Listen, Learn, and Let Go
I am really good at talking. One of my friends told me I should record audio books because I have a great talking voice. I will take that compliment! Even in prayer, I am great at talking to God, but not so good at waiting for his response or listening for his guidance and wisdom.
So I have been practicing meditation as a way to ground myself and learn to be silent for a few minutes. I do it outside where there are no distractions. This way I can focus on the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, or cars driving instead of my unfinished to-do list.
Another aspect of this listening involves paying attention to my body’s cues throughout the day. Normally, my task list would take priority over my tiredness or hunger. Slowly, I am becoming more in tune to when my body and mind need a break. For example, if I am supposed to eat at a certain time, but do not feel hungry I do not force it anymore. No guilt! It does not mess up my day. Nor do I worry about getting the right amount of protein and eating the right foods. When I am hungry I eat; and at those times I am mindful of the quality of the food I intake. Well mostly mindful, but that is a topic for another day!
Just a few days ago I spent too much time on the computer and my eyes began to hurt, so I shut the screen and listened to a podcast with my eyes closed for a while. About midway through I realized I was tired, so I went to bed. It was an hour early!
Have you ever experienced that false tired that makes you go to bed early, but then you toss and turn for a while? That happened to me, and suddenly the universe started to send me all sorts of wisdom. After an hour or so, I finally got out of bed and got my journal out to make sure to download the information. I could not shake the feeling of needing to write down everything.
So I did. While I am not yet comfortable revealing the content of those downloads; I learned a lot about myself. Some long patterns were revealed to me. Not because I was trying to figure out a solution to a problem, but the patterns were revealed because I was listening to God and following my intuition. God is so patient with me, and for that I am thankful. Like most humans, I tend to go one step forward and two steps back.
The theme of these downloads was the topic of forgiveness. Forgiveness is never an easy thing to do, because it requires moving past hurts instead of holding onto them. Some forgiveness takes more than one attempt, and the hardest stuff requires daily work. I have let go of a lot of resentment in the last few years, but it is evident in some of my choices that there is still some residual hurt that I am hanging onto with vice grips.
Until I am willing to completely let go, I will attract more of that same kind of pain. See, the universe will keep teaching us the same lesson until we learn it. In a way, it is a form of kindness, as we are not ever tested on it formally. We get to keep messing up, and God keeps forgiving us.
I feel good about my progress. I would encourage you to slow down and listen, and see where there might be some pain you are holding. See if you notice any patterns in your life and if you can connect them to a specific experience you thought you had moved past. You may find you still have some forgiveness to give, both to yourself and others. That is okay. You are human too, and to be human is a beautiful gift from God.
