses’ relentless need to please Cas has something to do with that – but Dean takes pride in his work and the last couple of weeks he’s really let it fall by the wayside.
(He ignores the part where that didn’t start to bother him until Cas ditched him in the middle of the night one time too many.)
He’s on a decent roll by the time lunch rolls around. Dean usually eats in the office to save himself time but today, he doesn’t even allow himself the luxury of his usual salad. There’s way too much work to do.
By the time Cas shows up at his office, Dean has buried himself so thoroughly in work that he almost doesn’t notice the doors sliding open.
Almost.
“Not in the mood,” he says without looking up.
Cas closes the door behind him, walking up to Dean’s desk. “That’s new.”
“Yeah, well…” Dean hits send on the email he was working on, finally looking up. Cas is regarding him with a half-raised eyebrow, expression otherwise blank. “I’ve been slacking off, I need to catch up.”
He should have seen it coming but his heart still jumps when Cas circles the desk, grabbing the arms on Dean’s chair and pulling so Dean’s facing him.
“Is that all?” he says with a grin. “I can take care of that.”
Then he’s leaning down and Dean genuinely wants the kiss that is coming, wants Cas to take care of him the way he always does and take him out of his head for just half an hour. But mindless sex is what got him in this trouble in the first place, and he’s still (rightfully) pissed at Cas for bailing without even waking him, so he raises his hand, pushing Cas away at the shoulder.
“I don’t want you to take care of it,” he grinds out. “I want to do my job properly.”
Cas straightens, looking bewildered. “I apologize. I merely wanted to help.”
“Maybe next time, offer it without devaluing my job.”
Cas bristles. “Watch your mouth, boy.”
“Or what?” Dean snaps. “You’re gonna punish me? Bend me over that desk even though I just told you I didn’t want it? Hurt me without my consent?”
Cas pales and recoils, and Dean immediately wants to take those words back. Cas is dominating and possessive, sure, but Dean has never thought for one moment that he would do anything to Dean he didn’t want him to do. He’s done nothing to earn these kinds of accusations.
“Is that what you think of me?” Cas asks.
Dean lowers his head, shame sitting heavy in his gut. “No. I’m sorry, I just- I say stupid shit when I’m pissed. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“Why are you pissed?”
Dean snaps his gaze up again. Cas looks genuinely confused and Dean feels his shame quickly burning away, replaced by anger.
“You’re kidding, right?” he asks. “You were the one who just left in the middle of the night. You didn’t even wake me up to let me know you were going.”
“I don’t-” Cas purses his lips, looking annoyed. He’s probably not used to people talking back to him in this way. This might even be the first fight he’s had with a significant other. Dean would laugh about it if it wasn’t so frustrating. “It’s never bothered you before.”
“It’s always bothered me,” Dean admits. “I mean, geez, way to make a guy feel cheap.”
“That was never my inte-”
It’s at that exact moment that Dean’s stomach decides to rumble loudly, and Cas snaps his mouth shut, looking bewildered.
“When was the last time you ate?” he asks.
Dean waves his hand, cheeks warming with embarrassment. “Don’t worry about it. I skipped lunch to catch up. I’ll have a big dinner instead.”
“You shouldn’t be skipping meals,” Cas says with a frown. “Those silly juice cleanses of yours are bad enough-”
“Don’t,” Dean cuts him off. “You don’t get a say in what I eat, okay? We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
Cas’ jaw twitches. “Alright. I can tell when I’m not wanted.”
Dean doesn’t say anything, heart pounding desperately as he watches Cas turn and go. Part of him wants to say something to stop him, but why should he? He’s not the one who treats Cas like a disposable fuck toy.
All right, that’s probably not fair. But Dean is too pissed to care about fair right now, the feeling of waking to a cold, empty bed that morning still lingering with him, along with Michael’s dismissive voice from two years ago echoing in his head, telling him you’re being needy, Dean. Don’t make this into something it’s not.
Fuck. His issues with Michael are something he probably should have dealt with ages ago, before they had the chance to ruin what he has with Cas. But who says what he has with Cas is even worth saving? Maybe Dean should just end it now, save himself further hurt along the way.
The thought of ending things with Cas makes him mildly nauseous, though, so Dean pushes it out of his mind. It’s a problem for another day. Right now, he needs to concentrate on work.
Cas doesn’t drop by the next day. Or the day after that. By the third Cas-less day, Dean can barely concentrate on work, so preoccupied with watching his door, waiting for Cas to come waltzing inside without so much as a knock, telling Dean that it’s alright and that he’s forgiven.
Then again, Dean doesn’t really want to be forgiven, because he did nothing wrong. Holding Cas accountable for his shitty behavior is not being needy, Michael. Even if Cas sees him as just a hook-up, he could at least do Dean the courtesy of telling him.
By the end of the day, Dean has worked himself into a confused frenzy of anger, worry, and regret, and finding Cas sitting on his living room couch when he gets home is about the last thing he expects.
And yet.
“Long day?” Cas asks as he gets up, approaching Dean slowly.
Dean sputters. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I didn’t want to interrupt you at work.” Cas stops just a couple of feet away from him, reaching his hand out to grasp the lapel of Dean’s coat. “Aren’t you going to take that off?”
