Broken.
Stucky × reader.
It was late, and dark clouds gathered outside. The rumblings of clouds and lightning put a heavy weight on your heart. Everything was making you uncomfortable, the noise of lightning, the tick of the clock, the beat of your heart, everything. You didn't know if it was because you were getting sick or the fact that your boyfriends were being distant towards you.
It was a gradual process, the shared glances between them when you three were together, the whispers, the lack of physical affection, and the absence of communication when they were on a mission. The thought that maybe something was wrong never crossed your mind. You like a lovestruck fool thought maybe they were planning a surprise for you.
But they were getting ready to surprise you. You just didn't know it was a surprise that would destroy you and leave you in pieces.
As you were getting ready for the dinner you three had planned at your apartment, you put the tint on your lips at looked at your eyes, the dark circles you had tried to hide were still a little visible. You frowned, but let it go to check on the apple pie, which was in the oven, ready to eat, just being kept warm.
Apple pie, the desert three of you loved. It had been a while since you had made it for all of you.
The uneasiness increased as the seconds passed. The door opened, and both your boys appeared in the kitchen. Their jackets probably strung on the hook in the foyer and shoes beside the door.
The light in their eyes, whenever they say you, wasn't the same. The urgency with which they would rush towards you was now a slow drag of limbs. The way their hand held you was also different, more aloof. They even smelled different, if that was possible. You had later realized they had stopped wearing the cologne you had given them on your anniversary.
You sat down, and the round table that felt cozy and comfortable now felt huge and uncomfortable. The seats were way too far, the chairs hard and stiff, your hands were on your lap, and the dinner was done in silence, with the conversation being something spoken like between colleagues. Impersonal and boring.
The pie was placed, and the air shifted. It constricted, now suddenly it was hard to breathe. The glances, the hard swallows, the holding of hands, and the preparation of the telling you were almost done.
"Sweetheart, I- we have something to say," Steve spoke, his voice sweet and low, as if talking to an injured animal and trying to help it, while making sure they don't spook it.
You, stupid you. Felt the pressure and the seriousness and still thought it might have been something related to a job that they might have to leave for or a mission or something.
Why would it cross your mind that they were trying to break up with you. They had promised, and you believed them, loved them, respected them to hold them to their words of you three being together for life.
He parted his lips, that you had kissed a thousand times, and uttered the words, "We think it's - I mean- we feel that we don't click any more," he looked at Bucky, who continued looking at the table, "honey- I just, feel like we don't have that spark anymore, like the three of us don't feel right."
Your head felt fuzzy, the impending migraine knocking on the doors, and your food trying to crawl its way back out.
"I-I don't," you swallowed and felt your breath stuttering, "you guys are breaking up with me?"
"Yes." Both muttered, finally looking at you.
The finality and assurance both of them spoke with was the shock your body needed. The bile rose in your throat and you got up so fast that the chair fell down with a loud thud, making both of them jump a little in their seats and look at you with concern in their eyes but before they could say anything you ran to the bathroom and emptied all the contents of your stomach.
You felt tears leaking from your eyes, it felt as if your actual heart was going to come out of your mouth at any moment and their presence behind you, their hands rubbing your back, cooing and sympathizing, didn't make you feel warm and safe, but made you uncomfortable, reminding you that this was just them being kind and cordial, and not because they loved you.
As that thought entered your mind, you felt yourself go and let out a sob so loud you surprised yourself.
You pushed Steve's, or was it Bucky's hand away. Now you couldn't stand to feel them touch you. You still loved them. The knowledge that they didn't love you made you physically recoil at their touch. It made you feel worthless, unloved, and discarded by them.
Minutes passed, or was it hours? To you, honestly, it felt like years.
You took deep breaths, your knees up to your chest, back pressed to the bathtub and face hiding between your knees. You didn't want to look at them, but you knew you needed answers or you were going to overthink yourself to death.