And Dean should have known. Of course Cas is only here for sex. That’s all he ever wants Dean for.
“I’ll keep it on,” Dean says frostily. “How did you get inside?”
Cas shrugs lazily. “It was easy. We really should see about getting you some better security.”
“We,” Dean echoes. “You really planning on sticking around that long?”
Cas blinks, looking taken aback. Dean sighs, shouldering his way past him and into the apartment, putting his briefcase down on the kitchen counter and shrugging off his coat (not because Cas told him to. His apartment is just really warm, okay?).
“Have I given you any reason to doubt that?”
Dean scoffs. “You haven’t given me any reason to believe that, let’s put it that way. Or are you gonna try and tell me this isn’t just about sex? That you weren’t planning on moving on as soon as the novelty wore off?”
There’s no response from Cas. Dean turns around, heart catching in his throat at the sight of Cas, still standing in the foyer, looking as lost as Dean has ever seen him. It’s so far from the confident and demanding presence he usually exudes effortlessly, it almost hurts to watch.
“Dean, I-” Cas snaps his mouth shut, looking frustrated. “I can’t afford any emotional commitments.”
Dean’s heart sinks. He should have seen this coming but some stupid part of him was still holding onto hope. “Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore.”
He stalks up to the door, grabbing the knob to swing it open, but just as he’s about to Cas’ hand closes over his, holding it still. Dean looks up, startled, eyes meeting Cas’ just a few scant inches away.
“You don’t understand,” Cas tells him, gently prying Dean’s fingers away from the doorknob and lacing their fingers together. “I can’t afford them, but I am attached. I care for you deeply.”
Dean swallows. His heart his beating so hard, he can barely hear Cas’ quiet words over the sound of blood rushing past his ears, head spinning with the sudden revelation.
“But no matter how much I want to,” Cas continues, “I can’t show it without putting you into a very dangerous position. Above all else, I need to protect you. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you, I love you too much to see you get hurt.”
“You-- you love me?”
Cas ducks his gaze, cheeks flushing a light pink. “I understand if you don’t-”
“I love you too,” Dean blurts out, feeling an answering blush rising to his own cheeks. “Jesus, Cas, of course I do. I’ve been driving myself crazy, thinking this was just about sex for you.”
In the next instance Cas’ palms are cupping his cheek and he’s pulling Dean in for a fiery kiss, backing him into the door, pressing his body tight against Dean’s. Dean moans brokenly, wrapping his arms around Cas’ waist.
Cas pulls away, resting his forehead against Dean’s. “I’m so sorry I lead you to believe that. I needed to keep my distance, but I never considered what it might seem like to you.”
“It’s okay,” Dean breathes, feeling a little light-headed from that kiss. He laughs breathlessly. “I mean, at least half of it was just my issues over my shitty ex.”
Cas’ brows furrowed. “What is his name?”
Tempting as it is to let Cas punish Michael however he sees fit, Dean would rather not have that on his conscience. Or possibly his police record. “Doesn’t matter. It was a long time ago.” He reaches one hand down, grasping Cas’ butt cheek and giving it a firm squeeze. “Now take me to bed.”
“Is this just about sex to you?” Cas chastises, though he can barely keep from smiling as he says it.
“It’s been three days,” Dean whines. “I need you to fuck me already.”
Cas hums, pressing a teasing kiss against Dean’s lips, backing away as Dean tries to chase him. “It has been too long. I think you need to be reminded of who’s in charge here.”
A shiver runs down Dean’s spine. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he says, “just be there when I wake up.”
Cas thumb runs over his cheek. It’s such an uncharacteristically gentle gesture, so far removed from the way he usually is that it has Dean’s breath catching in his throat. “I will.”
OK. So I’m no longer strictly flailing. Anyway, I think Sam’s not getting it is not only a way to show how different his relationship with Cas is, but also to frame how much he’s not the emotive wreck that his brother truly is. All the touchy feely stuff Dean projects into him is just that: projection. That’s not to say he’s not capable of feeling anything, but he oftentimes has things in check and can even relate to people as a tool, whereas Dean is often just shy of raw feeling and instinct.
YEP. I mean, I’ve got a whole tag for this...
It’s not just that Dean projects emotionally on Sam though. This is showing us just how much SAM projects what he needs to believe on Dean, too. Everything Sam was saying to Dean at the end of the episode, about how Jack deserves to be saved just as much as Sam did when Dean refused to follow through on John’s order to kill him... Sam had always thought that that was just about who DEAN was as a person, and not about how Dean had been programmed his entire life-- how Dean’s ENTIRE SELF-WORTH had been determined by his ability to Watch Out For Sammy, Protect Sammy, Save Sammy.
Because that was the ONLY thing John placed importance on, as far as Dean went. (thinks about 1.18 and is even more fucked up over this now).
Dean may have had his emotional-wall-crumbling-moment with MARY in 12.22, but Sam still lacks context for understanding this about Dean. I tagged another post last night and somehow it ended up on the tweeter, but it means I’ve got a handy image for easy cutting and pasting so...