"Why?" Your voice didn't feel like yours anymore, hoarse from all the crying, "why did you stop loving me?" You looked at them sitting on the floor in front of you.
Bucky and Steve looked like they were shot, their face grimacing and body wound up so tight that one would think they were being tortured. Maybe one way they were, getting questioned by a mess of a girl, who was so close to breaking down again, you thought.
"I- I don't know," Bucky whispered, eyes screwed shut, his knuckles turning white with how tight his fist was.
You let out a dry chuckle, your voice echoing disbelief and anger, which you were glad to feel. "I find that very hard to believe, James. Can't tell me that you expect me to believe that, do you?"
You knew that hearing James had an effect on him. On both of them. His nostrils flared, and his chest moved with a big breath, but now you really didn't find it in yourself to sympathize. This hurt he felt was nothing compared to the fucking knives lodged into your chest.
He knew you didn't want to be bullshitted, so they braced themselves for the emotionally draining night they were going to have ahead.
"I genuinely don't know, it wasn't one day, like the comfort and warmth I felt while seeing you started dwindling down, slowly," Steve rubbed his hand on his face taking a deep breath and continued, "I-I also felt jealous when Bucky and you would spend time together alone, and it turned to anger that was misplaced and disgusting." He stopped his voice shaky, eyes brimming with tears.
You felt your heart drop into your stomach, your fingers clenching your knees till their were indents in your skin. You looked towards Bucky to say his piece.
Bucky really did look like he was going to fall down and wail at that point. His eyes were red, and tears were free falling at this point. "I do love you, doll, I really do," his voice not above a whisper and tortured, "but I don't know when I stopped being in love with you."
"I tried, I really did try, to try and get back that feeling, because you are along with steve one the best thing that has ever happened to me," he came forward to touch hands on your knees, and you let him. At this point, you were exhausted, this build up was coming up to months now, and this climax was not the one you were expecting.
You also remember, the time a couple of weeks back were Bucky was very, very touchy and romantic. Letters, flowers, romantic dinners, you name it was an every day occurrence from Bucky and you like a fool had been oblivious to the fact that maybe this influx of emotions was the result of something else and not just plain, mind numbing love.
You looked at Steve, you both holding eye contact till his lowered and his lip being on the verge of bleeding with how hard he was biting on it.
"So what? You both held a meeting and decided it was time to end this trio and dump me?"
"I felt like my jealousy and anger was coming on too strong and talked to him, and realized he was on the same wavelength," he rubbed his eyes, his hands shaking. Huh, it was probably the first time you had seen him trembling, "we tried, baby, we really did. But then I realized it was probably better if we let you go instead of being tied to absolute asshole like us."
The anger was returning with full force, for which you felt so grateful, you pushed Bucky's hand holding onto yours like a lifeline away and stood up and left the bathroom, and started pacing around the bedroom.
"You guys are so great, huh?" You spat, pointing towards their general direction. "You get together with me because you love me, and then break up with me because you love me!"
"But it's true, and I am so fucking sorry!" Bucky yelled, wiping his tears. Steve was stroking his arm to calm him down.
Suddenly, seeing both of them now being the comfort for each other, with no need or want for you, was enough to finally pierce through your brain that it was definitely over.
You stepped back slowly and sat down on the couch, uttering with exhaustion, "Okay. I understand, I need you guys to leave."
"Baby-"
"Darlin-"
"I'm going to need you guys to stop calling me that. Please stop. Because now it just fucking hurts." You interrupted them.
Both of them knew you, how much you mean what you say, and knowing that, they didn't want to be more cruel than they already had been. With tears streaming down their face, they both left and also left the keys on the kitchen table. When they closed the door, they heard the sob that broke their fucking hearts.
"Do you think we did the right thing, Steve?"
"No. But it was necessary."
"I'll never forgive us for breaking her heart and ours, too."
"I know, but i'd rather hate myself for the rest of my life than lose her forever. At least this way, she'll still be here, and we can love her from afar."
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